So much going on, let’s head on over to…
Fallout:
-Birds Are People Too!: James Audubon would be pissed! The Niners have beaten the Seahawks, Eagles, Seahawks again and the Cardinals the last four weeks. Up next week? The Ravens.
-As per his namesake, King Henry made some history yesterday-by running 16 times for 9 yards and catching 4 balls for 1 yard, he became the first player ever to get 20 touches and not reach 15 yards. Asked how he’ll prepare for next week he said, “We’ll stiffen our sinews, and summon up the blood and go once again into the breech!”
-Post-Game Injury Report: Truth Biscuit has come down with a contusion of the ego after discovering that Mason Rudolph gets the start next week.
-Here’s some fantasy nobodies that grabbed precious scores helping you to lose your fantasy tilt-Keith Kirkwood, Ko Kieft, David Moore, Jimmy Graham, (he was something a long time ago) and Elijah Higgins. Banish them from my sight!
-Arthurs Protect Their Own: That must be the explanation why Blank hasn’t fired Smith. Despite his on-going befuddling player usage (Bijan with just 8 carries, no passes to London in the first half, staying with Ridder long past the expiry date) the Falcons head coach was still in the running for a playoff spot. Not any more. This rush-first team averaged 1.7 vs the 1-11 Panthers. What a travesty.
To The Game!
Eagles/Seahawks:
-Hey look, it’s the Philadelphia Slumpers vs the Seattle Strugglers!
-Hurts has flu-like symptoms, but it’s not the flu! Geno’s groin makes him a game-timer as well and practice squadder qb Sean Mannion has been activated so I don’t know what to tell you about the starting qb’s.
-Matt is Back, Baby!: Retread Patricia will make the defensive calls because Sean Desai is to blame for 3/4’s of the secondary being 30 or older. One thinks that this is the first move before Desai is shuffled out the door post-season.
-Seattle is ninth in the playoff race, having benefited greatly by losses by the Packers, Vikes and Falcons.
Bring it.
BOBO!
I’ve recently been really wanting to go spend a bunch of time in Singapore, and now I started looking through ‘way of the cocktail’ I need to get back to Japan as well. Really I just need a shitton of money so I can go live in Asia for a while as a rich paleface
Pete Carroll thinks that “Intentional Grounding” is a penalty in football but also should have been the title of “Loose Change”.
The joys of driving in the snow, when you can let the guy flashing their lights at you go around, so they can lose their fucking mind as they get stuck behind the guy going slow in the snow while you can sit back and watch him slowly go insane.
https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/39142892/john-spanos-no-limitations-chargers-coaching-gm-hires
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This just makes me want to find that picture from the old site with rivers’s disembodied head connected to an iphone
Berman just faxing it in at this point.
Haha what game was originally scheduled and how’d it go yesterday?
BC Dick and I briefly spoke about going and boy howdy would we have been pissed with this flex business.
This was supposed to be Chefs/Pats. Not sure the flex helped anything.
KC 27 – NE 17
So yeah, we were drawing dead hitting or staying here.
And then a draw on 3rd and long. With a penalty.
The beautiful game.
What was even the point of taking the timeout to avoid the runoff then?
A level of hell exists for the guy who first drew up the 3rd & long draw play.
Lock’s audible should be either “Steel Beams” or “Jet Fuel”
does anyone know where BeardBrand is located? I’m getting some Teller mines and C4 for Christmas and I want to use it wisely.
“you see the hole that was there for him.”
Yes, i laughed at this
Even the dog is bored by this game
Sounds like alot of Eagles fans in the stadium. Can Eagles fans afford airfare or did they just ride the rails to Seattle?
It’s like Pittsburgh where anyone who makes some money leaves the city but stills follows the team so they can pretend they are still in touch with their roots even though they reallu have no idea how to shank someone with a battery anymore
Or hum the theme to Rocky while they’re having sex
There are so many transplants in the Seattle area due to Amazon, Microsoft, etc that practically every opposing team for both Seahawks and Mariners games have a large fan presence.
Source: I was a transplant
I can second this, both through almost moving there instead of to the Bay and through knowing people in offices there
I if I remember correctly, out of my 20 some odd friend group I had when I lived there, only 1 was from Seattle or nearby it. Everyone else had moved there from somewhere outside of WA. That whole Seattle Chill thing was real.
Even when they had to play at Husky stadium back in the day it was half Iggle fans. T’was glorioUs. Except the fact that it was on campus therefore a dry game…
Whenever its a big 3rd or 4th dcwn, wouldn’t stone, monastic silence creep out the other team more? MAKES U THINK
I’m in favoUr of a low, chanting drone. Creepy and loud enough to block communication
I have to go into the office tomorrow. and you know what that means? i have to wear dress socks. and i fucking hate wearing dress socks.
With or without pants?
Commando or bust
Nah, I have Fozz as a “set the place on fire and make s’mores” person.
If it’s with pants they shouldn’t be able to see your socks. If it’s without pants they won’t be looking at your socks
Alas, pants are mandatory
Claim religious restrictions.
At the office: artist’s conception
Sock garters!
So a manager in my league picked up Mariota on the off chance hurns didn’t play tonight, unfortunately said manager is not in the playoffs, which means 1 of two things:
1. They are super competitive and want to win the consolation ladder
OR
2. They are legitimately not smart enough to understand how the playoffs work.
Either option is entertaining
It’s only a dick move if there is no “toilet bowl” or consolation ladder. Otherwise, every right to compete like the compulsive lunatics we all are.
/my money league freezes all waivers the Friday before last regular season game
/a good rule when one is allowed 20-man roster
You know how Rikki keeps talking about how awesome those Japanese bidet toilet seats are?
Well, I installed mine today and CAN CONFIRM
COSIGN. These should be the STANDARD.
Be careful it doesn’t grow tentacles over night. You never know.
That might still be okay or even great, will wait and see
As tentacles tend to be cold and slimy, hoping this bidet has a warming function built in
Oh it DOES
Clean AND shiny?
The Aquaman sequel is confusing. Bad guy says he’s gonna burn Aquaman’s kingdom to ash, but said kingdom is at the bottom of the ocean. So I think getting it to go all ashlike will be tough. But then maybe he’s a really special villain. Or maybe this Aquaman decided to build his kingdom in Wichita. Won’t see it, too confusing.
Is the villain Greek? Greek fire supposedly can burn despite water
Makes me think that Aquaman and SpongeBob occupy the same universe. I’ll not be answering any questions or expanding upon my opinion.
That’s the hook. (Get it?)
Who is this mutant redhead doing commercials for old navy? Was she birthed in Chernobyl?
She was in American Pie and on drugs and in Orange is the New Black which is like Emily in Paris with lesbians who are not in Paris.
Yeah, she seems like she’d snort meth off a dead hooker
So like Pornhub?
For a second there I thought you were describing Alyssa Hannigan and I was gonna get angry
Redheads will always inspire spirited pervert disagreement.
Natasha Lyonne. She’s in Russian Doll, which was a pretty decent series.
Look, Matt Patricia sucks, but calling him a “ret
Oh, you said retread. Still, be careful you don’t insult the Darnolds of the world.
Where is Ayo? Did he release his Kraken on the bus or sommet? Surely we have a bail fund.
Throwing dead fish onto the engine of Pete Carroll’s vehicle.
No one really knows
I think we used a lot of the bail fund when we tried to register Lowratio as a Singaporean domestic worker
The mistake was calling him Congressman George Santos on the paperwork.
And listing him at 6’2″ 215lbs
Hurts tries to throw Joe Dirt a hospital ball and the latter was having none of it.
Looks like Hurts is breathing through his nose, so I think we all want to know what sort of industrial speedy decongestants they have him on
“analytics say go for it, but analytics haven’t factored in drew lock”
Ooh, subtle burn
GO FOR IT COWARDS
YOU GONNA LET MATT FUCKING PATRICIA SHOW YOU UP?
[pencil over ear intensifies]
Eli, counting the hours until Christmas morning
“Peyton, how do you and Coop fall asleep on Christmas Eve so easy? I’m too excited to see Santa!”
What a surprise! 3rd and long!
Stay tuned for halftime-Scratch My Pelt is hosting!
Game. Over.
Patriots v Broncos on Xmas Eve, the NFL delivers a huge load of coal to everyone’s stockings
You never know, I might feel like watching a 6-3 football game.
I went to one of those in the 90’s at the glorioUs Kingdome.
I went to a bunch of shittay games in the Kingdome in the 80’s. And it wasn’t just the Mariners.
Let’s face it, we weren’t good, for goodness sake!
Asked how he’ll prepare for next week he said
“Well, that little bitch brocky ain’t in the playoffs so I think I’ll just go ahead and break the single game yards from scrimmage record” -king henry
Is Motown Philly back again?
Perhaps, let us consult with Boyz 2 Men
Real birds over fake birds, as it should be
The Eagles making us all wait 8+ minutes to see Matt Patricia is bullshit.
I’d argue that they’re doing us a favor.
Survived Costco today. Avoiding adorning myself in Kirkland brand clothes. I haven’t given up yet.
*hides 20 yo yoga pants that only cost $20 and are still going strong*
They are the best yoga pants – Mrs. Cola
I have clothes that are older than most of you.
I actually have quite a few articles of clothing that are older than I am, and a handful older than everyone alive. I have a Victorian era snakeskin purse and some Victorian hat pins that I can shank a dude with!
Wardrobe malfunction!
If this game sucks imma go back to playing sable, but so far so good
Hm. Never heard of Sable. Any good? Seeing a 76 on Metacritic.
Just started really cuz free game on ps+ but enjoying so far. I like the art style and seems like a sort of chill open world platformer which is in my wheelhouse
Never heard of Sable
Her issue of playboy was the holy grail to teenaged me.
Oh shit sorry, wrong sable
Came across this video of a Canuck ex-pat trying to re-create Thomas Keller’s Beef Bourguignon recipe. I’ve laughed out loud at his exasperation more than once.
It starts at about 24 minutes in.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-UWd84l8GY&t=1653s&ab_channel=ANTI-CHEF
They gon’ run Hurts MOAR, everybody’s afraid to get his cooties
“ugh, I got a sack but I got snot goo all over my uni! Anyone know if these flourescent bits emit disinfecting uv?”
On the one hand, I’m regretting not getting in the car at 1pm and going to this damn game.
On the other hand, I like not catching COVID.
*This comment brought to you by 2021
(although only you know your susceptiblity and immunity and there is plenty of other nasty stuff going around this year too)
#17.Rum Hampden (Jamaica) 2007 Duncan Taylor 14yr
Can straight up smell the rum finish on this. Hope it tastes as amazing as it smells!
Oh wow, this is super rummy, it’s like liquid Scottish rum cake. Amazeballs
My SIL brought me some rum cakes from the Bahamas, yay!
Zymm sent me one from some Island and Sweet Baby Jesus did it pack a punch.
Those are so good. They must dunk the cakes in rum or something
#fireshanewaldron
Just getting that out of the way now.
I actually like Boeheim during these halftime shows-when he disagrees with the host or his partner he actually makes a face and you know what he’s thinking. It’s actually kind of refreshing.
Wait a galdurn minute. It’s RAINING? Raining in SEATTLE???
Next, you’re going to tell me Jimmy Graham played basketball in college or something.
Sit down for this. Grunge music comes from Seattle.
SHUT UP! Why they no EVAR mention???
Next you’re gonna tell me they are slightly liberal.
I could throw a fish, I’m so mad!
Here’s a newsflash: they drink COFFEE in Seattle. Who would have guessed?
Their hockey team is called “The Kraken.” I’m serious. You can’t make this shit up.
Hockey in Seattle? Surely you jest!
The baseball team is called the Mariners? What are they, near an ocean?!
Go Birds.
If Mariota gets anywhere near that field for a live play I will buy the Emily in Paris cocktail book for Fozz.
Let’sa gooooo
A bit behind on my advent calendar so here is #15. Cooley 2002 19yr Rum Finish Gleann Mor
And on to #16. Black Friday 2020 22 yr Highland! First sip of this one is really nice
I despise UNC basketball players but Eric Montross was only 52. That’s not right.
https://www.cbc.ca/sports/basketball/nba/eric-montross-obit-1.7062523
Montross was, by all accounts (even Wolven Sort) a decent and honest man. A damned shame, really.
.
Freezer Vodka playoff implications, in order of intriguing-ness:
-DeVonta Smith +2.899 vs. DK Metcalf.
-Hurts & Swift combined O/U: 46.17 pts
-D. Swift O/U: 25.72 pts
-Goedert O/U: 73.02 pts
WHO YA GOT?
/No, the first one is not most intriguing because it’s me, but because that’s the closest one.
I’m #2.
That also speaks to my chances of winning.
Hey, it says you have a 30% chance, it could be worse!
/Looks towards Canada
Who wants the shitty Alberta Vodka and Big Turk the most???
Past winners are you, Spam, and Ayo.