Well lookee here, a staggered slate for us to enjoy! And after that 5 game late window yesterday. Is the NFL finally treating its fans with the respect and dignity they deserve? (well, some fans) Probably not. I heard a wag complaining that it wasn’t a doubleheader but this old man would only want one if the first tilt started at 6pm EST. Some people work for a living you know. Btw, we get the same deal next Monday as well.
Fallout:
–[Jim Mora voice] MVP! MVP?: As a funny little lark I was going to make a crack about getting your bets in early regarding Sam Darnold being MVP and then thought, “I’ll look it up just in case”. Welp, his odds fell from 100-1 down to 35-1. I’m so glad I don’t gamble.
–Billionaire Braggadocio: Arthur Blank put himself in the Falcons Ring of Honor and I can’t blame him. What the hell else is an 81 year-old worth 9 or so billion bucks going to do? He DGAF and neither do I.
–Get The Hook: Anthony Richardson and his 49% completion rate just might get the Bryce Young Treatment if his play doesn’t improve. With a loss to Pitt coming up next week and Houston looking meh this week and the division looking sorta winnable, I’m sure coaches wouldn’t mind a Flacco Bump.
–Put on the Brakes: The Saints tore through their first two opponents, putting up 40+ points on each. But I noted that they were doing it with vanilla offensive sets, rarely going to three wr’s. Well what did Philly do? They threw six guys on the line of scrimmage with just one linebacker back in support. And OC Klint Kubiak had no answer and 12 points to show for it.
To The Games!
Jax/Bills:
-Lawrence isn’t doing much better than A-Rich, completing only 51% of his throws so far but he’s been missing the safety valve that is Evan Engram and taking shots downfield at rook Brian Thomas Jr. He’ll recover but it’ll be a bit slow because Engram’s replacements are primarily blocking tight ends, Gabe Davis has hands like The Thing and Kirk is also a deep threat.
-It would be nice if the running game could step up and compensate but Etienne hasn’t run for 60+ yards in 12 of his last 14 games.
-Speaking of issues at the wr spot, Buffalo fans were concerned about the new faces/drop in talent in that room. #fearsjustified Josh Allen is averaging a mere 185.5 passing yards so far. Perhaps they could trade for some malcontent-it worked the last time.
-Here’s a related thought-maybe don’t take your most explosive asset-Khalil Shakur-off the field when you go to two receiver sets.
Commies/Bengals:
-The thinking among some Washington observers was that rook Daniels would lean on the always dependable Scary Terry as he got his feet under him. Well he has, to the tune of 8 grabs for 39 yards. Oof.
-When Burrow throws his first TD against the Commies pitiful secondary he will be the sixth-fastest to 100.
-He’s always been a Sling It! kinda fella and that bears out in that he leads the league with 8 endzone throws already. And seriously, why wouldn’t anybody, you’ve got a 50-50 chance of getting a PI penalty. (does not apply to teams playing the Chiefs)
-There was a concern fantasy-wise that Moss would be slowly replaced by the younger Chase Brown but the former out-snapped the latter 50-11 last week.
-Things look bleak on the surface for Cincy at 0-2 but Cleveland seems to be floundering and the Ravens have but one win so a W here throws them right back into the middle of the mess that is the AFC Muddle, er, North.
Have at you!
[huffs his asthma inhaler] – Hunter Renfrow
https://x.com/RealLyndaCarter/status/1831726342628372659
Allen is sliding headfirst way too much. He’s going to get scrambled like Tua if he isn’t careful.
Huh. It turns out relying on the Jags to stop Josh Allen is not a winning fantasy football strategy.
This might be a two-stick night.
Jacksonville playing “Cover Nobody” defense so far…Jebus wept.
Moxie soda has gotten more national exposure in the last few minutes than Traci Lords did before her 15th birthday.
Bengals…dun….good?
They didn’t trip on their dicks on the opening kick off?
Surprisingly, no.
Ah, forgot about the defense.
the only entertaining part of the Orioles game was watching this dude pound food all night
That’s a man who absolutely does not give a fuck.
Dan Orlovsky talking about mental mistakes is ironic, no?
The UCONN edumukayshun at werkk!
“Hey!” is what I would say if Orlovsky wasn’t making it impossible to argue against that crack.
“That comment? Juuuust a bit outside.”
-Bob Uecker
I just love that Joe Burrow went out into his barber and said “Give me the sexually expedient alt-right haircut please”
Oh thank God, I was just clamoring for more Kelces in my commercials.
I’d rather watch Diddy peddle rohypnol
Smoke is not mist
I FIGURE THAT BLAX’S FAVORITE PLAYER IS JAMES COOK BECAUSE IT REMINDS HIM THAT HE SHOULD BE SUBJUGATING THE HAWAIIAN NATIVES.
So you can basically full nelson a dude and not get called for holding?
god i hate the NFL
I’m glad I’m not the only one who saw that.
Funny how they showed the replay and didn’t show that part of the play. unbelievable.
THESE GUYS, THE JAGURAS DEFENSE, I CALL THEM THE WORLD WILDLIFE FUND BECAUSE THEY ARE MAKING SURE THESE BUFFALO THRIVE
They really need to adjust how they’re allocating their funds
“The jaguar is threatened by habitat loss, habitat fragmentation, poaching for trade with its body parts and killings in human–wildlife conflict situations”
My son is talking to his grandfather about the Ravens game. i used to talk to my grandfather about the Baltimore Colts, except he was shitfaced and pounding Camel filterless cigs. Ah, memories
“Let me tell you how I got the first interracial hand job at Dunbar High”
I had jury selection and 6 depositions somehow scheduled tomorrow. The case settled and all the depositions are off! You know what that means!
Time to have one (1) ice cream drumstick and get to bed early!
Sticks are unbelievable
Settle down
(I fucking love shoresy)
Titfucker!
DUUUUUUUUUUUUUVVVVVVVVVVVVVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!*
*I’m strangely giddy for the Jaguras pants shitting tonight.
I hope PG’s ankle feels better in time FOAR the big Sadie Hawkins dance!
So my uncle, the one who has benefitted his entire life from my mother’s largesse, along with his kids, had his granddaughter christened on Sunday. (A year late, what the fuck?)
So his daughter in law – white bread dumbass – didn’t call my mother to invite her. Claims, “Well, I thought she knew she was invited.”
I called my mother, and she said, “Just leave it alone, I’m over it.”
Yup, you get shit on and you just keep on ignoring it.
My relatives can absolutely feel free to not invite me to their kid’s christenings, baptisms, first communions, last communions, 4th grade moving-on ceremony, 6th and 8th grade “graduations”, any kind of musical or theatrical performance, and pretty much anything that I can’t stand outside while drinking beer and eating grilled meat products.
I didn’t get invited, not that I give a shit – but the disrespect is hard to get over
I dunno Fozz, Big Jugs maybe, just maybe, doesn’t like you ogling her giant knockers. Just a theory, I could be wrong!
Jugs vs. family, damn that’s a tough one.
It doesn’t explain why she dissed your mother, though. Big titted bitch. I hate her on your behalf!
Big titted bitch is a great insult
I will attend the weddings of any of my children (if they don’t have sense to elope) and the funeral of my mother. Everything else can fuck the fuck off.
The only thing I’m buying your shitty kid for graduating middle school is a bulletproof vest
It’s odd to me that, “oh I [ASSUMED WRONG].” is a legitimate excuse. You just assumed all the best would magically work out? Whoopie for you taking things easy and also you fucked up BECAUSE the level of effort you exerted was, literally, “hoping”.
Fuck it. Just scream FAKE NEWS at me. It’s the same level of personal responsibility.
it should be noted that the daughter in law who failed to extend the invitation has huge jugs
One hidden benefit of the nomadic Marine Corps life was being stationed far, far away from family and then being unavailable to travel home for such events due to training, deployments or having just returned from a deployment and needing “time with my wife and kids.”
Yes, that was a bonus for us too. Missed out on a lot of unneccessary drama!
My family flew/drove in to visit my dad for possibly the last time. He wanted to have a picnic like the family did when he was a kid but one of our family has an autistic kid they have to put on a kid leash, so they said a park would be dangerous.
Another brother chose a riverboat ride but Dad passed due to being in a wheelchair and gets seasick. They also decided to go out to eat but Dad passed because he can barely use his hands, has to be fed and feels embarrassed.
So they decided to do everything that Dad didn’t want to do and he’s the one who’s dying. The kicker: the autistic kids went on the boat. East Fork State Park: dangerous. Floating on the Ohio River: a-okay.
tl;dr All families suck; it’s not just you.
I’m giving this a minus not because of you, but because all of those people suck so very, very much.
Unless Shakir gets 60+ points, neither of these tilts have any fantasy implications for me, so I’m in the unusual situation of just rooting for entertaining football to happen any old way
I am looking forward to the next game tbh
So am I, it might have a lotta offense
My league only shows scores within the context of the whole league. So it’s kind of a bother to compare scores. It’s fun to just evaluate myself against the whole of the league all weekend then finding out on Tuesday what arbitrary matchup decided my W/L for the week.
Shakur got Uncle Ed 60+ in the 1996 Celebrity Death Pool
Things all good and healthy over here in Buenos Healthy!
Cocksucking motherfucking cunt eating dick!
yes, i strung that together this morning on my way to work
Poetry.
From this opening montage, think I hate the Bills now. DUUUUVVVVAAAAALLLL!!
Val was so fucking good in that movie.
Double Header MNF next week
Titans @ Dolphins Levis vs Boyle or TBD
Seahawks @ Lions Geno vs Goff
What s the NFL’s motive for 2 games being played at the same time on a Monday? If they were actually back to back that’s cool by me but this is odd.
Has to be some ploy from Goodell to package and sell to networks. Monday night early game on Netflix.
kickoffs shifted by 45 mns, so like offset by a whole quarter. It works pretty good!
SEXY!!!!
I need a shit game from Josh Allen tonight to hang on and best Brocky in the Lowratio league. Whose FF luck will implode first, Horatio’s or Brocky’s? It’s the question America is most focused on during these days of unprecedented peace and prosp…hang on, getting something from my producers….
Oh, it turns out times are not necessarily peaceful or prosperous and no one gives a shit about whether my imaginary team beats Brocky’s imaginary team, except maybe Brocky.
Whatever. I still hope Josh Allen gets lost on the way to the stadium.
I’m down by 12 to BugEyedBoo. I have Brian Thomas Jr, he has Etienne in this game. Next game, I have Burrow, he doesn’t have anybody. Yahoo thinks I’m going to win. Silly Yahoo!
I need a huge night from Gunshot Robinson to be close to catch Ayo and not go 0-3, if that happens I will lose in my money league.
What’s that Jay?
DOOOONNNNNN’TTTT CCCAAAARRRREEEEE
Do you know someone that so easily makes friendships and wins over people just by being themselves that it baffles you? That’s my youngest son.
/last Thursday
Me: “Plans for the weekend?”
Son: “Not hanging out with (new) girlfriend-her mother thinks we spend too much time together and she doesn’t trust me.”
/girlfriend pleads with mother to have my son over for supper at their campsite Friday evening
//mother relents, eventually ends up inviting my son to spend entire weekend with them
/later
Me: “Kid can charm anyone. He didn’t get it from me for sure.”
Wife: “Don’t look at me, I don’t have a clue.”
His last name and mere presence probably drove the campsite hobo population down by a good 80-90%.
https://www.cbssports.com/mlb/news/as-owner-john-fisher-writes-letter-to-fans-ahead-of-final-game-in-oakland-claims-departure-is-so-very-hard/
As a personal rule, I’m against mob rule, but if I’m an Oakland A’s’s Fan, I’m pulling a Washington Senators and ensuring each last game ends in a forfeit. Burn the stadium to the ground.
I would bank the odds more likely than not that this John guy is happily thumbing his nose at people. Who doesn’t see what is what here?
BTW, on-the-fencers, no jury I’m on is ever going to convict.
This is weird. My niece and nephew turn 21 tomorrow. My SIL sent cupcakes to her daughter’s apartment in College Park. They got delivered to a completely different complex a few miles away, where Katie’s boyfriend lives. He was going to go to her place to console her and found them in his lobby.
I think this was the plot of Serendipity or something.
Who is Katie?
Niece.
Did the boyfriend just snag them down in her lobby then make up the rest of this as a better story?
No, my SIL was tracking it and as soon as she got the delivered notice she told Katie to go downstairs and get them. That’s when they realized they had been delivered to the wrong address. They called Fedex, and they said they delivered them to a frat house. Katie’s boyfriend was coming over to see if he could get them from the frat bros when he found them in his building. It’s really weird!
FedEx is awful
COllege park, MD?
Yes, she’s a senior at Maryland.
Shit, that’s about 45 minutes from wehre I liv e
They have a good journalism program. She’s starting an internship with CNN in a few days, she’ll be working on Manu whatshisface’s show. She had a summer internship in New York, working at MSNBC for Alex Witt.
If you cab call that soem kind of f llif e!
Guess Katie’s gonna have to ‘fess up about moving in with her boyfriend.
Ha, not yet, but nobody would be mad about it. Everybody loves the boyfriend!
Last time on a DFO Open Thread involving a Cincinnati vs. Washington game:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8-dzxTsA0M&pp=ygUTaG9tZXIgc3dlYXJzIGxvdWRseQ%3D%3D