My sources tell me that if a certain goober gets into office later on this year your holiday will be re-named Jews-Lie Forth.
Damn-this was the longest short week ever. Everyone’s been through it-you just can’t get caught up because different things are getting put on your plate and you leave at night with the notion, ‘things aren’t going to fall apart by the time I get back and that’s good enough’. It’s hell when three of those days are strung together.
The NFL News Doldrums are here and the nuggets are awfully skinny on salient info but I’ll give it a go.
This Boot Was Made For Rehab:
Dak is out of a walking boot. Remember back when wearing one was the kiss of death? At a pre-Covid draft one year I drafted a dude in one and my buddies went off on me-“He’s going to be out at least three months! You’re so stupid. Your wife is cheating on you!” (ok, that last one really hurt and was wrong but my buddies always went for the jugular) I tried to explain that walking boots were also now used to stabilize the foot and speed recovery from lesser injuries but they responded with, “your dog secretly hates you”.
No Funny Words Here:
Daniel Muir played for the Colts for a few years and he’s a wacko fundamentalist. His teenage son recently visited his grandmother and he had welts all over his face and body which she took pictures of. His 6’2″ 300 pound dad wailed on him or sanctioned the beating. These shitheads live on a compound-who knows what else goes on there? There’s your fucking Christian Love for you right there.
Black Kale Looks Better In The Shade:
Can you guess that various Ontario-grown fruits and veggies are becoming available now? Wifey tells me that this variant of kale is as nutrient-dense or more than the usual type that took the foofy cooking world by storm several Matrix iterations ago. What curious “good for you” item does she have me hunting down next week? SEA BEANS! Actually, if you have a recipe in your arsenal that involves kale and is something other than a soup, let me know in the comments.
When Do We Want It? Never!:
Advocating for the drinkers of Ontario here. The LCBO has a strike vote tomorrow-was the parking lot a madhouse earlier this evening? HA!
SPURTS!:
Soccario carries the evening with Argentina laying a walloping on Ecodoor.
Why yes, I DID visit the actual cocaine bear today
Donut update:
I brought two Winchell’s Dozens (14 donuts in each dozen) for the employees that are in the office. We may not have that many people here.
The ones that are here will be hopped up on sugar and will crash spectacularly midmorning.
This is going to be fun.
But enough about Britt Reid…
I heard on a podcast last year that when the Chargers were in San Diego, the team facility only ever had one caterer, who had at most 8 different meals of mediocre quality. The idea of long-term players eating the same canned tuna sandwich or meatloaf every day for a decade perfectly encompasses the Spanos business model of cutting every possible corner. I wonder if that’s changed since the move?
Mike Brown sneers at Spanoi Clan’s overabundance of perks like food and shelter. Players can, would, and SHOULD live in their cars, parked on Bengals property, and yes, you MUST pay for parking.
How does a team based in New Orleans get an F for food? I mean, you have to try to fuck that up.
I put on a String Cheese Incident video that was supposed to be Grateful Dead covers but finds its way to Running Up That Hill and it’s kinda awesome.
I’m gonna have a little more whiskey. Not too much. Just a little.
If I hadn’t eaten too much earlier, I would join you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lehcUhvF7dc
Rolling thunder 24/7?
https://youtu.be/F1DJFNSideQ
In Across the Pond News, UK’s Conservative Party is being taken to the woodshed.
I’ve got an artillery barrage going on right over my head.
Sounds like rolling thunder over here.
I wish it was raining on these assholes.
Has the lightening struck?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mT56hZhmP9E
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADEF8Uue7_0
I’ve closed all of the windows.
The war is close tonight.
Took the dog for a walk and was in the middle of it at the exact wrong time, but I was trying to time it to get the least humidity and bugs, and beat the fireworks.
Beat the major shows, but the unofficial neighborhood assholes got started as soon as it got cloudy, never mind dark. Had to talk the dog through the entire rest of the walk. He got two treats at the end of it.
That happened to me LAST night. I walked Commander in Boof early tonight, but she’s so doped up on Trazidone that she has no idea why I was trying to drag her out of the house.
She’s now doing an impeccable Biden impression.
Ran into this
https://www.facebook.com/share/v/MVXnmNZ2mGoyTizy/
Lack of Killer Instinct smh that’s why they lost the Falklands War
I think the best Fourth of July I had was in Wales, where in the course of a country drive, we stumbled across a farmhouse brewery, some standing stones, and then got stuck in a “Welsh traffic jam” (on a one-lane country road behind a flock of sheep.
I have used quite a few nationally celebrated restrooms!
https://www.bestrestroom.com/hall-of-fame/
I’ve used some of those too. Tampa and Minneapolis airports, Hermitage Hotel, Field Museum. I didn’t click on the other finalist links, there are probably a few more in those.
“I really recommend the Minneapolis airport restroom, especially if you have a wide stance like me.” — Larry Craig
I thought I remember the ones in Israel (Tel Aviv?) being remarkable, but I can’t remember specifically why.
My first MURICKA’s birthday here, and the second time the computer system crashed.
Eh, nothing bad ever happens on summer holidays involving a lot of drinking and explosives.
It’ll be fine.
“1 1/3 thumbs up!”
— Jason-Pierre P., various parts unknown
This is Dibu Martínez’s world. It’s grating, but god damn he’s otherworldly on PKs.
He made a Messi of that peno
More like Missi, amirite?
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Messi
These fireworks are insane.
No, not the ones on the national mall, the ones going off right now directly in front of my house.
It sounds like Beirut out here. Hot, dry, and windy. What could go wrong?
.
People are so stupid.
Es verdad.
GAAAAAA
/coughing fit
ARG 🖕🏼 : ☝🏼 ECU
Insanity.
Martinez is absolutely the kind of guy who celebrates like a madman after diving the wrong way on a PK and the shooter hits the post.
¡pelota de mano!
¡PALO!
https://www.cnn.com/2024/07/04/politics/biden-governors-sleep/index.html
This is what Biden Damage Control came up with to not sound like he’s too old for the job?! More sleep and less late events?! Why don’t you add “take away drivers license” and more 4:00 PM dinners?
Coco’s is out of business. Will he bring them back?
It’s okay because no emergencies happen at night when Asia and Europe are awake.
I also need more sleep and refuse to do anything before 9:00 am or after 5:00 pm, and that’s just one of many reasons I should never be President.
Found a funny:
Gave proof through the night
That our flag was still there 🫡 🇺🇸
So everyone in my office decided to take the day off tomorrow and I’m in charge of the entire branch. 3000 plus employees.
What crazy shit should I do? I am drunk with power…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1Mk7idVfcA&pp=ygUXYW5pbWFsIGhvdXNlIHRvZ2EgcGFydHk%3D
That’s actually a brilliant idea. I should bring donuts for the poor suckers/dedicated employees that didn’t take the day off.
You’d be a hero!
(as least I, a fat guy, would think that)
“You should be drinking in LA.”
-Branch 3000
Aw crap.
The boys are both not working tomorrow and they decided that they want to have a pallet bonfire. The problem is that they expect me to attend as always-it’s tradition. That’s at least two hours of drinking and I have to be at work at 7am Friday.
Tomorrow’s headline:
CANADA COMPLETELY ON FIRE; DEAD HOBO BURIAL GROUND EXPOSED
Say what you want about MAGA Cult, but at least their romanticizing/interpretation/whitewashing of history has a few good moments.
.
History could do the funniest thing by rhyming today
…and the power just went out and isn’t expected back on until 11:30. Terrific.
My condolences. Go blow up a bunch of stuff for ‘Merica in protest.
Actually my family is doing that. I’m on caretaker duty watching my dad. In the dark. In the heat.
Maybe let go of the lit fireworks
-JPP
Another Thursday another Laker game
Playoffs start soon so need a win to get home floor for a round or 2
https://youtu.be/MhQ5678cJU8?si=un1B3S5q-SQw2Gwk
In light of recent events and future prospects, this version may be more appropriate.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPrQoowkc0I&pp=ygUfQW1lcmljYSBmIHllYWggc29uZyBzYWQgcmVwcmlzZQ%3D%3D
Later that night…
YOU GAVE UP ON LIFE!
Kale Recipe:
Step 1: Drizzle in oil
Step 2: Scrape into garbage
Step 3: Make dinner
Done!
waste of a perfectly good garbage bag if’n you ask me