Upon popular request (wait, is Spam popular???)
I had intended to do a longer piece explaining some of Lesser Footy’s HippoSPEEK. But I had too much stupid work to do this week, and my mind is forked beyond recognition. Hate week, though. I do have time and hate in my heart for The Satan’s Taint Licking Redshite.
By which, I mean Liverpool. You know, that “tourist/plastic Club” that every member of England’s footy media feel the need to fellate, every second of every day. One might gesture indignantly towards tomorrow’s Owl, when Dreamboat will no doubt fellate BOTH himself and Mahomes every other sentence. But Liverpool are really worse than the P*ts and Chefs COMBINED. Really, they are U*NC on steroids.
Obnoxious? Check. Head-patting condescention towards “little clubs?” Oh, fucking CHECK. An unwarranted smug sense of superiority, because every Norweigan Wal-Mart carries their stupid “Standard Chartered” red kit?
Oh, you get the point. The coloUrs are just a little reversed, like how they use “red” for lefty political parties (unlike our use for the New Brownshirts).
Maybe not my best Evertonian memory…but DEFFO Top Five…Steven Gerrard falling flat on his arse, costing his team a result that would keep them from winning the League. Slippy G’s next trip to Goodison featured this on the stadium PA:
They call us “Bitter Blues” like that is such a cutting insult. FUCKIN’ A RIGHT I AM BITTER.
Anyway, Liverpool can fuck off, and I will start watching general Prem footy again once they aren’t sleepwalking to the easiest Title in history. Today? Enjoy rando FA Cup action on ESPN+, especially Toffees/Cherries at 10 EST.
Got like 11 hours sleep on the plane, about 3.5 hours out of Singapore now and they turned the cabin lights on, breakfast soon!
It’s 1:30 am Singapore time, a perfectly cromulent time for breakfast right
“Bacon, eggs and three fingers of scotch , please.”
Not something you’d hear JPP order…
On to the next round where will for sure draw Citeh
Moar like Bye Citeh.
I need a vacation.
Only three guys offside on that disallowed goal for Wigan.
“In for a pound” at that point.
This Wigan/Fulham tilt is animal crackers.
No, Eli! Those are not for breakfast!
— Olivia M.
Man, these muthafuckin’ Cherries ain’t fucking around. Legitimate dry-bumming here.
I was reading about corrupt popes during a period of papal history called ‘The Pornocracy’ (related, huge history nerd) and I discovered the best thing ever: there was a Pope Lando!!
Colt .45 in the baptismal font for everyone!!
My favorite pope name is Sixtus the Fifth, or Sixtus V if you’re JD Vance.
I approve of George Carlin’s call for a Pope Corky
Medici?
Never mind – Litre fine now.
Was a tough few minutes there.
Permission requested to refer to Wigan as “Wiggum”. And I guess in that case their mascot would be the “Chiefs”.
Great response.
Someone check on Litre – Wigan just tied Fulham.
Deci may have taken his phone, is what I’m thinking.
Probably for the best.
Wigan? Wigan.
By which, I mean Liverpool. You know, that “tourist/plastic Club” that every member of England’s footy media feel the need to fellate, every second of every day.
Only because Fergie isn’t around to give them candy & compliments anymore.
mornin’
This is literally every Trump voter I know. And you can’t tell them any different.
hey now some are also in the “If I just bend down hard enough, one day that will be me” crew
How’s the phrase go? “Temporarily embarrassed millionaire.”
Man City can’t put [checks notes…checks notes again] Leyton Orient away because of course they can’t.
Good god, they’ve brought on big guns Foden and Broom as subs in the 72nd minute.
Annnnd Broom delivers the dagger.
Literally, the millisecond Hippo switched feeds…
merde, I been watching Leeds/Millwall like some kind of chump!
As I mentioned before, I was diagnosed not merely with a common cold, nor that Covid thing that all the celebrities are dying of, but no I got fucking pneumonia.
They took chest X-rays and nose samples and cheek samples and one doctor even asked if I would like a vibrator shoved up my ass. I politely thanked him for the offer and declined and said hey man maybe another day. This ain’t my first rodeo.
So I’ve got a prescription inhaler and an antibiotic that has warnings not to eat or drink anything while taking it. They even had a pharmacist come out and go over the warning sheet with me. I asked “Can I still drink Jim Beam straight?” She looked at the sheet and said “I don’t see it here so I guess that’s okay.”
But “dry mouth” is listed as a side effect, and boy were they right. It just happens out of the blue. It’s not just a dry mouth feeling, it’s as is there is no longer any water in your body, or certainly not your mouth. It feels like concrete curing, and everything is suddenly going to stick together.
Good thing I keep the jug of Jim Beam handy. Pray for Mojo.
I once got diagnosed with pneumonia twice the same winter. The docs could scarely believe I was a “never-smoker” in my 30s.
Thank Sweet Baby Jeebus for Tussionex.
Jeez man get better soon. I though the only thing you needed to avoid eating while on antibiotics was eggs. A whole list? I’d violate that too Buddy, except maybe the eggs, Italian mother’s usually know what they are talking about.
#BrickStrong
Have some more Beam ASAP
Look at Mr Got-Approval-For-A-Diagnosis-From-United-Healthcare over here with his connections.
Must be nice not to have to carry a list of all the executives of every organization i do business with….err….you do business with.
Don’t hold back Hippo. And do enjoy your day.
I have re-looked at this pic soooooooo many times this morning