Your Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread

Can you believe it’s week 11 already? Previous Thursday nights have been overrun by droolers named Bagent, Pickett, Young and Levis, this time around we get some quality play-callers in Burrow and Jackson. I have hopes. Will they be dashed against the Rocks of Mediocrity? MAYBE!

Minutiae:

-What’s Old is New Again: The Browns are going to try to ride out the season with rook qb DT-R. (Down To Run) Stefanski pretty much said that Dorian was nowhere near prepared enough to play earlier in the season but now he’s ready. We’ll see.

-NEWS FLASH!: The Chargers will not be making a run at the playoffs this year. Why? Because Dumb Brandon told reporters that he will continue calling the defensive plays. He’s in a tough spot because if he ceded the responsibility he’d be admitting failure and that would pretty much guarantee his firing. However, if he continues with the playcalling he’s going to get fired anyway. Getting some fierce Sword of Sisyphus energy from that guy.

-Kyler noted that his success was also the team’s success because of ‘it’s just a different energy’ in the building these days. A lovely jab at Kinksbury or whatever his name is right there. In related news his agent has announced that his game controller will now have Energizer batteries rather than Duracell. The guy killed two birds with one statement.

To The Game!

Bengals/Ravens:

-Baltimore is having a JJFozz Appreciation Celebration but they’re calling it a Blackout Night. Let the Bourble flow…

-Reasons to bet Ravens: There are a few good ones. They are undefeated on Thursday night. LAMAR! is 7-1 vs Cincy. The Bengals can’t defend the run and their best run defender Sam Hubbard is out. Ravens DC Mike McDonald hasn’t allowed Burrow to throw for 300 yards in four tries.

-Seriously, It’s a ‘Must Win’ Game: Although all the teams in the division are bunched together, Cincy is 1-3 division-wise and 1-5 conference-wise. Tiebreakers will bury them at the end of the year if they lose here.

-Ravens are first in the sack race with 39 and are 4th in INT’s with 10.

-Lands of Contrasts: Bally is #1 in total yards gained and the Bengals are dead last.

Enjoy the tilt.

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jjfozz

DRONE! DRON! WHOOPS I MIGHT B EFUFKED UP. FUCKE

Gumbygirl

Gumby has the Beatie Boy in ff, so he enjoyed that td. What the fuck are administrative issues ?

litre_cola

That is a fucking brutal call even for the NFL.

Gatoraids

Refs father was a kicking net

ThePirateSloth

Burrow has a YUUUUUUGE problem

King Hippo

I mean, he’s got ANOTHER ARM smh

SonOfSpam

Tanner fits the demo better.

Gumbygirl

Wait, huh?

fleshwound_NPG

lamar with less ability to run, burrow with less ability to throw

thursday night football!

fleshwound_NPG

i meant to say NO ability to throw

SonOfSpam

So…everybody hurt and/or ded?

Redshirt

Fuck

ballsofsteelandfury

Wait, didn’t the Bengals score??

King Hippo

potentially in pyrrhic fashion

SonOfSpam

just gonna assume that means erotic

Brocky

Banner?

fleshwound_NPG

imaging how even better the bangles would be if they just stopped fighting the playclock tonight

King Hippo

all these John Travolta ads make me hate Christmas.

WCS

Yeah, I’m sure that’s what ultimately did it.

King Hippo

I mean, it had redeemed itself with FITBAW of late. I shoulda knowed better.

litre_cola

This game played on a Sunday would be a barnburner. Due to NFL requirements on TNF this has to be a bag of shit.

King Hippo

rules is rules!

blaxabbath

Get ready for some Week 19 Wednesday High Noon Football CONSUMER.

Mr. Ayo

Thursday night episode of Release The Kraken!

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fleshwound_NPG

lamar dead because no matter the matchup and talent, it will still end up as thursday night football

fleshwound_NPG

lamar not dead!

King Hippo

put that flannel shirt back on, keep choppin’ wood FOAR AMERICA!

ThePirateSloth

I like to imagine that “The Tent” that players are escorted to when injured is like a magical Harry Potter tent is like a full surgery/physical therapy suite on the inside.

King Hippo

Enough Toradol, and you can squint and see it!

BugEyedBoo

Hot dog buffet.

WCS

hell yeah

King Hippo

Time FOAR the Tyler Huntley experience? That’d be GREAT for Fozz’ liver and marriage!

fleshwound_NPG

me, an hour ago: hey, a good game unlike last thurs tank bowl

me, now: oh, forgot, afc north footbaw. 13-10 score it is

Brocky

The afc north turned into the nfc north so gradually, I hardly even noticed!

fleshwound_NPG

needs more midwestern passive-aggressiveness

and cheese

King Hippo

Like Lesser Harbs’ various poker bluffs!

Brocky

I swear I walk away for two minutes…

WCS

Andy Reid LOVES this usage of timeouts.

ThePirateSloth

I had jokes, but that awful fucking Wonka origin story got me fucked up.

/…urge to kill rising

Senor Weaselo

I just want Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator, which is trippy as fuck.

ThePirateSloth

I know! Just think how cool vermicious knids would look!

BugEyedBoo

Chicks dig the dweeby little French dude.

fleshwound_NPG

even andy reid thinks bengals buring through these timeouts

jjfozz

OH hey, that Wonka movie makes me want to kill

King Hippo

My oldest kid and I had a running bit where I pretended to confuse Willy Wonka with Harry Potter. Har-ry Pot-ter! Har-ry Pot-ter! Teh famous chocolatier. 4 year olds have no sense of irony (she was already reading the Harry Potter books by then), so she made a great straight man/woman.

I would get the biggest scowl from No, honey. You’re thinking of Willy Wonka, the powerful wizard.

jjfozz

That actor, boy is he a dick.

Brocky

Okay i know almost all obelisks look phallic, but that downtown Baltimore one looks particularly penisey

King Hippo

It’s a subtle play to get Michael Penix on the Ratbirds

litre_cola

Oh he goin to Seatlle. Bulleee dat.

King Hippo

but then Mr. Ayo will be EXTRA Bastard Man-y!

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m really happy that writing “End Racism” on the end zone has worked so well.

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fleshwound_NPG

the raven kicker is #9 and holder is #11 and theyre aiming for two tall objects

WCS

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SonOfSpam

Well, my Scrotal Recall team didn’t need that.

Congrats to Hippo for playing against dead Mark Andrews.

SonOfSpam

Maybe not ded yet?

litre_cola

Oh he ded.

King Hippo

I need this win WAAAAYYYYYY MOAR!

ballsofsteelandfury

At least one injury…. CHECK!

Redshirt

Oh, goody. Sunday’s defense showed up.

fleshwound_NPG

yep, dead

hippofant

Damn #80 threw some blocks there.

herodotus450

/waits for Scotchy to show up
Imagine traveling halfway around the world to some Thor-forsaken wasteland to only manage to win your hockey game in overtime and give away a free point to your bitter, but superior, rival team.

BugEyedBoo

Not football related, but this should be shared immediately. The Truff Popeye’s chicken sandwich (truffle mayo) sucks. The truffle mayo ruins the sandwich. Luckily my wife took pity on me and gave me half of her non-truffle sandwich.

ballsofsteelandfury

Truffle-flavored anything ruins the anything.

SonOfSpam

Could nawt agree more

blaxabbath

Truffle has ran its course. It’s the new bacon.

litre_cola

Could I interest you in Truffle Bacon? You see, we get the pigs to find the truffles and then kill them.

Senor Weaselo

Truff Sauce is overrated.

jjfozz

By the way, Andrew Whitworth must die. Horribly.

SonOfSpam

*Super Bowl Champion With RAMMMMMIT Andrew Whitworth

jjfozz

he is a total choad

blaxabbath

Cuz his hair/beard?

jjfozz

Cuz he lives and breathes.

Brocky

So, other than redshirt’s perpetually declining emotional state, is there really much reason to watch this game?

Also hey redshirt!

jjfozz

Yes, you must endure my pain. I’m all jacked up on bourbon.

Redshirt

Sadly I’m sober. The last two times I had a drop of alcohol, my family decided to have a fight, which meant I couldn’t drive away and had to have a ringside seat.

Come for Redshirt’s despair; stay for Fozz’s drunken rage!

SonOfSpam

Come for Redshirt’s despair

Just did.

jjfozz

I am weighing how I will deal with the holidays: drunk as fuck, sober to deal with everyone losing their shit; gummies.

jjfozz

This young lady interviewing Burrow . . . . GOTDAMN!

Redshirt
litre_cola

I believe in yous.

Redshirt

If we were healthy, we’d kill Baltimore to pay for Sunday’s sins.

We’re too banged up.

fleshwound_NPG

that’s def not a white suit

jjfozz

Sir, you forget yourself.

King Hippo

There is apparently a new wave of “hyper-online left” antisemitism that is really bringing me down. Social media will absolutely destroy Western Civilization.

litre_cola

All I ever wanted to be was an influencer.

jjfozz

Fucking people suck dick.

SonOfSpam

Only some fucking people do that.

SonOfSpam

/ties onion to belt

The deal is, younger folk are getting news online…from wherever. An alarming percentage trust TikTok influencers. So shortly after the Hamas terrorism, a number of accounts talked mostly about how Israel had it coming, and was an apartheid state, and what did they expect, etc. Unfortunately, that led to a lot of otherwise-smartish students thinking the poor Palestinians were the put-upon underdogs, and Israel was basically old-school colonizers.

What I’m trying to say is, sometimes, no really sometimes, mainstream news is better than the alternative.

//shakes fist at cloud

BugEyedBoo

That’s a good summation of what my daughter thinks of this. “I feel bad for the Israelis. but…” Honey, they aren’t going to let 1500 dead Israelis slide.

blaxabbath

I’m not on social media.

It has improved my life immensely. But i also don’t find it a priority in my life to post jokes online.

King Hippo

but wut about PICTURES OF UR FOOD HUH????

Senor Weaselo

Is it the people who read the letter to America and thought “Hey, Osama had some good points”?

Yeah, they’re depressingly dumb.

jjfozz

I hope Roquan Smith hits Burrow so hard he knocks his asshole loose.

jjfozz

Why are there muppets on Amazon pre-game? I feel like I should kill someone.

King Hippo

NERD Muppets, to teach idjits what analytics is. WHO EVER THUNK there’d be maths in FITBAW????

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Why are you watching a pre-game show when Season 2 of Emily in Paris is right there on Netflix waiting for you?

jjfozz

I am done with that dripping bag of shit.

What’s the next series I should watch?

ballsofsteelandfury

Letterkenny or Shoresy.

You need a palate cleanser.

jjfozz

Oh yeah, I’m fans of both those shows. I couldn’t write a negative review about them.

Give your balls a tug!

jjfozz

Our painter is Russian, and he is awesome. He has hands like a catcher’s mitt.

When he was talking to me, his accent reminded me of Borat.

Next time we’re chugging a handle of vodka.

King Hippo

ALWAYS chug vodka with a man who could accidentally kill you with a slap on the back!

litre_cola

Litrepug who tends to get aggressive when poked and prodded just came back from the vet and didn’t bite her or the technician! Huzzah, little bastard bit me a month ago (my fault) and it fucking hurt. I did not want him banned from the vet, she is awesome.

King Hippo

They still act like Kruger (even though all he ever did was howl like a madman) is a suicide bomber at the vet. Gets on my tits.

Gumbygirl

We took our two cats to the vet to be boarded a few years ago. One was the cat we still have, Henry, who is a lovely boy. The other, B2, was pretty much an asshole, but we loved him. We came back from the trip, and the vet techs were telling us how sweet B2 was, and that Henry was a devil cat. We felt like we were living in Bizarro World. We even described them, thinking they had confused them. Nope, the cats just went all Freaky Friday, for some reason!

ballsofsteelandfury

Welcome to AFC North Football everyone! (H/t Mike Tomlin)

It will be ugly.
It will be low-scoring.
There will be at least one injury.
There will be at least one “altercation”.
There will be at least two turnovers.
AND THERE WILL BE BLOOD!

jjfozz

Goddamn right.

WCS

The AFC North really is just the worst collection of teams and fans.
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fleshwound_NPG

if the stillers somehow win, the afc north has to join the B1G next year

ballsofsteelandfury

The AFC West would like a word.

WCS

Outside of BOLTMAN, no one cares about the Clippers. KC is just the next Patriots bandwagon. Donks fans seem mostly harmless, opioid-related mishaps aside.
Just HI I’M MARK DAVIS and Co. are the only real toilet wine of the NFL out that division.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Just HI I’M MARK DAVIS and Co. are the only real toilet wine of the NFL out that division.

Who are you calling toilet wine, ése?

[glances at butterfly knife that he has unconsciously been fiddling with]

Oh, right.

King Hippo

The commitment to BLOOD FOAR TEH BLOOD GODS (as Balls notes below) is much appreciate.

jjfozz

Yes, we are a collection of fucking assholes who live in shitball cities. This is all we have. This fact is sad. Go fuck yourself. (The East Coast version of “Hey, how are you?”)

fleshwound_NPG

fuck that new cod modern warfare garbage. if youre gonna give me a regurgitated game, do it right (like the civilized world will in a matter of hours):comment image

fleshwound_NPG

the first line in the ign review is poetry:

Odds are good you’ve seen Mario stomp a goomba or kick a koopa shell before, but you might not have seen him punch a giant lady with a parrot for hair right in the shins while she sips a cocktail and rides a floating banana.

Brocky

I miss old video game magazine reviews, they were the best

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Actually it seems like Super Mario is the one trending in the COD direction given that they mention a rocket-propelled grenade right in the title.

Senor Weaselo

Sorry, I can’t hear you over YET ANOTHER PERSONA 5 game. And yet another soundtrack inevitably full of bangers.

/Okay, I have to finish Strikers first…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzfnIwjwLLw

jjfozz

Fozz, why do you hate? Wanna know, okay here is my day:

  1. Wake up at 530
  2. At work by 8
  3. Work – fuck it.
  4. Three hour drive home
  5. Cut off by a Tesla, I tailgated him mercilessly
  6. Get home, hear loud, horrible rap music from outside my house
  7. Oldest Fozz Spawn and friends pounding beers, because THEY get to go to the fucking game tonight.
  8. Youngest Fozz Spawn instructed to get me a beer. Walks upstairs to announce the dog has shit in the basement.
  9. Clean up shit.
  10. Realize that fucking stupid cur walked in her shit and tracked it up the steps.
  11. Go upstairs, do a shot and a beer with my son and his friends.
  12. Realize I have a call at 630
  13. Toast Middle Fozz Spawn, he is 16 tomorrow. He is a walking disaster.
  14. Do a shot of vodka.
  15. Get on call. Teams shit the bed. Shocker. Call in. Waste of time.
  16. Walk upstairs, dog has gotten into the garbage.
  17. Pour a stiff shot of bourbon.
  18. Get ready to watch the Ravens shit the bed in the fourth quarter.
  19. Realize my wife has okayed for 6 kids to spend the night tonight.
  20. I have to be up at 530 again.
  21. Thinking about the sweet release of death.
jjfozz

Forgot this one: Mrs. Fozz announces, “We’ll watch the game together!”

King Hippo

Grandson kitten knocked over my ginger beer (onto carpet) that was enough to make Hippo full psycho. I’d NEVAR survive a dog, let alone a puppy.

ballsofsteelandfury

If Cincy has any pretentions for this season, they need to win this game.

A loss and they are fighting the Browns for last place.

WCS

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fleshwound_NPG

the nfl is so untrustworthy anymore that cincy can lose this and still have a legit shot.

King Hippo

Are you saying the Ginger Hammer is basically a big butt and a smile?

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