OK, so: not going to talk about Shedeur Sanders, why teams passed on Shedeur Sanders, prank calls to Shedeur Sanders, etc. Except this: America NEEDED to see Mel Kiper’s head explode on national television.

It would have been the catharsis that I (and all of you) have been craving since November.

And we almost got it! You could see the veins throbbing, the carotids distending, the wave of rage of an old white man who has been surpassed in every area that made him HIM. Kiper picked “Sanders is a Top 5 Player” as the hill he would die on, and then watched as reality marched past him.

But the problem is that he’s still alive (professionally- I wish him no specific physical harm). He still gets top coverage on ESPN. His draft grades are unapologetically Yahoo Fantasy Sports draft grades: how closely did the picks match his rankings. It’s time for Mel to hang up the hairpiece.

On to the next deadline: May 1 and the Fifth Year Option election for 2022 draft picks. 31 picks are eligible, and most of the obvious candidates have already had their option picked up (or is Sauce Gardner and signed an extension already. The remainder and my thoughts/predictions:

OT Evan Neal, Giants: Joe Schoen said the team will not exercise Neal’s fifth-year option. No shit.

WR Drake London, Falcons: This one is a puzzler. He’s averaged over 1000 yards per year (trending upward) despite having uniformly disasterous quarterbacks. Atlanta was aggressive in taking “skill” players higher than projected (Kyle Pitts, London, Bijan Robinson, Michael Penix) in the prior four drafts- why take the foot off the gas now? Either London and Penix make a good partnership and you want him tied up, or they suck and you (GM) are out on your ass. Exercise the option.

DL Jordan Davis, Eagles
OG Kenyon Green, Eagles WR Jahan Dotson: Maybe, maybe Jordan Davis. Green has been injured and even the o-line starved Texans found him surplus to requirements. Dotson just isn’t up there. Davis is rotational, but relatively cheap at under $12 million. Plus, he is deeply frightening.

S Kyle Hamilton, Ravens: WTF, Ravens. Unless you are announcing a multi-year deal for the multi-time Pro Bowler tomorrow, this is inexcusable from a front office that usually saves its mistakes for wide receivers.

OG Zion Johnson, Los Angeles Chargers: Eh, sure.

WR Treylon Burks, Titans, OT Trevor Penning, Saints, QB Kenny Pickett, Browns: LOLno. Burks and Penning may be out of the league entirely by 2026. While $20 million for Pickett would be a reasonable gamble if you believe in him, 1. Cleveland obviously doesn’t, and 2. Deshaun Watson is going to count $80 million against the cap in 2026. Cap inflation or not, that’s not the year to be rolling dice with numbers that big.

LB Quay Walker, Packers, DL Devonte Wyatt, Packers: Nah.

CB Kaiir Elam, Cowboys, OG Tyler Smith, Cowboys: yes to Smith, even at $20 million. Elam will be very, very lucky to be playing special teams by ’26.

C Tyler Linderbaum, Ravens: Again Ravens- back that money truck up to the man’s house.

LB Devin Lloyd, Jaguars: Nope.

OG Cole Strange, Patriots: The entire Patriots line from last year should be purged from this earth with cleansing fire.

S Dax Hill, Bengals: His full name is Daxton Jor-El Hill. Sign this man to a long-term extension at once. UPDATE- Not a long-term extension, but they did exercise his option.

WHAT TO READ TONIGHT:

The X-Wing Series, by Michael Stackpole and Aaron Allston.

Wedge Motherfucking Antilles finally gets his due! The only man to survive two (2) Death Star runs.

In a universe dominated by space wizards and the machinations of The Force, Wedge is the ultimate Just a Man. No powers. No secret birth into a prominent family or Dark Hidden Backstory.

So to make him the backbone of a ten-book series is exactly the kind of lateral thinking I appreciate. Yes, space wizards end up infiltrating some of the books, as they are wont to do, but mostly the series is about normalish people having to live in this insane universe. Are they High Literature? No. But they are the best kind of pulp.