We’ve got so much freaking football going forward, oh my god! Gird Your Lions! And your Bills, Ravens, Eagles and…maybe even your Vikes? Maybe these few loss teams are legit? I’ve no clue.
Minutiae:
-Welcome Pat Taylor Jr. of the Niners to the starting running back role of the Niners. He must be so excited to get his chance. Others are super excited to bet on which debilitating injury will knock him out for the rest of the season. The Niners have to win out to get into the postseason.
-There’s news out there that Qaron would be willing to mentor a newbie QB should he stick around the Jets next year. If Woody wants a surly, sour, self-involved, conspiracy-minded signal-caller, he’s all set!
-The NCAA president and the NFLPA Pearl Clutchers are aghast, aghast I tell you with the amount of sports betting that they’re not getting a slice of-just yet. So naturally they’ve asked Congress to “Do Something”. The NCAA also asked if legislation could be enacted whereby they could grow their balls back.
-He’s Just Like Us!: Mike Penix was eating a hot dog at Costco when he was informed that he’ll be the starter for the Falcons this weekend. Given the news, he splurged and bought the $5 roasted chicken.
To The Game!
Broncos/Chargers:
-If Denver wins they get a playoff spot. I prefer that than going over all the permutations and combinations the last few weeks of the season.
-Bo Nix isn’t getting nearly the credit that a rook qb guiding a four game win streak while headed down the stretch should. Sure it’s been a bit bumpy but the kid is an asset and his skillset will grow.
-Conversely, the Chargers are stumbling, having lost three of their last four and they’re on the road for two weeks to close out the season. Yeah, it’s the Pats and Raiders but still… A win here runs their playoff entry chances to 97%-a loss drops them to 73%.
-Since Dobbins was lost for the season (who could have seen that coming?) the Chargers have laid off the running game and the results are showing.
-Piling On: Last week vs Tampa they gave up the most yards (500) and points (40) this season.
-Both Herbert and Nix are tied for second in the league. Thing is, the stat is dropped passes.
Have at it.
Sup
I asked youngest fozz for a beer. he poured it into a giant glass. with ice in it. i can’t yell at him cause he’s such a fucking angel.
He’s the least insane yeah?
in this scenario, he is. this kid is such a love. he cries too easily, but you just can’t get mad at him. his heart is bigger than the moons of Jupiter.
THIS FOZZ KID I CALL HIM SECRÉTARIAT…
It’s never too early to yell at anyone or anything for putting ice in a beer.
If you met him, you would actually ask him for ice. This is the kid who kept me from losing my mind when I got furlooughed. His heart is the size of a watermelon.
Might want to have that checked out
So he’s Grinch post gift returning?
Me, explaining to Fozz #3 what a great kid he is but to never put ice in a beer for any reason ever again.
I may go see John Valby in New Haven tomorrow night, depending on what kind of shape I’m in after the office Xmas party/dinner/whatever.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9eP4ZLGyro
Guy’s 80 and still doing this stuff.
Definitely funnier when I was in 7th grade and first heard ‘Eat, Bite, Suck, Fuck’ for the first time, but I am kind of curious how he’s still upright considering I first heard him, like I said, when I was in 7th fucking grade.
Some how this has crossed my mind as Jim Varney Eat, Bite, Suck, Fuck verne
https://ibb.co/yPV2MZN
This isn’t “if,” it’s, “when.”
San Diego is winning this game
See above
I enjoy Alice in Chains so much you should call me Josef Fritzl.
Banner? I hardly know her.
There is no hell hot enough for that piece of shit. He needs to have his intestines ripped out by slow motion weasels forever.
White QB: “He has instinct.”
Black QB: “So athletic.”
Since it’s time for me to transition to Offseason Mode, I’d like to start my Non-Football ramblings with a demand for a TV show, real life or animated, starring Batman’s, Superman’s and Wonder Woman’s kids.
It has potential..
throw in Bat Mite, also Knothead and Splinter
add in the child of Sarcastro and we have a deal
h ttps://www.dailymotion.com/video/x3uhwzk
sorry, just so it doesn’t autoplay and destroy everyone’s speakers
Rich people getting what they deserve
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yhOFWnhjRLs
chargers were also the last to make a free kick which is proof they can never ever play a normal game of football
My Day, by JJ Fozz:
Wake up at 530, sing along to Run Run Rudolph, Mrs. Fozz yells at me to stop singing
2 hour drive to work
Work: complete overhaul of a project I’ve worked on for a year.
2 hour drive home
Wife losing her mind due to hormonal implant. She is now crazier than Jerry Jones on a meth binge.
Pick up son. He drives like Burt Reynolds in Cannonball Run. I am on verge of a kill spree.
Get home. Mrs. Fozz bought new used car for my son. Drive car. Car is making horrendous sound on back left tire.
Slam my head repeatedly on steering wheel. Scream in car. Wonder if my wife is brain damaged.
Wife calls. Crying. “I made a huge mistake with the car.”
I pray to St. Jude. (Patron saint of lost causes.) He does not answer me. I tell him to eat shit.
Get home. Wife says, “I’m at my mom’s, wiping down her floors because she’s tired.”
My left ventricle sends out a ‘cease and desist’ notification.
Get home. Kids hungry. Go back out. Buy shitty food for them. Get stuck behind a fuckface in a lowered Honda Accord. Kill factor increased to 1,000.
Home.
I am on my fourth bourbon. Fuck the world.
Also, dog got into trash 3x. Table surfed once. Are dog fur coats de riguer these days? Fucking goddamn cur.
This promises to get interesting.
Hide your bridges.
Only 4th? Sheeeeet (Baltimore), I figured you would have stashes all about the Fozz lands.
My grandfather was notorious for hiding miniatures of Carstairs – pure paint thinner – around the house. My uncles found empties shoved into the goals of their table top hockey game.
For those who don’t know about tabletop hockey
GOAL!!
/Hockey game explodes
I don’t know anything about Maryland’s Lemon Laws, (like, for starters, if they have one), but if they do and it’s anything like Connecticut’s run that piece of shit back to the dealership and make them fix the tire or give you your money back.
We’ve set up an appointment for tomorrow – i will shove this car down the throat of the fuckface who brokered the deal
He started it. I saw it. Most justified case of self-defense I’ve ever seen.
Wasn’t Shelbyville home of lemons?
Hey, Harbaugh updated the Wikipedia page!
are those kids out there in the chargers unis aren’t Floaty’s kids are they?
half are rivers’ and half are cromartie’s
I MISSED A FAIR CATCH KICK?! STUPID WORK!
bullshit you dont practice that, payton
only insane people practice something not seen since the 1970s, do you also drink water from lead pipes
Eli eats lead paint chips to this day.
Boris has Dicker too, but I can’t be mad at that!
LMAO
Hey something fun!
Oh my God, give us a rouge!
so far my fuck it drop Herbert and grab Penix to go along with Dicker is paying off
Fuck you Netflix and your new boot goofin. Fuck me get the fuck out of here with that shit.
Of course, next week the Chargers will win 62-7.
That would go great with the Ohio State lose.
(Redshirt rn)
man, monday night raw has turned into even bigger shit than i thought
Death by muu-muu.
When did Russo come back?!
Candy Crush.
Diabetes Deadlifting
I bet “The Dark Side of the Moon” is playing in the background.
The track Eclipse is playing.
Fat bottom girls make my beating heart go dead!
This is what the Bengals and their fans deserve for putting our destiny in Lesser Harbaugh’s hands.
Donks are going to upset someone in the 1st round.
/Hippo goes to grab the clubhouse bandana
Everyone has there own, right, there is not one supposed to be used by everyone is there, is it in the bylaws?
You grab what you grab
(looks longingly at Bengals and Reds and Buckeyes bandannas, still in mint condition in original packaging)
didn’t the Dallas one dry rot from non-use?
I’ve got a Terrible Towel
Quick story. I bought a Terrible Towel and gave it to my friend, a Bengals fan, as a gag gift (I used it as wrapping paper that goes in a gift bag that covered the actual gift of a Bengals hat and a Skyline gift card).
I found it funny. He nearly ended the 20 year friendship.
Kraft Single and Groper Cleveland nod in agreement with this statement.
Canon is that [kommentist] would run though the clubhouse wearing only a [franchise] bandana wrapped around their wing-wang (or covering their hoo-hah), so the presumption is that at the very least there’s one bandana for each sports team.
frauds everywhere, some team is gonna go on a surprise deep run and that owner/gm is gonna be delusional and do something stupid in the spring
Go Birds
it will either be super bowl or sirianni gets murdered at halftime in the very 1st game
no in-between
Either will be hilarious.
Am cool with that
Just saw this. It looks good. Not all dark, moody and edgy. It appears to be uplifting. Superman is meant to inspire. He’s a God who helps no matter how small the problem, setting an example.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhUht6vAsMY
He looks how I feel every Saturday morning
Someone pointed out that as Clark Kent he kind of looks like Moss from The I.T. Crowd and while I am looking forward to the film I also am very amused by such an image.
“I’ll just put this over with the rest of the kryptonite…”
Wow, I thought the Bears were playing for a second there.
too many points have been scored by them
seeing touchdowns shoulda taken you out of it
Really? I didn’t see anyone stuck in a dryer.
THIS ELON MUSK IN THE US GOVERNMENT LEMME TELL YA I CALL HIM GETTING WINDOWS 2000/ME BACK IN THE DAY BECAUSE HE SHOWS UP AND NOW EVERYTHING IS CRASHING AND SHUTTING DOWN
(Republicans don’t vote for Trump’s bill)
Vance: “THIS IS THE DEMOCRATS’ FAULT!”
A half-finished, untested interloper claimed to be the savior for a flawed system that ultimately destroys what did actually work?
Yep.
Already saw some clip about a active solider crying about not getting paid before the Holidays. “Don’t they know what it does to us when were treated as pawns”.
Fuck you! You voted for this. We all tried to warn you. That’s my mindset for the next 4 years. Eat pigs! You voted for your own slaughter.
First week of the new job is going well. No remote work but the commute is maybe 15 mins. I got an office but no window. Even as a salary employee, I still get paid weekly.
Lots of AP and AR work in Oracle BI. My understanding is that the person I replaced was basically autistic and couldn’t interact with staff.
I can ham it up when needed.
Thanks for everyone well wishes.
But I thought not being able to interact with staff was a strength…..SMGDH
I’m glad! You deserve nice things
Careful around vomit, buddy.
And tiny henges with dwarves trampling them.
Work is awful. Wine is not. That is all.
/Sutton td pls
Feels like an Alice in Chains nite
your sex dwarf is named Alice?
Is she related to Lowratio?
Somewhere back there.
Not that kind of back there, balls.
Again?
Always. And yes been a bad spell
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGoPC3QpBTQ
doo doot
The name of that album should be “Plenty of Legs”.
RIP Charles Grodin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TT4qU11ks1Y
Bo Nix is looking cromulent.
Boris is playing him against me. I’m screwed
I don’t think Nix can keep up if this really stays a shootout.
I’m hoping the wheels fall off soon. Sorry Boris! [not sorry]
Im seeing him in New York on Sunday. I’m looking forward to it! The dumpster fire of a Rangers game? Not so much anymore
Al is banal.
Al loves anal.
https://youtu.be/YHcEmdNHHN0?si=C8Tpncu6J6s2H3wg
Al should be tossed in a canal
Evening Folks
Time to see if the Bengals sole remaining path to the playoffs is a slim chance in Hell or a snowball’s chance in Hell.
Which level are we talking about, I think a snowball would be fine in the 9th circle.
Bengals win out, Colts lose once, Dolphins lose once…
If Los Angeles wins: Slim: Broncos lose final two (@Cin KC)
If Denver wins: Snowball: Chargers lose final two (@NE @LV)
Jim Carrey had more of a chance in Dumb and Dumber.
We’re at the slimy part of the video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1XIcS63jA3w&pp=ygUYc2ltcHNvbnMgaXQncyBzdGlsbCBnb29k
I’m not injured.
I’m not injured.
I’m not injured and neither is my wife!
There’s a story here!
Nope, the name of a running back is identical to my last name, which is why I had him on my team. So, I was joking in a way that only my stoned, on the spectrum ass could understand.
I am high as fuck!
My wife had a friend over and now the basement smells like a college dorm overrun by skunks.
Hot boxing in the basement?
I’M NOT INJURED!
/stands up
I’M NOT INJU…
/knees explode
Nope, nope, I’m injured. You guys carry on.
The Broncos think they’re people, adorable!
(watching them knock out Buffalo in the first round will be funny as fuck)
I’m still triggered by this!
Not having Ryan Clark (because of his sickle cell anemia) was huge…
I’ll remember where I was for this the same as I did on 9/11 and learning I was going to be a dad thrice over until I shuffle off this mortal realm.
Do with that information what you will.
I remember just laughing. That’s all I could do.
It’s the end of the year and I’m just signing everything in an effort to get it off my desk and if my assistant has any sense of humor I’ve signed at least one letter that says ‘Good night, San Diego, and go fuck yourself’
Lowratio slipped in a DNR and an updated will.
Is that his safety word or something?
Mine
…and a note implicating him as Insurance Luigi’s benefactor.
https://ibb.co/Dkzm2jW
Needs more hammers.
When’s the fucking kickoff?! I’ve been ready for fitbaw since yesterday! Tch.
And buenas noches, por supuesT
Seriously. I’ve been watching this pre-show forever!
Yeah, Charissa is beautiful and all, but that’s not gonna do it.
Can she explain it all, though?
Oh yeah!
And now does Hallmark movies. She’s following me around in background TV noise since I was ten.
Good ol’ Salem.
I never saw the witch show but I recently learned that TV’s Frank was a producer and the voice of the cat. Was it any good?
Fuck yeah, it was. It was great teenage trash, and had more adult-adult humor it seemed. Plus, even the aunts are nice to look at, too.
Yes they were!
If you were a horny teenager into leggy blonde witches, yes.
Lotta words there just to get to ‘yes’
Josh Dallas of the Georgian Southern Eagles just scored against Sam Houston. I feel like I’m getting punked by the $800 Geography category of the second round of Jeopardy!
+1 Anal bum cover
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hElOag-1a0k&pp=ygUac2VhbiBjb25uZXJ5IHNubCB0aGVyYXBpc3Q%3D
Dolphins In The Hunt like The Cove
Twist in plot: For every loss, the worst lineman will perform seppuku on the field. CULL THE WEAK!
Joe just wants to see who can wield one the best to be his new personal security.
If his o-line was responsible for protecting his house, he would be returning to a vacant lot overlooking the Ohio River.
I just wish Redshirt would be a little more forthcoming about his overwhelming mancrush on Joe Burrow. smh…
I’m a Steelers fan and I have a mancrush on Burrow…
He’s my qb in the Lowratio League. I fucking love him!
I’m not man enough for Joe Burrow. Besides, per the lady on the police report, he’s already filled that position.
Speaking of the which, I move that all models and mistress that pro athletes are seeing on the side are called “under their employee”.
Taylor Swift is the exception, to both not incur the wrath of the Swifties and acknowledge the unspoken truth that Kelch is the bottom of that relationship.
This really should warrant a series of posts.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5_9fYU8jd4
I am fucking dying here, oh shit, that made up for a craptacular day!
This is amazing.
I can’t imagine John Bonham restraining himself like this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ovr9_MYalmQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3iM3_i_xqs
Yinz will enjoy these.
Calling Mike Brown rich royalty would be a stretch. He’s at best a descendant from a once great royal bloodline. He may be technically an Earl but when the family goes quail hunting, he stays at the hotel because he can’t afford the ammo.
If only we knew someone in the sort-of area with experience restoring royal bloodlines.
Yessiree, if only….
Bearkats just pick-sixed their way to an early lead in the N’awlins Bowl (on ESPN2).
Pretty good for their first bowl appearance. Also, the Bearkats are from Texas, but you knew that from the spelling.
Fact.
A Real American Hero
Believe it or not, he’s walking on air.
Football!!
Spoon!