This Was Supposed To Be Another Win. In. Post. And Then The Jags Lost. Open Thread!

Week 18 isn’t fantasy friendly that much but it does deliver on the Wrapping Things Up front, I’ll give it that. Strouding proudly into the playoffs are the Texans. You could sorta, kinda see it as their rookie qb showed that he was beyond his years and adapted even as D coordinators gathered film on him.

To The Game!

 

Bills/Fins:

-Diggs has been in a tremendous funk recently-he’s not gone over 74 yards in the last seven weeks. With cb Howard not being available it’s a question of whether Ramsey will shadow him or if the Fins will take a chance with (he’s still in the league?) Eli Apple.

-That Apple doesn’t fall far from the “allowed 3 catches for 104 yards and a TD last week” tree.

-Miami is 1-4 ATS vs teams that have a winning record. Seems bad but this is a team that is still on the rise. They are going to be better but they’re a bit over-rated imo, because they’re so entertaining when they win.

-Prop-age: The dust has been shaken off Fournette and he’s been activated for this game. His anytime TD number is +500. Why wouldn’t he be given the ball inside the 5 yard line and not risk an injury to Allen? Five of my $12 DFO bucks are in play.

-This McDaniels kid is going to be in the league for quite some time. Why? Durham Smythe is my example. Now that film is out there and teams have adjusted he’s running some of the exact same offensive sets but scheming his blocking tight end free. The last two weeks he’s gone for 50+ yards and averaged over 18 yards per catch vs the Ravens last week.

-Speaking of, the guy you don’t know that will get the most interviews during the next hiring cycle? That’s Miami OC Frank Smith.

-Allen has to get the motor running, get out on the highway and pass for more than 250 yards. That’s something he hasn’t done since the Bills bye week.

-The key to throwing Tua off his game? Pressure and identifying his first read. Defend long enough and his chances of success drop significantly. When he goes to his first read his completion percentage is a very impressive 80%.

Give me what you got.

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BeefReeferLives

Goddamnit, FINE then…

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Brick Meathook

Frankie (2000-2012)

He was a good dog and a glorious knucklehead.

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BeefReeferLives

Awwwwwwwwwwww. He looks like a very comfortable, happy, good, lil boy.

BeefReeferLives

Well fuck. Just tested positive for the covo. Got them double stripe blues…

WCS

I don’t want to plus-one that?

Brick Meathook

Any idiot can do that.

How are the discharges from your penis? That’s the professional game.

Good luck, my friend.

BeefReeferLives

Whelp, feeling a bit too achy to rub one out, so the discharges are nonexistent at this point..

But your wishes of well being are very much appreciated, Brick & WCS. Might look into the paxlovid..

Gumbygirl

Feel better, we have important playoffin’ to do!

Brick Meathook

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ballsofsteelandfury

Adorable!

BeefReeferLives

Yup. Kitten’s cute too…

WCS

Rappaport saying Arthur Smith has been demoted from HC of the Falcons to stock-boy intern at the Home Depot in Port-au-Prince, Haiti.

King Hippo

I read that as “SUCK boy intern” but is funny either way

WCS

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That’s Cricket’s intern.

WCS

CHILDHOOD TRAUMA ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED

fleshwound_NPG

whatever the fuck is that

BugEyedBoo

Small brag – ESPN 10 random strangers league.

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Doktor Zymm

I’m going to assign old-timey causes of death to each team as they exit the playoffs. Already thinking ‘failure to thrive’ for the Iggles, ‘dropsy’ for the Chiefs, and ‘chillblains’ for Miami

WCS

Gout for the Packers

Demonic possession/witchcraft for the Chiefs (there’s a disturbing subculture of people who genuinely believe T-Swift is Satan)

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Cholera for the Eagles.

WCS

I can’t find an old-timey jargon for heart attack, but that would be Stillers. Both for their play, and their fanbase’s cholesterol and saturated fat levels.

Doktor Zymm

Apoplexy?

WCS

I always thought that meant more epilepsy or some kind of seizure syndrome, maybe triggered by tumors.

I could be wrong.

BugEyedBoo

Apoplexy == stroke.

Doktor Zymm

Shouldn’t that be for Detroit because of the public drinking water vector?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I was just thinking of how poopy the Eagles have been playing.

Doktor Zymm

Dysentry!

WCS

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At your own peril.

BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
BeefReeferLives
WCS

Terry Tate had a strong impact on early 2000s WCS and Co.

fleshwound_NPG

so, who’s getting the pirate bowl on peacock

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They said earlier it would be the Chiefs. So…Chiefs-Dolphins.

fleshwound_NPG

hell yea, piss off the swifties

goodell, you dumbass

Doktor Zymm

Taylor will livestream it on her youtube

King Hippo

Fins at Chefs.

Redshirt

I would rather be subjected to an episode of MST3K where the film in question is just all of my poor life choices one after the other than get Peacock just to watch this game.

Senor Weaselo

So, Deep Hurting: The Movie?
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Downfield Matriculator

Well that’s a regular season wrap folks. Get yourselves in playoff form for next week!

Redshirt

The other 18 teams fanbases who didn’t make the playoffs:

Eric Cartman – Screw You Guys Im Going Home [HD] (youtube.com)

fleshwound_NPG

next week in buffalo, ny parking lotcomment image

fleshwound_NPG

fitting that moment in history took place in pittsburgh

Horatio Cornblower

I think the best thing you could say about his last pass is that Tua did hit the eventual receiver right in the numbers.

fleshwound_NPG

lol it was even intended for chase claypool. in double coverage.

what even

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Of course that’s what’s gonna happen when you throw it at a guy named T.Rapp.

fleshwound_NPG

a reminder this is what the greatriots “dominated” over for multiple decades

these dumbfucks that didnt want to win this game tonight

Dunstan

Well, fuck.

On the road in freezing weather in KC. This will certainly end well for the Dolphins.

Doktor Zymm

Should be a fun watch at least, and it’s not like Miami will need a defense if KC still has dropsy

Horatio Cornblower

About as well as ‘The Cove’

Horatio Cornblower

Ordinarily I’m not in favor of QBs trying to get their receivers killed, but it was Tyreek Hill.

King Hippo

This is so tense, and I don’t particularly care who wins.

Doktor Zymm

This plane has seatback tv, but not the game so I’m watching NFL recap instead since they should have live updates

Brick Meathook

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Dunstan

If I could think of a way to ban the “try to draw the offsides” fake fourth down attempt, I’d be all for it.

King Hippo

That idjit was ONE STEP from out of bounds before his shock collar kicked in.

Horatio Cornblower

He actually was out of bounds and the officials missed it.

fleshwound_NPG

why is he running towards the sideline?!?!?!

Brocky

Because he’s fucking stupid

Horatio Cornblower

Nice effort on tackling, #4 for Miami. Guy did everything but actually run away from Allen.

King Hippo

Holy cats, lookit that rugger GO!

fleshwound_NPG

dont you fucking compare him to elway

elway late in the game was scary

allen late in the game was scary to his own team

Horatio Cornblower

Also Elway never won a Superb Owl until Terrell Davis showed up.

fleshwound_NPG

and dan reeves was told to shove it, and one day waste another mobile qb’s prime

King Hippo

Elway was smart enough to get into (and graduate from) Stanford. But physically, sure.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s nonsense, he got in on an equestrian scholarship.

Downfield Matriculator

The only way Josh Allen gets to be compared to John Elway is down the road when, as Bills GM, he hires aging Arch Manning from the Bears to finally get the Bills that eluwive Super Bowl.

Brocky

Arch manning on the bears?

I won’t argue

fleshwound_NPG

they tried to body slam allen to a first down

all that was missing was the flaming table to slam him on #BillsMafia

Horatio Cornblower

Collinsworth saying that he would tell Brokeback to “you be you” is just peak Cris: fellating the QB while paying absolutely no attention to what’s been going on in the game. Allen being Allen is why the Bills aren’t currently up by at least two and maybe as many as four TDs.

He’s such an asshole.

Last edited 9 months ago by Horatio Cornblower
Downfield Matriculator

Allen being Allen is the only hope for Miami to get back in it (given the sputtering Dolphins offense this half)

Horatio Cornblower

Miami’s defense seems to be being carted off the field one-by-one. Allen going against the 3rd string probably gets Buffalo the game.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Meanwhile on Rikki’s (significantly more enjoyable) broadcast…

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Brick Meathook

It used to be that when a TV commercial was a set in an airport terminal, they actually shot the scene in the L.A. Convention Center. This was to avoid crowds, security, ease of production, etc. Now. apparently, SoFi Stadium is whoring out as the new “airport” shooting location of choice in Los Angeles County, available for hire on off-game days.

Feel free to ask me more questions about this shit.

Horatio Cornblower

They probably rent it out on days that the Chargers are playing, to ensure there are less people wandering around then when it’s actually closed.

fleshwound_NPG

miami is THIS CLOSE to considering using a silent count

Horatio Cornblower

Guess the best way for the Bills to score is to keep Josh Allen on the sidelines while they do it.

Brocky

It worked for the bears on 2006!

King Hippo

I’ve been amazed how much pressure they’ve been able to get tonight.

2Pack

Morning everyone. I told you I’d take a wake me when it’s over approach to the late games, and it worked. Now for a run and get this week started thang. I get a quick trip to Sicily this week. It will probably snow on my great seafood plans.

fleshwound_NPG

buffalo’s best offense tonight is keeping josh allen from touching the ball

Horatio Cornblower

Probably should have scrolled down before typing pretty much the exact same thing up there.

Allen’s been horrific tonight.

King Hippo

I have shifted to hoping for a late Hail Mary plus two, for a 15-14 Peak Brokeback win.

Brocky

My high school football team had 4 tight ends.

Only three were basketball players.

The fourth was the starting tight end who got the job from being the best blocker

King Hippo

Was it YOU??

Brocky

Nah. I played end, guard, and tackle

King Hippo

When we pick teams for Clubhouse scrimmage, I’mma draft you early

Brocky

Will there be snacks?

King Hippo

TOTES. Punch and pie!!

King Hippo

Dok (and other aficianados) – seems to me Brokeback would make one hell of a rugger. Agree?

Doktor Zymm

And without forward passes he wouldn’t have to worry about those pesky interceptions!

No joke though, he probably would be a good scrum-half or centre

King Hippo

yeah, the urge to forward pass just kills the poor dummy

Doktor Zymm

It could potentially be really interesting to get american QB style throws on fully cross-field laterals right when the ball is retrieved from the scrum

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He’s way too big for scrumhalf. He’d probably be good in the 5, 6, or 7 jersey.

Doktor Zymm

He’s big, but I really don’t see him as a forward

Edit: turns out Mike Phillips was a similar height/weight to Allen when he played scrum half for Wales

Last edited 9 months ago by Doktor Zymm
Doktor Zymm

Mayyybe a number 8, but he really doesn’t play like a lock or flanker in my view

fleshwound_NPG

bills with 300 yards but 7 points

they REALLY dont want to play in that cold

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Doktor Zymm

BRRRR COLD HARD TRUFF

Senor Weaselo

That wasn’t snow he was playing in…

King Hippo

This is a man who is paid to SPEAK. On national TV.

fleshwound_NPG

what did i say

REALLY dont wanna play in that cold