Welp, it’s finally here. As with most of the folks here, I could do without all the silly stories surrounding the game designed to draw in the casual fan. (although one story about a story-it was to be expected-that MAGAT’s were all up in arms about Swift/Kelce being some sort of psy-op that will bring more votes to Biden-that’s a keeper) I can’t stress it enough, when you’ve had your fill, run to the mute button. There’s simply too much air to fill.
To The Game!
Chiefs/Niners:
-Did I get the ‘home’ team right? (Narrator Voice: Nobody cared)
-Knock Me Over With a Dropped Pass: If reports are correct, Kadarius Toney will be starring in the role of “Player Nobody Gives a Shit About” and will not be bringing his unique brand of hapless football to the game today. Maybe it was the pass deflections that turned into interceptions, maybe it was lining up offside at a critical moment. Really, it could be anything. I’ll wager a hot fiver that his ten cent brain will be somewhere else next year.
-Don’t Bother About Trent Williams: As a whole the Niners o-line is ranked 15th in Pass Block Win Rate. That takes into account TW’s 96% rating-so yeah, the rest of the line can be had. The prevailing theory is that the Chiefs will put a speed guy like Danna or Anudike-Uzomah against him and have Chris Jones attack the middle or other side.
-In a game such as this reducing mistakes is paramount but Reid and Shanny Jr. especially tend to make errors when deciding whether or not to go for it on 4th down. By ESPN’s metric Shanny has the worst in-game decision-making skills, making the wrong call 28% of the time on non-obvious 4th downs.
-To Blitz or Not to Blitz: Chiefs DC Spagnoulo (?) employs that sort of pressure at a 32% rate. The trouble is that Purdy has a 86.4 QBR and 14 TD’s when blitzed, easily finding safety valves Kittle and McCaffrey. Spags will no doubt create some new wrinkles during the pre-snap period but how effective will they be?
-Speaking Of: Look for McCaffrey to be used early and often against the Chiefs suspect run D. San Fran will not make the same mistake the Ravens did when they came out throwing. The Niners were #1 in yards per carry on zone runs and K.C. was 31st defending. That’s the kind of statistical disparity that Shanny and run game coordinator Chris Foerster simply can’t ignore. By the same token, Reid and OC Matt Nagy would be fools not to have Pacheco running straight at Chase Young.
Guaranteed to Happen: A 30+ yard shot play to MVS. It’s happened in both playoff games so far.
-Feast or Famine: Cb L’Jarius Sneed has rightly won praise for making big plays in a timely fashion but he’s also been flagged 17(!) times so far this year for holding/pass interference, etc. as well.
It was a pleasure putting these together for the 9th(?) year. Shit, has it really been that long? Enjoy the game and comment like you’ve never commented before!
Since that Feet Washing ad Rex Ryan has been blowing up on Twitter.
You know it.
‘defensive line’ ‘play action’ ‘line of scrimmage’, basically all of the positions, and plenty of other phrases aren’t in German so it’s actually really easy to follow the commentary. And they are SO EXCITED about every play
Drinking with Germans, Aussies… are you at Beer Fest 2024?
apparently them and the Austrians dominate the European super-league for “American style” football (yes, there really is one)
How many airbases have we had in Deutschland for 80 years? They’re going to be better than us in 2050.
(auf Deutsch)
Aaayyyy, that’s-a tackle for-a loss-a by me! Joey Bosa!
Nick bosa is gonna skip the white house visit, isn’t he
HE’LL WAIT FER THE REEL PRESIDENT
Remember when the only team that would visit the white house was the one with the Russian captain?
STRONG PRESIDENT!
I’m going to take my sweet ass time in the shower.
Will I be longer than the Halftime Show? PLACE YOUR GAMBLORS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q_3oOUfpdVY
FUCK YOU NANTZ DON’T MENTION THAT SUPER BOWL
It’s the night before the super bowl and–YOU FORGOT!–you were supposed to make a commercial! Quick, quick, think, don’t panic, just pick a random celebrity or three and throw them into a contrasting everyday scenario, yeah, that’s it!
Canadian viewers were just aurally assaulted by an electric car ad featuring a Tori Amos’s version of “Dream On”. I now want to drive nails through my skull.
ben affleck wat r u doin
Getting his last paycheck.
He’s Mr. Lopez now, he doesn’t need a paycheck.
Just a reminder: Denver led San Fran 10-0 in an Owl once, too.
One of my favorite football memories is playing a jv game where our team fumbled on our first carry and the other team stopped it up for 7 points.
We then scored 56 unanswered points
One of my fave football memories was doing security for my college football team that had no business being in the playoffs. They lost 54-0 to Calgary if memory serves.
Wasn’t that the Redacteds one? Either way, I recall the on-screen graphic that nobody had ever scored the first 10+ points of an Owl then lost.
/we wuz down 5+ scores at the half
Ok, DunKings is the best commercial so far according to those here in Casa Nel.
Was the Niners pregame talk given by Katy Perry, because I can’t imagine who’d want to make Taylor cry more
Kanye?
For the record. Dunkin sucks.
Damn skippy. Worst coffee I’ve ever had (even McDonalds is better), grocery store donuts are better.
Damn near ruined my steak dinner later that same day.
OHHHH CHRISTIAN MCCAFFERRY HABEN SIE TOUCHDOWN TOUCHDOWN
MCCAFFRREY!! Ist GUD!
Did the Chiefs fall asleep during that trickery play? That took forever to unfold
SUDDEN TRICKERYDOWN
Well that might be enough to win it
That Jennings TD pass prop bet just paid out somewhere.
*sigh* that fucking worked
That worked just as it was diagramed.
Trickeration TD!
I told LemonJello CMC is going to score something weird.
YOU OWE ME
I told Litre my only GAMBLOR read was that Tomsulas would be up at HT. He’s probably too blackout crunk to remember, though.
He did, in fact, tell me that.
TRICKERATION WOOP WOOP
I can’t believe that obvious, wounded duck-throw play worked…but scoreboard
BLEERGH
‘ooooh die flige flag!’
Sometimes, footed ball is real simple. Tomsulas are getting good pressure rushing just four. Unless that changes, they’s gonna walk away with this.
There’s an Aussie on the Niners (or rather ‘on the team that isn’t Taylor Swift’s team) so the Aussies here are pro-tomsulas
Former Ute!
Purdy is not buying into this TayTay psy-op conspiracy thingy because he’s on a rookie contract and can’t afford it.
Oh I like these Germans! They go oooh and pronounce Deebo Samuel really adorably and they know the term ‘hospital routes’!
DEEBOoh…
That’s better
Mexican mules to drink, yet they aren’t full of cocaine?
They don’t lie, they don’t liiiiieeee
For the white folks in the crowd.
Bass Pro Shops.
I guessed it as soon as I saw tracker boats.
So, the MVP’s gotta be Chefs punter or Tomsulas placement man?
Lunch was lovely and I see the Tomsulas have scored some kickpoints! Looks like they have the game on in the bar so I will grab a drink and watch!
The commentary is in German, so that seems preferable I think, will keep my ears open for Tay Tay schisse porn references
Taylorpoopen?
3-2 Owl final score?
I don’t want either team to win this game as much as I want Vinovich to lose it.
Where’s the meteor
Tay tay snapped drae ankle with her mind control powers she been working on in the MK Ultra tour
Not gonna lie that sounds awesome
ILLUMINATI OBVS
Dre Greenlaw just Gramatica’ed himself.
He needs the damn cart! He tore his Achilles!
That’s going to cost him all of next season too.
They are gonna kill Mahomes ded and I AM ALL FOAR IT
Greenlaw just Gramatica’d hisself.
Greenlaw out. HOA’s on the west coast inconsolable.
Gramatica nods in solidarity
OMG – Greenlaw Grammatica’d himself.
Am I the only one rooting for SF to build a big lead for baby Shanny to blow?
TOO SOON ABED
…seriously…
Just one stop motion Bud Bowl ad and I’d forgive all of these terrible ones.
Imagine this
gayguy scored.?height=635&t=1657725813&width=1200
You know you’re out of ideas when you get the talking babies in your spot.
with that awful bastardized tennis-replacing trend sport
They shoulda turned the sphere into an oblate spheroid for the game.
Someone from KC better get Lester Hayes on the phone. There has to be some kind of clear stickum he could send them.
I know the game’s in Vegas, so is the ball covered in KY jelly?
Glitter