Thanksgiving 2024 FITBAW – Part teh First

Welcome to Murrika’s favoUrite holiday, where we celebrate Native American slaughter by eating more than a third world family does in a year, getting blackout drunk, and falling asleep watching good old American FITBAW!  Scotchy continues to be annoyed by non-sportsball matters, so I am stepping in.  Don’t worry, I am tired of reading my gibberish too.

Bearistocrats! (+9.5) at LioUns (12:30, CBS)

I recall Erik Kramer winning the Madden turkey leg in this one, but can’t recall which of these two teams he was quartered backing at the time.  Memory is like that, sometimes.  Chi**** is in its most familiar modus operandi (ie, freefall), while Detroit is fucking teams up like 1970s era Nebraska.  Does everyone start fringe fantasy players in these games, then instantly regret it?  OK, just me.  Yet again.

Sommet tells me that Caleb will relish this spotlight, and his charges will make things interesting.  I’d even say a cover is more likely than not.  Especially if I’m only risking YOUR moneys.

Nothing makes one feel more festive than putting “slutty Chi**** Bears fans” into one’s Google window.  At least it’s not my work computer this time.

5 3 votes
Article Rating
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
Subscribe
Notify of
92 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Caleb Williams is lucky his NFL career didn’t end right then and there.

Last edited 2 minutes ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Senor Weaselo

Huh, none of us were expecting that.

ArmedandHammered

Just joining at halftime, had a post brunch nap. That scruff on Romo looks horrible, like it has grown during the broadcast.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Glancing at my television while Romo was talking and hearing español come out put a big smile on my face this Thanksgiving.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Shaboozey to all the other gritty, scrappy, gym rat country musicians:

comment image

Brick Meathook
2Pack

Follow me for more bold predictions.

ArmedandHammered

I had no idea what a Shaboozey was till now, and I am poorer for the knowing.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I actually thought he was decent enough. Certainly got more out of the crowd than Fat Joe at Game 2 of the World Series.

Senor Weaselo

Fat Joe in Game 2 managed to get more out of the crowd than Fat Joe in Game 3.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Right, right, Game 3. All those Dodgers wins just blend together in my memory.

ArmedandHammered

I don’t like modern country music, at all. Waylon Jennings would have kicked Shaboozy’s ass and then gotten drunk with him, during the show!

Horatio Cornblower

I put that on mute and listened to Patton Oswalt

Game Time Decision

that’s Mrs.GTD’s current jam ( the song Tipsy)

Redshirt

.

IMG_0557.jpeg
Senor Weaselo

Salomon, for all your tai chi needs!

Senor Weaselo

Rush 1. So 10 in coverage would be the…
/let’s see, dime, quarter, dollar is 8, so…
Hamilton?

BugEyedBoo

Jefferson is on the $2.

BugEyedBoo

NM, I see where you’re coming from.

Senor Weaselo

You imply the common man knows about the $2.

BugEyedBoo

They’re considered bad luck.

Game Time Decision

Twoonie?
comment image

Last edited 3 minutes ago by Game Time Decision
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Loonie!

Brocky

Watching my mom’s dogs fight over a bone is more entertaining than this game:

comment image

Doktor Zymm

Sudden but probably meaningless change!

Brocky

Watching my mom’s dogs fight over a bone is more entertaining than this game

https://i.postimg.cc/tXB5b1N7/20241128-135417.avif

Brocky

What the hell is an avif file?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s a variation of an .updog

BugEyedBoo

JPEG replacement. Compresses more, sucks less.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/AVIF

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Why on earth would anyone develop such a technology?” – the Dr. Mrs. Deadly, firing up the trusty Dyson

Brick Meathook

It’s why I can’t post from PostImage anymore so I use imgbb.com instead.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I wonder if it would work to change the rule so that if the ball actually makes contact with the defender, there cannot be pass interference. So basically you can do whatever you want to the receiver as long as you actually touch the ball.

Doktor Zymm

I foresee a lot of ded receivers

BugEyedBoo

I saw a guy get hit in the back this last weekend going up for a medicine ball, made me think of the good old days when life was cheap and the DB would have speared him in the small of the back at a full run.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[has also leapt in an effort to obtain medicine] – Jim Irsay

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Committing two penalties on the same 3rd down play that would have resulted in a first down and giving up a first down on 2nd and 25 are pretty funny, but I expect more out of The Bearistocrats!

Doktor Zymm

It’s only the first half, I’m sure there’s more in store

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That fourth down offsides penalty was rather droll, it looks like they’re stepping it up.

Senor Weaselo

Ah, I see now.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…said the blind man as he picked up his hammer and saw.

Doktor Zymm

This is exactly why you don’t want to have any fantasy players from the Bears, no matter how talented they are

litre_cola

Fucking DJ Moore.

Senor Weaselo

How is this game only 13-0?

litre_cola

Guys, I don’t think that the Bears are very good.

Brocky

The bears have more punts than pass completions

Doktor Zymm

“They both start with P so close enough, meh”
– Bears coaching staff

Doktor Zymm

So just discovered my soundbar has a ‘sports’ setting. It actually sounds pretty good!

Brocky

Let’s us know if it automatically mutes chris collinsworth

Brocky

Morbid predictions aside, we made it to another thanksgiving yall!

litre_cola

Two meetings down, both could have been emails. Approaching Fozz level rage.

Doktor Zymm

Go into that next meeting and make them grateful to end it early!

Brocky

Gentlemen, I hope your Thanksgiving is going well.

I just want to make a prediction before it gets too much later in the day, I want tonmake a prediction for my money league:

After 12 weeks, I am sitting at 7-5, with an 86% chance of making the playoffs.

If I win one more game I can clinch a playoff spot. I am projected to win this week. It’s a 12 team league, and there are 6 teams in the post season.

I just wanted to let you know, here and now, that I fully believe i will miss the playoffs.

It is now 12:23 pm central time on Thursday, November 28th 2024.

You heard it here first folks!

blaxabbath

Anyone else read that with a drunk slur beginning at the second paragraph?

Brocky

Two games left in a 12 game league is 4096 possible outcomes.

I took the standings to all those and applied tie breakers, and I make the playoffs in 3/4of those.

I have no faith in my team

blaxabbath

Is Fozz just like strangling three people at once by now?

Horatio Cornblower

Also the Bears strategy for picking a GM and/or head coach

https://twitter.com/PulpLibrarian/status/1862196936368885866

Horatio Cornblower

(The part about sniffing glue; not sure where that top one about the sex orgies came from, although I would read it)

blaxabbath

URBAN MEYER!

fleshwound_NPG

if you ate turkey early, there is good news: when your turkey nap hits, this game will likely start entering blowout territory

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Erik Kramer was too good for the Bears.

Man, what a damning statement.

fleshwound_NPG

1995…the ONE year the bears had a quarterback, was the one year they did NOT have a defense

and lost the last wild card spot to a team with jeff george

Col. Duke LaCross

See also; the Mel Tucker era.

Col. Duke LaCross

That first Trestman season had a surprisingly cromulent offense.

Horatio Cornblower

Great job by the editors throwing the final score up right as the pass gets to the receiver, thereby blocking the viewer from seeing the catch.

blaxabbath

16 yard punt seems pretty important.

Last edited 1 hour ago by blaxabbath
Doktor Zymm

bearnuts, lol

Game Time Decision

I’ll take your word for that Mr. “googled slutty Chi**** Bears fans”

ThePirateSloth

“Slutty Bears” and it’s just a picture of me.

Senor Weaselo

I hope both teams run it for 800 yards and 7 TDs.

/Because I have Montgomery and Swift… but Williams is on my bench

fleshwound_NPG

COME ON FAT MAN, THROW IT

2Pack

So the Lions have lost their last 7 Thanksgiving day games? Bears upset time? I’ll go out on a limb here and say yeah why not.

fleshwound_NPG

saxomophone anthem!comment image

ThePirateSloth

It’s that magical time of morning where you pour your fresh coffee grounds into your coffee cup with half/half instead of into your french press with hot water.

blaxabbath

What Shell station fuels you that has a french press that, I assume, hasn’t been busted against some guys jaw for taking the winning scratcher?

Must be fucking ooh-la-la at Thanksgiving with your neighbors.

litre_cola

Need me some sun god to avoid relegation!