We’re almost there folks. Up here in The Canadia we have a Family Day holiday on the Monday. How will I be celebrating? I’ve no idea. During these sled dog days of winter I pass the time at work developing sales projects so that when the weather turns into something bearable the company that is Scotchnauts R’ Us can hit the ground running. So that’s nice.
Minutiae:
-Anyone need the most toxic, broken-down, perpetually-smirking bridge QB of all time? The word is that new coach Aaron Glenn asked him to ditch the Pat McAfee Show as a condition for him staying with the team but Qaron refused. Why would he voluntarily toss aside a platform that allows him to say anything he wants and not have an iota of pushback in real time? That’s his “Precious” and he’s not going to abandon that. Thing is, if he doesn’t have a job next season what would be the point of McAfee shelling out another million to hear the thoughts of a retired crank?
-You can bet that if Kadarius Toney makes the news these days it won’t be because he pulled someone from a burning building, or anything positive, really. Turns out he was arrested recently for choking a woman to the extent that there were broken blood vessels in her eyes that were documented. (I forget the name of that condition and sure as hell don’t want to spell it-help me out in the comments) Is it wrong to wonder how large his baby oil stash is?
-Pratt Leaving a Sinking Ship: I mean, defense. Cincy linebacker Germaine Pratt can see the writing on the wall that Burrow is trying to erase. What can Brown do for you, Pratt? Not spend money, that’s for sure.
-Travis Kelce will take some time off to bang a hot billionaire on the regular and then tell the breathless masses what he wants to do next year. His other option is to be a part-time player next year and watch Noah Grey grow his wings. The draftheads tell me that this year is rich in tight ends so I expect the Chiefs to draft to that spot no later than the fourth no matter the news.
-We got some quality hockey taking (semi) center stage tonight. Sharpen your wits. Lace up your double entendres. Put on your best game wit.
Give me what you’ve got.
https://twitter.com/Urbanartist2/status/1890157339862257967
Recently subscribed to a Substack called A Bit of Good News and it’s fantastic.
Much better than the doomscroll of regular news.
Just focuses on positive things that have happened.
Worth a look before you commute in hell like conditions to a job you’ve been doing for 40 something years.
/ checks countdown to retirement clock.
Shit
Buy Out! Buy Out! Buy Out!
Also early Special Sexy Friday shout-out to Danielle Sassoon!
I commend this woman for her courage, integrity, and service to the law. Well done.
Found a funny:
You (dumb): The bully is kicking your ass, fight back!
Me (wise, has read the art of war): Never interrupt your enemy when he’s making a mistake
Fish and chips, with a cold lager? Don’t mind if I do!
Thats just required.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhQ5678cJU8
6-1 SUCK ON THAT DIET SWEDEN
Love that they kept Freebird from the WJC
Jesus, George Laroque (sp?) is somehow more terrifying in street clothes.
And with that 6-1 win the US gets the rights to Greenland.
(does not understand Scandinavia at all)
As a geography professor, I can absolutely confirm this is precisely how it works.
Tru dis
THIS HOCKEY GAME I CALL IT NANCY REAGAN BECAUSE IT SUCKS FOR THE FINNISH
Banner this man.
Finland smoking meth during the Intermission.
Hughes – Matthews – Guentzel is just gross
Canada power play says hi.
Yeah, trying not to think about that nonsense…
Found a funny:
This fool looks like Temu Nosferatu
He be all liek MY KINGDOM FOR A NECK!!111
Kyle Connor can spare some of Connor Hellebuyck’s neck he clearly stole:
“lol what a freak”
-Merton Hanks
He is a God who loves living in Winnipeg, should be respected at all costs
Love me some Helly. From the hockey factory of checks notes UMass-Lowell…
Didnt know Glennon played hockey too
This guy and I are the same age.
Wait, seriously?? Does he have TB or something?
Stephen Miller isn’t 40 yet. Evil drains the life out of the husk, but the also keeps the husk living far longer than it should.
Bat Boy grew up fugly, didn’t he?
We played fucking awesome. our 2nd game of the season, a man down, against the 4th place team in Liga Mx.
That was too bad. I wish Calvary would have been a bit more offensive. I think they could have sneaked one.
Balls, as my introductor to sexiMexi futbol. I am so fucking proud of my team.
You should be. That was a great showing. They could have advanced.
“I CALL THS GAME THE WINTER WAR BECAUSE”*
*Horatio fills out the rest
I was shooting pool with my son, (non-cracked skull division) and missed most of it, but I had a good Finnish sniper joke in the works.
Alas, it seems the snipers have been overpowered by heavy artillery.
Whoa. That was a shot and a half.
Need 1 Balls. Need 1
(nods in Lance Armstrong)
Nods in Marco Carducci (keeper). Same same
Pre-VD thought – imagine Elon Musk being dipped in hot fudge and licked clean by Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
I’d prefer if he was dipped in lava.
Dropped, dipping is what Bond villains do and gives time to escape
Go colonial with it. Back to tarring and feathering, everyone!
He dies from third degree burns, she dies from diabetic shock, yeah okay
What a terrible day to know how to read.
“Sorry, what?” — Lea Michelle
Hope we start seeing more graffiti & protests at Tesla Dealerships
That would be ROCKING!!!
I was parked behind one at the neck doctor. Gotta admit, I was really REALLY tempted to pee on it.
All the cars short out and catch fire
The US has given us the brand new face of Fascism. Finland? Apartments for the homeless. Choose accordingly.
“It’s more complicated than that! And Austen Matthews isn’t that bad even though I hate him with the intensity of a thousand suns outside this tournament!”
-U.S. Hockey Fans
Go to hel(sinki)
Can the family come crash on the couch for the next 4(ish) years?
I missed the red card. Legit, or should I be prepared to go protest outside an embassy?
Couldn’t get that one.
Now it’s time to attack. Gotta get a goal!
In comes Fras
About time!
Well, shit.
Holy shit that was a great save!
If the Mexicans need “quality in the box,” as has been suggested, perhaps they should have had Balls on the coaching staff.
Is this game in Mexico a “friends and family, invite only” thing?
I’ve seen more fans at a dog track.
We have 50 there
So you’re saying the crowd is 50-50?
Seriously, this is the emptiest I think I’ve ever seen a Latin/Hispanic stadium for a soccer game.
To be fair, It’s Trotsky Thursday at the Student Union…
You are freaking out.
Man.
Brewery just opened! Cheers y’all!
Oi! Oi! Oi!
I’m so looking forward to our trip.
You guys that are much more forward-thinking than I-what have you gifted for Valentine’s Day?* I need ideas, badly.
*Balls, I’ll be honest-we’re not at the anal beads juncture of our marriage
I just picked up 5 bars of her favorite chocolate. That and a simple card.
4 cheeses, bottle of wine and meat.
Chocolate-covered strawberries, paid for with her money!
Not sure which anniversary is the Anal Anniversary
the 69th.
Duh.
Costco flowers.
And kinda premade dinner from Costco.
COSTCO.
A card is always nice:
My wife would LOVE* that.
*kill me if I gave her
burns down Hallmark store in WASP
..
Edible Arrangement
Or Edible Panties. For you.
Whatever works.
You can make them yourself out of fruit rollups and string licorice
Necklace. And man, do I *hate* shopping for jewelry.
Better!
/flips through channels
//stumbles on Pumas v. Calvary FC
Hey, my two favoUrite soccer teams in the Americas! Let’s fucking go!
VERY TENSE!!!
I used to have a Pumas shirt from a friend who went to Mexico, and you sent me a Calvary scarf and T-shirt.
Marco has only ever stopped 1 penalty ever! He stopped that one though!!!
An ideal time to start.
I CALL THIS US/FINLAND GAME A BETTIE PAGE TRIBUTE BECAUSE THEY’RE ALL TIED UP!
FREEBIRD!!
For real though, I’m going to the US game on Monday. I dont think I’m gonna wear my USA jersey. Just doesn’t feel right. I’ll go with Kreider instead
Your word of the day is Farrago:
Farrago: a confused mixture
Used in a sentence: The Coen Brothers movie Farrago was not spelled properly by the majority of movie critics but it was still good if you think about it but not too much.
Balls, I was about to rage there.
Hee hee hee
I don’t know if trying to hang on for 90 minutes to a 0-0 tie is the best strategy, though…
Oh I agree. It may be all we got. My buddy who won CPL RB of the year is on the bench. He is not pleased. Manager is punishing him for coming back to camp out of shape. He is a close friend of mine due to pints. STill better than Wahling in there.
That’s not good. I mean, I get discipline, but why waste a golden opportunity to advance?
He will be on soon. He is getting over turf toe too.
Have you noticed Pumas keeps attacking through exactly that side of the the field?
Fraser’s yeah.
Trafford (CEO https://www.traffordfarms.com/ ) will come off, move Wahling to CDM and have Fraser on in his position. Best crosser in CPL
“Austen Matthews getting booed last night is the ultimate compliment.”
-Elliot Friedman, whoring for Leaf fans
Is it wrong I want him to get hurt?
It’s wrong. The reason being that others can wish your fave players injuries as well. THAT SAID, I’d overlook a little dislocated shoulder action. Just this one time.
They’ve misspelled MILF
Kickoff in CDMX!
There’s nobody at the Estadio Universitario…
They think this should be a walk.
Yup. That’s why they sent their second string to Victoria.
They need to take this seriously if they don’t want to get made fun of.
We are so much taller.
Taking a break from bingeing season three of Only Murders in the Building. It is pissing down here in Riverside. I had to bring SIL’s trash cans in, took less than a minute and I’m completetly soaked. The dog did not want to go out, but I made her. There will be no house peeing on my watch!
It’s dumping here right now and I’m going to have to bite the bullet and drag poor Penny out there soon.
It’s dumping in my bathroom.
Don’t know about the neighborhood…
Didn’t the city text you about the severe thunderstorm watch?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOZuxwVk7TU&ab_channel=BritneySpearsVEVO
Five or ten years ago, this would be more awesome than hilarious. Still, he’s only 35…
That is superb. Scott Parker is Burnley’s manager and if anyone can play to 0-0.
I like Cairns. Sucks that I wasn’t able to take the train from Brisbane, but an extra day here is nae bad thing
Pity you couldn’t go to Port Douglas.
With the change in plans I was just thinking I can do a day trip tomorrow now. Anything in particular I should check out? Any bartenders that remember you?
Will text you.
We’re debating Cains vs. Port Douglas. I was at the latter 25 years ago.
Petechial hemorrhage would be the term you’re looking for
Petechial Hemorrhage is the name of my post-normcore alt-ska ensemble.
If you:
1. Rearrange the letters.
2. Change the A to I.
3. Are a total fucking weirdo like me, you will find that post- normcore alt- ska ensemble forms the acronym PENIS.
I thought it was called Pharyngeal Gonorrhea…oh wait, no, that was that other thing you were telling me about.
Um . . . it’s still Thursday.
Oh I get it, Friday Eve.
Friday Eve = Thursday
IN THE NAVY we know nothing about Eves
IN THE NAVY we’re Adams looking for our Steves
IN THE NAVY lack of seamen is our peeves
IN THE NAVY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmGuy0jievs&pp=ygUadmlsbGFnZSBwZW9wbGUgaW4gdGhlIG5hdnk%3D
That song was on the charts the spring of 79, when Gumby quit college and joined the Navy. I know I’ve told you guys this before, but he signed up and went to bootcamp 6 days later. There were going away parties every night, and I went to them, firmly convinced it was all an elaborate practical joke. It wasn’t until the night before he left, when his dad called and asked if I wanted to go to the airport with them, that I realized he actually fucking enlisted. I was pissed off, didn’t talk to him for three years, until a couple of months before we got married in 82.
Hey, we can edit again! Oh frabjous joy! Callou Callay!
Nice! Thank you to whoever did that!
Frabjous day! Close enough
Btw, I just started Christopher Moore’s Noir and it may be my favourite of them all.
Most of them, I laugh or catch myself saying, “Oh, that’s clever!” or “That’s funny!”
This one, I’ve literally laughed out loud several times and I’m only on the third chapter.
Razzmatazz is the sequel, also very funny.
That’s next!
Just finished that one, so good
Here in the States, Monday is Presidents Day and some of us also have it off!
Monday Holiday Party Woo!!!!
Just found out yesterday I have a 3 day weekend.
WOO PARTY SUNDAY WATCHING FOOTB, uh, THE DAYTONA 500
Also Pumas v Cavalry FC tonight. En VivO!
Is that a thing you’re attending? In like Butchart Gardens?
2nd leg. Last week we beat them leftists 2-1 in Victoria. Was superb. 14 of us rented a limo to take us there and back. What an evening.