It is hard to fathom The Narrator’s cruelty, sometimes. Most fans of moribund franchises approach the season with glum resignation, knowing that draft picks and free agent acquisitions will have little effect on the team’s fortunes, and by mid-November they can comfortably relax and enjoy the feats of more competitive squads, or take some entertainment in off-field antics like the controversy of whether Greg Olsen deliberately sabotaged a turducken so that Jordan Love wouldn’t receive his due trophy, and The Narrator’s machinations cause them little pain. But during the 2023 offseason, in a fit of pique, or perhaps out of boredom from the lack of deviations from his own meticulously plotted storyline for the next several years, The Narrator decided to give fans of one of these teams – the New York Jets – a particularly poisonous gift: the gift of hope.
While the dashing of Jets fans’ hopes came almost immediately as soon as the season began, the kernel of hope had been planted deep. So deep, in fact, that these hopes began to blossom again the instant Aaron Rodgers was witnessed back on the field, tossing a football once again. The Jets entered their bye week with a record of 3-3, and with significant momentum. This momentum carried them to yet another victory, and the hopes of a miraculously rapid recovery for Aaron Rodgers in time for the playoffs began to glimmer. But as is mentioned in the title: gravity always wins. I actually wrote this post in late November for the Black Friday game, but I’m confident that nothing has changed in that time frame except any playoff hopes that Jets fans would be harboring have been entirely extinguished.
Also worth mentioning that at the time I originally wrote this post the Cleveland Browns were sitting at 7-3. They had fallen to 7-5 as of this update, and I have a suspicion that by publication time the theme of “gravity always wins” will very much apply to them as well.
POST-CHRISTMAS UPDATE: I could not have been more wrong about the Browns. They currently sit at 10-5, with a calculated chance of greater than 99% to make the playoffs. Apparently Joe Flacco really is 2 ELITE 2 QUIT.
You know, unusually I wouldn’t be rooting for Detroit to win, but hating Boston makes strange bedfellows I guess
Not looking good for Detroit.
Am I talking about this game, NAFTA, or really anything since the late 80’s? Who’s to say?
We go to OT in Boston.
Is it bad that I assume the refs are gonna try to bail brady out?
I’m sticking to this thread. I can’t handle the twoth.
Is this the one I am on? Much confused
Yes, you are on this thread.
No he isn’t. Prove me wrong. Show your work.
Wow. Fitzgerald has gotten fat.
“What a loser” I say, whilst eating apple pie that I’ve nearly buried in whipped cream.
Wait…the refs are allowed to call holding on Myles Garrett?!?
Since when?
Wait why is there 2 threads.
If 1 is good, 2 is better.
Oooh!. Double Sexy Friday idea.
YES
I love how people have realized this at halftime
What’s uglier: these 2023 New York Jets, or my end of year bank balance after buying a car, Christmas, paying deposits for the wedding, and finding out that my furnace is going to shit???
Have you considered just lighting money on fire instead of having a furnace?
I dont know, this is Siemianing like a bad idea…
Flacco. Elite. What a half
Flacco pulling a Lamar Jackson.
If you have never had a Korean corn dog. Do yourself a favoUr
I prefer Korean pie, but you do you.
I know where you live. Battered Korean wieners are plentiful
New goal: Both threads need to have the same number of comments at the end of the night!
Saleh has a way worse record than I thought – last night’s comment about USC’s record.
I don’t really follow pro basketball, but the Celtics are losing late to the Pistons, who have lost something like 8,000 games in a row.
I’m in this for the hilarity.
Can only wonder what the moneyline was for this game.
I mean, I guess I could look it up, but I’m not gonna do that.
Man do I like corporate gigs. A whole lot of sitting and chilling!
Unfortunately no extra entrees, though.
You’re lucky they feed you, peon.
The Alamo Bowl is like the nephew of the Holiday Bowl.
I swear I saw a Poptarts Bowl earlier.
That’s the pot.
Dammit. Wish I had some Pop Tarts.
You did! Here is a mascot force feeding someone a pop tart at the game.
Huh, I thought I was just feverish.
Whoa. Flacco using the F-bomb on the sideline.
No tap water for you tonight young man!
Flacco. Elite.
This Flacco revenge game is kinda fun.
Cue the Madmen gif of Draper telling the peon he doesn’t even think of him.
That was so perfectly cold. Damned good show, ’twas.
Can we play the Jets every week?
SCHIANIOMEN OF JV JERSEY beat Da U
Only saw the last two minutes of the 1st Quarter. The Jets are so checked out, you can almost see their luggage and locker contents filled banker boxes on the sideline.
Mah GAWD! STOP THE DAMN MATCH!!!
Dear lord that looked like a wrestling move.
This is kind of a silly game.
That was a hit. Damn.
Threads are perfectly even!
Perfectly balanced…
I just got here, why are there two? You guys are overachievers.
It’s a thing. Just roll with it. Comment on both threads!
Wolven depression anthem:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jH3C8FyHsIk
Gumby’s ff league is chock full of NC State alums, lawyers, you probably know some of them. He just asked them if Armstrong’s name is real, or a pun. They didn’t find it as amusing as we did.
Never go into a league of Wolven sort lawyers. Trust me. So much math.
But maths is what makes FITBAW so much FUN!!!
Try a league with math geeks, I am friends with several math majors and playing DnD or complex boardgames sometimes making me contemplate the exotic ways I could off myself. Ever spend an entire day not even getting beyond the initial greetings in game. Supposed to be a fight, but they started arguing and trying to figure out if their characters actually had room in the cluttered tavern to perform their actions.
We have met. I am in no way a mathlete.
Monkey Trev, same as he ever was.
“I’ll show you elite, Rikki.” – Joe Flacco
Who needs a locker?
Seriously, the thing that makes me see red the most about the Ravens is that they have NEVER, in their entire history, had a shitty kicker. It’s unreal.
I meant kicker. I’m tired.
(somewhere Shonn Greene’s locker remains inanimate)
These Browns are looking perfectly cromulent!
Some #KHunt on the board!
A Thursday night shootout. What is this East Cleveland?
…don’t go to East Cleveland
or you’ll die…
I see this is a defense optional night.
Or is it just a night of ELITE quartered backs?
Jokes aside (and discounting that potential pick 6) Flacco is looking ELITE tonight.
Gonne try to comment on both threads simultaneously. Sorry in advance if this breaks reality/the internet.
Zymm is TayTay!?!
BLEERGH FOAR wolven sort
JV BLEERGH WOO!!!!!!!!!
I feel weird. I started the game late. I’m used to the Browns both sucking and Flacco ripping my heart out for the rat birds.
Boy sabotaging our future for a rapist as really paid off.
#ThePauls, but this time with a Elite flavoUr!
extra medium.
If it makes you feel any better, it’s not like the Browns would have done anything productive with all that cap space anyway
Woo hoo JustStopDude picked my thread!
This was nawt the week to be both watching and commenting on my little travel laptop from my parents house. At least this isn’t some sort of actually good game
Which is the real post and which is the Vichy post?
That depends, are you in Timeline 1 or Timeline A?
Wait, how can we tell?
Do you read this as yes or yes?
Correct
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ussCHoQttyQ
They just showed Vichy Whalers with a 3-2 lead?
I’ve decided that everybody in the other thread, which I haven’t looked at, is annoying, so I’m gonna stick with yinz and gossip about them.
Raise your hand if you are all pissy from having spent your afternoon yelling at customer service for T.J. Maxx.
[looks around]
Just me, huh?
I’ve had a LOT of Portuguese wine and then cocktails today, so while I’ll be going to sleep soon, you should all know that Aaron Rodgers is the devil and that I almost miss you all.
You can’t miss us when we never leave
BFC is a member of the Rodgers family???
Remember: if you don’t comment on this thread, Rikki will think you don’t love him.
It’s true!
I’ve met you a JPP handful of times, I know you.
But, I’d rather upset Rikki, Scotchnaut, is a bit scarier.
We all know gumbygirl loves him the best. Don’t tell her.
Guys, have we considered NOT watching Browns-Jets?
I say we keep on thread on JV bowl fun in addition to shitting on the Jets.
Like a German Airbus company party.
Two threads, two screens WOO
We could make this thread the reality where we didn’t watch the Jets-Browns game.
Watching “Hard Love” with the family. It’s basically cliche after cliche but done by Netflix and not by Hallmark. Not sure which is worse
…which direction we are going…
https://youtu.be/Xkg7dp1QY9k?si=NBgIPk500QiX67Vz
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0u8teXR8VE4&ab_channel=RHINO
I want both of these threads to get over 100 comments.
YOU CAN DO IT!!
Chiming in from Portugal to add one here.
De nada.
Obrigado!
.
Love this
(stares at ESPN Playoff Machine after running countless scenarios)
(closes eyes, a tear forms in corner of eye)
(muttering)itsfortheplayoffsitfortheplayoffsfuckyouBengalsforlosingitsfortheplayoffs!!!
(through clenched teeth) go browns.
It’s highly ironic we have TWO posts for the Jets-Browns game.
I’m seeing double here! Four Open Threads!!!!
“IT’S A DOUBLE DOINK NIGHT TONIGHT ON DFO!”