12 Nov 2023 Mandatorium FINALE NFL Thread

We made it.  Laughed, cried, set a few fires.  SO MANY MEMORIES.  Just one last game to churn through…

(unrelated Tame Impala song)

Jets (-1) at Raiders (8:20, NBC)

Oh wow.  You are going to TEST OUR LOVE with this matchup, Rog.  Good thing DFOers believe in the RULES-BASED ORDER.  (Hippo raises whip hand)

Vegas got their shit sort of together last week, and maybe they can roll their relief/McDaniels hatred into a second week?  Realistically it will be a matter of who commits the first crippling turnover, or the MOST crippling turnovers.  Unless the Jest can shake Breece Hall free, I guess that’s why they are favoUred.  Lord knows it’s not MILF-Hunter Z, facing down the great AOC.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Mr. Ayo

Or a Favre

— D. Favre

Mr. Ayo

AM NOT HAPPY!

Gumbygirl

I told those Raiders if they didn’t score a td, I am turning this shit off! And they did.

WCS

is that legal?

Senor Weaselo

Well shut it down, that’s game.

Senor Weaselo

THIS JETS-RAIDERS GAME I CALL SENORITA WEASELO PLAYING HOLLOW KNIGHT BECAUSE IT’S JUST WATCHING A WHOLE LOTTA THINGS DIE AT THE COLOSSEUM OF FOOLS.

Last edited 1 year ago by Senor Weaselo
Brick Meathook

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WCS

scoragmi.

Last edited 1 year ago by WCS
Brick Meathook

I’ll bet that Vegas stadium is full of the green of the Jets army, the fan diaspora, the . . . oh who are we kidding, there are no Jets fans except for that dumbass fireman.

Brick Meathook

Checkin’ in . . .

9 to 6?

Okay then!

WCS

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YOU GET BLEERGH

hippofant

Totally forgot I bought some broccoli so now I’m surprisingly excited for some roasted broccoli tonight.

Mr. Ayo

No hold on. One of them could be a 2nd half squadron!

WCS

Like the second half of the Donner Party’s trip.

hippofant

I appreciated Chris Simms selling this game as BIG FOR THE KICKERS

Mr. Ayo

FOR THE BRAND!

Fires McaFee into the sun

WCS

Robert Saleh would happily deliver MILF-Hunter-Z’s severed head to Woody Johnson as tribute to get Josh Dobbs.

SonOfSpam

There’s something about Dobbs that ol Woody doesn’t like.

WCS

alopeciaist

Doktor Zymm

I don’t know what the people upstairs are doing, but I’m worried they might break through the floor and come crashing down into my place

Downfield Matriculator

Trying to kill a mouse?

WCS

Maybe one is a detective and the other a crossfitter.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04DcbaCP7iU&ab_channel=PinkPantherClips

BugEyedBoo

Was telling my wife that the Raiders QB hunk factor has gone down a notch or two, from Jimmy Garoppalo to Vincent D’Onofrio in an Egger suit. “Oh he does not look like Eggar!”

SonOfSpam

He’s Farva without the charm.

ThePirateSloth

Last night for movie night, I made an array of pizza bagels, with all different toppings and homemade sauces, as our movie snacks. I called it a pizzchuterie, MrsSloth called it a schmizzargsabord. This is why we’re together.

Senor Weaselo

And you can have pizza… anytime.

Horatio Cornblower

Melissa Stark’s celebrating her birthday in Vegas and suddenly Zach’s extremely interested as to whether she has kids.

SonOfSpam

Oh he ain’t care

WCS

Added bonus!

Downfield Matriculator

Per Wikipedia, she has four kids, so one assumes the MILF Hunter Z now has a new entry on his speed dial

Mr. Ayo

Ok, J E T S. Let me lay this out to you. You’re ahead. AOC ain’t scoring on you. So your only goal here is to run the clock out. And the best way to do that? That’s wrong. No, the right way is to run the ball with your best running back. No, no, not him. It’s Breece Hall.

You, what, you, stop. Yes, he’s a real person. Yes, he’s on your team. Just look around at the back of the jerseys and you’ll find him. Then, put him out there, and hand him the ball. OMG, seriously, HALL, not COOK you fucking asshats.

Mr. Ayo

HI I’M MARK DAVIS! The back on my jersey says TONIGHT GIRLFRIEND BOY!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

These (free) pretzels (from the Amtrak lounge we snuck into) are making me thirsty.

Downfield Matriculator
ThePirateSloth

Hey! It’s Not Star Wars!

Senor Weaselo

This game should have been held on Life Day.

Mr. Ayo

I see this day will end as it started. As putrid scheisse.

Doktor Zymm

The circle of life

Mr. Ayo

EAT ALL THE SHIT BLEEEERGH

Downfield Matriculator

Zach was just a bit out of bounds — like when he asked Saleh’s mom what her favorite breakfast was

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“You don’t follow halal, right? Because I’d like to pork you.”

SonOfSpam

Oh I get it…YOU can make that joke.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Don’t make it weird.

Horatio Cornblower

Too bad that Raiders guy hurt his back so bad he lost consciousness.

Downfield Matriculator

Dolphins medical staff likes this comment

ThePirateSloth

That Found show is just ridiculous. I keep trying to get the MrsSloth to hate watch it. She’s resisting so far, but I’m gonna win.

Doktor Zymm

LOL RAIDERS

Mr. Ayo

*backs up to make room for RTD and his wing wang*

Horatio Cornblower

Also, I’m just here to fulfill my mandatories requirements. Much like my CLE requirements, however, I am not likely to pay much attention, I will be taking frequent breaks, and there’s little doubt I’ll be leaving early.

litre_cola

I too will Irish exit this game this evening.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m gonna give it the ol’ Japanese sayanora and say good night to the cat on the way out.

Horatio Cornblower

Jordan Whitehead did not know which way to run when he got up off of the ground after that INT.

Downfield Matriculator

He could have made the next kick hard for Zuerlein!

Horatio Cornblower

It’s like you have ESP!

Or like you’re familiar with the Jets work.

Downfield Matriculator

This Garrett Wilson vs. Davante Adams battle for rights to #17 supremacy is surprisingly not the least watchable game today

/so far

hippofant

I hate Antonio Pierce just for giving the media this narrative that they’re never going to shut up about.

THEY’RE NOT EVEN IN LA ANY MORE. THEY’RE IN LAS VEGAS.

Brick Meathook

IT’S A TIE GAME!

Mr. Ayo

David Carradine just rolled over in his grave hard as a rock.

Gatoraids

think both teams are choking in this game

Senor Weaselo

The New York Jets: Turning touchdowns into field goals since 1962.

(Ha, nailed it and definitely posted in the correct topic the first time.)

litre_cola

I need 16 pts by the Raider D. Need some MILF hookers in the crowd for a distraction.

WCS

Jimmy G isn’t doing anything right now, and he has connections in the area.

jjfozz

Always nice to have an anti-Semite help start your game.

jjfozz

If you watch every second of this game, Santa will bring you whatever you want. Even the head of Collinsworth.

Mr. Ayo

Sold! I’ll bring the receipts too. And his stupid head.

jjfozz

It will replace the star on top of my Christmas tree.

ArmedandHammered

What needs to be done to make it a two for one deal and include the son?

jjfozz

My father in law has been disparaging the ravens and lamar since he walked in the door tonight. holy christ. i get it.

ArmedandHammered

Ask him if he will help you get some Amontillado from the cask in the basement.

Col. Duke LaCross

About to lose to the future Duchess LaCross unless something crazy happens because I left the Niners D on my bench. I really hope Max Crosby is beaked upon some industrial strength trucker speed tonight.

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Doktor Zymm

What’s the over on this game? 15?

WCS

5

litre_cola

Easy Matt Gaetz.

scotchnaut

Hippo, you did yeoman work all weekend long. You’re the best!

Mr. Ayo

Just need 14 points from Myers and Breece to overcome Don T.

*Prays in Spanish*

*Spits on both defenses*

Mr. Ayo

Dude, no one cares about your fantasy team.

Mr. Ayo

And apparently neither do both coaches about mine. JFC

Don T

Good evening. I just came here to say

RAAAAAIIIIII DUUUUURS
RAAAAAIIIIII DUUUUURS
RAAAAAIIIIII DUUUUURS
RAAAAAIIIIII DUUUUURS

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hmmm, he can’t spell Raiders, he may legitimately be a fan

Brick Meathook

It’s a very clean stadium.