Welcome, welcome fans of the NFL. Not so long ago this would be a game that you would consciously avoid were it a regular season tilt but the times have indeed changed and I think coaches Stefanski and Ryans are the primary reasons. Houston’s GM gets a little credit as well for drafting intelligently. All in all, it’s not a bad way to start the post-season festivities.
To The Game!
Browns/Texans:
-Phenomenal rookie Stroud absolutely tears apart zone defenses. The problem? Cleveland plays man just about more than any other team. And guess what? C.J. is a bottom 6 qb vs that setup.
-Those Browns are favored in a playoff game for the first time since Nigeria moved its capital city from Lagos to Abuja! (thanks Wiki)
-Who will step up if, as expected, the secondary bends coverage towards Nico Collins? Both Noah Brown and Robert Woods are hobbled-to what extent we don’t know because, why would they miss a playoff game if they were able to walk? Xavier Hutchinson has come up small in a few recent games, having one catch on seven targets. Maybe the wildcard is John Metchie, a guy that can’t stay healthy but his Alabama pedigree may manifest itself.
-Still Old: When Flacco was starting his first playoff game Stroud was a wee 8 year-old. Isn’t it amazing that some people are old and other people aren’t as old?
-Successful Rebuild: The Texans last played an extra game back in 2019. Only three players from today’s roster played in that fixture-that’s quite a bit of turnover.
-Cooper went bananas the last time these teams clashed but ends Anderson and Greenard weren’t around and starting cb Cashman was sitting as well. That said, I’d take the over on his 73.5 receiving prop.
Let’s have some fun.
Defense optional?
What is pass defense? I don’t know, but I will know it when I see it.
Okay. Done complaining about this. Time to eat my jalapeño poppers and nap.
Some excellent play-calling by Slowik.
yeah, he gon’ get a HC opening. This offseason or next.
Welcome to the Carnival of Backup TEs!
That Texan tight end has speed to burn.
didn’t you start him once in Math Is Hard?
I did and he rewarded me with a score. He’s a nice guy.
I’d be so proud of that it would be on my gravestone.
I honestly thought Jim Mora was dead.
Flacco sure has a pretty Float. A certain father of 15 is proud of that Float.
[waits 5 min]
…16.
Who knew putting a scoop of unflavored shave ice into a skim milk made such a lovely float!
Hey, did ya’ll know Flacco is old? He’s 38! Almost 39! He’s old! Did you hear that he is old? He’s 38! Almost 39!
No way! – J. Bettis, Detroit, MI
I just missed the last 5- minutes of play time since I went to go dry some dishes during a commercial break and then it was still in commercial every time I peeked at the game. Looks like the Houstonians scored, good for them
Okay, I’ll admit, this game is objectively better than I expected it to be. But that doesn’t mean I won’t look away from it in a heartbeat if my pets do something cute.
I don’t have any liquor on hand. Thinking about whipping up some meth with whatever I can find the garage.
You must have something you can huff?
Pam sprayed in a bag. You catch a buzz, and moisturize at the same time. Win-win!
I’m starting to see the pattern here: no one can defend the pass.
It’s not like passes are that common in the modern NFL, right?
I HAVEN’T SEEN SUCH POOR PASS DEFENSE SINCE THE 300 SPARTANS AT THERMOPYLAE!
At least they were fighting in the shade though.
I can’t believe that the clubhouse is behind an imaginary team and not Vanilla Joe.
fear of locusts and 40 years of darkness if the factory of sadness manufactures a ring
I want both teams to lose. But my disdain for the Brown notes really just stain my tighty-whiteys.
Brownies lost all their sympathetic underdogness when they threw all that $$$ at Deshawn Watson. Plus CJ Stroud seems like a genuinely nice dude and the team as a whole is just sort of young and exciting and likeable
flacco’s patented bullshit deep ball DPI will not be needed today with coverage like THAT
aaaaaaaaaaahhhhh, why do I feel like he was just tryin to move his knee cap back into its normal position.
Wow, a successful QB from Ohio State? Who would’ve thought you see it?
You’re not allowed to see it even if you buy a ticket to the game according to Ohio State.
proper game of footy, this!
NICO!
You’d think an NFL team would take a chance on this CJ Stroud kid.
More Pauls please.
Settle down, Buddy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRfKdNxIOcQ
You asked for it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZ1-blFcPjA&ab_channel=kariume
not a betting man, but perhaps i shoulda bet on the browns since it appears israel hit the factory of sadness with an airstrike since oct 7
Hella generous spot for the Browns on 4th and goal, unusual like the IMF knocking down usury.
Not sure I’d talk about Kareem Hunt’s anger as being a redeeming quality.
Don’t think this person is allowed to travel to and around Texas.
two checkdowns at the same time
Flacco with a 45-yard bomb! Warm milks all around!
Could be elite. Jury is still out
SCHWARTZ!
Woohoo! Let’s see if it ends at 3-0 final score.
Remember when the chiefs shut out the 500’s in the playoffs, and JJ Watt Tweeted that “the city and its fans deserved better?”
He was wrong then, and he’s wrong now
Houston blocking Myles Garrett there as though they didn’t even exis…
Wait a minute!
I’m telling you, Garrett is the best and most impactful player on the pitch. Every game he plays. MVP.
You’ll see peace in the Middle East before you see another defensive player get MVP.
So you are saying there is a chance?
oh yes, it is nae a prediction – just a HippoRant as to what SHOULD BE
And yet he’s only the 4th highest paid brownie
THIS BROWNS-TEXANS GAME I CALL IT THE NEWCASTLE UNITED-MANCHESTER CITY MATCH EARLIER TODAY BECAUSE IT WILL INVOLVE A LOT OF KICKING AND A PROBABLE FINAL SCORE OF 3-2.
I thought it was a 5pm start. Huh.
I mean that’s what time football starts. Not sure what this is.
It’s 5 o’clock somewhere.
Flacco is just as cool as the tap water he enjoys as his post win celebratory drink.
On the contrary. This is the playoffs. He uses store brand bottles of water for playoff wins.
flacco checking down to infinity, setting up that sweet, sweet DPI deep ball
no need for DPI with coverage like that!
The Browns are backed up, its a bad idea to eat at Buffalo Wild Wings
THE BLINDING LIGHT!
SCHULTZ!!!
I CATCH NOTHZING!
I just turned into Lewis Black after that drop by Schultz.
Such a pretty (and DIFFICULT) throw on that play, too.
.
Watching the, (hopefully), end of the Kentucky-Texas A&M JV hoops ball game. The lengths the SEC officials are going to give Kentucky a chance to get the #1 ranking is truly inspiring.
Almost as inspiring as the lengths ESPN will go to not to mention UConn, because they do not have a contract with the Big East.
In the end it didn’t matter, because a bunch of kids coached by John Calipari couldn’t figure out who or when to foul. Hard to believe, I know.
Bigfoot, Santa, and a Texans fan rode a unicorn into the Cafe Americain where they negotiated peace in the Middle East while drinking Pan-Galactic Gargleblasters
500s on brand – just wrecking some KHunt
Texas National Guard is going to keep the Factory of Sadness from moving production across the Border.
I feel like this game is a strong contender for the title of “The Most Irrelevant Playoff Game in NFL History”.
Did a couple of useful things around the house in the past hour, so I’m feeling justified in being useless the rest of the day. Hooray!
Got all the outside Christmas decorations down and put away. Now it’s ELITE DRANKIN’ TIME!
Noah Eagle is good. Blackledge…needs to be put down.
Other Hippo is correct as usual.
wut dat ninja say NOW???
As everyone predicted in preseason, here’s Joe Flacco and the Browns in the playoffs to face the Texans.
#ThePauls
Time for the most elite QB in playoff history to do it again.
Facilitate the Ravens in the playoffs?
rooting for the .500s because a cleveland/detroit superb owl all but guarantees ww3/asteroid/blackhole/mechajesus/etc
We’re all 500s in spirit!
I’m rooting for the Browns. Put us out of our misery _____!
Afternoon Folks