You’re Here And It’s Glorious. Your Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

We’ve made it all the way back with detours on both Thursday and Friday night. (not bad tilts either!) But now it’s Sunday, time to ignore (or revel?) in the family as the games unfold. I expect a roll call of snacks and beverages from all those that post their thoughts/wares on this here thingy.

To The Games!

Steelers/Falcons:

Tomlin’s voodoo will ensure that Pitt has another winning season which will make it twenty straight for the franchise and tie the Cowboys mark from 1965-85. For a guy that has posted three consecutive 1,000 yard rushing campaigns, Najee doesn’t seem to get much respect-everyone wants the kid with the new, faster wheels-Jaylen Warren-to take over. But committee it will be and the Steelers win chances will be enhanced as a result.

Cards/Bills:

Murray’s been around for six years already? Man, that’s the sound of me getting older and time flying by. Do you see/feel a window closing in Buffalo? That’s the scuttlebutt given that they axed six of their captains and retained only 11 players that were on the roster last year. The wr room seems a bit compromised to me in the skill department but I know exactly squat.

Titans/Bears:

Two new-ish looking teams take the field. Recent signees Boyd, Pollard and Ridley bring some dynamism to a Tennessee project that said goodbye to their identity when King Henry left the castle. We’ll just have to see how this Will Levis kid adjusts in his second year. At some point this season I may just write something respectful regarding Chicago’s offense which will be the first time in the ten years I’ve been doing this gig.

Pats/Bengals:

What is New England anyway? Does it even matter if Burrow is healthy and there’s drama going on with his wideouts and the new weird haircut and what the hell? I’m a simple scribe and this game confuses me. I have no idea what is going on with either of these teams.

Texans/Colts:

Can Diggs regain his form from two years ago? One of my fantasy teams (I know, I know) happens to think that Slowik will get things figured out. So that answers my next question about the juice left in Mixon’s legs as well. Is Richardson essentially a rookie or has the extra time studying the game while rehabbing given him an added maturity? Opinions differ.

Jax/Fins:

Folks are down on Lawrence a wee bit but the wavy-haired wonder has the fifth-most passing yards of any qb at the three year mark of his career ever. Somehow ham-handed Evan Engram, with 114 catches, came within two of franchise record-holder Jimmy Smith. Maybe we should call him White Flight because getting the hell out of New York did him a helluva good.

Panthers/Saints:

Come on down, Dave Canales! Somehow you’re the seventh head coach in six seasons for Carolina. That ‘somehow’ is due to Tepper being an incompetent boob that won’t let his football people do their jobs. I eagerly await the inevitably leaked reports of the ‘toxic workplace’ he’s created.

Vikes/Giants:

This is the year we find out if JJ is quarterback-proof. Actually, Darnold will likely get out of the gate fast (no better team to do it against than New York) before eventually being who he is. The Giants flipped athleticism at the rb spot for some at the wr position in the form of wr Nabers. It’s the hope that kills you.

Enjoy.

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Horatio Cornblower

The Bengals seem determined to continue my streak of bowing out in the first or second week of any eliminator challenge.

Gumbygirl

I picked them. And Burrow has gotten me 2 points in our match. The moral of the story, is never trust Cincinnati.

King Hippo

TJ Watt really is quite good at teh FITBAW

rockingdog

Sam Darnold is now 13 for 14 with like 160 yards!!!!?!?

That’s Rocking!

LemonJello

Is football an event in the Special Olympics?

Duchess

Meet the New Bears, same as the Old Bears

King Hippo

I didn’t think you’d get to the fist fucking the dog (in the asshole) stage this early in the performance

Horatio Cornblower

Just settling in here after getting the dog walked. I kinda like the Giants jerseys. Not sure they’re working with the beige/tan pants.

Gatoraids

Giants uniforms are appropriate attire for being dog walked

Don T

Keep walking the dog through 17% pollen 13% LSD air.

rockingdog

Ummm is QB Will Levi’s having a better day than Josh Allen?!?!?

King Hippo

In Maths is Hard scoring system, HIPPO is outscoring Brokeback

King Hippo

son-in-law material!

Smithchez

Jaylen Ramsey continuing the unbeaten streak of guys who get big extensions prior to immediately getting beat for big plays.

Horatio Cornblower

Still better than the Jaguars under Tom Coughlin.

The Maestro

I get that Ramsey ain’t at 100% yet… but do you think Stephen Ross is perhaps regretting that new contract just a little bit right now??

ArmedandHammered

Holy shit Bungles. WTF.

Redshirt

Oh, Bengals…

jjfozz

Their failure is a sauce I spread all over my grilled woodchuck sandwiches

The Maestro

NOW THAT’S A FACKIN’ TURNOVAH BY MAHHCUS JONES!!!!

Smithchez

Don’t the Bengals know they’re supposed to make it to the playoffs before turning back into pumpkins?

Mr. Ayo

SUDDEN CHANGE!

My god, Bungles.

King Hippo

You had the first down inside the 2, dickweed. SECURE THE BALL.

Gumbygirl

Bullshit penalty

ArmedandHammered

I at least waited till almost 2pm before I decided to 420 it up. Beautiful cool day to be on the deck to watch football, hang out with my online friends, and listen to the couple who live behind us as the “wife” totally emasculates him and makes him sound like an idiot as she does this outside their house and at full volume. I will testify for his defense.

Redshirt

Time to play “What is Catch?”

King Hippo

Bills Mafia ain’t got no defense. Making Wee Kyler look like he’ll get his X-box privileges back

Spur

Cards looking good. that coach knows how to mix up those plays

Unsurprised

Fuck

Wakezilla

THIS MIAMI OFFENSE, I CALL IT A SENIOR LIVING IN DEL BOCA VISTA BECAUSE IT’S IMPOTENT AND INCREDIBLY DISAPPOINTING

Gatoraids

one more bad Tua throw and Daniels about ready to complete his full Unabomber transformation

fleshwound_NPG

dj moore looks hurt

yep, bears going for a 1st overall pick three peat

rockingdog

Darnold is cooking rite now! 💪

That’s Rocking!!!

King Hippo

Braxton Berrios still in the League?? FOAR srsly???

Wakezilla

Nobody can figure it out because he’s bad at returning

King Hippo

seems like he offers REEL leadership tho

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So apparently that Couch guy is still at large in Kentucky. Say what you will about Coach Walz, but you won’t see one of his ex-lovers going on a shooting rampage.

Redshirt

We did it! We got a first down!

WCS

looks like we made it…

Wakezilla

Show off.

Smithchez

Sam Darnold becoming a legitimate starter with the Vikings would be hilarious to follow Geno in the “get drafted by the Jets, suck for them, suck for a few more years, and then finally become a respectable QB” pipeline.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My brother (a fellow Jets sufferer) wants to see Darnold light up the Giants to punish their fans for all their shit-talk.

Smithchez

He would appear to be getting his wish so far.

King Hippo

Someone’s gonna pay that paste-eater and really regret it.

King Hippo

Special deep ball from Special Young Man?

rockingdog

Stefon Diggs with the TD from CJ Stroud! 🏈

Seems Rockingggg!

jjfozz

I’ve got a boner that could cut diamonds right now.

WCS

Hey, someone made bail!

jjfozz

Bonus: I’m sober so I can get fucked up all over again.

King Hippo

PRO TIP – teh DTs won’t start if you get your load on in time!

jjfozz

I watched “The Lost Weekend” and took copious notes

ArmedandHammered

why would you cut your boner with diamonds? or are you cutting someone else’s boner?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s generally not a good idea to ask scotchnaut about “cutting” lest he feel motivated to demonstrate his techniques.

Unsurprised

LOL. Fuck the Cards.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

– Horatio, playing poker

rockingdog

Is WR Marvin Harrison Jr gonna do anything today?!?!

Because that would be Rocking!

Redshirt

…at least the Bengals punter is having a good game.

Smithchez

comment image

Gumbygirl

Burrow has gotten me, let’s see, ZERO fantasy points.

Smithchez

Da Bears Dabooting it

Duchess

Really VJJ… really?

2Pack

Tits with the big ensuing kickoff turnover deep in Chicago territory.

2Pack

The Tits are on a roll early.
Titans are doing well also.

FB_IMG_1725817272677.jpg
fleshwound_NPG

chicago 2023: *owns 1st overall pick*

chicago 2024: *owns 1st overall pick*

chicago 2025: *owns 1st overall pick*

King Hippo

Do you have yet another Black Panthers’ #1? Could have first two picks, then.

Don T

Hey, Kamala on my uh… Stream. Approve 🤷🏻‍♂️

ArmedandHammered

There seem to be a Carolina fans around me. Poor bastards.

Gatoraids

surprised can hear them with the ball gags they must have in their mouths

Don T

Tony Pollard is washed up blah blah
🤩😅

rockingdog

He seems Rockingggg!

King Hippo

Your preview motivated them. New Erotic Smashmouth!

King Hippo

Emo Carr, 2024 NFL MVP

ArmedandHammered

It’s funny, since it is a fantastic day here lots of people have their windows open, so I can hear yells of joy and pissed offness from the surrounding homes.

rockingdog

That’s Rocking!

2Pack

Tits score!

Redshirt

Bengals without Higgins and healthy Chase is stuck in neutral.

King Hippo

I’d feel SMRTer about fading Buffalo in survivor, except that I rode with Cincy

ballsofsteelandfury

I have no idea how Steelers-Falcons is the national game. I’m watching it in LA !

Gatoraids

Murray trying to put this game away to go back to playing Astro Bot