Into the PeriloUs Void – Early Saturday Open Thread

What, did you wake up and hope to see Premiership footy?  And then JV NFL??  Too bad, you get nothing.  Absolute fuckall.

Well, there are FA Cup ties, though the draw was pretty uninspiring (though surely nothing can bottom out as badly as Everton’s dreadful nil-nil away to Palace on Thursday, when there was barely even a shot or two on target).  Everything’s on ESPN+ so no need to even turn on your TV until after-nap NFL (one dead rubber, one tasty Surly Duff treat).

But, in case you tire of pondering your own mortality, here’s my psychic’s viewing guide:

Newcastle at Sunderland (7:45, ESPN+)

OK, this one might have some blood in it.  These two absolutely DESPISE each other, and haven’t faced off (in my recollection) since the Black Cats went down and got made a Netflix sensation.  Riots across the Northeast, please!

Sheffield United at Gilligham (10:00, ESPN+)

Team Knifey taking on (as the Brits pronounce it) Jilling Ham.  Fuck, how that makes me laugh.  Here’s my first predicted shock result, Knifey have to focus all energies on staying up.  They’ll have no focus today, and the Jills…finish.

Aston Villa at Middlesbrough (12:30, ESPN+)

Unai Emerty is a pro’s pro, so they will be focused and ready.  But expect Boro to put up a good fight, this one could come down to Extra Time.  Or flip to Team Orgy (Morecambe) if get bored.  Remember, password is ooorrrrrggggyyyyy.

There is also the Spanish Lana Del Rey Cup, if you want to be more of a hipster with your streaming.  She’s a true snapper, no doubt.

5 2 votes
Article Rating
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
Subscribe
Notify of
49 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
yeah right

I just bought tickets to see Laurie Anderson at the Orpheum theater downtown LA in March. Four rows from the stage.

Fuck yes.

Gumbygirl

This has nothing to do with anything, but it made me laugh!

l4vGYQF.jpeg
Dunstan

How are we all celebrating Ashli Babbit Death Day?

LemonJello

With shots?

Gumbygirl

Just one. Right in the throat.

Dunstan

Of Bulleit Bourbon, naturally

Gumbygirl

Goes down smooth. Like Ashli.

scotchnaut

Bournemouth is at it again.

Horatio Cornblower

Forget it, Scotchy; it’s FACuptown.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…mouth is at it again.

“Wait, you’re telling me there’s a Goonies sequel?” – Eli Manning, taking a gulp from his inhaler* to calm himself down

*”Relax, Eli can breathe fine; it’s just a placebo.” – Olivia Manning

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Damn usually when a Franco gets involved with a 15 year old, there’s a Freaks and Geeks table read covered in frothy Pappy Van Winkle

Horatio Cornblower

Screwed up my Immaculate Grid today by not reading closely, but on the other hand I did get to use Wander Franco to fill in a space, so all in all a real win for all of us.

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, it started out with him having had a relationship with a 15-year-old and somehow got worse.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

To be fair Mel Hall and Chad Curtis were the only other options

Horatio Cornblower

https://bsky.app/profile/onbearfeet.bsky.social/post/3kiblbfjnct25

Any of you Southern Californians in need of a cat?

Brick Meathook

Is that a pet cat or an eatin’ cat?

Horatio Cornblower

It’s really between you and the cat.

Fronkenshteen

Damn! How’d he keep that one out, hippo?

Horatio Cornblower

If Conor Bedard’s gonna be the next hockey sensation he’s going to need to learn how to take a clean hit.

Mr. Ayo

Fractured jaw seems serious. Too bad he’s going to miss the All Star game now.

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, feel sort of bad now that they came out. It didn’t look like a dirty hit though.

Don T

It’s tough to hate this guy, with his cromulence and all
comment image

Brick Meathook

The Unabomber got framed, man.

Fronkenshteen

The weirdest thing about that documentary was his VOICE. I don’t know what I was expecting to hear, but after all those years being an angry, homicidal hermit in a sooty shack he still just sounded like a chipper, nebbishy math teacher.

Fronkenshteen

Please tell me that’s real so I can start guessing at his team names.

Don T

Heh heh. It went down bad. Writing style got the Unabomber arrested. His brother alerted the police, after being nagged into snitching for days by his wife.

Learning Point: Kaczynski’s sister in law could have reported it herself, but didn’t. Her husband had to grow a pair and do the right thing. That is solid spousal work, A+

Fronkenshteen

LOVED her in that doc. She saved a lot of lives.

Don T

Oh yeah. Ted K got arrested when the webz was starting. The tech surge and environmental decline (plus Manifesto fame) would’ve prompted the Unabomber to be more active. Maybe even pursue partnerships with others, like the squirrel who entered the shack daily, or the redwood tree by the jagged big rock.

Brick Meathook

Let’s not forget the high quality Bay Area LSD supplied by the CIA

BeefReeferLives

“Writing style got the Unabomber arrested”

Gee, maybe that’s the reason behind Hippo’s sometimes unintelligible style of…

/opens package from NC, dies in fiery explosion

Last edited 9 months ago by Horatio Cornblower
BeefReeferLives

IN fiery explosion”

JFC, my kingdom for edit abilities… Much needed when hungover as fuck.

/presses another espresso shot, has another bong hit

Horatio Cornblower

I got you.

BeefReeferLives

Ah, Bless ya Horatio… Just saw yer attentions to me dumbassery, Thank ye…

Doktor Zymm

Supposed to snow in Chicago today, so a good day to cozy up and watch something. Rain back home in CA so staying here for the weekend. We’ll see if I have delays getting back with these latest Boeing problems.

Doktor Zymm

Looks like the plugged optional emergency exit blew out at 15k feet (about 5 km)

Only a 3 month old plane so likely a manufacturing defect

qwBLiUV_d~2.jpg
Last edited 9 months ago by Doktor Zymm
litre_cola

Well, winter is finally coming next week. -27°C the high on Thursday. Ugggh.

Doktor Zymm

Yuck, even with the snow it’s still hovering around freezing in Chicago, went for dinner last night with just a hoodie and was totally fine

Don T

WOT
[grabs cushions for warmth]

Game Time Decision

Yuck

Cecil Rhodes

My word! That is colder than the reception I received from the natives in Bechuanaland when I tried to build an open pit mine in the middle of their village! I suggest that you reach out to Pyotr Beketov about how to cope with such frigid temperatures. He’ll have some great advice from his time chasing off the natives in the Sakha Republic!

2Pack

Our hostess for the early games is being generous with the cleavage, bless her.

IMG_20240106_123415.jpg