Your Superb Owl Open Thread

Welp, it’s finally here. As with most of the folks here, I could do without all the silly stories surrounding the game designed to draw in the casual fan. (although one story about a story-it was to be expected-that MAGAT’s were all up in arms about Swift/Kelce being some sort of psy-op that will bring more votes to Biden-that’s a keeper) I can’t stress it enough, when you’ve had your fill, run to the mute button. There’s simply too much air to fill.

To The Game!

Chiefs/Niners:

-Did I get the ‘home’ team right? (Narrator Voice: Nobody cared)

-Knock Me Over With a Dropped Pass: If reports are correct, Kadarius Toney will be starring in the role of “Player Nobody Gives a Shit About” and will not be bringing his unique brand of hapless football to the game today. Maybe it was the pass deflections that turned into interceptions, maybe it was lining up offside at a critical moment. Really, it could be anything. I’ll wager a hot fiver that his ten cent brain will be somewhere else next year.

-Don’t Bother About Trent Williams: As a whole the Niners o-line is ranked 15th in Pass Block Win Rate. That takes into account TW’s 96% rating-so yeah, the rest of the line can be had. The prevailing theory is that the Chiefs will put a speed guy like Danna or Anudike-Uzomah against him and have Chris Jones attack the middle or other side.

-In a game such as this reducing mistakes is paramount but Reid and Shanny Jr. especially tend to make errors when deciding whether or not to go for it on 4th down. By ESPN’s metric Shanny has the worst in-game decision-making skills, making the wrong call 28% of the time on non-obvious 4th downs.

-To Blitz or Not to Blitz: Chiefs DC Spagnoulo (?) employs that sort of pressure at a 32% rate. The trouble is that Purdy has a 86.4 QBR and 14 TD’s when blitzed, easily finding safety valves Kittle and McCaffrey. Spags will no doubt create some new wrinkles during the pre-snap period but how effective will they be?

-Speaking Of: Look for McCaffrey to be used early and often against the Chiefs suspect run D. San Fran will not make the same mistake the Ravens did when they came out throwing. The Niners were #1 in yards per carry on zone runs and K.C. was 31st defending. That’s the kind of statistical disparity that Shanny and run game coordinator Chris Foerster simply can’t ignore. By the same token, Reid and OC Matt Nagy would be fools not to have Pacheco running straight at Chase Young.

Guaranteed to Happen: A 30+ yard shot play to MVS. It’s happened in both playoff games so far.

-Feast or Famine: Cb L’Jarius Sneed has rightly won praise for making big plays in a timely fashion but he’s also been flagged 17(!) times so far this year for holding/pass interference, etc. as well.

It was a pleasure putting these together for the 9th(?) year. Shit, has it really been that long? Enjoy the game and comment like you’ve never commented before!

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Col. Duke LaCross

Since that Feet Washing ad Rex Ryan has been blowing up on Twitter.

Beerguyrob

You know it.

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Doktor Zymm

‘defensive line’ ‘play action’ ‘line of scrimmage’, basically all of the positions, and plenty of other phrases aren’t in German so it’s actually really easy to follow the commentary. And they are SO EXCITED about every play

ThePirateSloth

Drinking with Germans, Aussies… are you at Beer Fest 2024?

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King Hippo

apparently them and the Austrians dominate the European super-league for “American style” football (yes, there really is one)

WCS

How many airbases have we had in Deutschland for 80 years? They’re going to be better than us in 2050.

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(auf Deutsch)

LemonJello

Aaayyyy, that’s-a tackle for-a loss-a by me! Joey Bosa!

Brocky

Nick bosa is gonna skip the white house visit, isn’t he

King Hippo

HE’LL WAIT FER THE REEL PRESIDENT

Brocky

Remember when the only team that would visit the white house was the one with the Russian captain?

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King Hippo

STRONG PRESIDENT!

WCS

I’m going to take my sweet ass time in the shower.

Will I be longer than the Halftime Show? PLACE YOUR GAMBLORS

King Hippo
ThePirateSloth

FUCK YOU NANTZ DON’T MENTION THAT SUPER BOWL

herodotus450

It’s the night before the super bowl and–YOU FORGOT!–you were supposed to make a commercial! Quick, quick, think, don’t panic, just pick a random celebrity or three and throw them into a contrasting everyday scenario, yeah, that’s it!

Beerguyrob

Canadian viewers were just aurally assaulted by an electric car ad featuring a Tori Amos’s version of “Dream On”. I now want to drive nails through my skull.

The Maestro

ben affleck wat r u doin

yeah right

Getting his last paycheck.

Gumbygirl

He’s Mr. Lopez now, he doesn’t need a paycheck.

WCS

Just a reminder: Denver led San Fran 10-0 in an Owl once, too.

Brocky

One of my favorite football memories is playing a jv game where our team fumbled on our first carry and the other team stopped it up for 7 points.

We then scored 56 unanswered points

WCS

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King Hippo

Wasn’t that the Redacteds one? Either way, I recall the on-screen graphic that nobody had ever scored the first 10+ points of an Owl then lost.

/we wuz down 5+ scores at the half

Last edited 9 months ago by King Hippo
Petronel

Ok, DunKings is the best commercial so far according to those here in Casa Nel.

Beerguyrob

Was the Niners pregame talk given by Katy Perry, because I can’t imagine who’d want to make Taylor cry more

Senor Weaselo

Kanye?

yeah right

For the record. Dunkin sucks.

King Hippo

Damn skippy. Worst coffee I’ve ever had (even McDonalds is better), grocery store donuts are better.

yeah right

Damn near ruined my steak dinner later that same day.

Doktor Zymm

OHHHH CHRISTIAN MCCAFFERRY HABEN SIE TOUCHDOWN TOUCHDOWN
MCCAFFRREY!! Ist GUD!

Wakezilla

Did the Chiefs fall asleep during that trickery play? That took forever to unfold

The Maestro

SUDDEN TRICKERYDOWN

Recovery Whiskey

Well that might be enough to win it

clint greasewood

That Jennings TD pass prop bet just paid out somewhere.

ThePirateSloth

*sigh* that fucking worked

yeah right

That worked just as it was diagramed.

LemonJello

Trickeration TD!

WCS

I told LemonJello CMC is going to score something weird.

YOU OWE ME

King Hippo

I told Litre my only GAMBLOR read was that Tomsulas would be up at HT. He’s probably too blackout crunk to remember, though.

LemonJello

He did, in fact, tell me that.

Petronel

TRICKERATION WOOP WOOP

King Hippo

I can’t believe that obvious, wounded duck-throw play worked…but scoreboard

WCS

BLEERGH

Doktor Zymm

‘ooooh die flige flag!’

Last edited 9 months ago by Doktor Zymm
King Hippo

Sometimes, footed ball is real simple. Tomsulas are getting good pressure rushing just four. Unless that changes, they’s gonna walk away with this.

Doktor Zymm

There’s an Aussie on the Niners (or rather ‘on the team that isn’t Taylor Swift’s team) so the Aussies here are pro-tomsulas

Col. Duke LaCross

Former Ute!

Doktor Zymm

Oh I like these Germans! They go oooh and pronounce Deebo Samuel really adorably and they know the term ‘hospital routes’!

Petronel

DEEBOoh…

Petronel

That’s better

Doktor Zymm

Mexican mules to drink, yet they aren’t full of cocaine?

King Hippo

They don’t lie, they don’t liiiiieeee

yeah right

For the white folks in the crowd.
Bass Pro Shops.

Brocky

I guessed it as soon as I saw tracker boats.

King Hippo

So, the MVP’s gotta be Chefs punter or Tomsulas placement man?

Doktor Zymm

Lunch was lovely and I see the Tomsulas have scored some kickpoints! Looks like they have the game on in the bar so I will grab a drink and watch!

Doktor Zymm

The commentary is in German, so that seems preferable I think, will keep my ears open for Tay Tay schisse porn references

King Hippo

Taylorpoopen?

LemonJello

3-2 Owl final score?

makeitsnowondem

I don’t want either team to win this game as much as I want Vinovich to lose it.

Game Time Decision

Where’s the meteor

Gatoraids

Tay tay snapped drae ankle with her mind control powers she been working on in the MK Ultra tour

Brocky

Not gonna lie that sounds awesome

King Hippo

ILLUMINATI OBVS

WCS

Dre Greenlaw just Gramatica’ed himself.

He needs the damn cart! He tore his Achilles!

yeah right

That’s going to cost him all of next season too.

WCS

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King Hippo

They are gonna kill Mahomes ded and I AM ALL FOAR IT

LemonJello

Greenlaw just Gramatica’d hisself.

Game Time Decision

Gramatica nods in solidarity

Beerguyrob

OMG – Greenlaw Grammatica’d himself.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Am I the only one rooting for SF to build a big lead for baby Shanny to blow?

King Hippo

TOO SOON ABED

Petronel

…seriously…

Porky Prime

Just one stop motion Bud Bowl ad and I’d forgive all of these terrible ones.

clint greasewood

Imagine this gay guy scored.
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WCS

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yeah right

You know you’re out of ideas when you get the talking babies in your spot.

King Hippo

with that awful bastardized tennis-replacing trend sport

makeitsnowondem

They shoulda turned the sphere into an oblate spheroid for the game.

Beerguyrob

Someone from KC better get Lester Hayes on the phone. There has to be some kind of clear stickum he could send them.

WCS

I know the game’s in Vegas, so is the ball covered in KY jelly?

Game Time Decision

Glitter