Balls Magazine Year 2, Volume 5 (26 overall) and Pinch Hit Open Thread!

Unfortunately, your usual Warhammer Open Thread will be delayed until next week due to unavoidable circumstances. Call me Manny Mota as I’m pinch-hitting for ArmedandHammered.

Today’s story is about the May tournament at my home golf club. It was held on Mother’s Day Weekend, which ended up reducing the field as most people were doing stuff with their wives, girlfriends, mothers, and dominatrices.

This time I was paired up with guys I’d previously played with. It was the two guys that my partner and I played with during the Two Man Scramble Tournament (in which we won our flight) and another guy I’d played with in a couple of previous tournaments.

I don’t know how he does it, but the third guy plays in jeans. Every single time I’ve seen him on the golf course, he’s in jeans. And he plays good in jeans! Better than me most days.

During the round, I found out all three guys knew each other from high school and they all grew up in the area. One guy left and went to live on Catalina Island for like 20 something years and that was fascinating to me. He raised his kids there! What must have it been like to grow up on Catalina Fucking Island!?!

Anyway, it was a good group and we ended up having a lot of fun during the round. The banter between those guys was epic and they totally included me on it. I don’t think I’ve had as much fun on the course or laughed harder before.

It was all good vibes as we headed to the first hole. I think all four of us hit the ball to the right side. It was a rough start. I think the best score for all four was a double bogey 6. I myself got a 7.

The group in front of us was still waiting to tee off when we finished the first hole, so we were in for a long wait. I asked my cart-mate if he wanted to go back to the bar and grab some drinks. Mind you, it was 9:30 in the morning.

Fuck it, why not?

We drove back and I got us each a Bloody Mary. That first sip was heavenly. Properly fueled up, we returned to the second tee to find that the group in front of us had barely now gotten out of range.

I made up for the shitty first hole by absolutely crushing my 1 iron on the Par 4 Second. That was followed by a pitch that went slightly over the back, a comeback chip, and a 2 putt and I was in for 5. Much better.

The Third is a Par 3 and I hit a beautiful 6 iron about pin high but on the fringe. Two putts later, I had a Par! I may drink Bloody Marys during every round! We made a rule that every good shot had to be followed by a celebratory Bloody Mary sip.

I pulled out Driver for the Par 4 Fourth and it ended up staying on the fairway, which was a very pleasant surprise. My second shot was a picture perfect 3 Wood that put the ball right in the front of the green. Unfortunately, I didn’t gauge the speed of the green correctly and I left the first putt way too far from the cup. That resulted in a Bogey 5.

The Fifth is another Par 3 but this time I hit the ball way short. I managed to pitch onto the fringe but another three putts caused by not reading the speed of the green correctly turned a possible 4 into a 5.

The Par 5 Sixth is long and uphill and I didn’t help myself by topping the ball and hitting it 50 yards. At least it was still in the middle. I made up for it by hitting an amazing 3 Wood halfway to Lancaster. I got it on the green in four and this time got the speed just right and tapped it in for a Bogey 6.

I’ve mentioned before that the Par 4 Seventh has always been a difficult hole for me to score on. It’s uphill and a slight dogleg left. My shots naturally fade ( yes, that’s a euphemism for slice. Well, that’s a bit harsh. They fade when I’m playing well and they slice when I’m not.), so it’s not perfectly set up for me.

I hit the tee shot (another brilliant 3 Wood. That was the Club Of The Day) deep down the middle but screwed up the approach and ended up with a 7.

I made up for it with a Bogey on the Par 3 Eighth and another Bogey on the Par 5 Ninth to finish the Front Nine with a 48.

I was shocked! I didn’t think I was playing that well, but the score didn’t lie.

My thoughts turned to the way I always play better in The Back and I was thinking, holy shit, this might be a really good round. And then I sliced the tee shot on the Par 4 Tenth into the middle of the adjacent fairway with a lot of trees dividing the two fairways.

It was at this point that my cart-mate gave me some brilliant advice: Don’t bother getting back on OUR fairway. Hit it down the other fairway, get some good distance, and then take it across. Fuck it, why not.

I did that and ended up hitting my third shot within ten feet of the cup. I then drained the putt for a most unlikely par. My ball only touched the tee box and the green on the Tenth hole and I ended up with a par!

And then the Abominable Snowman reared his ugly head. That hole was quite an adventure. I hit a branch on my tee shot but it left the ball in the middle. Short, but in the middle. My second shot hit a tree trunk but bounced back into the middle of the fairway. It was unreal.

I hit my third shot a bit long and then ping ponged the green like an idiot. A disappointing 8 after the golf gods were pushing my ball back into the fairway to help me. No bueno. I offered them a deep pull off the Bloody Mary to beg for their forgiveness.

Forgiveness would not come soon. More stray shots led to a 6 on the Par 3 Twelfth.

The Thirteenth featured me bombing the 3 Wood as far down the fairway as I’ve ever hit the ball. My second shot just fell off the fringe to the right of the green, pin high. A chip and two putts and I had a Bogey 5.

The wind was blowing sideways on the Par 3 Fourteenth, so I went up two clubs as a precaution. This paid off as I managed to hit it on the green. I gauged the speed correctly on the first putt and tapped in for the par on the second.

I nailed the 3 Wood again from the tee on the Par 5 Fifteenth. The second shot was topped, but straight. The third was horrible due to the fact that my second shot found the only heavy patch of grass in the middle of the fairway and was partially buried. I did however, managed to salvage a 7.

I got a 6 on the Par 4 Sixteenth and hit my tee shot onto the green of the Par 3 Seventeenth. Two putts and I had yet another par.

On the Par 5 Eighteenth, I hit three really bad shots in a row but managed to hit an amazing 200 yard approach shot ten yards to the right of the hole. A chip and two putts gave me a 7 on the final hole and that meant I finished with a 49 on The Back for a total of 97 for the round!

That is my best score ever on that golf course!

We turned in our scorecard and then went to the bar as we found out one of the Members had hit a Hole In One during the tournament and that meant a $500 bar tab for everyone playing.

It was quite the day.

PROS

I found out that my 97 was good for second place in the Gross Score category for my flight. I also got two skins for two of my pars.

I had a damn good Bloody Mary.

I was surprised how well I scored despite having a few blowup holes.

CONS

The Snowman made an appearance and I made some really dumb mistakes.

OVERALL RATING:

My 97 resulted in a score differential of 30.5 which lowered my Handicap Index to 30.6. Weird coincidence. I also earned more points towards the Club Championship and won $57. By my calculations, I’m in 5th place in the standings going into the two-day Club Championship tournament in June.

I am still struggling to understand how I managed to score so well while hitting so many bad shots. All I know is that I never gave up on holes and I kept grinding. I guess that shows how important mental toughness and course management are in this game.

I actually had a tournament on the same day with the new golf club I joined. I opted to play in this one because I’ve been doing well in the club championship race and I wanted to earn some points. It turned out to be the right decision.

See you next time.