Morning folks. Today’s the first Monday of Daylight Savings Time, thanks to those fucking farmers. Or something. Whatever. Hopefully you were able to get up on time and aren’t late for work, so you can spend the appropriate amount of time avoiding work by participating in this here draft.
The 1980’s were the formative decade in a young Horatio’s life. They started when I was 11, they ended when I was 21, or close enough for this already strained point. A lot happens in a youngster’s life during those years: you get taller, your voice changes, hair starts appearing where there wasn’t hair before, and boners-at-awkard-times become an ever present challenge.
Basically you grow up.
Last off-season, and courtesy of RTD, we drafted bands’ discography’s from the 80’s. This week we’re drafting movie from the 1980’s. I did consider doing something similar to the band draft and taking an actor from the 80’s and then you’d get his or her output from that decade. But then I’d take Eddie Murphy with the first pick, someone would take John Cusack with the second, and by the time Molly Ringwald went third we’d be out of movies.
So, your mission this week is to draft movies from the 80’s. If it’s a movie that came out between 1/1/80 and 12/31/89, (don’t give me any shit about how the zero year is actually the last year of the preceding decade: I promise you I do not care), it is eligible. Bonus points if your pick is an excellent representation of what the 80’s was all about.
Which is the rise of Reaganism and subsequent, and very much directly related, decline of America. But that’s another story.
Your commissioner for this week is the late and lamented John Hughes. The director of such 80’s stalwarts, (and now remarkably problematic), films like ‘Sixteen Candles,’ ‘The Breakfast Club,’ ‘Weird Science,’ and (and I did not know this before right now), the criminally overlooked ‘Uncle Buck.’
A true honor to have his ghostly presence monitor our draft, and perhaps explain how Anthony Michael Hall having banged that girl at the end of Sixteen Candles when she was passed out isn’t rape.
It was a different time.
Also you’re probably largely on your own today. Tomorrow is the 29th anniversary of Mrs. Horatio making a horrible, horrible decision, then somehow doubling down on it for the next three decades. Depending on her work schedule we’ll likely be out and about enjoying this wonderful Smarch weather.
With the first pick I will take the movie that was on the other day that inspired this particular draft.
1983’s ‘Trading Places.’ Directed by John Landis, (a/k/a “That Other John Guy With All The 1980’s Movies”), and starring the aforementioned 1980’s powerhouse Eddie Murphy, with Dan Akroyd and an absolutely smoking Jamie Lee Curtis providing able support, Trading Places spends it’s running time skewering insider trading, wealth disparities, racist preconceptions, the war on drugs, and many other things that made the 1980’s the, well, the 1980’s.
Also it’s really funny and Jamie Lee shows her boobs.
The rest of you are on the clock.
Return of the Jedi. The original version with Ewoks singing and some old dude instead of Hayden Christensen
https://youtu.be/WBrLHMCTDAA?
Pick #5.
Predator.
Oh hell yes!
3. Repo Man!
Princess Bride is still on the table. As you wish.
Wow. Straight up fail on our part.
Late to the party…I’ll take Lethal Weapon, where Martin Riggs taught me the proper way to control a jump.
I’m too old for this shit
Back to back pics because I wasn’t here this morning
Raising Arizona for the ctrl f crowd.
/races to podium
Goddammit.
2. Got a draft strategy, am sticking to it.
Selection #4.
Robocop.
With my Seventh pick, I’ll take Fletch
from wiki
Most of the reasons are to save energy, but *wanking* motion, it just fells like those who slept in wanted more light later.
Let’s Blacken things up a little, I’m Gonna Git You Sucka!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgHcYxKjwVE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hqYsuX1Cewo
Ok I am taking two here, pretend it’s the end of the snake.
Field of Dreams and Bull Durham.
Double pick?
John Hughes can try and stop me but I can kick the shit out of him, dead or alive.
1st pick: Rocky IV. The one where Rocky wins the Cold War!
Naked Gun. /micdrop
2nd Pick: Police Academy
Just sitting there waiting to be plucked.
Pick #3.
Scarface.
With my sixth pick, I’ll take The Running Man
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVRUxtPKK-w
&ct=g
Temple of Doom was picked, and Raiders was sitting out there.
Karen Allen annoyed the shit out of me on that film.
Pretty sure she’s meant to, but I get it.
1. Can’t pass this up: Real Genius
Got into this discussion on Blue Sky: yes, the movie aged poorly and perhaps contributed to the rise of a toxic subtype of nerdery. But 95% of comedies age poorly, and I would argue Revenge of the Nerds had already set us down that path.
Pick #4: Major League 1989
I never would have put that film in the 80’s.
I love losing track of time as I age. It’s a real treat.
Fuuuuuck this should have been mine. Damn work.
This movie is insane, in a good way.
The Feelies play live in the dance scenes, too!
Bad Brains are on the soundtrack.
Pick #2.
Beverly Hills Cop.
Great value
With my fifth pick, I’ll take History of the World Part 1
(thinks) “Heh, the Steelers got Wilson. Sucks to be them.”
(spoken) “What a minute. I only thought it. I didn’t say it! IT DOESN’T COUNT IF I DON’T SAY IT! IT DOESN’T….”
Bengals WR Tee Higgins requests trade ahead of free agency (usatoday.com)
Spaceballs: The Mock Draft Selection!
Spaceballs | Merchandising! Merchandising! [CLIP] | MGM (youtube.com)
My third pick: Die Hard
Just so I can piss people off by officially declaring that it’s Not a Christmas movie!
Because Bruce Willis has cleared it up, I will permit the blasphemy. This time.
Die Hard is Not a Christmas Movie (MF) (youtube.com)
You know, maybe if people hadn’t run this joke into the ground, I might not take it so personally,
But now it’s turned into this weird subculture based entirely on gatekeeping, so, Nay, I say!
With my fourth pick, I’ll take Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.
Sloane is a goddess
Pin-up girl for the Preppie Handbook era
I’m in the minority that thinks Ferris should be stuffed in a sack with a bunch of cinder blocks and thrown in the Chicago River. But the movie does have Mia Sara in it, so…
She’s by far the best thing about that movie
Ferris should. But I maintain Cameron is the actual protagonist, as he is the only one to have any emotional growth
It’s the 80s. Who needs emotional growth?
Alternative Viewpoint: Cameron is the only person who is real. Everything that happened was in his mind so he could work up the courage to stand up to his father.
Jeannie is the secondary protagonist
Ferris has no redeemable traits. He’s Zach Morris with Gordon Gekko’s morals.
The Breakfast Club
Better Off Dead
My dad and I came across this gem on HBO after midnight (he must have dozed off watching the Braves earlier or he wouldn’t have been up). He was a taciturn man, but this moviefilm made him laugh so hard it woke my mom up.
$2! Nooo, I can’t swim!!
How you say…octopus? Testicles??
Tentacles! Tentacles…NT
Can I take Better Off Dead and One Crazy Summer together since they’re essentially the same movie?
You have the 2nd to keep Hippo from Witchery
No. Although frankly there’s a lot of 80’s movies that are essentially the same movie.
My 2nd pick:
Batman 1989:
58, 59, 30 minutes.
“Top Secret”, great comedy, has one of top-ten fave jokes
https://youtu.be/nkWj-jd1ric?si=adqBAf1c06XUE53U
Ghostbusters (1984) – “We Came, We Saw, We Kicked Its…” (youtube.com)
I have three picks in my head but I can guarantee that no one will pick them, so I’ll save them for the late rounds.
With my third pick, I’ll take Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
Rex Ryan approved!
Do we have to wait an hour or 30 mins between picks?
I believe that 30 minutes is de rigueur
It is the ’80s, the Decade of Cocaine. Shouldn’t the draft be a dozen picks manically back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back only to be followed by three hours of breakdown and court-ordered rehab?
30 minutes or 10 picks.
Da raaa… Da rararara raaaa…
We’re all in this together, “Brazil”
Back To The Future (From “Back To The Future” Original Score/End Credits) (youtube.com)
Who framed Roger rabbit
Also the badly drawn babe doesn’t hurt
Dammit, I thought that would drop a few rounds.
Didn’t you steal my Cathy Ireland pick a few weeks ago?
Take that!
That was ME! BWAHHHhaHAhaHAAAAA!
Can I trade my second rounder to bundle two thirds?
There are too many good options but I’ll take Airplane! to start.
I once got in trouble for walking around the house quoting Mrs cleaver
First pick
It’s half a great movie. Then they go to Germany.
With my second pick, I’ll take Bachelor Party.
Tom Hanks’ best movie
Congrats to the Cornblowers!
Does Lowratio get a day off, or is he getting worked extra hard today?
Who do you think is doing the heavy lifting today?
Yard ain’t gonna rake itself, plus it’s windy as hell here today.
.
1st pick: The Empire Strikes Back
With my first pick, I take 16 Candles.
And I always saw it as they were both drunk (she more than him), but she was awake when they did it. And then she passed out again.
How in the Hell is Animal House the high road?!
(NSFW – Uncensored Version – Nudity/Profanity/Homosexual Slur)
http s:/ /w ww.you tube.co m/w atch?v= Z6V Oiw7kdeA