It’s Week Eight! Your NFL Football Open Thread

We’re almost at the halfway point of the season and the byes are kicking in… What’s that? There are no teams on bye this week? How is that? Ah, these scheduling intricacies are beyond my comprehension.

To The Games!

Jets/Pats:

Guh. We’re not off to a great start here. These teams are a combined 3-11 and going nowhere fast. Does anyone outside Woody Johnson think that Adams is the key to a turnaround? Mayo called his team soft which was an interesting gambit, we’ll see how they respond.

Eagles/Bengals:

Cincy is favored in this one which was a surprise to me and a wonderful acknowledgement of the fine work that Sirianni is doing. It looks like wr Higgins is up to his quiet quitting ways again. Silly me, I got him at a discount and I figured he would play like a monster for his next contract. Oh well. The Philly D excels vs the likes of Watson and Dimes but was torched by Mayfield.

Packers/Jags:

Here’s a blowout on the way. Love is only the 4th QB under the age of 25 to record 9 straight games with two or more passing scores. The only wr to have a faster start to his career than Brian Thomas Jr. is the one and only Randy Moss. Josh Jacobs scored a receiving TD last week-it was the very first of his career. That defies belief.

Titans/Lions:

Another blowout? Are we taking the over? Goff is playing out of his mind right now but only recently did LaPorta come along for the ride. But he’s a tight end and if you’re in the fantasy biz they’re all crap.

Falcons/Bucs:

This was a barnburner the last time out with the game going to OT. Does Tampa lean on their Cerberus-ian backfield now that Godwin and Evans are both on the shelf or does Mayfield chuck it to the likes of Otton, Palmer and rookie MacMillan?

Cards/Fins:

Lotsa gnashing of teeth and clutching of pearls in the media regarding Tua and his returning to the field. Miami seemed lost without him (because backup qb play was just that bad) even though he wasn’t playing that well, having thrown more INT’s than scores. Tyreek was the most excited for the return and promptly missed practice on Friday. Arizona hasn’t won two straight games since 2021-talk about a rudderless franchise.

Ravens/Browns:

King Henry is tracking at 2,120 yards rushing at this point but will that 30 year-old body hold up? Jameis might just liven up the Cleveland O given his propensity to air things out and of course, turn the ball over.

Colts/Texans:

Richardson threw the ball to the ceiling of the workout facility during the pre-draft workouts and nobody caught that pass either. He’s on a pace to match the lowest completion percentage of 46.5% in 2011 that was done by no other than professional speaker and failed tight end Tim Tebow.

There you go.

5 3 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
221 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Don T

It’s great to see Will Levis ONLY in commercials.

King Hippo

Nick Sirianni, a big fan of wasting time because he thinks he looks SMRT.

litre_cola

So best coasters, do you seem like an alcoholic when you roll into an empty bar at 10 to watch football and get travel wasted?

Mr. Ayo

Perfectly normal, perfectly healthy

litre_cola

It did start to rain

Gumbygirl

We did that a bunch when we lived in western Washington. It was helpful on Monday mornings when football was over Sunday night by 8 or 8:30. A good night’s sleep keeps the hangovers from being too bad.

BeefReeferLives

comment image

BeefReeferLives

comment image

ballsofsteelandfury

Never!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Whoever did the editing on that absolutely killed it. Great work.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“I’m Kamala Harris and I hit JD Drew with a Duracell”

Senor Weaselo

Well he is a horse’s ass…

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Oh baby when Spero Dedes is in the house, you know tickets for that game is going to be cheap.

Don T

Ten’s RT situation is an ongoing Chernobyl earthquake salad.

Gatoraids

Haven’t seen a Drake go down like that since the Kendrick rap battle

LemonJello

Maye may have been Tua’d.

Don T

This stream I call it Dr. Cheeks because it’s a little behind.

Gumbygirl

The one here in the bedroom is waaaaay behind the one in the living room. I guess it’s proximity to the router? But I’m not getting Gumby out there, the other day I had to get the firemen here again because I couldn’t get him out of his recliner.

ArmedandHammered

I do so wish I was close enough to help, I know just how frustrating doing the simplest of things becomes when helping someone move.

Redshirt

Money Mac is suffering from Hyperdeflation.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Dan Campbell once heard of a crackhead on Gratiot Avenue could stay up for 36 hours straight without sleeping in Detroit Free Press article.

That crackhead is now an “Optimization Conultant” for the Lions.

Don T

Rudolph INT. Fick normalcy.

Don T

TEN 14 – 21 DET. With most of the 2nd QRT to go. And because I overvalue the chances of the improbable, the NFL is the best.

Mr. Ayo

Pittsaster!

Mr. Ayo

Or not! Pittsdown Folie a Duex!

Don T

Yeah. Y2K was cataclismic.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Last time Patriots and Jets were this irrelevant, Tucker Carlson was doing an anti-woke production of “North by Northwest”

Gumbygirl

His “give the little girls a spanking” speech the other day was nauseating. If I could wave my magic wand, he’d be one of the first to meet Madame Guillotine.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Kind of irritated that instead of Jets-Patriots, they are broadcasting Eagles-Bengals. I wanted comedy, not tragedy!

Spur
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

2024: You All Get What You Deserve

Senor Weaselo

Legatron’s Spark may have gone out, Jim.

LemonJello

THIS BALTIMORE O LINE, I CALL THESE GUYS THE SOUTHERN BORDER BECAUSE THE BROWNS ARE GOING THROUGH IT AND WREAKING HAVOK

Wakezilla

That’s a great line!

rockingdog

Wait…
Eagles haven’t scored in the 1st qtr in any of their games sir far this season??
Wat??

That doesn’t seem Rocking…

Spur

Tua is playing out of his mind.

Spur

As gross as it is, I do like flipping the compost pile. Something about seeing broken down food scraps is fascinating.

Gumbygirl

I used to have one of those sideways barrel dealies that you crank, like an organ grinder. I made great compost, too bad I’m a stone cold plant killer. Turns out, they need water too. Who knew?

ArmedandHammered

My wife certainly doesn’t.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I get a kick out of seeing all the worms. It’s too bad I don’t fish!

Spur

Bugs with Jobs

Gatoraids

Pre game said they were the top D in the league, granted at least one of those games was a Tualess fins

Wakezilla

The Dolphins actually gained yardage on a punt instead of fair catching it. You mean to tell me that’s allowed?

Senor Weaselo

Well I got 11 hours of sleep last night, woke up, and got brunch with Senorita Weaselo and her sister! So everything is weird being rested and having woke up before the crack of noon.

Because after playing an outdoor concert my eye twinge acted up and 20 minutes became pass the fuck out and miss most if not all of Game 2. Which in hindsight (no pun intended) I only missed disappointment.

Did I miss anything that wasn’t crushing disappointment by my #1 sports team?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I only slept about five hours last night – YOU STOLE THREE HOURS FROM ME!

LemonJello

Jags RedZone highlight? A fookin’ punt!

Mr. Ayo

Yeah, but what a punt! DUUUUUUVVVAAAALLLLL!

Redshirt

Bengals: 17 play drive, 10:04 off the clock.

Is that legal? We can do that?!

Mr. Ayo

They can do anything in those white power suits.

Senor Weaselo

I mean Cincinnati’s basically Kentucky (thanks to the airport) so that’s essentially the South.

I don’t know if I mentioned this before but I’d be interested in saying “Go back to your country” to one and only one group of people, and that would be people with the Confederate flag on their cars.

It would likely be the last thing I do before I get shot.

Wakezilla

Happy Sunday!

I just watched my ManUtd get embarrassed. I sure hope my Dolphins won’t disappoint

Mr. Ayo

Pittsdown!

King Hippo

man, me two years ago would be tumescent

King Hippo

creamsicle day!

Redshirt

Zebra Day in Cincinnati.

Gumbygirl

I like these white tiger uniforms. Very Sigfried and Roy!

King Hippo

Scott Hanson. The Greatest Living American.

Senor Weaselo

Kevin Harlan calling both games in shambles.

Don T

Excluding Bill Hader. And DFOers.

Spur

Come on Cincy stomp on some Birds today. Do it for America!

Redshirt

Alright, White Bengal Week! White Power!

(looks around). What?

King Hippo

he’s from Ohio, we’ll allow it

yeah right

There may not be a London game but I’m still having breakfast tea and biscuits dammit.

Mr. Ayo

There may not be a London game but I’m still having breakfast freezer vodka dammit.

King Hippo

make dat liver earn its keep, yo!

clint greasewood

Calm as you like he’s Virgil Van Dijk

rockingdog

Found a funny:

The definition varies by region; when you jerk a guy off into a snowdrift

IMG_1916.jpeg
Redshirt

“Hey, the carrot nose doesn’t go there!”
“It’s not for his nose.”

(porn trumpet ensues)

Gumbygirl

.

border-collie-black-and-white-biting-carrot-nose-of-snowman-north-E7F634.jpg
Redshirt

…and that’s why he didn’t get that extension he wanted.

IMG_0387.jpeg
Spur

my picks today

Ravens -8.5
Packers -3.5
Donks -10.5
KC/LV – over 41.5

Spur

I have to wait drink all day to see Dallas get stomped, great.

Spur

Morning Folks

2Pack

Ciao.

Unsurprised

Some piece of shit was yelling and banging the walls somewhere around me just loud enough to hear but distant enough to not locate all night and so I’m in an even less cheerful mood than usual.

I hope everything bad happens to them and only them.

2Pack

If you find him. Call us. We ride.
/ into his home at 0530, up the staircase ala D-day from Animal House.

FB_IMG_1729938019477.jpg
Redshirt

(tosses the keys)

It’s in between Ecto 1 and the Delorean Time Machine. Just return it to the DFO Garage with a full tank of gas and beer this time.

IMG_0389.png
Don T

Mornin’. Daylight stupid clock thing makes every NFL game here one hour later. Oh well…
comment image

Unsurprised

Spite will save the world

2Pack

We switched last night. Getting them an hour earlier.

Redshirt

I change next week because Ohio is behind the times.

(Yes, other locales change this time also, but it doesn’t fit the joke.)

Senor Weaselo

Just one more week!

Doktor Zymm

Tua apparently refuses to wear a Guardian cap for ‘personal reasons’. I guess a Guardian cap killed his dog or something?

BugEyedBoo

For a minute I thought, “What’s he got against Cleveland? Season’s over for them anyway.”

King Hippo

It’s better to look good than to feel good!

Mr. Ayo

Look purple, feel monkey, play dishwasher

— T. Green

Don T

Why’d Tua want a Guardian cap? It won’t take the suck out of his game. Though it’d be consistent with him being a pussy.
-Brian F., Minnesota

Gatoraids

think he just trying to speed run the inevitable concussion that will lead the medical staff to grant him the 100mil retirement package

Unsurprised

Obviously the CTE has kicked in

Gatoraids

Miami Chief Medical Staff

comment image

2Pack

He’s obviously bothered by potential cone head jokes.

King Hippo

I am glad Jacobs finally got a receiving tuddy. It was going to give Hanson a stroke, otherwise.

Mathematical outliers are the best thing (at least top 3) about being alive. Hey, it’s a very short list.

Doktor Zymm

I was less surprised by the Jacobs thing when I remembered he was on the post-Carr Raiders

Redshirt

(checks score from last night)

Well at least the JV Bengals garbage-timed it up to keep it close.

1 2 3