On the Beach Lesser Footy Saturday

Did y’all read this booky-book in high school?  Somehow, I didn’t.  But I love end of the world/dystopian fiction, so maybe I will put it on my library hold list (saving me ass tons of moneys, why did I ever get out of the habit?).  Anything you’d care to recommend to Other Hippo and/or the class?

But in Lesser Footy, tis used to describe the sides playing for the square root of fuckall in May.  Safe from relegation, no chance at European qualification.  This year?  Holy shit, there are just SO MANY of us (and Toffees supporters are very grateful to be included).

All the drama is really down to two things – (1) Will City of Men stub their toe and let the King’s Afrikan Water Pistols back in the hunt? and (2) Will Villa somehow blow the 4th Shempions League qualifying spot (for which they clearly have pole position)?

Nothing else really matters.

Arsenal have to go first this weekend, hosting yeah right’s Cherries Jubilee early (7:30, USA).  This is, without question, a banana skin fixture.  The Gooners may or may not slip on it…but the danger is deffo there.  Ded Knifey and Insane-They-Won’t-Go-Down Robins Hood (10:00, USA) are the featured 10:00 window match.  Zero fucks given.  Beesus/Mighty Whitey could very well have some quasi-rivalry spice (Peacock).

City of Men host Wolves in the Spotlight round (12:30, NBC) – which is a pretty easy task, really.  But do recall that City don’t need to LOSE – a Draw puts Arsenal back in the driver’s seat, unless they drop points first.  A City Draw could be fun as shit, in that Pep’s bunch would then have to boat race their remaining opponents, trying to catch Arsenal’s goal differential.  Chaos is always fun.

Villa get Trashbirds on the South Coast Sunday (9:00, USA) – the rest are just filler.  Villa shit themselves in European/Zooropa NIT play mid-week (at home to Olympiakos), which was quite surprising.  Interested to see their response.

Totally unrelated, but when I was in between London and Exeter, Ontario – oldest HippoSpawn and I passed an active Godfather’s Pizza.  Probably been 20 years since I’ve seen one, but good for the Herman Cain estate.  NINE NINE NINE!!!

Make pun-ny Star Wars references in my thread?  You’ll be on our list, chuh chuh.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Dunstan

I don’t have any ridiculous hats, but at least I have a mint julep

Doktor Zymm

Tomorrow will be a Scilly day!

Gumbygirl

My darling dear, every day is a Scilly day around here!

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scotchnaut

Yesterday and the day after? You guessed it. Chrybdis Day.

yeah right

I was right here in the DMZ.

Gumbygirl

That was my biggest mistake, using my real name here.

ballsofsteelandfury

Fun fact: LA had its own Wrigley Field and it was located not too far from Watts in South Central.

For a long time, it was home to the LA Angels.

Yes, same Wrigley. The Angels were a minor league club for the Chicago Cubs.

Last edited 5 months ago by ballsofsteelandfury
ballsofsteelandfury

Fun fact 2: the MLB Angels played there in their inaugural season.

ballsofsteelandfury

Fun fact 3: Wrigley OWNED Catalina Island. The Cubs held spring training there and there was another Wrigley Field there.

Gumbygirl

I watched a Huell Howser episode about the Wrigley botanical garden on Catalina the other day. It was very pretty.

rockingdog

Watched that new Unfrosted movie
Pretty funny

Kinda Rockinggggg!

Gumbygirl

That’s an amazing coinkydink, I ate a poptart today. First one in many years. It was frosted, however. Blueberry. Not bad, as long as you don’t think about it too hard!

ballsofsteelandfury

Frosted Cherry and Brown Sugar Cinnamon. Trust me.

Gumbygirl

I’m kind of intrigued by the hot fudge sundae one. I have problems with fake cinnamon flavor. I can’t use Colgate toothpaste or chew Dentyne gum, I’ll get giant hives in my mouth. Real cinnamon is fine, but is Kellogg splashing out for the good stuff?

ballsofsteelandfury

Probably not. In the video, Matt says all the chocolate flavors are trash, but YMMV.

Gumbygirl

I just watched it. No longer intrigued. I’ll stick to the fruity ones. I’ll be due for another one in ten years or so.

LemonJello

A belt AND a tie? East Carolina taking on airs now?

WCS

Jeebus Criminey, the banner quote.

scotchnaut

“We’re inside the looking glass baseball, folks!”

-Kevin Costner, Bull Durham

Horatio Cornblower

-sigh-

Brick Meathook
yeah right

I worked the curtains and painted the flats for Hello Dolly with my dad.

He was in the chorus.

BugEyedBoo
scotchnaut

Team’s response to Pep after being asked to play an exhibition vs City of Men this summer. [sub “Man” for “Sun”]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4BIvf-ZlJNc&ab_channel=alexbizzo

scotchnaut

“Ostentatious hat display by very drunk and pale trust-funded women followed by four-legged creatures trying not to die at full speed.”

-TV Guide description of the Derby

Horatio Cornblower

Yankees just welcomed a 102-year-old WWII Army veteran while playing ‘Anchors Away’ as they gave his background.

BeefReeferLives

/giggle, snort

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scotchnaut

Small men mounted on large animals, running around in circles and breathing heavily with tons of money on the line? Sounds like a typical Friday night at the Horatio household.

Gumbygirl

Yes, this is the new banner!

scotchnaut

“The Kentucky Derby-the fastest two minute event since the crushing disappointment in my bedroom last night!”

ballsofsteelandfury

Braggart!

Horatio Cornblower

UFL games being played in front of literally dozens and dozens of fans.

Horatio Cornblower

UFL Season Ticket Holders Picnic, to be held during half time.

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scotchnaut

Reporter: “Any good luck wishes for the first Japanese horse to run in the Kentucky Derby?”

B. Parcells: “Of course. Break a leg!”

LemonJello

Man, PETA is going to be pissed at City of Men for that slaughter of wolves.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh, did Wolves not come back from what I assumed to an insurmountable 1-0 deficit when I went out to mow the lawn?

Shocking, that.

scotchnaut

Oh shit, Haaland absolutely pissed at being subbed out.

scotchnaut

A City of Men W as certain as Rikki’s stock portfolio being heavily weighted in Dyson, Shark, Dirt Devil and Bissell.

Doktor Zymm

If I lived in the UK I would join CAMRA so fast

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BugEyedBoo

That ‘Kids < 7″ is getting pretty close to being hieroglyphics.

Doktor Zymm

£7.95 for a Kids Sunday Roasted isn’t a bad deal!

Last edited 5 months ago by Doktor Zymm
Gumbygirl

Depends on the kid. Some of them are stringy and tough. What you want is a juicy , well- marbled toddler.

ballsofsteelandfury

Slow and Low is the key…

scotchnaut

All that ink on his neck weighing him down, no wonder Ederson couldn’t reach high enough to get the ball cleanly.

Last edited 5 months ago by scotchnaut
scotchnaut

Haaland is tied for 8th place now.

Dunstan

The key is to drink enough mint juleps so you don’t care.

Mr. Ayo

Found GumbyGirl’s horse. West Saragota everyone!

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Gumbygirl

Pretty! And probably pretty slow!

Mr. Ayo

Current odds are 23-1, safely mid pack!

Gumbygirl

I can’t watch on the television, my SIL doesn’t have any network channels. She only has free streaming stuff, because she gets a bug up her cheap ass. She just completely remodeled her kitchen, replaced her floors, and rebuilt her upstairs deck, but Youtube tv or Hulu is a bridge too far!

Mr. Ayo

I’ll cheer for your pretty boy in your stead!

BugEyedBoo

Horseracing was popular back when its competition was boxing, mumblety-peg, and lynching bees.

litre_cola

Anyone else having a 7 year old birthday party at their place? There is not enough edibles for the noise.

Horatio Cornblower

Nope, just getting mocking pictures from my adult children about the BBQ they’re having for lunch while I mow and rake the lawn.

Gumbygirl

My kid’s parties were usually at Chuck E Cheese, because they served beer. Not to the kids!

scotchnaut

I didn’t think the Scandos as a race were blessed with leaping ability but I might be wrong.

scotchnaut

Two more goals and Broom will be in third place all-time for City of Men. It’s taken him 377 games to get there. Haaland has 93 appearances and is in 9th place-I figure by the end of the season he’ll be in 7th.

yeah right

I just read On The Beach in the last couple of years and it was a solid depressing end of world book.

For book recommendations The Heaven and Earth Grocery Store by James McBride is absolutely wonderful.

I also quite enjoyed Shalash the Iraqi.

Now currently reading The Wager and it’s super enjoyable.

scotchnaut

Imagine how much more talented Haaland would be if he didn’t have that stupid haircut.

yeah right

Ask Hi I’m Mark Davis for a recommendation.

yeah right

That’s awesome. I fucking loved that show.

2Pack

You bikers number ten…

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Doktor Zymm

Certainly melts away the teeth, although you don’t need to chew beer calories

Horatio Cornblower

Man, it’s about time Ed Sheeran got a break.

I mean besides making millions of dollars singing some of the worst music you’re ever likely to hear.

Horatio Cornblower

Kentucky Derby day, so let’s get our bets in on the most important statistic of the day: O/U on dead horses by the end of the races!!

Senor Weaselo

In just the Derby or the whole day?

Doktor Zymm

Dead horse children to be more accurate. At 3 they’re basically early teenagers, and they’ve been racing them full speed since they were the equivalent of 5 or 6 in human years. They keep growing for a couple more years after so their bones aren’t set yet

BeefReeferLives

“pun-ny Star Wars references”?

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BeefReeferLives

Wut? Uh, in ‘MERICA, isn’t every day “Christian Day”?

BeefReeferLives

& begs the inevitable question, “So, when is “Muslim Day” & what celebrations are planned for it in ‘merica-ball stadiums?”

Senor Weaselo

“The worst kind, you’re hired!” -Hedley Lamarr

2Pack

Never forget

2Pack

Her…

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BeefReeferLives

In Italia, every day is ‘Dem Big Ol Titays’ day

2Pack

Indeed

ballsofsteelandfury

I have a friend at work whose family is from Bari. Each one of her boobies is bigger than my head.

Game Time Decision

when I was in between London and Exeter, Ontario

I know where that is. Is there still the corn field off Wonderland road just off the highway?

Game Time Decision

This cornfield is in town, like, houses and businesses beside it.

Brick Meathook
Senor Weaselo

Pride of Senator Street and former Brooklyn Dodger, the Rifleman!

Brick Meathook

 McCain attempts to solve as many problems as possible without resorting to shooting, yet still manages to kill 120 villains over the show’s five-year run. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rifleman

Brick Meathook

Also I once got drunk in a Chinese restaurant in Santa Monica with Buddy Hackett and Louis Nye, so I’ve always got that going for me.

Senor Weaselo

(Horatio, he fills out Dodgers/Cubs in our Immaculate Grid: 1 PH PA with the Dodgers (where he grounded into a double play) and 66 games with the Cubs where he played 1B.

Horatio Cornblower

Gotta be a .003. That’s great scoring!

Senor Weaselo

Well, not for today’s. But I love being able to put Tony Lazzeri in for Dodgers stuff and being a guaranteed <0.5%.

Horatio Cornblower

I use Tony a lot for WS appearances or general Yankees nonsense. Always a low score.

2Pack

A lot going on there.

yeah right

I’ve made Frito Pie on Sunday Gravy in season 1!

yeah right

That’s also right here in my neighborhood. PV Drive South and Portuguese Bend is right around the damn corner from me.

yeah right

I’ve been to the old Marineland. There’s only the tower left and it’s fenced off to keep the locals from climbing and tagging it.

ballsofsteelandfury

I thought that’s where they built Terranea…

Horatio Cornblower

Kentucky Derby hats are stupid. Fight me.

Doktor Zymm

Being stupid is the entire point of the hats

Horatio Cornblower

I am about to become the most rabid Wolves fan imaginable.

And by that I mean I’m rooting for rabid wolves to attack De Bruyne and Haaland as they get off the bus for the next game, because that’s probably Arsenal’s best chance.

Last edited 5 months ago by Horatio Cornblower
Horatio Cornblower

They should thrash ManUre and Everton, so naturally I expect them to find a way to draw both.

Horatio Cornblower

Currently reading The Wall by John Lancaster. Some sort of massive climate disaster has affected most of the Earth and now England/Scotland, (I think) are surrounded by a massive wall to keep refugees out.

So far it’s a very good read.

Last edited 5 months ago by Horatio Cornblower
Horatio Cornblower

“Declan Rice demonstrates his box-to-box abilities”

Look man, there’s such a thing as too much information.

Horatio Cornblower

There’s the second goal I was sweating!

blaxabbath

I knew I would win in life on the day two neighbor ladies wanted to argue with me that Free Little Libraries are better than the public library (cost not even a factor, they say).

How could the Free Little Library be better than a Free Big Library?

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blaxabbath

Thai photo was at some place I hit for lunch this week.

Horatio Cornblower

Darn. I thought you just had the absolute best free library ever.

Cecil Rhodes

My word! I haven’t seen a German go down that easily since my most recent journey down into the deep dark corners of OnlyHans…err, OnlyFans! Another step towards glory for the King’s Finest!

scotchnaut

“We’ve got your Hans right here! Looking for a medieval painter? How about Holbein The Younger? Perhaps a Swedish-born WMD inspector is more your style? We’ve got a late model Blix that you might like. Are you willing to get weird? What about a children’s author that was petrified about being buried alive? Christian Anderson meets all of your criteria and is 25% off for the month of May!”

-OnlyHans sales pitch

Horatio Cornblower

In this Clubhouse we only recognize one Hans…

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Brick Meathook

Here’s a question for the clubhouse:

Have you ever taken a bowel movement so huge and painful that it made you change religions and also reversed all the clocks in your house by 45 minutes?

I’m just curious, I’m asking for a friend.

Brick Meathook

Prescription opiates make this matter much easier. Oh wait I meant they make it much worse. But they make everything else better, preferably combined with alcohol, firearms, and a motor vehicle.

blaxabbath

Drink water.

2Pack

No. You could set your clock to mine. There are 3. First after pre run coffee. Second after the run. Last about 90 minutes to two hours later, or around 0830 – 0900… and I am done for the day. From time to time dietary deviations mess with that, but usually for just a day.

scotchnaut

I’m near the end of The Wolf and The Watchman by [checks notes] Niklas Natt och Dag. It takes place in Stockholm in 1793 and the period detail is so involved that it’s been compared to The Name of the Rose and Perfume. I was happy to find out that it’s the first of a trilogy.

blaxabbath

“I believe the genre is called Thrillergy.”

Professor Vince Young