No, this is not a #HippoLyf reference, I am still a fat fuck who will remain such.
Just…not much in the way of viewing. Our Kraut pals at Treyverkeusen look to wrap up their “Invincibles” status in the Bundesliga, home against Augsburg (9:30, ESPN+). Nothing else matters there, to my knowledge.
After that, you “get” to see who is promoted into the 2024-25 Championship, as Wembley hosts Bolton and Oxford (11:15, ESPN+) in the League One playoff final. Classic story here, the humbled giant against the minnow upstart. Oxford call themselves the “U’s” because sometimes Brits are very un-creative like that.
Tomorrow, tune into USA to see King’s Afrikan Water Pistols finish a very strong 2nd, by mauling “somehow on 40 points” Everton. A second place with PROMISE, if you will. It won’t matter, unless Retiring Dour Ginger Cunt David Moyes has a shocker up his sleeve away to City of Men (11:00, NBC).
Speaking of, I miss Faye Reagan. She and Georgia Jones were such a cute couple, you know?
Yeah, I know this was brief. I tweaked my lower back on Wednesday (or was it Thursday?), and am MOAR doped up than usual. Talk amongst yourselves.
They just put the last minute of the fight on while Senorita and I wait for pizza.
Guy here: “[Fury] looks like the guy from Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out.”
Sorry Hippo.
Seize The Grey wins the Bad Pun Preakness Horsey Running Thing!
my nap was so good, I woke up convinced it was Sunday
I’m debating taking a nap. I know I shouldn’t because I really need a good long chunk of overnight sleep, but I really, really want to nap.
I think youngest right just talked me into skydiving with her in Switzerland next year.
.
Do it! Or paraglide, much more chill and you still get the views
You’re all certifiable…
https://youtu.be/n08mNz9f0FQ?si=McESqjXsf4LrZ3Sh&t=55
“Skydiving in Switzerland” is the name of my Andy Sidaris tribute movie. Will there be a ton of nudity?
Umm, yeah!
Hopefully not.
I’ll eat extra raclette so I don’t shit my pants.
Wait, are you saying that my fondness for melted cheese may be one of the reasons I have never shit my pants? The benefits of cheese are neverending!
It will definitely stop the pants shitting. Or at least delay it.
“Little Red Raclette” is the tune that sent Prince’s career into the stratosphere.
Big date coming on Tuesday night.
“Wooo! You got a date, Tuesday, baby!”
THESE GUYS THE DFO CREW THAT LIVES IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA I CALL THEM CHIEF BROMDEN FROM ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST BECAUSE TO THEM IT FEELS LIKE SOMEBODY TURNED ON A FOG MACHINE AND ALSO BECAUSE THEY BELONG IN THE CRAZY HOUSE.
I like it. I like Spooky LA.
We’ve finally got a little sun.
Hey Chief? How about we take the guys out on a fishing trip?
We got the same up-coast, usually the fog and clouds clear out by 11 in SJB but they were still going strong at 1 today
Trees got in yesterday. Have activity on the yard again this week.
Riding up in the bridge cockpit made all the other crap worth it. I would ask to go up and visit any chance I could and stay for as long as they’d let me. There’s nothing else like it and nowhere else you can do it. The bow wake is hypnotic, and often there are wild dolphins jumping in it having fun.
https://ibb.co/bskCV6m
Found him!
https://youtu.be/cntvEDbagAw?si=RDCHipq4DveHHKob
Fucking perfect!
I love his logic “if I’m a fugitive for long enough, I get off scott-free!” Good thing none of the people he prosecuted in NY thought to take advantage of that loophole.
I love that I will get to shit on his grave.
I hope that when he finally does go, nobody finds his body for a few days and cats have eaten most of his face.
Cats deserve better! Rats can have him.
It’s important to me that we celebrate as hard and loud as possible every single time one of their ilk dies. I want them to live knowing the same hate it there for them — we’re just waiting for you to die before finally just being done with you fucks.
/JFK Airport, 2035
Airport Official: “Reason for visiting the contiguous United States of Trump?”
Blax: “To shit on Rudy Giuliani’s grave.”
Airport Official: “It says you’re from [squints] ‘Hawaii’. Sounds like a foreign country to me.”
Blax: “It’s part of the United States, christ sake!”
Airport Official: [consults with superior, hits forehead with flat palm a dozen times] “Turns out you’re right. One more question-why didn’t you join the express line to shit on his grave? It’s so much faster.”
Also reading up on it for a split-second… that doesn’t seem to be how it works.
Given that hockey is played on frozen water (did I just blow your mind?) I’d like to see dominant civilizations/navies play a round robin vs each other. First round-
Egypt vs Great Britain
The Dutch vs China
The Sea Peoples vs Spain
The Romans vs Persia
China vs The Vikings
The entity with most points would be awarded the Thor Heyerdahl Trophy
The Sumerians want in against their archrivals Babylon.
Dude’s shoe blew off
France’s Hockey Coach: “Your playing is merde! You’re not shooting the puck, you’re not getting back on defense-that’s it, no Gitanes during intermission and [pauses for dramatic effect] only a blended Australian shiraz to drink!”
Player 1: “Zut Alors! We’ve got to do better.”
Player 2: [faints]
Player 3: [mimes wiping tears from face]
“2 minute minor penalty on Slovakia, hooking from across the ice with an invisible hook”
Announcer: “Number 8, Gaspard LeFarge, guillotined for high-sticking.”
Update: footy team lost. I popped into Harry’s Bar and am picking up a few bottles in addition to a quick cocktail. He not only remembers us, he remembers the type of camera Brick had with him.
Also he is VERY engrossed in the History Channel
Spoiler Alert: It was aliens.
Lol I said that
As someone who majored in history and still takes a deep interest, it is my fervent belief that everyone currently associated with The History Channel needs to be dragged out and shot.
Remember the good old days, when it was the Hitler Channel?
When I started in TV post-production in D.C., the then-new History Channel was a client and they would repackage old documentaries, government films, and industrial films into broadcast packages because they desperately needed content. We called it “The Luftwaffe Channel.”
I see that the Nicolae Ceausescu documentary I recommended has taken effect.
They ruined it. They could have kept showing history and made a totally separate channel about dumb alien shit, but NO. Where are kids today going to learn about the evolution of Soviet tanks? Tell me that!
Wow!
More importantly, how did you play?
/last year
Me: [sees that Retard Doctor series has a new baby episode] “Well, the end of the series is nigh.”
TV Just Now: “Tune in for the series finale of Retard Doctor.”
/I never use that word except describing that program because it’s such pandering drivel
They’re expanding the franchise into “Retard Lawyer”
Bad news for them, I’ve already trademarked that for my business cards.
Absolutely something my brother and I would do to each other. Even today. ESPECIALLY today.
That looks like his dad though? Guess he really doesn’t want grandkids!
Wait. When did Christian singers become labeled as ‘Worship Artists’?
ewwwwwww, I’d like to un-know that
Is that like Up with People, or Creed?
There was a local commercial during the WNBA game (Kaitlyn Clark has 15 points, btw) featuring some sore of ‘believer’ conference (Tim Tebow is gonna be speaking!) and that’s what the singer was called.
Creed guy is getting a D.I.V.O.R.C.E. He’s a Devil Worship Artist now.
They are renaming everything Bro. I’m no longer keeping track, could care less, and communicate from my time warp. Never make the mistake of correcting me with the new bullshit. I’ll simply point that out to you.
To make a Christian pop song, just take any love ballad and replace the word “baby” or “babe” with “Jesus”
I crossed “See Kraftwerk live,” off my bucket list last night. Not normally someone I would go see, but my sister asked me to go with her, and I said ‘yes’ before my brain kicked in. All of their songs had background videos, and all of the videos were 1980’s vintage. Lots of wireframe and lots of low-count polygon animation. It put a smile on my face, but I’m easily amused.
For me, their best songs were actually their faster ones. When they got slow and melodic I got bored. ‘Autobahn’ was maybe the third or fourth best of theirs.
I was in the back, so this isn’t my live clip.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6aavBfW-Y5k
Trans! AYEropa! Express!!
I saw one of their cover bands.
Craig Ferguson approves!
Sprockets!
I did 2 tours in Germany back when there was but 1 AFN channel (we get 10 now). So I endured a lot of German TV. They had some good concerts, but at times the program was literally shit like this.
How tumescent will Intergalactical Disgrace Gary Bettman be for a Sex Panthers: On Ice! v. Ice Goddamned Stars final?
Canada wins 5-3. Maybe now the Finns will re-think their traffic-fines-proportional-to-yearly-income silliness. At least I hope that was what was on the line today.
Canada has taken the lead playing some good old ‘dump and chase’ hockey just as God intended.
Cavalry FC play a pivotal home game this evening! Can’t have Atletico Ottawa running away with the league this early!
Calvary always rises, yo
Slow starters every damn year. Hell we started last year with 6 fucking draws and there were calls for swarthy Tommy’s head!
Beat those pompous swine but good. Guaranteed win June 8. I’ve never seen a loss live. Or at least I don’t remember seeing one.
Oxford take the lead!
It’s 2 now, Bolton wander closer to panic stations…
Remember when bad breast enhancement surgeries were called ‘bolt-on’s’?
PepperidgeFarmTara Reid remembers…I had a lap dance from at stripper at the OG in Vegas and it felt like she had bridge abutments installed for support.
She was very nice though and walked every morning for exercise.
I actively prefer small boobs. Which can be a problem at the strip club.
Some of the poor ladies look like they had beach balls super glued on. Should have left well enough alone.
Funny how quick the”fake boob” phenomenon faded.
First time I watched Oooo-nion Berlin (ie, Comintern FC) was in the 1-2 Bundesliga playoff round. As things stand, they’ll be in it again (with less enthusiasm this go-round).
To escape, they need to win and hope Bochum keep losing.
Comintern have since blown a 1-nil (home) lead AND missed a SECOND penno. Yet, they managed a stoppage time would-be winner, if they can not fuck up further.
UPDATE – Comintern win 2-1, and finish 15th (survival) on GD.
That game was nuts.
I had their “LiveScore” window up, I should have switched matches on my tablet, too.
The Dirty Socialist Finns are up on Mighty Canadians 1-0. GO BACK TO YOUR COUNTRY AND MAKE MORE APARTMENTS FOR YOUR HOMELESS POPULATION, YA BASTARDS!
Phil Foden wins the highly coveted Player of the Season/Bad Haircut double double for 2024!
https://www.espn.com/soccer/story/_/id/40169473/man-city-phil-foden-named-premier-league-player-season
I wasn’t sure he’d get it, but it is 100% deserved.
He has really asserted himself on the field and given the world class quality of a few of his teammates, that’s a hell of an achievement.
/I’m going to be conflicted watching England this summer
fortunately, zero % chance Southgate uses him properly/effectively
Baby Aspirins won’t need none of them trademark dramatics today. Piece of piss, Augsburg!
Found a funny:
Process Server: Mr Giuliani?
Rudy: Yes?
Process Server: You’ve been served.
Woman: What the fuck is this about, Rudy?
Rudy: Baby, it’s nothing.
Woman: Doesn’t look like nothing.
Rudy: It’s just some papers. Let me get you another drink.
Woman: No, I’m leaving. Fuck you, Rudy.
Rudy: We’ll, thanks for fucking things up for me and my cousin.
Process Server: You’re welcome.
While fuck Guilliani, I have no idea about the cousin thing
Anyone want to come out to Baltimore (in the pouring rain) to watch me come off the bench in an Aussie footy game?
“Why not just come on the bench?”
–Charles Haley
didja invite Harry?
No joke, I was just trying to remember his name to see what time his bar opens.
yer fellow Aussies will love it!
that’s a True Elvis Man right thar
Well, don’t follow the HVAC repair trucks, because they clearly don’t know.
What’s “rain”?
/yeah, we’re in that part of the year again
Might as well ask “What’s sun?”
Been a gloomy motherfucker out there for a goddamn month or so.
Especially by the water.
Yeah, it sucks here too. Not a patch of blue sky as far as the eye can see but still dry as a bone.
It’s that thing that won’t stop here in CT.
Yes, it is raining again here, yes I do need to mow my lawn and start painting the house, and no, I cannot do either one of those things and yes, I am getting pretty mad about every weekend being a washout only for it to turn 80 and sunny as soon as the work week rolls around.
Which is going to happen again this week.
Pretty fucking consistent.
86% humidity?
I’d kill myself.
But it’s a cold humidity.
Honestly, it’s like living in a fucking cloud bank.
It did this all last year too. We had zero summer.
I think we’re stuck in one of those small swirling eddies of cool weather while the rest of the planet gets baked.
The great thing about LA is that we get dry heat and cold humidity
Love to, but Beer Festival.
Sure
DM me the address
/hopes for no lines at the boarder
//be there for midnight or so
So today’s concert is a bunch of songs from musicals. We’re playing two songs from the show “Chess,” and neither of them are the one song I knew from the show prior, made famous of course by the one and only Mike Tyson.
Incidentally, if tonight’s fight ends in a draw, a winner will be determined by karaoke as determined by all living previously undisputed heavyweight champions. I think. I don’t know what the bone saw blood money rules are.
Got called in to do Army stuff here on a Saturday. I hope this doesn’t take long. And if it does I hope Catherine is around to help.
Ding aling a ling!