An Open Letter to New DFO Visitors

Open letters are all the rage these days. There’s even the open letter to open letters. Someday soon I’ll write an open letter to Apple about my iPhone autocorrecting kegger to legged or letter. Here at [DFO], we’ve noticed a slight uptick in traffic lately and expect (read: hope) that more folks will join as football season begins in earnest. Accordingly, we want to take a moment to welcome the new, the confused, the lurking to [DOOR FLIES OPEN].

Dear New [DFO] Visitor:

Hi! Welcome to [Door Flies Open] or DFO or [DFO] or whatever you want to call us. Thanks for stopping by. Maybe you found [DFO] through Ape’s Twitter, or KSK’s Wikipedia entry, or a team preview that found its way to reddit, or maybe from when Drew ripped off DTZM’s Jim Caldwell joke, or a google search for “Roger Goodell is a National Disgrace.” Perhaps it was a late night search for Milana Vayntrub. No matter how you got here, we’re glad you found us. Please, feel free to stay a while. Read through the team previews we’ve been rolling out. Don’t worry about the welcome mat, those stains are, um, normal.

As you may have heard, this little website started when a certain online group that shall not be named brutally murdered our beloved KSK. A small core of dick-joking-loving football fans started a new virtual home to continue the tradition of sharing jokes, football insight, support, mockery, and more with one another. That, in simple terms, is what we have here at [DFO].

In the morning, there may be football analysis from Hippo or social commentary or a visit from an old friend or perhaps an early morning adventure. In the evenings, there’s an open thread. No need for a topic, just check in to have some banter while you drink, er, I mean watch preseason football or Jeopardy! or BattleBots or :shudder: baseball. There will be gifs and personal venting and support for those with times good and tough or in major need of a sandwich. In between, there are beer reviews and music and cooking and Australian rules football and for a while there was even random violence and underwear.

If you’re wondering about the random block quote at the top of the page, that’s our little way of spotlighting a particular funny comment from a, well some here like to be called commentists while others prefer DFOer and still others are in too much bourble to bother with much beyond unintelligible yelling. But the point is, say something hilarious in the comments and you may see your name up there on the banner!

On the side is a little scrolly thing that we [read: Balls] update when there’s news or funniness or it’s been too long since we last updated it. Just one of many user friendly interfaces [DFO] aims to bring to the dick joke public

And yes, there are live blogs. If there’s an NFL game on the tee-vee, there will be DFOers following along here with their insights and gifs and Pac-Man video games. And we want you to join in. The more the merrier. Yeah, sometimes we may be a little weird, and the collection of native Cicerones, music experts, prescription narcotics enthusiasts, and others can seem intimidating at first. But I promise, they’re fun!  And mostly gentle. Our internet dad, DTZM, built this site so that those who bonded at the other one would have a place to come.  The collection of football loving miscreants came in droves and something unusual happened: they made this site their own. Not just recycling KSK jokes and commenting on how much Roger Goodell sucks. Yes, that happens here, too, but there is original new shit that is different and fun and meaningful and filled with love. This is a new home for people who like football and dick jokes and a little weirdness. In it, some of us have found a creative outlet in addition to a place to talk football or supportive imaginary Internet friends when we need to vent. You’re welcome to join us. So again, stay awhile and tell your friends. And you should create a little avatar and username and join the fun.

After all, fuck the Olive Garden. Around here, we really are family.

Love,

BFC*

P.S. If you’re having issues loading comments, it’s probably Seamus’s fault.

P.P.S. Remember, we like dick jokes, not being dicks. So be funny, play nice, and share as much or as little as you’d like

*Note:  Not an original DFOer and unqualified to welcome you in any way.