Let’s get back on that damn horse, shall we?
Minutae:
-The Clipboardening: Joining the likes of Cutlets, Wilson, Howell and Ridder on the bench will be Nick “Rockabye” Mullens. Too many turnovers is his problem.
-Stroud is still having light sensitivity issues, can’t count his fingers, is unable to tell left from right but it looks as though he’ll be out there this weekend because ‘team’, ‘grit’ and possible playoff monies.
-Jaire Alexander is taking a one week break because of ‘conduct detrimental to the team’ (a phrase so vague it could cover changing the bathroom tissue roll to the ‘under’ position). One wonders why a guy that has been on the team that long and is that talented wasn’t a defensive captain in the first place.
To The Game!
Jets/Browns:
-That points-challenged New York team may not want to read that Cleveland gives up roughly 13 points a game on its home turf.
-Um, have the Browns become a much more interesting team to watch since Flacco joined the nest? They still can’t run the ball but Joe has been tossing it deep and it’s working.
-Not Helping: The Jets o-line has had a different starting lineup in 11 straight tilts. Myles Garrett and his soon-to-be-more 13 sacks will feast.
-Flacco has averaged 326 yards as a starter but the Jets haven’t allowed 300+ yards for 33 straight games. One would think that Amari is going to crash back to earth after having reached Icarusian heights last week.
-Jets must somehow make splash plays on 1st and 2nd down because their 25.5% success rate is the sixth-worst of all time.
Enjoy.
And now the game is over and all that’s left is to even out these threads!
We’re getting closer!
(Okay, we’re catching up but we’re not there yet. Time to go nuclear.)
I miss Uproxx
Almost there!
I legitimately miss the fun we used to have making fun of shows like ‘Sons of Anarchy’ after it would air each week. I think, however, that streaming has killed the ability to do that, since most people now watch shows at their convenience rather than as scheduled by network TV.
The only thing I watch that’s scheduled is pro football.
I watch Midsomer Murders and Poirot on Sundays. And the Huell Howser Power Hour weeknights after the news. Speaking of that, you and Brick need to eat at the Tallyrand restaurant in Burbank and report back.
Same. Watched the entire season of Letterkenny in one sitting, (because it’s done nothing but rain/drizzle this entire fucking vacation so far), and while I really like this season of Fargo I watch it when I feel like rather than as scheduled.
Everyone associated with the Pop-Tart Bowl is high as a fucking kite and I am absolutely here for it.
https://twitter.com/rodger/status/1740541870558908651
Arizona up 14-13 over Oklahoma, in a game I’m assuming the Apache and Cherokee people are watching with
keenseethinginterestrage.How many Pop Tarts have you eaten??
None. I’ve never liked Pop Tarts. But by God and by damn this bowl insanity may just make me buy a dozen boxes or so.
OK, who gave Joe his warm milk at half time instead of the skim milk!?
https://twitter.com/AndrewBrandt/status/1740576879269343274
OH. MY. GOD!!!
https://twitter.com/MusicCityBowl/status/1740576776080728542
Titanic music would’ve been better
Better with Titanic Music: “Shooter” McPherson FG Kick in OT Sends Cincinnati Bengals to Super Bowl (youtube.com)
For count up and Equal Time Reasons
Butker FG Sending Chiefs to Win Over Bengals is Better with Titanic Music (youtube.com)
The Pop-Tarts Bowl is no my favoUrite bowl game, if for no other reason that this insanity:
https://twitter.com/nick_pants/status/1740573125111435699
So much for Zona’s lead…
/door flies open
HOW THE FUCK WE DOIN’ ON THIS THREAD!?!?
Need more feet
(Down nearly 30 comments? Need to increase intensity.)
You know, when you take away the tweets and the hateful comments and only look at what was accomplished and how the country was back then, the Trump Administration wasn’t that bad when you think about it.
We’re catching up!
100
Oh no. Duelling threads. Are Dad & Dad fighting? Is this what Elton John’s household feels like after the Leafs lose a game?
We’re getting both threads to 100 first.
Then, we’re making sure they finish even on comments.
Here’s another flame war:
Pop Tarts : Better toasted or straight out of the box?
Out of the box
Toasted.
Depends on how stoned I am.
I toast them. When I’m high, what some people call “all the time,” I stand at the open fridge and eat olives straight out of the jar until they pop up.
I’ll take C. Tossed in the trash for the raccoons to fight over.
Toasted, with a little melted butter.
/Former fattie
That sounds good.
/ Current fattie
This thread is starting to fall behind. Time to ignite a small flame war to get some comments.
(ahem)
Cavemen vs Astronaunts. Who would win?
Cavemen. Complete Brute Strength. Astronauts get weak in space as they lose muscle.
Counterpoint: Astronauts are exponentially smarter.
I dunno, I don’t see Stephen Hawking outsmarting Mike Tyson enough to make it out of the first round alive.
He runs over Tysons toes and says “Robin Givens says Hello”
He wasn’t an astronaut. And I think most of them are pretty spry. Not all of them go up long enough to lose much muscle mass, most of the time they are in training.
Astronauts. We’ve evolved to be bigger and stronger; those fucking half-breed monkeys won’t ha..
Hold on, getting a call from HR.
Zona up by more!
Okay, somebody put extra Vitamins in Flacco’s room temperature milk…
Zona is up!
I haven’t seen Flacco make a decision that he’s regretted that much since he rolled the dice and had them add green peppers to his regular cheese pizza order.
He had to be hopped up on goofballs from a surgery?
This is a strange football game
BEAR DOWN FOAR BLAX!!
Go Zona!!
We know Angry Blax doesn’t test well, so I sure hopes so!
Gumbygirl, you can pretend one thread is The Cult and the other one is The Cure!
I’m not talking to yinz over here, bunch of assholes!
Crowd shots of the Cleveland fans would scare away any alien invasion
Looks like the pundits were wrong; revenge is actually a dish best served elite.
Room temperature and unflavoUred!
Sorry about that, Pill King.
Big 12**** is looking pretty güd in bowl season.
No shame in it, just lost to the better team.
Big Twaaaallllve has a real striver’s mentality in the modern game. Mad RESPEK for that, yo.
..as all things should be.
This is exceptional cross-thread commenting!
Let’s get some plus ones going people!
A very poorly executed play-action thingy results in a Browns D TD. Who’d a thunk?
JV BLEERGH’s will, not to be denied!!
These two could destroy China without breaking a sweat.
“Have you thought about not bringing out the good China? smh”
-R. Nixon and Ann Landers
Gonna try to comment on both threads simultaneously. Sorry in advance if this breaks the internet/reality.
Wouldn’t be your first time.
I present a picture of me in my salad days.
Nice bikini!
Trying to think of a way to describe how Italian you look without resorting to an ethnic slur.
It’s okay, I’ve heard them all
Also, I am the fat guy behind the little guy, who is my cousin and still gets stopped at airports because people think he is Middle Eastern.
Ocean City?
I feel like giving up and going to play Civ might be the right answer for me tonight. I assume I’ll get a Breaking News alert from the NYT if the game sucks so hard it causes New Jersey and/or Ohio to implode into a singularity
It only counts as giving up if you do it on both threads.
Oh I will, but I can only do that simultaneously in different timelines
Might I recommend Baldur’s Gate 3?
“Alacrity”, calm down Al don’t want you pulling a muscle.
I would not mind one bit if the final score of this game was 51-47.
My wife made Italian Wedding Soup and it’s fucking legendary. All sins have been forgiven. For now . . .
In lieu of delivery, can we get the recipe?
I ate an Italian wedding cookie earlier. Ok, maybe a couple. I ate all the Italian wedding cookies earlier.
I watched Rebel Moon, and it sucked, even though it contained themes and plot taken from Star Wars and every other fuckstick scifi trope ever.
I had heard it was an updated Battle Beyond the Stars.
The Magnificent Seven + Star Wars. At least that’s what I thought of the first hour and a half.I read somewhere
*fumble fingers*
I read somewhere that Zack Snyder asked to do a Star Wars movie, was told no, then said fuck it and did it anyway.
Anyway, it’s an awesome movie visually, plot is pretty vanilla.
Watching “Hard Love” with the family. It’s basically cliche after cliche but done by Netflix and not by Hallmark
Somebody googled the movie with the “Absolutely Super Safe Safe Function” on.
I thought there was an all-anal orgy in that movie.
Remember: if you don’t comment on this thread, scotchy owns a flensing knife.
“…a knife? How quaint.” – A.Reid (while halfway through an eaten whale)
But Rikki KNOWS things.
Guys, have we considered NOT watching Browns-Jets?
“Nope. Browns and Jets are my favorite combo!”
-R. McNamara
This joke would have killed on The Smothers Brothers show, btw.
Best Pop-Tart flavor? Chocolate is the winner. It’s so good you couldn’t wait until the thing cooled down and you would burn the roof of your mouth every time.
S’mores, though Apple Jacks and Eggo are a close Place and Show.
Um, I think you’re making up flavors, sir.
Frosted Apple Cinnamon Apple Jacks® Pop-Tarts® | Pop-Tarts® (poptarts.com)
Frosted Maple Flavor Eggo® Pop-Tarts® | Pop-Tarts® (poptarts.com)
Prediabetes – Symptoms and causes – Mayo Clinic
[sends convo sideways]
Apple Jacks cereal and Saturday morning cartoons-as a dude with addiction tendencies, I’ve been chasing that rush for my entire adult life.
I love Apple Jacks. And the Cap’n.
I like the Brown Sugar flavour.
/Krieger voice
Me, too!
And it works toasted or untoasted.
This is the correct answer. Horses also love these.
What are you, 85? Do you wash them down with prune juice gramps?
Frosted blueberry. The Classic WASP of Pop Tarts.
What does that make Frosted Strawberry? Feels kind of ethnic to me.
Vanilla pop tarts fucking ruled when I was a kid. They reintroduced the flavor a few years back and my sister and I each bought 10 boxes
In Canada the special, limited flavors of my youth included Closer To The Heart, Guy Lafleur’s Slapshot, Terry Fox’s Bloody Shoe and Sudbury Saturday Night.
There’s no earthly way of knowing…
Whelp, had the guy from the care facility meet and evaluate my father. My mother was a complete mess and later, to add to the fun, she and I had a disagreement about not booking a night nurse.
“If something happens, I can take care of it.”
Sure, an 84 year old woman helping a 200+ man with dementia, no problem.
I want to ram my head through a wall.
Save some room on the wall for me.
Having the same issues with my father and his ALS. He and his brothers and sister helped his invalid mother with bathing and toileting in her final years, so he doesn’t want to extend that burden to me and insists on leaving it solely to our 63-year-old mother with a bad back, arthritis in half her body and low blood pressure.
Because why prepare yourself to bury one parent when you can have the other pop off months after the first does? My mother had that happen with hers and she enjoyed it immensely.
I’m dedicated to the fact my sons will not have to take this on with me. I’m having all the right paperwork signed sealed and delivered.
I really do empathize, dealing with my dad opened my eyes, may we all have a choice on how to go out.
No wonder the second spouse goes so soon after the first spouse dies. They’re exhausted from living and caring for the one that died.
It took me 9 months to convince my dad to move to a retirement home. It can be done
What’s going on here, Pill King?
Just go with it. Comment on both threads
“Brennan ‘ArmStrong’ dumping passes off to his running backs is like rain on your wedding day and a free ride when you’re already there.”
-A. Morrisette, football announcer
“I hope the Browns win the Super Bowl because they never have won it.”
“I’m rooting for Joe Flacco.”
Mrs. Fozz said both of these things before she was banished from my house, and family, for fucking ever.
To play Devil’s Advocate, it would be poetic that the Ravens won their Super Bowl after leaving Cleveland and Flacco’s Browns would win their Super Bowl after leaving Baltimore.
I hate poems.
.
No doubt in my mind that Bill Snyder and Tom Coughlin have a gentlemen’s agreement that if one on them doesn’t show up 15 minutes early to the other one’s wake that they’ll be fined a can of Coke.
TRIVIA TIME! Each man’s last poo was during the first Obama term.
Both Guys: [grits teeth] “I’ll show that Hussein fella who’s the boss!”
(stares at ESPN Playoff Machine after running countless scenarios)
(closes eyes, a tear forms in corner of eye)
(muttering)itsfortheplayoffsitfortheplayoffsfuckyouBengalsforlosingitsfortheplayoffs!!!
(through clenched teeth) go browns.
K State’s QB is working on his own Prison Girlfriend persona.
Paying homage to his hometown by rocking the ‘Wichita Waterfall’ look on the back end.
FRESH FISH! But, like, neutral one supposes.