Balls Magazine Volume 3

I was looking up tee times at one of my local courses for Thanksgiving Day when I found one for pretty cheap that included a cart. The only problem was that there were only 2 spots available.

That means there were already two people playing at that same time.

Very much like what happens when you fly alone, I started going through different scenarios as to who the other two would be. Best case scenario, it would be hot female golfers (this particular course is full of them!) that would find me funny and charming. Perhaps they could teach me a thing or two about how to place my balls on the short stuff.

On the other hand, I could end up with two golf douche bros that play music on their cart, drink Bud Light like it’s water (even though it already is), and give you unsolicited advice about how to play.

You get all kinds on the golf course.

As I arrived to the first tee, there was an old Asian gentleman on the tee box waiting for the foursome ahead of us to clear. There was also a young Asian guy sitting on his cart. They were not together. Shortly after I arrived, a young black guy showed up to join us.

We were, surprisingly, a group of four singles. The United Nations of golf. If it was clothing instead of golf, you’d call us the Benetton Foursome.

We all shook hands. That’s one of the formalities of golf that I really enjoy. There are handshakes before the round and at the end of the round. It’s a polite sport.

The old man wasn’t too enthusiastic about playing with us. He was walking the course and the rest of us had carts. He probably thought we were pussies. I could tell he was a better golfer than all of us and thought we were going to slow him down. He was right.

The first hole was an interesting Par 4. It started uphill and then dog legged left and went downhill. I had no idea what club I should hit considering it was a blind carry.

I recently purchased a 1 Iron and I had been hitting it pretty well, so I decided to hit that off the tee. I hit it well albeit slightly right but I was well set up for my second shot.

Which I shanked.

I ended up getting an 8. I followed that up with a 10 on the Par 5 second. Then another 8 on the Par 4 third. Luckily, the black guy and the young Asian guy caught whatever “shitty golf” flu I had and proceeded to have, in their words, their “worst round in years!”.

I did get a little satisfaction when I saw the old man chunk a couple of shots. He didn’t play terribly, but I could tell he was annoyed at dealing with amateurs. Fuck him.

It was a winter afternoon and the sun was setting early, so we scrambled to finish before the light went away. We barely managed it but I found I got better as the afternoon went on.

One of the highlights of my round was hitting a 9 wood off the tee and landing it perfectly where I aimed. Unfortunately, I had aimed at the left bunker.

Another highlight was hitting a tee shot and carrying 200 yards of water to land safely in the fairway. Those are the most intimidating shots when you’re not good. I was pretty proud of myself in that I concentrated purely on hitting a good shot and not worrying about the water.

I scored a 61 on the front 9 with the aforementioned two snowmen and a 10. My best score was a 5 on a Par 3.

The back nine I like to call the Devil’s Round. I got 6 sixes on my way to a 54 for a grand total of 115. My best hole was a Bogey 6 on the Par 5 18th. That was a very nice way to end the round.

So, I consider the round a success. It was a rough start but I settled down and started achieving some consistency. The back 9, in particular, really felt like I knew what I was doing and could execute what I wanted to do.

PROS

Bogeyed 3 out of the 4 Par 5s.

Played really well on the Back 9.

Got a great deal on greens fees including cart.

CONS

Four disaster holes.

No pars.

No hot female golfers.

No sexy cart girls.

OVERALL RATING:

See you next time.