Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
No man really knows about other human beings. The best he can do is to suppose that they are like himself [in bed].
John Steinbeck
I suppose that’s a good way to look at others. May also explain strange looks we all get time to time.
And I just realized that I should have planned something for April Fools, but due to total lack of planning and foresight, got nothing
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
1st pick [ in the Patrick draft]:
Patrick Star
LemonJello
Litre brought his Canadian temper, as Phoenix, again, broke a heat record today.
The comments section of local conservative news reads that, “the monsoons will be more active this year.”
The fucking monsoons haven’t been active since I was 12. There is just not one thing these people can’t look the other way on for another few months. I guess it’ll be good news the economic pain will be over by then because the fucking heat is going to make us all pay.
Me not as much because I got my ticket for Hawaii booked for the Monday after the boy gets out of school session (the bathrooms are gonna be remodeled by then!). But for people who don’t like experiencing a THIRD record-breaking-like-crazy summer — it’s gonna be hot.
blaxabbath
Why would you [ArmedandHammered] be an HOA president?
blaxabbath
The neighborhood is just life-size Warhammer figures now
Doktor Zymm
*anything about the bylaws and everyone in the HOA is suddenly arguing to me like they are presenting a case before SCOTUS. *
Lawyers… is there anything they can’t do?
WCS
BACK ON THE BOARD, BABY!
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
This is the best thing I’ve seen in months
Gumbygirl
If you can’t open the video, some chode pulled a stun gun on a little old lady, and she fucked him up, hard! Grabbed him by his ear and slammed him headfirst into a car.
Gumbygirl
NFL mice just rub dirt on it
Don T
Oh sure when mice approach an unconscious subject and use their mouth to start pulling on her tongue, it’s “First Aid” but when I do it…
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
The mouse doesn’t have a raging semi
SonOfSpam
Gatoraids
Redshirt
Don T
Sharkbait
Wilson? Oh for Fuck Sakes! I’m climbing the mountain behind my house tomorrow and taking the shortest route back down.
scotchnaut
Apropos of nothing…
BugEyedBoo
Found a funny:
rockingdog
I saw someone calling Hegseth “Whiskileaks”. Rocking?
Don T
Elizabeth Taylor walking the talk.
blaxabbath
Seen on another footyball site:
“I read the name Jaxson Dart and immediately knew he is from Utah.”
“They say his brother – Lon – is even better.”
“Haven’t heard of him before, but that’s a name you can’t forget. Really gets stuck in your head.”
BeefReeferLives
Hey hey. A knife fell on my foot and this time it cut me. First time that happened, gorgeous wound naturally.
Don T
Hey, I know someone you can call for help…
WCS
How often do you see a college team en route to putting up 90+ points in regulation and still getting blown the fuck out of the building?
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Bengals got relegated?
Redshirt
Found a funny:
doing a cool samurai thing where I slice an incoming arrow in half with my katana, instantly killing my two buddies standing just behind me
rockingdog
Mrs. Horatio is spending almost all of tomorrow with friends. I will be on my own for lunch and dinner. It’s a long running joke that I cannot cook, and that left on my own will starve to death. Which is not true: I can cook, but she’s just much better at it, and also why would I cook when she thinks I can’t?
Anyhoo, tonight she asked me “do you think you’ll be OK tomorrow?” and I replied “Gosh babe, I just don’t know” without revealing that my plans, with like 12 hours to myself, revolve around hitting at least one and possibly as many three breweries, all of which have food trucks at which money can be exchanged for foodstuffs, and that I am not just going to survive, I AM GOING TO THRIVE!!!
Sunday is probably going to suck.
Horatio Cornblower
I’m deeply in love with an actual woman descended from nobility. I have a miracle son with her. I have two beautiful, smart, and witty daughters who I got to spend a terrific afternoon and evening with. I’m doing a jorb I genuinely like, and may actually be half decent at. So, why am I seething in silent rage, dear reader? My dad remains a prick.
It’s amazing how one person can soil an otherwise great day. I feel like a jagoff even posting this bullshit in my personal life no one cares about. I just needed to vent. Anyway, hope yinz are doing well.
Any UFL coverage, perchance?
/is laughed out of Clubhouse
WCS
Brocky
Who’s been otu drinking with hi scousins? thiiiiis motheracuacka! god, what w agreat geeling. man, shit is good. wait, dmore drinks? this fucking white boys is on baord!
jjfozz
My week in Canada’s meth lab basement comes to a close tomorrow. Was lovely and we got at least a dozen apologies for the current regime. Very much enjoyed Sir Blax’s hospitality at the beisbol game last night!
litre_cola
I don’t want to alarm anyone who needs a trigger warning smh but teh #BFIB are on track to win 162 baseball matches this season. THE RIGHT WAY, obvs
King Hippo
Doktor Zymm
THIS NCAA TOURNAMENT I CALL IT GREG ODEN’S BONES BECAUSE IT IS TURNING OUT TO BE PURE CHALK.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Does anyone else here in the clubhouse keep sugar and/or flour in the fridge?
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
I keep my sugar in the backyard.
Jimbo
Lawyer in Italian is ‘avvocato’ and I can’t help but read it as ‘avocado’ which would probably make Italian CourtTV way tastier and more interesting
Doktor Zymm
I always called it Avocado’s Number
ballsofsteelandfury
Back in grad school we wondered if we could make a guacamole. 6.02E23 avocados converted into dip. It would take ~10,000 years to grow that many avovados based on 2003 data (avoinfo.org, not sure if it’s still active)
Bogdanski
And a caution to RTD
Doktor Zymm
Continuing from the previous “Sunday Gravy” post, I was talking about the DFO Vegas summit meeting of November 2023. Here’s are excerpts from that trial.
At the Vegas confab I met:
Dok Zymm
Don T
lite_cola
blaxabbath (who thinks I hate him but in fact I like him go figure)
Armed and Dangerous *
yeah right*
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
(I know I’m leaving somebody out but I was drunk then and doped up now)
* met previously
November 6 2003
Brick Meathook
Son of Spam! (also previously met)
Brick Meathook
Thank you for just barely remembering I existed!
SonOfSpam
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
NOTE banner image from here
Go Cory go!
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/rcna199014
Weaselo right now:
Allegory…
.
Shit in one hand and filibuster in the other.
Let me know which one fills up first.
CMD-F “Brick”
[fondles self]
Brick: “It’s all about Brick.”
-Brick
Is the next post up yet?
As a typical union guy would say,
“Not my job.”
Cue Tom Brady coming out of retirement again in 5…4…
https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/tom-brady-championship-mark-tied-bill-belichick-title-wins-surpassed-as-nfl-adds-new-twist-to-record-book/
Can’t spell Otto Graham without GOAT.
…
That’s a good one!
Andy Reid would lose his shit over this.
switching out he creme doughnuts filled with oats filled gets you traded to Carolina
Oats, you say? John Elway’s ears perked up and rotated in your direction.
He’ll forgive a lot of things (running a drug emporium out of his basement, choking domestic partners, getting high as a kite behind the wheel and causing life-threating injuries to four year-old girls) but he would not forgive that.
One of these guys having a restraining order against the other is one of the weirdest recent stories I’ve read, and I say that waiting for my kids to get drafted for the invasion of Greenland.
I blame my ex-wife. We saw them twice, and they split up about the same time she kicked me out.
I think more duos should do this-England Dan? John Ford Coley done you wrong and you should seek retribution!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QZjJU-mtFU&ab_channel=AshleyAllen
There’s no way someone named John Ford Coley wouldn’t solve that problem with a .22 caliber to the back of the head whilst someone named England Dan was playing poker in a saloon.
As I’m in my mid-30s, shit has gone south if I’m getting drafted.
So 50-50.
What 2025 needs is a jury letting Luigi “Chuck” Mangione walk free.
The most recent episode of Law & Order was about that. They left the jury verdict open-ended.
when that jury nullification hits
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YKp7g0mxHVc
I think milligrams of avocado might be more feasible. It seems the average weight w/o seed and skin is around 120 g, so 120,000 mg. That means math says we can grow enough in 10/120 years, or just one month!
Nerd
New joke concept: Polish April Fool’s Jokes. Practical jokes that ostenibly you are playing on a neighbor/relative/victim but are actually harmful to/traumatic for yourself.
Wouldn’t that be more of Trump voter type of joke? It’s not like you’re splitting the joke between Germany and Russia
I was at a UConn soccer game years ago, and you’ll be stunned to learn I sat, (or stood, rather: one did not sit in The North End), with the hecklers. At one point someone yelled at the other team to stop playing ‘German-style’ (which at the time involved packing the box and hoping UConn made a mistake that they could make a quick counter from, but which is also boring and forever-taking when you aren’t as good as Die Mannschaft), and someone yelled “Hurry up and cut a deal with Russia, then take Poland by surprise!!”
My views on Torpedo Bats suddenly changed after reading this story.
Elly De La Cruz: Cincinnati Reds shortstop has monster game using ‘torpedo bat’ | CNN
“You make a persuasive argument, Fry!” (Futurama)
Some teams don’t need these bats to win, smgdh
Lot of controversy over something that looks different yet is perfectly legal.
Kind of like a MAGA-person’s neighbor that they’re trying to get deported because it smells funny when they grill.
“Awaiting for approval”? Did I get demoted in the DFO Draft Chart again?!
Your comments are flagged for DEI.
Tis Included now
Thanks Internet Stepdads!
Cory Booker is still holding the floor in the Senate? Well, its not doing nothing but at least a Democrat is doing something. Progress?
The Steve Miller Venn diagram is simply hours of fun. Thanks GTD. I’ll show my appreciation in the usual way… the way of our people…
Good work again GTD. Watching the local news and just saw Kid Rock and the president in the Oval Office, what a weird fucking timeline.
Kid Rock is here to show President Zelenzkyy proper decorum and the type of respectful attire one should wear when meeting the POTUS:
take 2: (1st one HAD a .jpg extension, goddammit)
Here I was worried that the Dr. Mrs. and I would catch a bunch of shit while traveling internationally but for now I think mostly people will just laugh at us and assume we’ll be easy marks for every kind of scam under the sun.
I have no idea what to expect either but I’m gonna find out real soon. The trip in October will be an adventure too with a visit to 3 countries.
My wife just came back from visiting family in Mexico on Sunday. Was I worried? Fuck yeah I was. Had copies of her passport ready in case of any bs from ICE.
They can laugh and joke all they want, but they also have to recognize they let the Pope scam the entire continent for 1400 years.
Every country has assholes, the only people who don’t realize that are the assholes themselves therefore they’re the only people who might give you shit
Travel attire suggestion: