Your Saturday Night Special

It’s been a delightful day in the Scotchverse-youngest went out to kill more partridges, wife had a good mid-day snooze and I saw Sillycuse get to double digit wins in December for the first time in quite a while. More alarming is the fact that there are two open areas of water on our lake at this time of year. This is insane but my brain should have connected the dots given the fact I went for a swim on the last day of September.

To The Game!

Lions/Cowboys:

-Coach and potential jaw cancer victim Dan Campbell (he loves the chaw) gets all the credit for turning this moribund franchise completely around in three years. The scarred kneecaps? Medial collateral ligament damage.

-You’d think it would be Dallas (#5) but it’s actually Detroit (#3) that has the better overall offense. (total yards gained)

-Beware relatively new Lions safety [squints at bio] Ifeatu Melifonwu. Against the Vikes in just his third start he had a pick, two sacks, five tackles and two pass breakups.

-CeeDee only needs three catches to knock Mikey Irvin off the leaderboard for most catches in a season. Irvin still holds the record for most lines of coke snorted off the thigh of a comatose hooker in a one star motel. (not gonna lie, that’s an awfully specific stat)

-The Plugger and The Darter: Montgomery and Gibbs sound like a pair of Confederate generals that scurried back to their plantations as soon as things went south. (HA!) But they’re actually the one-two punch responsible for the third-best rushing attack in the league. Given that Dallas gave up 266 yards on the ground a few weeks ago to Buffalo, well, this is the path to victory.

-Detroit lost 24-6 to the Cowboys last year-since then they’ve gone 19-7.

-Even if Dallas extends its home winning streak they still need Philly to lose to the Giants next week. Good luck with that.

See you in the comments.

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yeah right

Hiya folks!

Got a late start because I recorded the game and fuck commercials but this has been fun so far.

I watched “Maestro” on Netflix and it was very good.

A little disappointed that neither of our Maestros were on screen though.

SonOfSpam

As an intelleckshual, I should wanna watch Maestro, but I do not.

Enjoying this season of Fargo immensely however.

SonOfSpam

Also, really really enjoyed Barbie. It’s wild how mad some (assholes) got at it.

yeah right

Dot fucking rules.

A for real tiger.

SonOfSpam

And how adorable is her (new) husband?

Also love Jennifer Jason Leigh, but that’s predictable.

Horatio Cornblower

The only thing I don’t like about Fargo is having to wait a week between episodes. Jon Hamm’s character is fucking loathsome but man he’s doing a hell of a job with it.

SonOfSpam

Yeah, he’s great at playing an asshole.

(remembers Don Draper)

I guess that’s not a surprise.

yeah right

It’s well worth watching. You’re gonna probably want to slap me after the first hour but it more than pays off.
Recommend.

SonOfSpam

(adds note to calendar to slap Yeah Right next time I see him)

Thanks for the rec!

jjfozz

You’re wasting your time, start with Emily in Paris. Everyone knows this.

Horatio Cornblower

Just stop running the ball, McCarthy.

Horatio Cornblower

Or, you know, don’t.

SonOfSpam

You DARE question the best head coach in the NFL Dallas?

Horatio Cornblower

I mean, Dan Campbell is probably a better coach, and he’s also in Dallas right now.

Horatio Cornblower

Looks like Williams outran at least one of his hamstrings on that play.

fleshwound_NPG

lions in the red zone looking like mike mccarthy at a vegan restaurant

King Hippo

someone should tell Bluebunny that “black is slimming” has its limits

Brocky

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Gumbygirl

Dude talked so much smack after that catch, it made his helmet pop off.

King Hippo

BABY BUSTER!!!!

Brocky

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Horatio Cornblower

I would take Mike McDaniel as the head coach of the Cowboys in a cocaine heartbeat.

fleshwound_NPG

if mike mcdaniel dressed like that in miami he would be a god

yeah right

He does and is.

jjfozz

If you serve Popeye’s wings at your party, the law says you must have at least four functioning toilets available for your guests.

fleshwound_NPG

five if its kfc

fleshwound_NPG

dan campbell dips THEN chews gum

hope he brushed his teeth and mouthwashed at halftime

Horatio Cornblower

Based on the close-up we just got I’m not sure his lower teeth have ever seen or tasted fluoride.

Brocky

I thought the same for a second

Turns out the gum is bright yellow.

I don’t even know what variety that it, juicy fruit isn’t that vibrant

Horatio Cornblower

The gum contains potassium benzoate!!

Doktor Zymm

A short amount of research into yellow gum reveals the fact that the past was super racist
D3-2.png (1392×922) (antiqueadvertising.com)

Horatio Cornblower

This has been a remarkably BLEERGH free game, but I guess this was inevitable.

jjfozz

LAMB IS THE GREATEST IN THE UNIVERSE!

Then drops two passes

Fuck you Dallas

Brocky

DeeDee lamb of God giveth, lamb of God taketh away

Doktor Zymm

Mutton dressed up as Lamb

Horatio Cornblower

Dak’s had a decent game, but those were not two of his better passes.

King Hippo

how ’bout they/them Cowpersons!!

/seriously, I been napping (cold kicking my arse), how have things gone?

Horatio Cornblower

Defensively, great. Offensively, eh, not so much.

King Hippo

Would both squadrons be wise to settle for a point here? Because HIPPO WANT

Horatio Cornblower

Dallas needs a win, but they’re playing like they don’t.

Doktor Zymm

The scenario where they lose to the MRSA Men in the wild card is looking more and more likely

King Hippo

inshallah, MRSA Men no longer look an easy out

Horatio Cornblower

Not going to lie, if Tampa breaks out the Bucco Bruce Creamsicles for the play-off game I will be conflicted.

Brocky

That would be awesome, unfortunately the no fun league doesn’t allow for alternates during the playoffs

clint greasewood

Aidan Hutchinson’s Mom

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Brocky

Aidan hutchinson’s dad?

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King Hippo

I don’t care HOW Karen she might be, that’s a YES, GOD YES from everyone…

Horatio Cornblower

Kinda like Debbie Harry, but admitted to the country club.

Dunstan

I would never be a member of any club that didn’t admit Debby Harry.

Mr. Ayo

*grumblegrumblewhenisheafreeagentgrumblegrumble*

jjfozz

Eh

Horatio Cornblower

Mike McCarthy, down 3 and with Cee Dee Lamb on the roster, decide that now is the drive to establish the run.

WCS

Well, yeah.

You save that double-reverse, rollout/RPO tight end throw from shoutgun for 4th and 2 on the nine-yard nine with 28 seconds left down five.

Duh.

Doktor Zymm

I think the Punjab Kings should change their name to the Punjab Super DOOPER Kings

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Horatio Cornblower

RUGBY SCRUM!!!

Redshirt

10-7 into the 3rd quarter? Who scheduled this bowl game?!

rockingdog

TD Montyyyyy!
That’s ROCKINGGG!!!!

Doktor Zymm

There is a cricket team called the Mumbai Indians

Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Horatio Cornblower

Wait until you hear about the Vancouver Canucks.

Gumbygirl

Do they do the tomahawk chop? Cuz that would be funny,not gonna lie!

WCS

There’s supposed to be an NFL team in Houston, but ehh.

Horatio Cornblower

If they call them the Aeros…

Horatio Cornblower

Why would Detroit do anything but run the ball? Dallas isn’t keeping them from 10 yards in 3 downs.

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, there’s really no need to make a token attempt to ‘establish the pass’ in this case

hippofant

The Lions keep blowing blocks. The Cowboys are attacking upfield and the Lions are trying to do the Shanahan shit with kickouts and traps and whams but their receivers and La Porta aren’t as physical as the 49ers.

That one in the 1Q where La Porta is in motion and has to block Lawrence off the motion, but instead of continuing to move he plants his feet, and then when Lawrence moves to go around him instead of through him, La Porta just falls on his face… that play was so bad and it keeps repeating itself in less brutal ways.

Brocky

2nd worst dropped pass in cowboys history?

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WCS
Gumbygirl

That was the best one, you are confuse.

Doktor Zymm

Aibohphobia is the fear of palindromes

WCS

Lame word science people should have made it a palindrome.

Brick Meathook

This televised ceremony was a great opportunity for Charles Haley to pull out his cock and swing it around.

fleshwound_NPG

or take a giant dump on the 50 yard line

Horatio Cornblower

Or both!

WCS

These are the postgame celebrations, so just relax.

Brocky

On the topic of haley..

I guess I never realized how flipping MASSIVE he is

Make your jokes

jjfozz

and now I loathe the Dallas Cowboys even more

fleshwound_NPG

actually woulda got some respect for asshole jerrah if that ring unveiling had not “jimmy johnson 1989-1993” but instead “lol still get bent asshole”

Brocky

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Horatio Cornblower

You die. You die and go straight to Hell.

jjfozz

“Jimmy how many times have I looked at you, and you ignored the fact that my pupils are those of a lizard?”

Horatio Cornblower

“Jimmy how many times have I looked at you, and then had to pay you $300,000 or more for you to ignore the dismembered remains of a call girl in my office suite?”

SonOfSpam

Ok halftime FFL question. in the finals of my longtime league, no PPR, so TDs are a little more important than most leagues. I have 3 choices for my Flex player:

Achane at BAL
Higgins at KC
D. Adams at IND

My really tentative ranking has them in that order, but I can be talked out of it since I am weak.

Horatio Cornblower

I’d move Higgines ahead of Achane just because of the opposing defenses, but I am also not particularly good at FF.

Brocky

I legit don’t want to give an opinion because of my curse

SonOfSpam

Gimme your opinion, can just do the opposite.

Brocky

Be sure to ….

not your teeth daily?

SonOfSpam

Ooh, him card read good!

Brocky

God damn it I can’t even give sarcastic advice correctly!

SonOfSpam

KC has been good against WRs especially #1…but Chase might play tomorrow.

And I’m thinking Achane gets more work with Waddle out.

BUT I DON’T KNOW DAMMIT

Mr. Ayo

Higgins

fleshwound_NPG

that wasnt flattering to jimmy there

Horatio Cornblower

Well, that’s because Jerry Jones likely had something to do with it.

He’s doing this because he has to, not because he wants to.

Horatio Cornblower

Randy White does not have time for the crowd.

I hope Jimmy Johnson takes the ring and jacket and then cock punches Jones.

Brocky

I don’t know if you could get me to join a ring of honor, I couldn’t make the yearly trip

Doktor Zymm

I was having a conversation the other day about alternative uses for waffle irons, and a question arose; Can you make a sort of waffle cookie by putting that cookie dough that comes in tubes into a waffle maker?

I could use the internet to find out, but it would be way more fun if someone I know decided to give it a try and shared the results

Horatio Cornblower

Where the hell is Yeah Right?

LemonJello

Daydreaming about Portugal, probably.

SonOfSpam

As he ought.

jjfozz

My son got a cookbook for xmas and there was a recipe for hash browns cooked with a waffle iron. I’m drooling

SonOfSpam

Given the density of the dough, I think it would end up crispier than you’d like or uncooked-in-the-middle-er than you’d like.

Mr. Ayo

Now all I can think about is Waffle Stomp

LemonJello

That Detroit O-Line tonight:

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Horatio Cornblower

THIS DETROIT OFFENSIVE LINE I CALL IT SASHA GREY, BECAUSE IT’S BLOWING EVERYTHING!!!!

SonOfSpam

Also allowing multiple guys penetrating at the same time.

jjfozz

And bending over and just taking it.

SonOfSpam

Hate to get all “inside football” on you guys, but Lawrence and Parsons are good.

Horatio Cornblower

Hey, check out the big brain on Spam!

SonOfSpam

Well, I took algebra in high school.

Gumbygirl

Me too. Twice!

SonOfSpam

My nephew just turned 21. Checks out.

Brocky

I’m… proud? That I don’t know the origin of that name?

Brocky

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I’d rather not, to be honest

fleshwound_NPG

lol mccarthy not knowing how to count

rockingdog

They should have just run the ball 4 times
With Montyyyyyy
That would have been rocking!

Horatio Cornblower

Joe Buck, Pollard’s numbers are down because Dallas’s offense revolves around Dak and Cee Dee, as it should.

Brick Meathook

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fleshwound_NPG

an entertaining but kinda derpy game

hippofant

Field goals don’t cut the deficit by 1 Troy. That’s one of the most basic rules of football.

Horatio Cornblower

To say nothing of basic math.

Gumbygirl

Math is hard.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The funny thing is that *I’m* the one who is going to be baking some cookies later. Only two cookies, though, and they’re both for me.

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jjfozz

How long before the NFL crams a camera into the football?

Horatio Cornblower

I like Dan Campbell, but that was a dumb call.

WCS

“EAT ALL THE ASS!”

— Dan C., Detroit, MI

jjfozz

“Nice move in the hole.”

I’m giggling.

Doktor Zymm

Fake punts are the best punts!

Gumbygirl

Fake punt!

Brocky

River boat jawless?!?!?!