Your Dueling NFL Football Tilts Open Thread

Well, lookee here! They’re not the best games but at least we have a choice. (unless one is being hosted on the Alabama Outdoor Network or some other weird spot in the U.S.) I’m not going to look an early Christmas present in the mouth though.

Fallout:

-Everyone wants to make a point about Patty and Andy’s post-game interviews throwing the refs under the bus but the choice was that or throwing Toney there and I saw the wagons get circled. I don’t really care about Andy’s position that much but I think Mahomes is for the most part a standup guy that will most likely back down from his take. I’d also like to point out that Toney is a cancer but we have a bit of history there so I’ll shut it.

-They Shoot QB’s, Don’t They?: More guys go down again this week. Herbert may be playing some 8th dimensional chess, getting injured, likely missing a few games and ensuring that Staley gets fired.

-That Voodoo You Do: In case you were doubting Tomlin’s esoteric beliefs and their effect on the world/standings, the Steelers edged back into a playoff spot by not playing. That is one hell of a Bitch’s Brew our friend has concocted. He did get an assist from losses by the Texans and Colts.

-It’s not time to panic just yet but don’t tell that to an Eagles fan that has seen his team lose in the last two weeks by a combined score of 75-32. The league hasn’t “figured them out”, they just need to re-set and clean up some sloppy play.

to The Games!

Packers/Giants:

-“Tommy Cutlet” is going to weave some more magic and the whole of Jersey’s Italian community is behind him. I won’t be surprised if he ends up on the injury report, the first player ever to be listed as having “severely pinched cheeks”, after all, he’s such a good boy!

-Green Bay’s O currently ranks 17th but not over the last four weeks or so. It’s kinda weird that they’ve put up points in a fairly narrow range-20, 23, 23, 29 and 27.

-“Rashan Gary Eat Tonight!”: He’s leading the team in sacks and the Giants have given up 69 so far. DeVito’s pocket awareness is a work in progress and I think his understanding of the speed of the game needs some catching up as well.

-The Giants have a shot if they can continue gathering INT’s-although eight in the last three fixtures seems an anomaly to me.

Titans/Fins:

-King Henry does well in prime time games-he averages 94.7 under the limelight.

-Tyreek’s receiving prop tonight is an otherworldly 105.5! Has there ever been a higher one? I snickered when he said he was shooting for 2,000. I may have been the silly one. Oh, by the way, the Titans are dead last defending outside receivers.

-Achane’s running prop sits at a mere 56.5. When he touches the ball more than two times he averages 73 yards.

Bring it.

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Doktor Zymm

Oof, painfully imploding Tits

Mr. Ayo

Don T Reacts Reasonably: Part Trey

fleshwound_NPG

packers have an invincibility cheat code that works so long as its not january

Recovery Whiskey

I really thought they’d lose the Rodgers Rate

WCS

*not valid against Achilles’ tendons and steel beams

WCS

Okay, now Don T Reacts Reasonably

Doktor Zymm

Accidental onside kick, lol

Mr. Ayo

Don T reacts reasonably Part 2

fleshwound_NPG

gettleman is gonna haunt this franchise for a LONG time

Recovery Whiskey

DeVito has to quit rubbing his hair before touching the football.

Redshirt

Bananacakes! Get your Bananacakes here!

WCS

Jeebus criminey, VEPs

WCS

Did Saquon’s wrist spontaneously break?!

Mr. Ayo

Wow, this is the problem with holding the ball so far above the field.

jjfozz

What time is Mike McDaniel’s curfew? Cause it’s 11 o’clock

Gumbygirl

This shit is exactly why I don’t like Redzone. I’m bored, here’s my cat worshipping Baal.

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Recovery Whiskey

RedZone at least has Scott “definitely not on stimulants” Hanson screaming to keep things moving.

This stuff here is like the last 3 guys at a dinner party decided to stay late and take over your living room

Doktor Zymm

Tua looks fine after a blow to the head and Tyreek is somehow back and looking fine after what looked like a gnarly leg injury. Could the Miami medical team be turning the players into zombies?

Mr. Ayo

They are revolutionizing the miraculous treatments focused on players’ backs.

BugEyedBoo

Maybe they imported some magic soccer spray.

Brocky

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WCS

HAIL SHANK’LOR

Doktor Zymm

Fullback hurdling a guy should be extra something, or maybe a prop bet that pays bank

Redshirt

If we’re going for quantity over quality, we need to play three teams at the same time.

Defense has 8 players from each team that doesn’t have the ball with separate playcalls.
Offense has 16 players on the field and 7-8 offensive linemen (can alternate).

BugEyedBoo
litre_cola

For how long and how much is Danny Dimebag signed for?

Mr. Ayo

4yrs/160MM. This is the first year.

litre_cola

No fucking way? Bahahahahahahahaha

Brocky

My first thought was just simply lol

Mr. Ayo

They can cut him after next year. That would be 2yrs/82MM and 22MM dead cap hit in 2025. So yeah, lofl

King Hippo

that Duke edumacation sure done paid off for the lad

Horatio Cornblower

Dumbest contract ev…

Oh, sorry. Didn’t see you there Mr. Ohtani.

Recovery Whiskey

QB are so overpaid

WCS

Don T Reacts Reasonably?

Doktor Zymm

They should open it up to us spectators at home to vote on what is a catch cuz that was neat and it should count anyway

Redshirt

“Yeah, and penalties too!” – P. Mahomes wearing a fake moustache.

litre_cola

Having the munchies is expensive up here.

Doktor Zymm

Have you tried a plain homemade snocone?

WCS

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With frozen water croutons.

litre_cola

I underestimated myself. I need a god damned skidoo to get to the convenience store and then another mortgage.

Recovery Whiskey

Wait, you are close enough to a store not to need a plane on snow skids? Do you even Arctic?

litre_cola

It’s fucking windy and it is up a hill. It is -25 C now, and I just started eating my lunch stuff. Now I am done my bottle of wine and time for sleep. I do have another long fucking day tomorrow. But 10 hrs work, and I installed a 2 hour break for my team who I travelled with midday so we can go out and see some shit instead of like today working all day. 4 hrs of light here right now. Museum, visitor centre, Arctic Char tacos. Back to work. At night, Nunavut Brewing.

Last edited 11 months ago by litre_cola
Horatio Cornblower

Not gonna lie: arctic char tacos has me intrigued.

Recovery Whiskey
BugEyedBoo
Brocky

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Gatoraids

good to see Father Guido Sarducci has a grandson

King Hippo

I had forgotten how fucking funny that bit was.

Recovery Whiskey

DeVito keeps that up he’ll be a made man in no time

fleshwound_NPG

hes gonna billy batts the hell outta danny dimes

jjfozz

Your racism and bigotry towards Italians is loathsome, sir.

Recovery Whiskey

Do you know what FIAT stands for?

Fling It Again Tommy

King Hippo

Holy shit, are the Vertically Enhanced Persons GOOD now??

fleshwound_NPG

goodfella jeff hostetler can ball. am shocked as the next person.

King Hippo

I’m quartered backing over here!

BugEyedBoo

Tomlin’s got to be having a stroke if he’s watching this. DeVito was selling cigarettes to tourists in Palermo three years ago, and had literally never seen a football until he got off the ship on Ellis Island. Now look at him!

Doktor Zymm

I’m watching the other game, but gonna go out on a limb and say ‘no’

Mr. Ayo

Hey, its-a-me, Tommy Cutlet!

Danny had to go take a nap for a bit. Don’t worry about it, kid.

litre_cola

I like this Danny Devito

Brocky

Man they reissued Plaxico’s jersey?

Man, straight shooter like that, you’d think they’d retire the jersey

herodotus450

They had to reload at WR

jjfozz

Sometimes you have to take a shot at it

Recovery Whiskey

Manningcast is definitely quantity over quality this week

Gatoraids

just got anyone name Taylor that would appear on their program

Brocky

Did someone mention Derrick Henry’s giant eyes?

Brocky

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Mr. Ayo

Look, sometimes you have to plow at night and you need the bigger headlights

Doktor Zymm

Lol

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fleshwound_NPG

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Brocky

You know, I tend to think all chest tattoos look like the cover for a shitty final fantasy game, but a fucking deer?

fleshwound_NPG

i swear this devito thing, family/agent and all, has to be a bit of some sort

litre_cola

Central casting

Mr. Ayo

Absolutely

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litre_cola

I am fucking here for it.

Recovery Whiskey

Grease up that football

SonOfSpam

With Tommy DeVito playing, yeah, it’s greasy on that field.

fleshwound_NPG

BIG MUFF

Brocky

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Brocky

Because we’re making fun of peyton:

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Gatoraids

busting with the boys podcast? manning cast going public access quality booking agent

Mr. Ayo

Refs show no respect for Tommy Cutlet. Lot of dead horse heads are going to be distributed this evening.

blaxabbath

I saw the last play of the GB game before the half. Otherwise, I’ll just hanging out watching a Trailer Park Boys Xmas movie.

WCS

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Recovery Whiskey

Apple cup shout out!

jjfozz

How long before Berman fucking dies?

King Hippo

It was already too long, 15 years ago

Recovery Whiskey

With Kissinger gone maybe we can get Berman into queue

litre_cola

He took a number from the butchers reel, its deux deux deux.

Recovery Whiskey

Boomer looks like he woke up from a bender

LemonJello

“Looks like”

ThePirateSloth

Woke up from a nap, turned on MNF, Aikmen is bitching about the refs taking too gotdamn long to make a call.

Time to turn the tv back off.

litre_cola

But there is two mediocre games!

clint greasewood

Tits Up

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WCS

Sonya Blade has enhanced herself.

LemonJello

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Recovery Whiskey

Showed Ms Whiskey the trick, suggested she could give it a shot.

Sofa’s already made up.

Redshirt

“So in conclusion, in lieu of Lethal Injection, my client will take this your honor.”
“This requires careful deliberation. I’ll be in my chambers.”

jjfozz

Who are these two fucking hammerheads calling the Miami game?

Brocky

You know, I get what you’re saying for Peyton, but eli, nor so much

SonOfSpam

Gayle King and Oprah.

Doktor Zymm

DHop with a hell of a catch

WCS

https://www.cnn.com/2023/12/11/world/skull-pliosaur-fossil-documentary-intl-scli-scn/index.html

Go back in time and kill these things out of existence again.

Brocky

Okay what is johnny cutlass?

I feel dumb that eli knows a joke I don’t

SonOfSpam

It’s an older comic book character; basically, he’s a guy who complains about his bad luck whenever he plays games, especially in “leagues” involving “fantasy” and everyone feels sorry for him, not because of his bad luck, but because his name was…it was you.

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Brocky

Bro I wish I had the spare time to stalk somebody

SonOfSpam

JUST WANTED YOU TO FEEL SPECIAL AND THAT’S HOW YOU THANK ME

Brocky

Oh trust me, you guys make me feel special

jjfozz

I don’t know, but that’s an epic porn star name.

“Johnny Cutlass Meets the Pink Pirates”

SonOfSpam

The program director at ESPN must’ve gotten a million dollars.

https://imgflip.com/i/891hb5

SonOfSpam

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litre_cola

This is the dumbest shit since the premier league went back to grouping mid day games after covid.

LemonJello

I’m more lost right now than Trent Green every time he enters a room.

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clint greasewood

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Doktor Zymm

‘scampers’
Like a mouse

Brocky

Or a shih tzu?

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Gumbygirl

Cutie! That’s kind of a short haircut for December, definitely sweater weather!

Brocky

With climate change it doesn’t snow till around new years anymore. Me and the pops are legit to lazy to brush him,

I tried trimming him once with clippers, nicked up his little back legs so bad I’m scared to try it again, and I can’t even try to trim the face