7 September 2024 Night JV Thread

Some days, one just runs out of thread titles.  Is the apocalypse imminent?  MAYBE!

Kansas (-4.5) at Illinois (7:00, FS1)

Oy, if only I had the hostorical knowledge to make an apt John Brown joke here.  Illini just might be terrible this season, but are we really ready to trust Rock Chalk football THIS much?

NC State (+10) v. Tennessee @ Richardson Family Plantation (7:30, ABC)

Try to disregard all the ass blood on the pitch, and the hellish wails coming out of Hippo’s very soul.  Just kidding, how could I possibly have a soul, still??

Colorado (+7) at Nebraska (7:30, NBC)

The old Gangbanger Derby renewed, second year running.  As y’all may recall, Bill McCartney’s salvo in recruiting Southern California kids is that if you went to Colorado instead of Big Red, you could wear your team swag at home, and not get shot.  Hippo is nae joking.

Texas Tech (+2.5) at Washington State (10:00, Fox)

Yep, it’s the Battle for Dread Pirate Mike Leach’s corpse, and Hippo is all about this matchup.  The sport is truly lesser for that maniac’s absence.

Boise State (+21.5) at Oregon (10:00, Peacock)

Just a hunch, but I reckon Quack Attack will put a spy on Boise’s tailback.  Fucker damned near had 300 yards last week, on just like 20 carries.

Mississippi State (+5.5) at Arizona State (10:30, ESPN)

What a bona fide Tweaker Bonanza this week, especially with nothing on the following morning.  I would jump all over Cowbells moneyline, if so inclined to HAIL GAMBLOR.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXP6vR7WmSU

I’m not kidding when this just sort-of happened to a very unfortunate Yinzer.

Senor Weaselo

Please note that if I end up dead with a PS4 controller shoved down my windpipe at any point in time, Senorita Weaselo was doing a Spyro flying level and got mad.

I think I got motion sickness from watching that.

Last edited 1 month ago by Senor Weaselo
rockingdog

And there’s a kickoff return!
Oregon ties it up again! 🏈
Back and forth we go!

This game is Rockingggg!

Mr. Ayo

That’s right folks. This is on the cock stream.

You can’t afford to not subscribe!

rockingdog

Johnson with the kick return for a TD!
That’s Rockingggg!!!! 🏈

Goooooo Ducks! 🦆

WCS

18 minutes until break, and I just realized how much I need to pee.

Awesome.

Mr. Ayo
WCS
Mr. Ayo
WCS
litre_cola

ASU taking it to Mississippi St! STI spike coming to Tempe.

Unsurprised

Just a reminder that USC doesn’t shit itself to death until Thanksgiving weekend.

WCS

Just got my first verified non-suicidal shooting victim. Tough muther, from the sound of it. He seemed more irritated by the situation than in pain or afraid.

Mr. Ayo

Wait, he’s still alive? Damn!

litre_cola

T’is but a flesh wound?

WCS

Apparently?

Recovery Whiskey

Gang member? Said fellows have been incrementally increasing around my location

yeah right

Taj had a good thought earlier.

This is Christmas eve. Or the closest thing we have left.

Full slate of football tomorrow.

I hope Santa didn’t deliver me another sack of shit this year.

If you win tomorrow the day is magical.

Horatio Cornblower

Dallas is playing in the first game Tom Brady is announcing, so the only thing I’m sure of is that I’m not going to watch that unless someone points a gun at my dog.

(Mrs. Horatio isn’t going to be home, before everyone goes questioning my priorities)

WCS

Sam Darnold is SKOLing it up this season. Santa took a shit on you weeks ago.

yeah right

I’m trying to teach the newly adventurous about the difference between renting a hotel room and renting a rental. VRBO in this case. We’ve got hotel rooms for each in Dublin but we rented a whole two storey house in Belfast with a front yard and washer and dryer for the last 3 days.

Give you a chance to wash your ass before you get on a plane.

Common fucking courtesy.

WCS

Give you a chance to wash your ass

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Horatio Cornblower

I just spent a week in two hotels and both of them had not only showers, but bathtubs.

I promise I was fully bathed before hopping back in the car.

rockingdog

Gonna watch a bit of this Ducks vs Boise State game 🏈
Goooooo Quack Attack! 🦆

Horatio Cornblower

I will watch the Fallon vs. DJ Khaled golf match if and only if the loser is executed on the 18th green.

Horatio Cornblower

This commercial is bullshit: there isn’t a child in the world, likely including his own, that would recognize Matt Leinart out in public.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah but what about Nat Limetart?

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rockingdog

Found a funny:

in the city of St. Louis, Missouri, there is a museum called the Museum of Illusions, and it has come to my attention that this is the URL of their website

IMG_1800.jpeg
yeah right

Dude. Me and eldest right and DJ TAJ are going to Ireland.

Eldest right just booked us a limo from air to room.

I taught these motherfuckers right!

SonOfSpam

There is a cattle breed called the Irish Limousin. Make sure she didn’t book this:

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Horatio Cornblower

To be fair (Letterkenny gif goes HERE) that cow could easily take three people from the airport to their hotel.

SonOfSpam

That’s a beefy lad or lass.

Horatio Cornblower

Lass. The teats are the tell here.

Fuck yeah degree from a Land Grant institution!!

SonOfSpam

Sorry, didn’t examine the beast’s undercarriage with pants down around ankles and a midget jamming a bullwhip in my ass.

I mean, it’s not Wednesday.

Horatio Cornblower

I don’t judge, but your loss.

SonOfSpam

This would be better:

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yeah right

It looks slow.

2Pack

Travel safe and have a blast.

Mr. Ayo

Safety Dance in Norman!

Horatio Cornblower

“At Jimmy John’s, just $10 gets you a full 8″”

Deanna Favre: comment image

Horatio Cornblower

No fan of either Sanders, but that is in fact targeting on a sliding QB. Stupid, stupid play.

Horatio Cornblower

Don’t mind me, I’m just over here getting my mouth all over Madonna.

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SonOfSpam

“The beer that gives you herpes”

Horatio Cornblower

It’s really good. I’m trying to drink it before it gets a little older and undergoes disastrous plastic surgery, uh, goes bad in the refrigerator.

Mr. Ayo

Is it like a little prayer?

yeah right

That ain’t no virgin.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s like a virgin touched for the very first time, in that it’s 8% ABV and two of them will lead to some remarkably regrettable decisions that you can’t take back.

Mr. Ayo

So you’re on your knees?

Horatio Cornblower

Nah, two of these will just keep me from driving anywhere.

Now, three of them…

yeah right

Like a prayer.

Horatio Cornblower

To the Porcelain God.

LemonJello

Wellwaddyaknow? The Illini did a good and didn’t give up a game winning drive with time running out.

ILLINI GANTA ROSE BOWL!!!

litre_cola

Nc State is getting thumped.

rockingdog

Padres gotta get rocking…
Currently down 4-3 vs the Giants ⚾️

Goooo Padres!

Bogdanski

They tried just couldn’t seal the deal. If Merrill were in, they would’ve been ok

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

BAHAHAHAHA STUPID NOTRE DAME

SonOfSpam

Alabama and Oklahoma are dicking around right now too.

And fingers crossed for USC laying an egg tonite in the tweaker fixture.

Unsurprised

USC doesn’t shit the bed until Advent

rockingdog

Update:
The reviews for the Civil-Asset Forfeiture action movie Rebel Ridge are coming in!
95-Rotten Tomatoes

That’s Rockinggg!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m pleased to see that, actually. It seems like a great movie to watch in the gym.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

AIDE: There’s some maniac named Joseph A Couch shooting up a freeway in Kentucky.

JD VANCE: [pulls up map] Show me where. I’m gonna fuck this guy.

AIDE: …

JD VANCE: …

AIDE: …up, right?

JD VANCE: Huh?

AIDE: Your gonna fuck that guy *up*?

JD VANCE: Oh…yeah. Right.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Same joke but in meme form.

92rd6s.jpg
Last edited 1 month ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
SonOfSpam

Yeah, you hear “Couch” and “Fire one off” you assume JD had a sexy time.

Senor Weaselo

It’s Spyro community day (because the anniversary is Monday and we learned there was supposed to be a Crash-Spyro crossover game but it isn’t Call of Duty so Activision said fuck you) so Senorita Weaselo is playing Ripto’s Rage.

litre_cola

I am sober and I have little to no idea what you said here Senor.

This must be what Hippoese is to some folk.

Last edited 1 month ago by litre_cola
SonOfSpam

Litre right now:

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“That doesn’t sound like half as much fun as Spirograph community day ” – Eli Manning

LemonJello

Illini in mid-season* form.

*shitty

Horatio Cornblower

UConn aspires to Illinois level of success.

Which is frankly terrifying.

rockingdog

Hahaha!
Just saw that Cal Bears beat Auburn today!

Seems Rockingggg!

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Horatio Cornblower

Colorado being an undisciplined mess is maybe the least surprising thing ever.

WCS

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Damn liberal media bring COACH PRIME down!

WCS

/pill bottle flies open

litre_cola

So much content

Horatio Cornblower

“Guys are in his face or wrapped around his ankles….”

For $500, was this said about Shedur Sanders or Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show?

LemonJello

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Horatio Cornblower

OK, today I got the bills out, the recycles taken to the dump, walked the dog, hit the gym, mowed the lawn, then raked half of it before the blinding sheets of rain came.

Who else votes with me that it’s Miller time at the Cornblower house?

LemonJello

You’ve definitely earned a little breather after all that!

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Horatio Cornblower

Oh well played. Well played indeed.

yeah right

I’ll hoist one to you Sir.

Did 4 miles in 90 degree 60% humidity for the fun of it myself.

Then I ordered pizza and got to drinking proper.

SonOfSpam

I also did recycling today (not at the dump, heathen) in 100 degree heat.

That was all.

Drinking begins now.

Mr. Ayo

Me too. Recycling freezer vodka into pee.

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, sorry, I should have used the proper effete/elite East Coast term and called it a the transfer station, in that we send all our stuff to Hartford to be dealt with.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I got free booze on my flight because I was willing to move into a vacant exit row. I am not making this up.

Gumbygirl

Sounds like you don’t need this guy

funny-random-pictures-9-7-24-29.jpg
Horatio Cornblower

Wait, Emily In Paris is still a thing?

Does Fozz know!?

SonOfSpam

Why do you think he’s not here?

LemonJello

Live look at Fozz homestead:

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WCS

Bourble Fozz at a bullfight…

We may never hear from him or his representatives again.

litre_cola

When I saw the commercial, I thought the same thing.

Horatio Cornblower

Announcers frantically coming up with excuses for why Colorado is down 14-0 against a poor Nebraska team after one quarter when the real reason is glaringly obvious: Deion Sanders is a terrific recruiter and absolutely shit coach.

Senor Weaselo

Is their tackling Sandersesque?

Redshirt

Michigan, Notre Dame and Colorado are all going/gone down.

I love Neapolitan Schadenfreude!

WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTXJxoa10Tc&list=PLFi9V6EFsFIkxZoBU23yhzlLSQ6JFgBdR&index=8

We’ll take down those useless twats from Oakland next week.

SonOfSpam

Jeer, jeer at old Notre Dame
They just lost a winnable game
Nor-thern Ill-i-nois just won
And most of our website came

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7csGhMQoQms&ab_channel=JimHim

Redshirt

…and Colorado’s going down as well.

a0c.gif (400×217) (kym-cdn.com)

Unsurprised

Oh shit. New thread.

Gatoraids

NIU thread

ballsofsteelandfury

Gotta love the Wazzu girl sticking her ass out.

Classic!

Last edited 1 month ago by ballsofsteelandfury
Horatio Cornblower

Someday we need to find out who she is and how things turned out for her.

I almost guarantee it’ll be depressing.

SonOfSpam

Or boner pill lobbyist, kinda the same thing.

Unsurprised

Statistically, she’d become a pharma rep.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m thinking married to a guy in finance, cranked out 4 kids who are all named some variation of Tyler, now chairs the local Republican committee, and is very concerned that a) Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret is being taught in junior high, and b) that someone is going to find this picture of her.

Gumbygirl

That’s an older pic, she probably is an actual Cougar by now!

Brocky

Somewhere, Zack Wilson felt a disturbance in the force.

And in this case, the force is his penis

Unsurprised

Even (Especially?) the Wazzu girls who become lawyers are as trashy as this crew.

BugEyedBoo

Went to paint the shed this afternoon, and what did we find in our yard?

PXL_20240907_172216528.jpg
Mr. Ayo

Get well soon!

Horatio Cornblower

I know people that would pay a considerable amount for that rack.

BugEyedBoo

Still had its velvet on it.

Horatio Cornblower

Car impact, or just dead?

BugEyedBoo

No external injuries.

Gumbygirl

He’s not sleeping, is he?

Game Time Decision

Get up Steve

BugEyedBoo

Didn’t wake up while we were dragging it out to the woods.

Unsurprised

I’m so paranoid about deer and Lyme that I hope you were wearing a hazmat suit when you took that photo

blaxabbath

Well I guess we know PFC Jessica Lynch wasn’t hanging out off the highway in Kentucky today.

Mr. Ayo

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blaxabbath

That’s the face of the freshman fifteen.