Welp, it’s finally here. As with most of the folks here, I could do without all the silly stories surrounding the game designed to draw in the casual fan. (although one story about a story-it was to be expected-that MAGAT’s were all up in arms about Swift/Kelce being some sort of psy-op that will bring more votes to Biden-that’s a keeper) I can’t stress it enough, when you’ve had your fill, run to the mute button. There’s simply too much air to fill.
To The Game!
Chiefs/Niners:
-Did I get the ‘home’ team right? (Narrator Voice: Nobody cared)
-Knock Me Over With a Dropped Pass: If reports are correct, Kadarius Toney will be starring in the role of “Player Nobody Gives a Shit About” and will not be bringing his unique brand of hapless football to the game today. Maybe it was the pass deflections that turned into interceptions, maybe it was lining up offside at a critical moment. Really, it could be anything. I’ll wager a hot fiver that his ten cent brain will be somewhere else next year.
-Don’t Bother About Trent Williams: As a whole the Niners o-line is ranked 15th in Pass Block Win Rate. That takes into account TW’s 96% rating-so yeah, the rest of the line can be had. The prevailing theory is that the Chiefs will put a speed guy like Danna or Anudike-Uzomah against him and have Chris Jones attack the middle or other side.
-In a game such as this reducing mistakes is paramount but Reid and Shanny Jr. especially tend to make errors when deciding whether or not to go for it on 4th down. By ESPN’s metric Shanny has the worst in-game decision-making skills, making the wrong call 28% of the time on non-obvious 4th downs.
-To Blitz or Not to Blitz: Chiefs DC Spagnoulo (?) employs that sort of pressure at a 32% rate. The trouble is that Purdy has a 86.4 QBR and 14 TD’s when blitzed, easily finding safety valves Kittle and McCaffrey. Spags will no doubt create some new wrinkles during the pre-snap period but how effective will they be?
-Speaking Of: Look for McCaffrey to be used early and often against the Chiefs suspect run D. San Fran will not make the same mistake the Ravens did when they came out throwing. The Niners were #1 in yards per carry on zone runs and K.C. was 31st defending. That’s the kind of statistical disparity that Shanny and run game coordinator Chris Foerster simply can’t ignore. By the same token, Reid and OC Matt Nagy would be fools not to have Pacheco running straight at Chase Young.
Guaranteed to Happen: A 30+ yard shot play to MVS. It’s happened in both playoff games so far.
-Feast or Famine: Cb L’Jarius Sneed has rightly won praise for making big plays in a timely fashion but he’s also been flagged 17(!) times so far this year for holding/pass interference, etc. as well.
It was a pleasure putting these together for the 9th(?) year. Shit, has it really been that long? Enjoy the game and comment like you’ve never commented before!
GUTS AND WILL POWER AND YES GRIT TOO
That was a damn fine finish on Kittle’s route
Ach mccafferry gotten ein superdefensed!
Samuel was so uncovered the Spearmint Rhino was asking him to put a thong on.
Slow motion replay of Sneed hurdling the camera dude!
That was a Purdy bad throw.
Huh, they just aired a tweet from some guy who has a Mahomes tattoo on his arsch. Very German I guess?
……da?
Seattle Sounders (MLS) had a guy that got Celine Dion tattooed on his ass. Bet if Seattle won the title (when they were in 9th place) he’d do it. Spoilers: they won the title. And he delivered.
Soccer guys though.
Looksies, Aiyuk didn’t miss the team bus after all!
Vince who used to be at Up[redacted] is having some fun.
They should have sent Selena Spice to the game instead.
Juszczyk’s main competition for first team All-Pro fullback was Mike Alstott and LeBron James.
Look at that! We’ve got a football game
Was that their first first down…of the HALF?
(oh wow, WELL longer than just that)
/teevee box is muted
Our mistakes cost us a TD early and gave them a TD just now. If we lose this it’s probably our own damn fault,
(disembodied voice of Ron Howard): “It was.”
I mean, it’s not MY fault.
I blame Canada.
all’s I know is – if you get a pickerception y’all best lateral that fucker around and score on the return
Feliciano is definitely not having a Feliz Super Bowl.
49ers are blowing this game so bad.
Hey, pal, this is a family website. Keep it little less graphic there, buddy.
Maybe they’ll get an AVN Award next year?
Balls will pick wrongly
HOW THE FUCK DOES TONY ROMO KNOW ABOUT PRESSURE IN THE SUPER BOWL?! He couldn’t handle pressure in an NFC Wildcard game.
on HOLDING the extra point snap
Jordan Babineaux agrees
TayTay & Co are holding on to their tits. Literally.
And it was wonderful to see.
The Liberal fix is in!!!
NARRATOR – Santa Clara did NOT hold on.
Turnover brought to you by Achilles
Biden just called it in the Psy Op
He’s a cagey old bastard that controls all the Satanists across the globe and a senile codger that trips over every other word. HOW CAN WE DEFEAT HIM HIM?
Let the record show that WCS predicted 2 turnovers per team to me earlier
Yeah, you’re welcome grumble grumble
Poor Ray Ray – nawt his fault.
yeah, once it got foot-punched it was amazeballs he almost corraled it
The fixers have arrived
Well, would you look at that!
Sudden change?
“Three days after Jenna Tocatlian saw Taylor Swift perform at Gillette Stadium in Massachusetts, she was still on cloud nine. But something felt weird when she tried to relive the memories: in her mind, where vivid specifics of the concert should have been playing on loop, there was just a blank space.”
Santa Clara just doesn’t want to win, right?
Nope.
Nnnnnnnope
FUUUUUUUUUU
Sudden change the third. FATAL?
Womp womp
CBS has a macro running that cuts to T. Swift at any Kelce mention
Can still win the prop bet on number of Taylor sightings starting now
They just showed Tay Tay!
When this 4K thing settles down and works right it makes for a pretty fucking picture.
Football traditionalists: Defence wins championships.
CBS: Can we randomly start shooting safeties?
Oswald keeps firing into the grassy knoll.
If Santa Clara hold on, this might be the worst Owl winning QB performance I can recall.
Which means only a 70% chance he wins mvp
Kelce wins with three catches, 22 yards. HE WAS A DECOY!
Rapey was 10/22 in SB XL. Still the gold standard in the modern era
ah, had TOTES forgotten that
Dok, tell us how your German commentators decribe the post game showers
https://twitter.com/MicaelaDeaTV/status/1756864332590465440
That wasn’t as fun as advertised. I WANT A REFUND
That kickoff went through the uprights. Should have been a rouge!
I was just telling eldest daughter the same thing. That rule could actually change the game. What if there is a penalty on the extra point assessed on the kick off? We need to make that happen!
If ever anybody got The Good Stuff in the tent…Deebo is that guy
That’s a big ol 69.
Twitter confirms the invader wasn’t naked. Not streaker. Romo fail
We’ve had the longest field goal record fall twice, tonight. Who says this game is boring as shit? Everyone? Oh. Carry on.
WHERE IS SHAN’KLOR?!
I am so drunk. Sharky. The shafts
1 Oz Vodka
1oz Kailua
1 Oz espresso
1 Oz cream
Go
All that money you spent to get a SB ticket, a hotel room, airfare, clothes, car rental, copious amounts of booze… Only to go to jail for running on to the field.
If you’re already spending that much it’s not a big deal to splurge on bail
Wow that’s some kick
Streaker on the field? Please post the iPhone footage of that as soon as it’s posted somewhere.
I hope Dan Campbell is watching this game