Lab Report Narrative (draft)
After hatching, they eat their way out. Growth rate is constant and rapid. Any that are not consumed by larger specimens after hatching continue to eat and grow until they emerge from the body. Specimens of all size are able to survive outside the body. Smallest specimens observed were less than 1mm in diameter. Largest specimen recorded at emergence was 20 inches long by 9 inches wide and weighed 44lbs.
The most specimens to emerge from one subject was 632. This is considered to be an outlier, as the largest of the set was less than 3 inches in size and the vast majority were smaller than 1cm. After 87 tests, the average number of specimens generated per subject after incubation is 34, of which half on average are smaller than 1 inch in size and the largest on average are 8 inches long and weigh approximately 15lbs.
Post emergence diet is composed of any organic matter. No preference observed for any food source. Specimens kept for study are fed potting soil, office trash, and discarded furniture for economic reasons. Specimens double in size at one week, one month, and three month milestones. Post emergence size determines full adult size.
All specimens to this point have been incubated from the SARS-derived bacteriophage B-73. Funding has not been approved to begin testing using H1N1 or any other originating viruses.
Notes from demolition site
Shaving the galalith down into buttons is time consuming, but satisfying. The dining table is covered in little shavings that I sweep off with my hands after work. The buttons really do look like ivory, and the shavings look like little strings of bone. I wash them in the bath and lay them out to dry. As I take supper amidst my piles of buttons, I feel satisfied by my labor.
Notes (red pen on envelope)
Found in blood
Found in water
Found in lung
Found in heart
Found in kidney
Found past blood brain barrier
Found in semen
Found in bone marrow
Found in saliva
Found in chromosomes
Test results 31
3µm grain size
0.1µm viral size (bacteriophage)
14,000 viral load
15 gram microplastics
Fertilization rate 78%
12 week incubation
Hatch rate 1.1%
Total viable: 120
Total destroyed: 112
Total frozen: 8
Author’s note
When I got here this morning the gate code didn’t work. Nobody answered the intercom either. I ended up following someone else in before the gate could close. I plan to take a couple boxes with me to unpack over the weekend so I don’t have to deal with the drive.
Almost halftime and Colorado St has 11.
Not at all RAMMMMMMMMING it
The flightless birds have been dealt with. Now it’s the Bears turn.
THIS NEVADA AMATEUR BASKETBALL TEAM I CALL THEM A NEVADA PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL TEAM BECAUSE THEY BLEW A 17 POINT LEAD IN THE SECOND HALF.
Nevada coach was out-coached by the other coach. Coachella.
Nevadon’t
In Chicago so I ordered Detroit-style pizza. Feel like such a pleb opening my wine manually, although at least I have a decent aerator here now
A Faygo bottle can be a decanter, I assume also a sandwich of some nature.
Sure, but a nice aerator makes me feel fancy in a way that is somehow lacking from Faygo. I did see ICP at Woodstock 99 and lived to tell about it though!
Tonight may be Malort night after Deci goes to bed.
DO IT! PEER PRESSURE!
Ooh! I watched that documentary. Did you manage to avoid catching trenchmouth?
Nothing like that, just some not great ecstasy
Palestin beat Bangladesh 5- nil today in WC qualifying. If you are the Bengals just fold up and concentrate on cricket.
The Dr. Mrs. Deadly, Esq. (Ret.) while asking her husband the current date while she is literally staring at a laptop screen that has the date and time to the upper right of the screen at all times (artist’s conception):
Lesshead it is.
Also known as “marriage”.
Rather than use the total number of points in the final as the tiebreaker, I think it be more fun to use the total number of correctly predicted upsets.
I think next year we do one to see who can get the most wrong.
My time to shine!
I tried to get into the ESPN site to set up my bracket yesterday, using the password I saved from last year. Nope. So I played their silly game where they send me a code, I enter the code, and they tell me the code is expired. After a few rounds of that, they locked my account and told me to ” try again later.” No, I won’t. Fun as it was, I have important things to do, because I’m important, you see.
You are all lucky I’m not playing this year, because I would have wiped the floor with you.
Gumbygirl trying to log in
DOO-KWEZZ-NEE’S GANTA SUPERB OWL
Ugh, the four games on right now are a 16-1, a 15-2, and two 14-3’s. It’s like a Joey-heavy episode of Friends.
But….whadda we want? MORE-head! When do we want it? WHENEVER!!
Morehead vs Longwood would be a great game but I’d probably only watch the first five minutes.
braggart
Keshad giving the throat slash going into the half is what i love about college basketball.
THIS WAGNER TEAM IN MARCH OF 2024 I CALL THEM THE WAGNER GROUP IN JUNE OF 2023 BECAUSE THEY ARE BEING COMPLETELY DISMANTLED.
You were sitting on that since the brackets came out, weren’t you?
If womens sports is a thing, apparently, then why do we need to subsidize mens sports stadiums? The WNBA is so obviously the inferior product — if it can succeed, then the NBA is way more than healthy.
They’re like tech giant healthy.
0 for 2 thus far. Perfect
Won’t be the last time BYU folks are upset about a name they can’t pronounce.
“Doo-Kes-Ne?”
BYU gets a chance to get home early and wash their holy underwear.
More indie rock bands that you’d expect are Mormon (or at least Jack Mormon). I think maybe Panic! At the Disco?
I could totally see a Mormon panicking at the disco.
How does the shot clock not reset after a score?
How many times have you shouted BEAR DOWN!! at the teevee box?
I’m pleased. 2 seed not letting lovable underdog get any real control. Closed the half on a run with the lead.
We’re heading north for a couple nights after this game. I’ve got no worries that area drivers are going to be distracted by this game’s MADNESS.
Think BEACH will get TIRED from all thay first half HUSTLE and FADE. Which should make for a few minutes of penetrations/dunks before Lloyd rides everyone in with gas in the tank.
FIFA?
Just popping in to gloat about being top of the DFO bracket (albeit tied with 10 or so others) while it lasts
I haven’t lost a game yet.
I didn’t make any picks, of course, so I don’t have any winners either.
I almost signed up to see if I could get zero possible points
Looks like you followed my advice and took the Wildcats to win it all.
I am pretty sure am already eliminated. I never, EVER get Sparty right.
A song about drugs is beating up the Stormin’ Mormons.
Thought request line was tomorrow!?!
Vacaciones start now! Workout done, wine poured before noon. joint smoked, let’s hoop. Hail gamblor and Tom Izzo.
Balls’ Top Ten US cities to host sporting events:
Los Angeles
Las Vegas
New Orleans
Miami
New York
Atlanta
Dallas
Indianapolis
Boston
Houston
No love for Seattle or Chicago eh?
Weather is too inconsistent. If I were to add Canadia, I’d put Vancouver ahead of either of them.
Montreal n’est pas content, pas en toute.
Yet you picked two cities in Texas where they build on flood plain and have an electrical grid that craps out with their deep freezes?
Boston or Foxboro?
Boston. Foxborough is a nightmare dreampt up by Freddie Krueger.
Accurate. Only a demon would come to with Route 1.
Looks like Redshirt has a mortal enemy
https://twitter.com/r0wdy_/status/1769866135913005177
Arlington, Texas is not a city. It is a stadium surrounded by scrub, trailer parks, and poor people
Also, New York/New Jersey is not a city. It is two separate states with a slash in between.
There is such a thing as the social contract. When you ask my call availability, and I say “right now, I can make anything from 11-3 work” one expects the other to then select a time in that window. NOT just expect me to wait by the goddamned phone for 4 hours.
Charge them double.
I just say “none, I’m very busy.” Saves a lot of time.
I really need to start with that. Though I shepherd as many things to e-mail as humanly possible. Fuck me, do I ever hate the phone.
I think Alex’s whole story is an explanation for Trump’s presidency.
This is my brain on drugs:
https://ibb.co/cw9m0tM
I think he’s a scifi author.
Once you get the alternate earworm of “redneck kings of FUCK” into your brain for this song, it is there FOAREVER:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nof3EZ2IAk0
I need Agent Scully to explain this to me as what this is, as I don’t think i want the truth from the Smoking Man,
I’d have her wear this and deep bend a lot during the explanation. I’m sure I’d understand it all.
DonT picked the Hardwood JV Titans, at least -ish. That’s good bracketologing!
I just called Colgate “The Fighting Bicuspids” in a work email group. The Hippo is strong in me today.
Senor Weaselo asks what ne needs to do to get credit for good team names
I love Senor’s twist on the concept. You can tell he’s waaaayyyyy MOAR cultured than me.
/no surprise we each picked the Hardwood JV 500s to cut down the nets
I know that most of his team names are funny, just not aware of enough to understand the joke of each. And too lazy to figure out why
It’s a lot of puns and/or anything to pan the team involved! And math jokes, when it involves Edmonton.
The one thing they can’t do in that dump.
Solid.
Is it a Catholic school? Then they could be the Holy Molars!
Things Hippo Hates – waiting for a stupid client to call, when #2ndPill needs some lovin’
Get Other Hippo to take the call. He needs to pull his own weight once in a while.
problem is, dat sumbitch gots no filter whatsoever
Route the calls to me Hippo (I’ll send you my number on Slack). I’ll pump your billable rate today by 400% (I take a 10% cut of gross proceeds before taxes). I’ll try not to quote too many phony precedents but with AI today who knows the difference. Please settle all accounts with me by the end of the month. God Bless.
Holy cats, you think you’re getting my dumb ass, instead you get THE Brick Meathook for a mere $2,280/hr? What a bargain indeed.
I’ll be a good Hippo, Hippo.
https://ibb.co/PQ2tKNt
Springtime always brings forth thoughts and feelings. Of death.
Plus beautiful flowers in full bloom and also killing. Don’t forget thoughts of killing!
whoa I hope I didn’t say that last part out loud
I don’t know which is more confusing: this article, or Ayo screwing up his engine model. Note the pun on “screw.” Ha ha that’s good comedy stuff there.
I’m willing to challenge any of you to a Yahtzee death-match as soon as I figure out how to play that fucking game. We owned it in our house growing up but I can’t remember playing it once.
The beauty of mixing alcohol and opiates is the heightened reality. The downside? There is no downside!
Here’s a bonus picture of Lynda Carter, TV’s Wonder Woman. Look at those eyes . . .
https://ibb.co/dm7b2rr
Did you read part 1? It might become less confusing if the similar portions are read side by side!
But Part 1 the story of the broken screw?
Link is at the top, not sure what you’re referring to
It’s. Always. Jet. Engines.
Or cameras!
I’m in
Lynda Carter or Yahtzee?
Yes
This
Vernor Vinge RIP. A shame. He only wrote one book about ten times, but it was a pretty good one.
Oh fuck! I wrote to him one time about my keyboard stuff and he was kind enough to write back!
This is a fantastic time to be reading this story considering that a neighbor just engaged me to help them clean out their parents’ storage unit on Monday. Just absolutely fantastic, doesn’t put any creepy thoughts in my head whatsoever.
This is why Alabama is not-so-secretly trying to ban IVF.
To be fair, less Alabamians is probably a good thing
I ended up following someone else in before the gate could close.
As someone in infosec, this was the scariest bit in this post.
Probably the most realistic, too.
Tailgating is Bad.
“You are seriously flirting with getting yourself kicked out of finger guns club.” – Balls