It’s Week Eight! Your NFL Football Open Thread

We’re almost at the halfway point of the season and the byes are kicking in… What’s that? There are no teams on bye this week? How is that? Ah, these scheduling intricacies are beyond my comprehension.

To The Games!

Jets/Pats:

Guh. We’re not off to a great start here. These teams are a combined 3-11 and going nowhere fast. Does anyone outside Woody Johnson think that Adams is the key to a turnaround? Mayo called his team soft which was an interesting gambit, we’ll see how they respond.

Eagles/Bengals:

Cincy is favored in this one which was a surprise to me and a wonderful acknowledgement of the fine work that Sirianni is doing. It looks like wr Higgins is up to his quiet quitting ways again. Silly me, I got him at a discount and I figured he would play like a monster for his next contract. Oh well. The Philly D excels vs the likes of Watson and Dimes but was torched by Mayfield.

Packers/Jags:

Here’s a blowout on the way. Love is only the 4th QB under the age of 25 to record 9 straight games with two or more passing scores. The only wr to have a faster start to his career than Brian Thomas Jr. is the one and only Randy Moss. Josh Jacobs scored a receiving TD last week-it was the very first of his career. That defies belief.

Titans/Lions:

Another blowout? Are we taking the over? Goff is playing out of his mind right now but only recently did LaPorta come along for the ride. But he’s a tight end and if you’re in the fantasy biz they’re all crap.

Falcons/Bucs:

This was a barnburner the last time out with the game going to OT. Does Tampa lean on their Cerberus-ian backfield now that Godwin and Evans are both on the shelf or does Mayfield chuck it to the likes of Otton, Palmer and rookie MacMillan?

Cards/Fins:

Lotsa gnashing of teeth and clutching of pearls in the media regarding Tua and his returning to the field. Miami seemed lost without him (because backup qb play was just that bad) even though he wasn’t playing that well, having thrown more INT’s than scores. Tyreek was the most excited for the return and promptly missed practice on Friday. Arizona hasn’t won two straight games since 2021-talk about a rudderless franchise.

Ravens/Browns:

King Henry is tracking at 2,120 yards rushing at this point but will that 30 year-old body hold up? Jameis might just liven up the Cleveland O given his propensity to air things out and of course, turn the ball over.

Colts/Texans:

Richardson threw the ball to the ceiling of the workout facility during the pre-draft workouts and nobody caught that pass either. He’s on a pace to match the lowest completion percentage of 46.5% in 2011 that was done by no other than professional speaker and failed tight end Tim Tebow.

There you go.

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Unsurprised

Shit fuck God Fucking Damn It!

Mr. Ayo

#ThePauls!

Eat shit Groper Cleveland!

Unsurprised

Fucking fuck! Come on, Ravens.

Unsurprised

Quite a Halloween witching hour. Hanson is about to cum to death.

fleshwound_NPG

we do not talk nearly enough about how danica patrick and aaron rodgers dating each other destroyed both of their brains

Gatoraids

both shoulda dated wearing the Guardian helmet and Guardian condom

Unsurprised

I’d rather neither were alive to think about

LemonJello

Huffing high octane racing fuel is a helluva drug.

Gatoraids

Trump rally in NYC having the same effect of the Jets shitting their pants like he did to McDonalds customers earlier this week.

Doktor Zymm

LOL JEST

Mr. Ayo

Afternoon threads are off limits until all early games are finished.

Don T

What window discipline!

Redshirt

Fake news.

fleshwound_NPG

we are busy laughing at the JEST

blaxabbath

This won’t be the first time an Arizona team has ecstatically celebrated going into the house of some kid with a serious head injury and escaping with a one point victory.

Senor Weaselo

How could Robert Saleh do this?

Doktor Zymm

C’mon Baker, I’m sure you have a last minute turnover in that oven!

King Hippo

Mayo REALLY fucked up the clock there. Why did he call timeout so early?

Mr. Ayo

Wait, what did I do?

Gatoraids

Houston out clotting the clots

blaxabbath

.

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ArmedandHammered

I cannot believe I am actually pulling for the Patriots today, there is no amount of weed that can remove that stain from my soul.

blaxabbath

Just think of it as oppo research.

Gatoraids

Saleh stocks rising as they let Brisset put up over 20 on them, who will join the Rodgers family this week

ArmedandHammered

Of course the issue is not the offense of course, so probably defense or special teams.

Mr. Ayo

J-E-S-T! JEST JEST JEST!

Unsurprised

Classic meteor game

Downfield Matriculator

This CBS broadcast, I call it a quick trip up Interstate 71, because we just got transported from Cincinnati to Cleveland

Redshirt

It’s not an accurate representation of a trip up/down I-71 until we get a segment in Columbus for no apparent reason.

Downfield Matriculator

Could stop in to visit the Buckeyes watching film to understand why Nebraska was not stomped by 30 yesterday (and I say this as an OSU fan, who spent his formative sportsfan years in Akron, but then chose Franco Harris over Greg Pruitt back in the day).

blaxabbath

Announcer: Tua showing no signs of that concussion.

Tua: Drools a screen pass to the turf.

Downfield Matriculator

Clearly Sirianni and his boys just needed to get away from all that negativity among the home fans

Redshirt

Fire Zac Taylor!

Unsurprised

A receiver named Downs is the gift that keeps on giving

Doktor Zymm

From my bench, unfortunately. First week I haven’t started him

Redshirt

.

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Unsurprised

I didn’t know there were any tight ends left in Tampa

Mr. Ayo

I haven’t seen a Kraft score in Florida like that since that massage parlor video.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You know those Sports Center highlight plays that are, like, DOUBLE Sports Center highlight plays?

Unsurprised

FAILCONS

blaxabbath

Am I correct that Tua celebrated his latest concussion protocol clearance by adding Speed Holes to his helmet?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yes. They make the concussions go faster.

Unsurprised

How long until the trepanning?

Unsurprised

Teamwork makes the dream work

Mr. Ayo

#MaximumBungles

Unsurprised

I watched Spartacus last night. That was a great movie. This Kubrick guy has a future IMHO

Redshirt

“I watched Spartacus last night and so did my wife!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[also watched a movie about gladiators last night] – Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show

Redshirt

Zac Taylor gave the Eagles that field goal.

LemonJello

How much of this season will Tua actually be able to recall in a few years?

LemonJello

Oh, and I hope #thePauls wins now that Groper Cleveland is out.

Downfield Matriculator

Next rapist up

King Hippo

purple!

Unsurprised

Season? He’ll be lucky to remember to breathe

fleshwound_NPG

oh god, im seeing that trump commercial and…

is he really that proud that some republicans wanted him dead

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I love how he dumped 2021 – i.e. some of the worst months of the COVID pandemic – right in Biden’s lap, as though somehow it was Biden’s fault things righteously sucked the second he stepped into office.

Unsurprised

To be fair, Biden wanted to reopen schools within 100 days and he got it just long enough to realize it was srupid as fuck.

Redshirt

It’s designed to seal the deal with Republicans and Independent voters. For others, it’s having the opposite effect. Way too over the top.

fleshwound_NPG

republicans? yes

independents? “hey, what was going on in 2020-2021 to fuck the economy and those interest rates…”

Unsurprised

Those Republicans – YES!

It makes sense to maga

Redshirt

That exactly defines Trump: he doesn’t care about expanding the base but only solidifying it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The funniest part of COVID was all the “prayer warriors” acting like they could resurrect their fellow hydrochloroquine huffers the same way the crowd could psych up Hulk Hogan into berserker mode.

Unsurprised

I had to deal with some after they got fired for it

Redshirt

Welp, that’s my Bungals!

Redshirt

I didn’t know the Lions were gods, but there they go, destroying the Titans.

Unsurprised

Does that make Campbell or Goff Zeus?

King Hippo

#ThePauls break their 20-point cherry!

Mr. Ayo

Not sure they want Don T’s smoke, but here we are.

https://twitter.com/Acyn/status/1850613597304455412

King Hippo

holy shit PLEASE NOTICE, Florida electorate

blaxabbath

That’s why they came here to the greatest country on earth accessible by garbage raft, America.

Col. Duke LaCross

I’m sure that joke will play great in New York.

King Hippo

Maybe helps a bit in a few House races for Team Demmycrat.

blaxabbath

Oh.

Those will be a valuable force against Project 2025 In Action.

blaxabbath

Drew Petzing is just a sure thing to make one baffling playcall in an important scenario every game.

blaxabbath

Ramsey looking OLD next to a young pup.

King Hippo

lookit Xbox, Jr.! Standing on his hind legs like a little Rory Calhoun!!

blaxabbath

I love how they just took the ball out of his speedy little hands in the 2pt conversion. Like, why bother with utilizing your quarterback here?

Redshirt

Bengals Defense reverted to its maitre’d form, escorting the offense to it’s reservation in the end zone.

litre_cola

Standing and yelling at an empty bar is exhilarating

BeefReeferLives

“Sir, this is an Arby’s”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I have to say it was pretty heartening to check in to the r/nfl game thread for Eagles Bengals and see people rip the living shit out of that absurd Trump ad.

Redshirt

It’s the political version of Burns the movie from The Simpsons.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqIGAspuZSM&pp=ygUZYnVybnMgc2hvcnQgZmlsbSBzaW1zcG9ucw%3D%3D

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Directed by Miguel Báez.

blaxabbath

I think Starbucks is in big trouble if it’s gotta advertise on NFL games.

Gatoraids

are they introducing a lager

Mr. Ayo

Luv is ded

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

How funny, I was literally just thinking about the album Hallowed Ground as a Halloween album.

Gatoraids

–Derek Carr

Redshirt
Gumbygirl

Son of a bitch. I left Fatthew on the bench for him, and he went off for 26 points.

Redshirt

That Trump commercial is damn good. Too bad the guy doesn’t match the ad.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Didn’t realize you were such a big Michael Bay’s Non-Union Mexican Equivalent fan.

blaxabbath

I think it’s safe to say Caitlin Clark has taken control of the Fever, a la LeBron, and she’s not afraid to axe anyone who challenges her to a labia-measuring contest.

https://www.espn.com/wnba/story/_/id/42032368/fever-fire-coach-christie-sides-two-seasons

fleshwound_NPG

sides was bad. true basketball terrorist. so many blown double digit leads. this was her first ever head coaching job and it was:

year 1: tank job, worst in the league
year 2: have two first overall picks carry me to .500

fleshwound_NPG

(also, this is a new gm getting their own staff)

blaxabbath

It’s fun how you shit on my shitting on girls sports.

ArmedandHammered

Lions runner for 95 yards after easily saloming through the defense.

Don T

TEN’s special teams coach deservers a firin’, a tarrin’, and a fetherin’

blaxabbath

Raiders Nation is calling…..

Don T

/coy glance

King Hippo

different conference and timezone who would REALLY know???

King Hippo

Qards didn’t expect 8-chan to go left like that. #Betrayal

Col. Duke LaCross

That’s the Eddie Jackson defense I recognize.

fleshwound_NPG

anthony richardson is the greatest worst qb in the history of the nfl

his eventual benching is going to lead to an ELITE playoff push

Cecil Rhodes

He is truly a sight to behold. If he had a codeine addiction, he’d be Jamarcus Russell!

King Hippo

Your Royal Water Pistols let humanity down today, GovernoUr…

Cecil Rhodes

Indeed. We were not amused! Our Spanish lieutenant needs to realize that draws are not acceptable in any context!

Doktor Zymm

Goff has 28 pass yards and 2 pass TDs? Wt actual f?

King Hippo

lots and lots of short fields

Game Time Decision

Those are Bettis type stats