Can you believe it’s week 11 already? Previous Thursday nights have been overrun by droolers named Bagent, Pickett, Young and Levis, this time around we get some quality play-callers in Burrow and Jackson. I have hopes. Will they be dashed against the Rocks of Mediocrity? MAYBE!
Minutiae:
-What’s Old is New Again: The Browns are going to try to ride out the season with rook qb DT-R. (Down To Run) Stefanski pretty much said that Dorian was nowhere near prepared enough to play earlier in the season but now he’s ready. We’ll see.
-NEWS FLASH!: The Chargers will not be making a run at the playoffs this year. Why? Because Dumb Brandon told reporters that he will continue calling the defensive plays. He’s in a tough spot because if he ceded the responsibility he’d be admitting failure and that would pretty much guarantee his firing. However, if he continues with the playcalling he’s going to get fired anyway. Getting some fierce Sword of Sisyphus energy from that guy.
-Kyler noted that his success was also the team’s success because of ‘it’s just a different energy’ in the building these days. A lovely jab at Kinksbury or whatever his name is right there. In related news his agent has announced that his game controller will now have Energizer batteries rather than Duracell. The guy killed two birds with one statement.
To The Game!
Bengals/Ravens:
-Baltimore is having a JJFozz Appreciation Celebration but they’re calling it a Blackout Night. Let the Bourble flow…
-Reasons to bet Ravens: There are a few good ones. They are undefeated on Thursday night. LAMAR! is 7-1 vs Cincy. The Bengals can’t defend the run and their best run defender Sam Hubbard is out. Ravens DC Mike McDonald hasn’t allowed Burrow to throw for 300 yards in four tries.
-Seriously, It’s a ‘Must Win’ Game: Although all the teams in the division are bunched together, Cincy is 1-3 division-wise and 1-5 conference-wise. Tiebreakers will bury them at the end of the year if they lose here.
-Ravens are first in the sack race with 39 and are 4th in INT’s with 10.
-Lands of Contrasts: Bally is #1 in total yards gained and the Bengals are dead last.
Enjoy the tilt.
DRONE! DRON! WHOOPS I MIGHT B EFUFKED UP. FUCKE
Gumby has the Beatie Boy in ff, so he enjoyed that td. What the fuck are administrative issues ?
That is a fucking brutal call even for the NFL.
Refs father was a kicking net
Burrow has a YUUUUUUGE problem
I mean, he’s got ANOTHER ARM smh
Hmmm. According to the Sinclair Network broadcast, Tanner Hudson scored the Cincy TD, not Mixon.
Tanner fits the demo better.
Wait, huh?
lamar with less ability to run, burrow with less ability to throw
thursday night football!
i meant to say NO ability to throw
So…everybody hurt and/or ded?
Fuck
Wait, didn’t the Bengals score??
potentially in pyrrhic fashion
just gonna assume that means erotic
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mDnUPdob-bk&pp=ygURdGhhbm9zIGV2ZXJ5dGhpbmc%3D
Banner?
imaging how even better the bangles would be if they just stopped fighting the playclock tonight
all these John Travolta ads make me hate Christmas.
Yeah, I’m sure that’s what ultimately did it.
I mean, it had redeemed itself with FITBAW of late. I shoulda knowed better.
This game played on a Sunday would be a barnburner. Due to NFL requirements on TNF this has to be a bag of shit.
rules is rules!
Get ready for some Week 19 Wednesday High Noon Football CONSUMER.
Thursday night episode of Release The Kraken!
lamar dead because no matter the matchup and talent, it will still end up as thursday night football
lamar not dead!
put that flannel shirt back on, keep choppin’ wood FOAR AMERICA!
I like to imagine that “The Tent” that players are escorted to when injured is like a magical Harry Potter tent is like a full surgery/physical therapy suite on the inside.
Enough Toradol, and you can squint and see it!
Hot dog buffet.
hell yeah
Time FOAR the Tyler Huntley experience? That’d be GREAT for Fozz’ liver and marriage!
me, an hour ago: hey, a good game unlike last thurs tank bowl
me, now: oh, forgot, afc north footbaw. 13-10 score it is
The afc north turned into the nfc north so gradually, I hardly even noticed!
needs more midwestern passive-aggressiveness
and cheese
Like Lesser Harbs’ various poker bluffs!
I swear I walk away for two minutes…
LamarDown! (but not in the good way)
Andy Reid LOVES this usage of timeouts.
I had jokes, but that awful fucking Wonka origin story got me fucked up.
/…urge to kill rising
I just want Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator, which is trippy as fuck.
I know! Just think how cool vermicious knids would look!
Chicks dig the dweeby little French dude.
even andy reid thinks bengals buring through these timeouts
OH hey, that Wonka movie makes me want to kill
My oldest kid and I had a running bit where I pretended to confuse Willy Wonka with Harry Potter. Har-ry Pot-ter! Har-ry Pot-ter! Teh famous chocolatier. 4 year olds have no sense of irony (she was already reading the Harry Potter books by then), so she made a great straight man/woman.
I would get the biggest scowl from No, honey. You’re thinking of Willy Wonka, the powerful wizard.
That actor, boy is he a dick.
I do love highlights of edge defenders tackling behind the line of scrimmage because of a missed blocking assignment.
/”Oh, look at that athleticism!”
Okay i know almost all obelisks look phallic, but that downtown Baltimore one looks particularly penisey
It’s a subtle play to get Michael Penix on the Ratbirds
Oh he goin to Seatlle. Bulleee dat.
but then Mr. Ayo will be EXTRA Bastard Man-y!
I’m really happy that writing “End Racism” on the end zone has worked so well.
Why would you want to do that? That’s part and parcel of ‘American Exceptionalism’.
the raven kicker is #9 and holder is #11 and theyre aiming for two tall objects
Gub Edwards TD!
/I call him Gub
Well, my Scrotal Recall team didn’t need that.
Congrats to Hippo for playing against dead Mark Andrews.
Maybe not ded yet?
Oh he ded.
I need this win WAAAAYYYYYY MOAR!
At least one injury…. CHECK!
This comment belongs on a hockey open thread.
Oh, goody. Sunday’s defense showed up.
yep, dead
Damn #80 threw some blocks there.
/waits for Scotchy to show up
Imagine traveling halfway around the world to some Thor-forsaken wasteland to only manage to win your hockey game in overtime and give away a free point to your bitter, but superior, rival team.
Imagine sitting fat and happy on the bench, thinking you’re going to get a tie out of the deal and then seeing the Mighty Sens score with 2 seconds left in OT. I could hear the pouting from here.
/btw, did Detroit bring along a City Planning Commission to show Stockholm officials how to turn their gorgeous city into a wretched hellhole?
+130 for an anytime Chase TD? And no Marlon Humphrey?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btMisVovQKk&ab_channel=Movieclips
Not football related, but this should be shared immediately. The Truff Popeye’s chicken sandwich (truffle mayo) sucks. The truffle mayo ruins the sandwich. Luckily my wife took pity on me and gave me half of her non-truffle sandwich.
Truffle-flavored anything ruins the anything.
Could nawt agree more
Truffle has ran its course. It’s the new bacon.
Could I interest you in Truffle Bacon? You see, we get the pigs to find the truffles and then kill them.
Truff Sauce is overrated.
By the way, Andrew Whitworth must die. Horribly.
*Super Bowl Champion With RAMMMMMIT Andrew Whitworth
he is a total choad
Cuz his hair/beard?
Cuz he lives and breathes.
So, other than redshirt’s perpetually declining emotional state, is there really much reason to watch this game?
Also hey redshirt!
Yes, you must endure my pain. I’m all jacked up on bourbon.
Sadly I’m sober. The last two times I had a drop of alcohol, my family decided to have a fight, which meant I couldn’t drive away and had to have a ringside seat.
Come for Redshirt’s despair; stay for Fozz’s drunken rage!
Come for Redshirt’s despair
Just did.
I am weighing how I will deal with the holidays: drunk as fuck, sober to deal with everyone losing their shit; gummies.
This young lady interviewing Burrow . . . . GOTDAMN!
Bengals fans seeing their heroes off to battle:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AjUmULa0R-8&pp=ygUcaGF2ZSBmdW4gc3Rvcm1pbmcgdGhlIGNhc3RsZQ%3D%3D
I believe in yous.
If we were healthy, we’d kill Baltimore to pay for Sunday’s sins.
We’re too banged up.
that’s def not a white suit
Sir, you forget yourself.
There is apparently a new wave of “hyper-online left” antisemitism that is really bringing me down. Social media will absolutely destroy Western Civilization.
All I ever wanted to be was an influencer.
Fucking people suck dick.
Only some fucking people do that.
/ties onion to belt
The deal is, younger folk are getting news online…from wherever. An alarming percentage trust TikTok influencers. So shortly after the Hamas terrorism, a number of accounts talked mostly about how Israel had it coming, and was an apartheid state, and what did they expect, etc. Unfortunately, that led to a lot of otherwise-smartish students thinking the poor Palestinians were the put-upon underdogs, and Israel was basically old-school colonizers.
What I’m trying to say is, sometimes, no really sometimes, mainstream news is better than the alternative.
//shakes fist at cloud
That’s a good summation of what my daughter thinks of this. “I feel bad for the Israelis. but…” Honey, they aren’t going to let 1500 dead Israelis slide.
I’m not on social media.
It has improved my life immensely. But i also don’t find it a priority in my life to post jokes online.
but wut about PICTURES OF UR FOOD HUH????
Is it the people who read the letter to America and thought “Hey, Osama had some good points”?
Yeah, they’re depressingly dumb.
I hope Roquan Smith hits Burrow so hard he knocks his asshole loose.
Why are there muppets on Amazon pre-game? I feel like I should kill someone.
NERD Muppets, to teach idjits what analytics is. WHO EVER THUNK there’d be maths in FITBAW????
Why are you watching a pre-game show when Season 2 of Emily in Paris is right there on Netflix waiting for you?
I am done with that dripping bag of shit.
What’s the next series I should watch?
Letterkenny or Shoresy.
You need a palate cleanser.
Oh yeah, I’m fans of both those shows. I couldn’t write a negative review about them.
Give your balls a tug!
Our painter is Russian, and he is awesome. He has hands like a catcher’s mitt.
When he was talking to me, his accent reminded me of Borat.
Next time we’re chugging a handle of vodka.
ALWAYS chug vodka with a man who could accidentally kill you with a slap on the back!
Litrepug who tends to get aggressive when poked and prodded just came back from the vet and didn’t bite her or the technician! Huzzah, little bastard bit me a month ago (my fault) and it fucking hurt. I did not want him banned from the vet, she is awesome.
They still act like Kruger (even though all he ever did was howl like a madman) is a suicide bomber at the vet. Gets on my tits.
We took our two cats to the vet to be boarded a few years ago. One was the cat we still have, Henry, who is a lovely boy. The other, B2, was pretty much an asshole, but we loved him. We came back from the trip, and the vet techs were telling us how sweet B2 was, and that Henry was a devil cat. We felt like we were living in Bizarro World. We even described them, thinking they had confused them. Nope, the cats just went all Freaky Friday, for some reason!
Welcome to AFC North Football everyone! (H/t Mike Tomlin)
It will be ugly.
It will be low-scoring.
There will be at least one injury.
There will be at least one “altercation”.
There will be at least two turnovers.
AND THERE WILL BE BLOOD!
Goddamn right.
The AFC North really is just the worst collection of teams and fans.
if the stillers somehow win, the afc north has to join the B1G next year
The AFC West would like a word.
Outside of BOLTMAN, no one cares about the Clippers. KC is just the next Patriots bandwagon. Donks fans seem mostly harmless, opioid-related mishaps aside.
Just HI I’M MARK DAVIS and Co. are the only real toilet wine of the NFL out that division.
Who are you calling toilet wine, ése?
[glances at butterfly knife that he has unconsciously been fiddling with]
Oh, right.
The commitment to BLOOD FOAR TEH BLOOD GODS (as Balls notes below) is much appreciate.
Yes, we are a collection of fucking assholes who live in shitball cities. This is all we have. This fact is sad. Go fuck yourself. (The East Coast version of “Hey, how are you?”)
fuck that new cod modern warfare garbage. if youre gonna give me a regurgitated game, do it right (like the civilized world will in a matter of hours):
the first line in the ign review is poetry:
I miss old video game magazine reviews, they were the best
Actually it seems like Super Mario is the one trending in the COD direction given that they mention a rocket-propelled grenade right in the title.
Sorry, I can’t hear you over YET ANOTHER PERSONA 5 game. And yet another soundtrack inevitably full of bangers.
/Okay, I have to finish Strikers first…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzfnIwjwLLw
Fozz, why do you hate? Wanna know, okay here is my day:
Forgot this one: Mrs. Fozz announces, “We’ll watch the game together!”
Grandson kitten knocked over my ginger beer (onto carpet) that was enough to make Hippo full psycho. I’d NEVAR survive a dog, let alone a puppy.
If Cincy has any pretentions for this season, they need to win this game.
A loss and they are fighting the Browns for last place.
the nfl is so untrustworthy anymore that cincy can lose this and still have a legit shot.
Are you saying the Ginger Hammer is basically a big butt and a smile?