![](https://doorfliesopen.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/08/hippo-1132x509.jpg)
Oh my cats, next week, I will even have a handful of JV NFL fixtures to write up. Our long national/international nightmare is over! FITBAW!!!!
You might suspect Hippo is irritated that YET AGAIN the Redshite filth open with a newly-promoted minnow. Especially given that it is in a stand-alone window (7:30, USA). You’d be right, on both counts. But if the Ipswiches even DRAW the Bitches? Oh, a mammal can always dream. At least the match is at Portman Road. I enjoy learning names of new grounds, if only FOAR a brief flicker of time.
Four on the 10:00 floor, with NBC paywalling the far superior Toffees/Trashbirds (we are their bogey side!) and televising King’s Afrikan Water Pistols hosting and skullfucking hapless Wolves (USA). You could also stream Robins Hood/Cherries, and thank the Good LAWD ain’t nobody gots to watch Sham Town at Barcodes.
Our first Spotlight Dance? A compelling, under-the-radar match without a “brand name” draw. Is NBC showing some RESPEK to the now-kinda-sophisticated Murrikan audience? Fronk’s Hammers (the hot thang that turned sour milk) host their potential-heir-apparent, Unai Emery’s universally admired Villans (12:30, NBC). Will be interesting to see how the hosts set up in attack, post-Moyes era. Our cunty Midlands pals would be wise to rack up some points before the “twice a week” calendar starts up after the international break. Will it hurt to see Amadou Onana in non-Toffee coloUrs? Yes. Yes it will. Thanks so much FOAR asking!
One gets a very nice Sunday Brunch double, with Praise Beesus hosting Palace early (9:00, USA) followed by City of Men’s banana skin slide down to Stamford Bridge (11:30, Peacock). WEEK ONE IS TOO GODDAMNED EARLY FOR NON-BROADCAST FUCKERY LIKE THIS, NBC.
But seriously, buy Peacock. They even gave y’all Scott Muthafuckin’ Olympiad Hanson. They’s a-ight.
Erstwhile Foxy Footy welcomes Spurs for the initial round of MNF (3:00, USA). You’ll forget to watch, and miss pretty much fuckall.
Ballsy’s La Liga Paragraph
I concur with teh Hippo in that Peacock is actually pretty damn good. I got an annual deal that included the Olympics and will run out sometime during the season. I may actually continue paying for it. It’s that good.
Somehow someway, ABC is showing Barcelona versus Valencia today! 12:30 Best Coast time, 3:30 Least Coast time, and 4:30 Piña Colada time.
It’s difficult for me to say this, but it will be a major surprise if any team comes within fifteen points of Real Madrid at the end of the year. They’re that good. I encourage you to watch them.
Banner image coUrtesy of Low Commander and Our AI Overlords. HAIL!
Pretty good match, after that ropey first 20-25′ from Rum Ham
How many days away are we from someone on FOX calling Kamala “mulatto”?
I mean, since BIG WOKE banned quadroon smgdh
Also, I have cricket on in the background while I scan the crosswords for my mother-in-law.
I’m so white right now the Tories are about to ring my doorbell.
I’m guessing there’s some other meaning here but Still Relevant!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dp11DjaUc5A
We can haz GAME, Bubble Blowers?
Cincy/Bears-Catch the excitement!*
*offer not applicable to Chicago wide receivers because Caleb Williams is off target today.
Maybe he just needs a hug from mommy.
MILF-hunter Z has entered the chat
Titty Keeper saved from a howler by the post. YIKES
“Titty Keeper” is my favourite Elton John song.
/checks notes
//”Tiny Dancer”. Tiny Dancer is my favourite song
Reimaging this ditty as a love song to the Hammers’ keeper is now something my brain will chuckle over all day
I am now horrified to discover that, while trying to find an image to post about it, there isn’t an online bra site called “Titty Keeper” but there is one called “The Gape Keeper”.
Fronk, I told ya Onana was an absolute monster. He’s like an uber-athletic, large spider out there.
Yeah, looks like we picked up where we left off last season, picking the ball out of the goal. They can’t KEEP blaming it on Declan Rice leaving. The odds were all wacky on this one.
New manager, new players, new formation. There’s no way West Ham can have any cohesiveness at this point, right? Aston Villa (+180) seems like a gift. They finished fourth last year, for chrissakes!
Too lazy even to switch my feed to Robins Hood/Cherries. Just groaning along with the few dozen souls left in Goodison.
How many weeks do you think Dyche lasts?
I think he coaches out his contract (expires end of season) because Moshiri doesn’t want to pay anyone else.
So another exciting spring, then?
Like watching a turtle make sweet love to a boulder.
Stealing quotes from the Stormy Daniels trial again I see.
gots to hunt where they’s game, yo
A worthy finish indeed.
Peter North
JD Vance is the only Republican chubby white guy with that beard who orders a couch on Wayfair then gets upset when a 7 year old Singaporean Slave Boy Arrives.
(BANNER NOMINEE)
THIS VLADAMIR PUTIN I CALL HIM KING GEORGE BECAUSE HE CAN’T GET CONTROL OF HIS CLAIMED SUBORDINATES AND NOW HE’S GONE TO WAR AND PROVEN HIMSELF A FAILURE, RATHER THAN REMAINING AT PEACE AND PRESERVING SOME DOUBT.
Saka, holy shit.
I finished Dark Tower 4 (Wizard and Glass) and was interested in checking out Book 5 for my travels next week. But apparently there is the original Book 5 and a much-later published Book 4.5 (effectively, per the author).
I’m seeing now AN INTERNET DEBATE over whether to read The Wind Through the Keyhole as Book 4.5 or shelve that bitch until the end and just move to Book5, Wolves of Calla, staying in sequence by publication date. I read a few reddit responses on a post after I searched for the book title on Alta Vista and figured you’d all give ME MY answer for MEEEEE!
Note: I enjoyed 4 but also it didn’t take us far in the greater story, which I’m intersted in getting back too since, you know, I’m a couple thousand pages into “nothing is more important than getting to the Tower.”
Stop reading it entirely after Book 4; it all goes to shit.
If you absolutely most continue, however, my recommendation is to skip the new one entirely. I’ve never read it, so this isn’t a comment on the quality, but more a reaction to the massive ego King was flexing to add another novel because he felt he hadn’t said quite enough in an already bloated 7 book series. Fuck you, Steve; learn how to end a story.
I’m probably going to have to read them all just because the USA Today quotes praising the author on every book cover are very persuasive.
Read 4.5 after you finish the series. Book 5 is pretty fun. I enjoyed the whole thing and even reread the entire series a few years later.
Agreed, it just gets steadily worse and you end up feeling sad by the end that something you enjoyed so much could tail off like that.
That’s Your Raiders!, Rikki.
King is so defensive about the ending, too.
A) The tuna and mayo quote is real and hilarious
B) Do you think Ted Cruz noticed who he was reposting?
Cruz wins when people are talking about his smacked-his-face-on-an-ugly-tree ass.
Apparently the guy he retweeted changed his user name after noticing Cruz retweeted him.
Which is awesome.
What are the odds that Elon bans him for doing that?
Sheeeeeep!
They’re Rocking!!!!
🐑
https://www.canarymedia.com/articles/solar/6-000-sheep-will-soon-be-grazing-on-10-00-acres-of-texas-solar-fields
Love seeing the Welsh Red Light district
They’re still doing this fucking walkie talkie ad? DIAF!
I had the same thought. It’s so painfully bad.
Auto-drafting on Yahoo, (after it fucked me into taking someone I didn’t want early), and I notice my QB plays for the Commanders.
I think we can safely throw this one in the trash.
Ya might be alright, Jayden has been looking good in the preseason and dismissing a #2 overall draft pick out of hand seems a bit harsh
I am also the proud owner of a kicker drafted in the 9th round and not one but two (2!) defenses.
Those defenses being the Jets and the Bungles.
“A Brazilian on a Colombian”
This week’s topic in “Premier League Call or Ballofsteelandfury’s Porn Hub Search From Last Night?”
Everton have a proper midfield destroyer (Tim, the lad we got from Villa with the last name none of us Blues will learn to spell). Synching this with Horatio’s comment below:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mFTgJQtCPk
“Red shirts flooding into the box” or, as Arteta calls it, ‘The Menstrual Cycle Offense’
The Moon Goddess visits!
Sub in Tampon Tim!
I’ve watched 5 minutes of this Arsenal game and seen Zivchenko commit one blatant foul and then turn the ball over running directly into two defenders, so good to see at least he’s already up in prime form.
Now that ESPN and the monies that be have gone all-in on girls basketball, I think it’s safe to say any expectation that soccer will ‘take off’ in America would have to squarely follow the ultimate successes of the WNBA.
The guys I get up with who were the ‘next generation of soccer players/fans’ all moved off soccer interest as soon as their playing days ended. Seems like most of them have just gotten into drinking and higher scoring television sports broadcasts.
Is that why everyone here is moving to Europe?
Are the Gooners gonna play in that Jackson Pollock Dog Vomit kit, or is that just for warmup?
Sommet I don’t think I’ve ever seen before. Lutes’ keeper is off, after TWO yellow cards…30 minutes into the first half. One for time wasting, followed almost immediately by a bananacakes challenge outside his box (PHRASING).
Martin Prince’s Demoted Lutes are away to Pompey on CBSSN. Probably will be a better watch.
Marika is back in action tomorrow Hippo.
Followed by football soon… things are looking up.
Real Madrid is ridiculous. Gonna take a morningnapbye