Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
Beware the fury of a patient man [in bed].
John Dryden
So, starts slow, finishes hard? Pun intended.
So, with the whole bridge thingy and all the conspiracy theories about it, got me thinking that I don’t really think any of the conspiracy theories are true, which is kinda one in itself. Like, some have got to be partially true. I’ve given this more thought than I should and the only one I can come up with is the dates on the food are 100% arbitrary, but that’s not even a big one. So, curious to what one’s yous believe in are and why.
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
TMI alert
I suspect my vitamin D supplement is not that effective because I just pooped out a whole, unbroken vitamin D capsule
Doktor Zymm
I’m in a shitty mood right now, vacillating between making a cocktail and telling myself if I’m already angry, I don’t need to be drinking.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
I’m a happy drunk so this wouldn’t be a dilemma for me. In fact, it would be a solution. A wonderful solution of freezer vodka!
Mr. Ayo
If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate!
Doktor Zymm
Sign a company meeting is going to be absolutely ignorable is when one of the first statements is about loving the energy in the room. It was a Zoom call.
ArmedandHammered
Twitter is convinced that the container ship rammed the Baltimore bridge to distract from P.Diddy’s compound being raided by the FBI because “they” don’t want you to know about all the child sex-trafficking.
/glares at asteroid belt
//taps watch
Horatio Cornblower
How the fuck did we as a society get so fucking stupid? I thought we got rid of leaded gasoline and lead paint
Sharkbait
Anybody heard from jjfozz lately?
Brick Meathook
I think today was his first day as a harbor pilot in Baltimore. Good luck on the new job, Fozz!
LemonJello
He is still loudly berating the pilot that hit the bridge, sending him and his vehicle into the water. His sheer rage held the water back till he could rise up on a cloud of steam to land on the ship’s bridge.
ArmedandHammered
So the joke may be on all the ant-vaxx Karens out there https://www.forbes.com/sites/ariannajohnson/2024/03/25/chemicals-found-in-popular-household-products-potentially-linked-to-autism-multiple-sclerosis-study-suggests/amp/
Keeping your house so clean may be what causes autism. Especially since the story mentions the increase of their use matches the rise in autism rates.
ArmedandHammered
*use of cleaning chemicals
ArmedandHammered
Nothing about vacuums though, right?
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Here’s a link to the video, in case anybody hasn’t seen it yet.
https://www.wbaltv.com/article/baltimore-bridge-collapse-key-bridge-video/60304085
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Oh shit, no wonder, they basically rammed one of the man supports. Nothing is designed to survive a hit by that much weight
Doktor Zymm
F=ma, undefeated
King Hippo
Oh, hello email containing the totally anonymous work survey. We’re gonna go put you right over here so I can take care of you later…
Sharkbait
Found a funny:
(me making fun of your crop rotation idea and thereby holding our people back another 5000 years) jeff thinks the beans have to take turns lmao
rockingdog
Editor
March 27, 2024 7:59 am
Pool update:
Finally got deck lights on. Naturally the electrical is whack and needs a switch added but I’m pleased enough with CORY’s work — this is his little side hustle with the low voltage. The downshot lights on the right are mounted into this original slump block wall and he did good getting those flush and tight on that surface. We just approved his selection so whether it was the ahopping or the work, that’s good. Plus the low voltage wires looks all well covered, best I can tell. I need to check the lights in the deck but my boy raced around there like running man last night (because this pool needs RUNNING KIDS NOW) and none of the lights caught my attention.
So the switch, the holes for the kid fence, and those dicks finally coming and painting my divng board stand — that’s Cory being some pool.guy project manager — so I can reinstall the diving board.
blaxabbath
When is the grand opening?
Sharkbait
Sharkbait next month (artist’s conception):
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
I love this new ad for some office product where they use it to get out of a 4:55 meeting to discuss scheduling.
Here’s how I get out of it: MEETING INVITE: 4:55 Thursday. RESPONSE: Declined
Horatio Cornblower
SUGGEST NEW TIME: 4:55 am
Doktor Zymm
Found a funny:
“You’ve got it so easy,” says the generation who had liquid opium over the counter for coughs and tummy aches
rockingdog
Just noticed I forgot to take my cell phone off mute (after my noon conference call). My noon yesterday conference call.
Hippo Takes Reclusing Serious-Like
King Hippo
Sunset tonight, looking at Santa Monica Bay from Pacific Palisades.
The calm before the storm.
Brick Meathook
“Love this game! So many ties!”
-M. Hutchence
scotchnaut
I’m heading to St Elmo’s steakhouse in Indianapolis next month. Given all the Indy fat jokes we make, I have high expectations.
blaxabbath
Be sure to try the gravy flight.
scotchnaut
I thought every plane that flies to Indianapolis is called a gravy flight.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
I’m hungry.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
WCS
This may be the cocktail that makes me like gin.
ballsofsteelandfury
Be careful. Gin is like tequila; there’s something in there that changes people’s behavior.
My friend Bill would say: “Gin gives me a third nut” and he did not mean that pleasantly.
Brick Meathook
/buys all the gin
-Lance Armstrong
SonOfSpam
So part of my job is scripting new products for mortgage companies (the underwriting, the pricing, etc.) It’s as sexy as it sounds.
Anyway, this set I’m working on is for investors who own multiple rental properties. The mortgages are qualified and priced based on (among many other factors), a sort of debt-to-income calculation specific to rental property ownership. Some of these products are for investors who don’t have quite as much income as others.
That’s right, I’m writing a whole suite of products with the title Low Ratio.
SonOfSpam
NC State’s fat guy makes it hard to root against them. My man just got a rebound, passed it off and waved his teammates forward while he walked up the court. “No, you guys run ahead. I’ll catch up. I need a minute.”
This guy is my spirit animal.
Horatio Cornblower
We’ve all waddled a mile in his shoes.
King Hippo
Happy Easter, you goyim!
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Found a funny:
DOG GENIE: you have three wishes
DOG: I wish for a big ham
two big hams appear
DOG GENIE: lol me too ok this one’s on me
rockingdog
It only took 24 years or so but wifey has come around to the fact that her mother is a manipulative sociopath. I’d run around the living room in my underwear in celebration but I sprained my ankle and it really hurts.
scotchnaut
Howdy folks! Rough day. Lost the ol’ composure at the in-laws. Again. Oh well. That Jesus fella was nice enough to leave an empty cave behind today, so I wandered off into it and rolled the stone back. Just wanted to pop in with my vuvuzela and face painted half Huskie blue & half Wolfpack red, say that bean recipe looks magnificent, and wish that all your chocolate Easter bunnies were solid instead of hollow today. How bout them Bombers, Senor Weaslo?!
[attempts “Soto shuffle”]
back spasms violently
[farts]
Fronkenshteen
Anyone know anyone that had a Final Four of UConn, Purdue, Alabama, and NC State? Anyone? Bueller?
Horatio Cornblower
Internet Dad leading the pool!
litre_cola
1st prize must be a carton of cigs.
Horatio Cornblower
BeefReeferLives
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
One quick test of a conspiracy theory is “connecting the dots.” If the line is highly contorted and convoluted, it generally indicates a number of extreme coincidences that are being used to arrive at a preconceived result. If the dots connect in rather straight line, it doesn’t prove anything, but the theory is worth investigating further.
Kennedy assassination theories that deviate from the Warren Report are usually pretty convoluted (not all of them, but almost all of them). On the other hand, with the Watergate break-in of 1972, there is a theory that it actually links back to Howard Hughes, not in the burglars trying to find info on George McGovern, who everyone knew was going to lose badly. The Hughes-to-Watergate connection involves a series of events that starts with a break-in at the Hughes headquarters in Hollywood, and connecting these events produces a remarkably straight line.
Yeah, my favorite are the elaborate theories about how “they” are carrying out a scheme that requires near-total control of government, media, business, and military, so that they can elect candidate X and then implement their agenda.
Like, if you already control government, media, business, and the military, why fuck around with rigging the Super Bowl for Taylor Swift’s boyfriend? Just do the shit you want to do.
Bonus points if the dastardly secret agenda is pretty much useless or redundant of reality. Bill Gates doesn’t need to invent a “fake pandemic” to get you to inject microchips in your body so he can track you, you stupid motherfucker, you’re already being tracked by the same device you’re using to spread your dumb paranoid bullshit.
To simplify it…
https://www.change.org/p/donald-j-trump-make-the-federal-government-admit-that-wyoming-doesn-t-exist-117bc7bb-cea4-43a1-9a1b-ad5f317961f4
Make them admit it!
Wyoming exists, but there are mythical states:
https://youtu.be/ixv-IJThbTE?si=8W_UIy6Jf7zQPGim
The Dakotas actually were* admitted as two states in order to give the Republicans three more electoral votes.
*citation needed, but I vaguely remember reading this somewhere.**
**probably the internet, which, you know…
I thought it was one of those pre-civil war compromises where one was a slave state
Edit: nope, they didn’t become states until well after the civil war, and it was kinda the Republican thing but as part of a deal bundled with some other states
Jews run the world. It’s all laid out in this exciting book I just found in the gutter, called The Protocols of the Elders of Zion.
It really makes sense, until you consider pretty much every single thing that’s happened over the last 2,000 years, give or take.
Expiration dates are bullshit though…
https://rightasrain.uwmedicine.org/body/food/food-expiration-dates
Let’s take a second to understand how amazing it is that EVERYONE heard the story about Rod Stewart and the stomach full of jizz before the Internet was even a thing.
Think about that for a second. That’s amazing.
Richard Gere’s Gerbil agrees.
An Officer and a Gerbilman.
You can go even further back (to the 1970s A.D.) and the rumor was that the kid who played “Mikey” in the Life cereal commercial died from washing down Pop Rocks with carbonated soda pop. Every kid in America somehow knew this (it wasn’t true); I can verify that in the military every guy said he had heard it, and they were from all over.
Yup. Absolutely!
RIP Joe Flaherty.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnTjs0heRJo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1R3G_beQccA
Who was it that said “2 people can keep a secret, so long as 1 of them is dead?”
Scotchy
There are tales told around the fires near Ontario train yards and other places where the hobos meet…
Pretty Little Liars?
What about “urban myths”, do those count?
‘Cause I know in my heart that Rod Stewart had to have a gallon of jizz pumped out of his stomach & Stevie Nicks had a roadie blow cocaine up her butt due to her collapsed septum.
I don’t want to believe any crazy conspiracy theories, and that’s why I’m sitting quietly in the corner with my tin foil hat on, hoping none of you lizard people will notice me.
How I picture SonOfSpam’s workplace:
That’s silly. The bathtub doesn’t overlook the ocean.
I don’t believe in conspiracy theories period. A conspiracy requires people to keep their mouths shut, and that’s just not possible. Among family (or the mob)… maybe but that’s usually stuff that doesn’t add up to much in the larger world. Political – no. Corporations – no. Too many people with different views and values. Military – fuck no. Joe can’t keep his mouth shut over anything. And don’t give me any “code of silence” bullshit, it’s not a thing. If my unit ever did anything wrong, and I tried to keep a lid on it, they would report me, as they should. Conspiracies are for people with too much time on their hands.
That’s what they want you to think!
Also, birds aren’t real.
He said conspiracies, not stone cold truths.
/City pigeons aren’t real, and hawks and other raptors are our friends and allies in the fight for our privacy
NEVAR forget – there is NO SUCH THING as the sun
Conspiracy theories are for people who crave that feeling of understanding things that other people don’t/can’t understand, but are too stupid and/or lazy to learn things like astrophysics or Newtonian physics or even basic geometry so instead they just insist that the world is actually flat.
“That’s flatbread. As in, a sandwich.” -T.M., lower Ontario