Can’t Stop. Won’t Stop: Tuesday Open Thread

When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool

The Who, Behind Blue Eyes

It’s a bad time to be a Bills fan.

I enjoyed watching last night’s game. Kickoff to final whistle. No swearing at the TV. No white-knuckle tension as I wait for them to blow it yet again. It was…pleasant.

I am beset on all sides by a rising tide of Hope, and we all know where that ends up.

In the season preview, I declared myself Ready to Love Again. But like so many divorcées when Ron from JDate actually shows up at the door bearing a crap bouquet of carnations and the stench of Axe Body Spray, I am having Second Thoughts.

Sure, the Bills have looked dominant for the last 11 quarters of football. And in spite of roster holes so gaping that they have been nominated for AVN Awards, they have not shown any systemic weak spots.

But this can’t last. The Bengals will at least partially climb out of their 0-3 hole, and Patrick Mahomes will remember that Travis Kelce fucking exists. Three straight road games.

So I am trying to contain myself. Trying not to buy the Josh Allen For MVP hype. Trying not to think about founding the Church of Damar, who has risen from the Dead to save our secondary. Forcing myself to take calm, measured breaths.

Calm. Measured. Breaths.

Damar Saves.

NFL News:

-So severe was the beatdown, the slaughter, the public execution of the Jaguars last night (sorry LemonJello) that Doug Pederson looks like he might be the first coach out the door the season. And he knows it:

That’s a man who has Expedia bookmarked in case Shad Khan fires him on the road and he needs to find his own flight home.

Normally I find Pederson insufferable, as his aura of “Guy Who Has Seen Jimmy Buffett In 49 States And Mexico” is thicker than Saquon’s thighs. But you can’t help but feel for him, whose quarterback seems to have irrevocably injured his throwing arm signing a $275 million contract in June. Even the reporters feel sorry for the guy contractually obligated to stand in the stocks before them after every humiliating loss, choosing the least rotten fruit to throw at him in the form of softball questions.

People- people who are not (openly) high on bath salts- are legitimately asking if the team should bench their savior. When starting White Mac is an option you are voluntarily considering, it is time to liquidate the team and flee the country.

-Dan Campbell was forced to sell his house after disgruntled Lions fans found out where he lived. Now we find out it was a classmate of his daughter who outed him after their playoff loss to the Niners in the conference championship, the unfortunate end to the most successful year they have had since the foundation of the modern NFL. There are some constants in life, and the stupidity of teenage boys may be one of the most immutable.

-Mike Tomlin confirmed that Justin Fields would start the next game, but refused to name him the starting quarterback going forward. I don’t blame him; after all, maybe the Jaguars or Panthers are looking to offload some mistakes.