Your Monday Night Football Open Thread

Week Two is winding up and we’re here for it. My fantasy teams can’t wait for this week to be over. Enough said.

Fallout:

-As noted in a slate preview yesterday (Broken Clock Alert) Kupp went down but it was much earlier than I thought.

-Pacheco’s fibula (sounds like a Star Trek galaxy) needs some repairs-I’ve noted in the past that this dude is a hard runner in the Chris Carson vein and here we are. If I were Kareem Hunt I’d be sending Andy a bouquet of ribs to grease the wheels.

-Bryce Young is headed to the headset store. I’ll trust Canalis on this-if his career is to move forward he needs a re-set.

-Tua is always concussed, we just don’t know it yet sometimes.

-Mixon is banged up as are all rb’s with that much mileage on the tires.

-Oh look, the Giants scored three TD’s and didn’t allow one and yet still lost. What’s the secret to their lack of success? Bad roster gameday management. Kicker Graham Gano was on the injury report on Saturday, dealing with a hammy. Daboll figured he was, ‘ready to go’ and that says a bunch. He ended up injuring himself so the Giants had to go for two on their last two TD’s and go for it on 4th down on another drive. Allow me to give you some backstory. Last year vs the Jets Gano was visibly hobbling but was asked to kick a long-ish field goal, injured himself and was put on IR the next day. Hey, things happen, whatever. Last week punt returner Gunner Olszewski was dealing with a hamstring issue, injured it to the extent that he couldn’t continue and the emergency replacement fumbled a punt. And so it goes…

-The Steelers are 2-0 for the first time since Big Ben retired and a certain 911 fella is spreading the news to domestic abuse victims everywhere. They’ll need to pile up the W’s now because starting on November 17th the sked is this-Ravens, Browns, Bengals, Browns, Eagles, Ravens, Chiefs, Bengals and OH MY!

-Malik Woods had the unmitigated gall yesterday to change a passing play to a running play. Was he influenced by the defensive alignment? Nope. The primary influence was his center Josh Myers throwing up on the ball immediately before it reached Woods’ hands. Ewww!

To The Game!

Falcons/Eagles:

-Cousins looked pretty stiff back there last week and Pitts had but three catches and London only had three targets. If it was just rust he should bounce back against a Philly secondary that let the Packers Jayden Reed go nuts.

-Saquon had a mere 26 touches last week and Sirianni has said that he wants his buddy fresh down the stretch. (which is a long way off, btw, Nick) I look at the Eagles rb room of Gainwell and Will Shipley and laugh softly to myself. Let’s be honest, Philly is going to milk Barkley of everything he has and say ‘toodles’ two years from now.

-A.J. Brown is out so Devonta should get double digit looks and have himself a game.

-Since 2022 Hurts has accounted for 75 TD’s, second only to Josh Allen’s 90.

-Bijan tied his career high for touching the rock and maybe you should expect much more of that ce soir.

Get in there and do me proud.

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Unsurprised

What the fuck

Unsurprised

That seems like a shitty stat to me.

Bogdanski

10 year old can’t follow the Manning cast and wants “the normal guys”. I guess it’s cool that he’s interested

Gatoraids

think he’d find Eli more relatable

Bogdanski

He did take note at an earlier mention of wedgies

Unsurprised

Blame Miles Teller. That dude is a creep.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Why is he on the show? Because he’s friends with Qaaron?

Unsurprised

Who knows. I’m just glad he’s gone. He fucking sucks and added nothing. They were talking about Top Gun during that fucking whole TD drive

Doktor Zymm

Congrats to whoever took the under

Dunstan

Lowratio always takes the under.

LemonJello

I’d say that’s stooping pretty low, but how else can you look him in the eye?

Horatio Cornblower

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Don T

Sean Combs got arrested. Just wanted to share the good news.

SonOfSpam

Good. Rape and associated acts shouldn’t be legal for rich people.

BeefReeferLives

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fleshwound_NPG

p diddy more like penitentiary, imo

ballsofsteelandfury

For him it will be penistentiary

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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fleshwound_NPG

kirk cousins is a lot like a trump assassin

makes a lot of headlines, seems to pack some firepower, likely a republican voter

but cannot shoot beyond 10 yards and is ultimately useless

Game Time Decision

Anti vax
Not well in the head, but Cousins are prob CTE

fleshwound_NPG

hence the cannot shoot, bad at taking shots of all kinds

Doktor Zymm

I feel like he was raised with a lot of religious weirdy bollocks, so while the CTE won’t help, it’s just exacerbating an existing fucked upness

Unsurprised

I bet Leather has a lot to say about Berman and Fastest 3 Minutes

SonOfSpam

Go (some breed or another of) birds

LemonJello

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Gatoraids

if it lasts that long might need to seek emergency care

Gumbygirl

Santa looks l8ke he’s been hit with a few batteries.

Gumbygirl

Like. Fuck.

LemonJello

What happened to the random q?

Gumbygirl

It shows up a lot in texts.

LemonJello

Are you saying you don’t like that?

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Sharkbait

Hes a serviceable fantasy guy. Not great, usually not terrible.

WCS

Maybe he should have a jorb as a nuclear engineer at a Russian power plant.

ThePirateSloth

This is a strange game. I did not expect it to be like this at halftime.

WCS

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Fronkenshteen

I have to admit, I feel privileged to listen to Bill Belichick share his live in-game thoughts with Peyton and Eli Manning. 10 years ago, the only way this happens is if I’m a waiter and I overhear them, so this is cool.

litre_cola

We don’t get it in Canada unless you pay for TSN+ which I will not do. I get all of my Leaf updates here.

Unsurprised

Yarrrrr

Dunstan

Yeah, as much as I like to mock all three of them, I learn vastly more about the game from them than Joe Buck and whoever the fuck on regular coverage.

Unsurprised

Extracurricular activity in regard to pro athletes should only be a euphemism for sex and/or drugs.

fleshwound_NPG

THIS GAME LEMME TELL YA I CALL IT BEING A HORNY MAN IN ALABAMA BECAUSE COUSINS SHOULD NOT BE LOOKING THIS GOOD TO ME

Gatoraids

Bill wearing a suit to the Manningcast like every game is an interview

Doktor Zymm

I think the Falcons would play better if they changed their name
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LemonJello

This pre-season game just doesn’t…wait, I’m being told this game will actually count in the standings!?!

Gumbygirl

Nice try, slicky boy!

Doktor Zymm

Why did they ever decide they needed to make a rule like that?

Gatoraids

Belicheck spending a minute to speak on the virtues of Young Hoes

LemonJello

“HELL YEAH!”

-Bob Kraft and Jerry Jones, in unison

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“HI I’M MARK DAVIS AND I BELIEVE THEY PREFER TO BE REFERRED TO AS ‘TONIGHT GIRLFRIENDS’.”

King Hippo

Remember the corrolary about trusting a big butt and a smile! – B.B.D., Philadelphia, PA

Unsurprised

This reminds me: beetlejuice 2 sucked

Don T

Was it plodding like Cousins?

Unsurprised

No. It was just bad. Justin Theroux cowrote Tropic Thunder, starred in Leftovers, annd is handsome as fuck.He was in this piece of shit as an annoying loser. Just wasted talent at every level. They did avoid having to use Jeffrey Jones in an amusing way, though.

Doktor Zymm

I am NAWT the target audience for these NFL+ commercials

Unsurprised

Having a brain can be a real liability these days.

Doktor Zymm

More that I don’t have a penis or a lawn so there’s no conceivable situation where I would buy dick pills or lawn care products

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Erect penises? Lawn care? Hang on a second, I had something for this…

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Last edited 2 months ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Don T

I think there’s too much Kelce around. Yep.

Don T

Top precociousness

Horatio Cornblower

The Eagles O-line seems like my prom date’s O-face, in that it’s not there.

ArmedandHammered

Rain pouring on the tin roof, winds swirling through the trees and across the deck, and I am high as a kite. Peace out as I decouple from the electronic world and connect with the natural one. Live Long and Prosper!

blaxabbath

You’re gonna lose your follower count.

litre_cola

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King Hippo

I’ve left TV off to listen to that very same symphony

fleshwound_NPG

doubleheader next week involving a combined 1.86 actual football teams out of a possible 4

clint greasewood

Josh Allen is headlining two games

LemonJello

3-2 Final score?

Mr. Ayo

You’re quite the optimist!

litre_cola

Hear me out here, 3rd and 4? Give Barkley the ball. 4th and 4. Give Barkley the ball.

Unsurprised

Field goal? That’s right. Barkley.

fleshwound_NPG

BDN!

Doktor Zymm

Shoulda given it to Saquon

LemonJello

THIS ATLANTA DEFENSE I CALL IT DDT BECAUSE IT IS SLOWLY KILLING THESE EAGLES

fleshwound_NPG

Barkley is owning the Falcons like they were fat women in San Antonio

Don T

Saquon outplaying the competition like a Dominican Little Leaguer

litre_cola

This Barkley guy seems good.

ArmedandHammered

Yep, he is the dart that is killing me. I just have to hope cousins reverts to form.

Horatio Cornblower

The Eagles should do nothing but hand off to Barkley and the Falcons should go for nothing but TDs and 2 point conversions.

For reasons.

ballsofsteelandfury

AGREED!!

Doktor Zymm

In Chicago, so ordering from my favorite Thai place. Lime tofu is the best, will probably just eat the full appetizer portion of that and have the noodles for lunch tomorrow!

litre_cola

Kellen Moore is a double agent.

blaxabbath

I’m gonna try to make contact with Bijon at Falcons @ Raiders game. We went to the same high school. Maybe I roll down to row 1 in my letterman jacket and strike up a convo about homecoming festivities on the quad.

Don T

Tell him the clubhouse said “Fuck Arthur Smith!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fun fact: “Fucksmith” was the occupation of Rex Grossman’s medieval ancestors.

Doktor Zymm

Might actually win my money league due to the lack of offensive points in the second half last night. I just need Jalen Hurts to outscore Bijan by fewer than 14 points….

Last edited 2 months ago by Doktor Zymm
blaxabbath

Gold arrived.

It is much smaller than I expected in size. Never give gold to people who don’t know it’s worth. Make no sense.

Don T

Since you bought it you get to bite it. Right?

litre_cola

I don’t think he is in Tijuana or on Patpong road.

blaxabbath

I don’t want to touch it. Thing feels like its got Nazi ties.

Which is strange because I didn’t order the Trump Assasination Attempt “Fight!” gold coin.

But maybe I will order one now. Might be fun to collect the series as they roll out.

Doktor Zymm

It would be really handy if there was one for each state, like quarters

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

PA and FL so far…we should have a pool as to what the next state will be. If allowed to choose I’d pick MI.

Doktor Zymm

Hm, then I’ll take Nevada, swing state seems like a good bet, if just because he’ll have more appearances

Don T

Trump’s are 18 karat goldsh

litre_cola

Evenin.
Go Birds.

Don T

Good evening. I’m not sleepy yet. That’s a W right there.

ArmedandHammered

Good evening and many happy buzzes to you good Sir!

SonOfSpam

Ooh, that bonus must be ginormous.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Peter King begged them to name it after Brett Favre, but, uh, it didn’t work out.

Gatoraids

The type of talent that makes you pay a 2nd group of 18 million a year on a separate channel you own is simply priceless

Gumbygirl

Are they on tonight?

Gatoraids

yes espn

Gatoraids

ESPN2 that is

Unsurprised

Oh. Falcons. Better race home

LemonJello

THIS EAGLES DEFENSE, I CALL IT AN ALABAMA FAMILY REUNION BECAUSE THEY ARE HOPING TO FUCK COUSINS EARLY AND OFTEN

ArmedandHammered

Boris and I are tied, however, he still has Cousins and Barkley to play tonight, so go meteor!

SonOfSpam

Cousins’s interceptions might swing it for you.

ArmedandHammered

It would be a miracle, but I have never counted on a cousin for anything other that disappointment. Actually I do have a couple of good ones.

LemonJello

*Nods at banner quote*

That’s Gumbygirl for me in Lowratio League.

Redshirt

“Get in there and do me proud.”

“YEAH!”

(runs full speed into locked door; door remains closed)

“ow”

WCS

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I need some guy on the Falcons to score less than seven fantasy points, and I don’t remember who it is, so would it be okay if the Falcons just limited things to 30 yards of total offense and scored zero points?

Also I’m pretty sure he’s on the Falcons, but maybe Eagles? In which case maybe a 0-0 tie? Do we have a deity for ties that I can make a burnt offering to?

SonOfSpam

THIS RIKKI I CALL HIM GEORGE R.R. MARTIN BECAUSE HE HASN’T CARED ABOUT FANTASY FOR YEARS

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well sure, not since she packed up and moved to Tampa. Destiny is my girl now.

ArmedandHammered

I met a Destiny one time, she would have been better served to call herself Density. Baltimore Harbor strip club back about 20 years ago, still shudders at the memory of the “talent”.

Unsurprised

This is why I will never bother with strippers

ArmedandHammered

Living in a fantasy that he will ever finish Game of Thrones.

Unsurprised

If you saw your baby turned into a mangled abortion, would you still want to see it grow up?

Don T

License the organs fo sho’

Game Time Decision

I need Hurts to get 12 points to win in one of my leagues

Gumbygirl

You playing Blax?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That sounds right.

WCS