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Wrapping Up English Footy 2024-25

King Hippo

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All good things must come to end.  So too, mediocrities like the 2024-25 season.

But first and foremost, congrats to 2pack and Marika, as Napoli won at home yesterday, pipping Inter to the Serie A title by a single, solitary point.  Enjoy those celebrations, Naples and environs.

Today, we learn the identity of the third side promoted from the Championship.  Sentimental favoUrite Sunderland take on Team Knifey at Wembley (10:00, Paramount+/CBSSN).  Both teams prefer to wear red, so looking forward to someone wearing a very awkward third-choice kit.

Leagues 1 and 2 close on Sunday and Monday, same time and locale.  Say a brief prayer for Wembley’s groundskeeping crew, that can’t be easy.

Of course, Sunday (11:00, every NBC network and/or Peacock) is also the end of the road for the Prem, with only places 3-5 in next season’s Shempions at stake.  Suffice to say, City of Men have the easiest path, Villa the hardest (weakest GD).  Robins Hood and Chelski play head-to-head, so one will almost surely knock the other out, unless they Draw and fuck each other over.  (Obviously, rooting for that.)

That’s all I got for y’all today.  The VOID beckons.

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scotchnaut

Over the last few days wifey has been taking care of the toddler (11 months) of a younger cousin. This young fella just naturally gravitates towards me and I’ve no idea why but it’s what it is. Today three of his aunts were over to visit and the passive-aggressive comments were out in full force.

“There’s no accounting for taste.”

“He obviously doesn’t know scotchy very well.”

“He must be attracted to sarcasm somehow.”

“Babies are always attracted to someone that shows the least amount of interest in them.”

And on, and on.

4
SonOfSpam

“At the risk of being circumspect, you hags are acting like cunts.”

Just use some of that famous sarcasm.

3
blaxabbath

I guess the Honesty of Children is fake news.

0
yeah right

As A basic rule, I back away from babies faster than I back away from a Pit Bull.

Less long term damage.

0
Doktor Zymm

So turns out I will NOT be trying out my new hammock stand today, because they neglected to mention that you need a particular size of not included carabiner to hang your hammock. Ordered some off Amazon arriving Monday, so I’ll be eating my hammock snacks from my hammock chair until then. My hammock chair is great, but I was looking forward to the hammock equivalent of a sofa (hopefully TOO EXOTIC for JD Vance)

2
scotchnaut

“This pre-meditated violence against well-meaning white people WILL NOT STAND!”

-Proud Girls

3
Redshirt

Too late for Sexy Friday?

IMG_1460
3
Doktor Zymm

Amazing how they managed to make the towers the least phallic thing in that statue

1
scotchnaut

Best Gwyneth out there right now? Gwyneth Phillips of the Ottawa Charge is sporting a .951 save percentage in the playoffs. Suck it, Paltrow!

0
King Hippo

I bet there’s a lot of growth potential in women’s professional hockey. So many similarities to futbol that way.

1
Jimbo

Suck it, Paltrow! -she did not. Coldplay guy filing divorce papers.

2
blaxabbath

She don’t like his Goop.

5
Doktor Zymm

Well crap, that’s two horrible people back on the dating market to inflict themselves on others

2
King Hippo

GREAT NEWS, y’all. Teh #BFIB have once again dispatched skerry snek, by a tidy, single baseball point.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Seeing some of y’all’s predictions below makes me think all y’all have way better drugs than I do.

2
Jimbo

I say nope to dope and Ugg to drugs.

1
Jimbo

Actually looking back , that slogan doesn’t make sense cus dope is drugs. Smgdh

1
Gumbygirl

Dope is dope, mmkay?

2
King Hippo

AGAIN – these are not “bets on probability” – weird shit ends up happening EVERY NFL year, so I ask folk to just stretch their imaginations and share what off-the-wall possibilities they could see.

2
yeah right

A few weeks ago I went to the eye doctor and got new glasses. They did the usual eye pressure check thing with the puff of air in the eye. And it was fine.

They scheduled me for dilation a week later and said I should bring a driver to take me home and I brought a driver.

They tested eye pressure again and left eye was elevated. They did not dilate.
She prescribed this horrible sounding medication to reduce pressure.
Side effects could include permanent change of color to your iris, permanent darkening of your eyelids and random growth of your lashes.

Plus eye pain, swelling etc.

I had to go back today for a follow up to check the pressure again.

Pressure was perfect.
I never took the eye drops thinking one test could be an anomaly. And it was.

She dilated me today when I had no driver.

My pupils look like 1 took half a sheet of blotter acid and everything is fucking blinding.

AND I had to drive home by myself.

Anyway fuck those eye drops. I’m not taking another lifetime prescription.

Fuck big pharmaceutical.

3
yeah right

Quick aside. They sent me the eye drops by mail.

This package was bigger than your average pillow. It had “Keep Refrigerated” all over the outside. That tiny 1″ bottle on the left foreground is the prescription.

The rest is half a fucking landfill of waste.

Fucking fuck that!

1000015616
2
ballsofsteelandfury

Was it bigger than a butt pillow?

1
yeah right

Bigger than the biggest butt I’ve ever handled.

And that’s saying something.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I didn’t realize you’d been involved with D’Brickashaw Ferguson.

1
King Hippo

judges Balls y yeah right in WASP

2
2Pack

Smart move waiting on the follow up before risking the side effects. It’s prudent playing of the odds. Why take risk, because something might be wrong? Confirm that it’s wrong and then risk side effects as part of treatment.

I’ve driven often after dilation. Just never forget the shades like I did once.

2
yeah right

Exactly. One aberration less than a week later does not warrant a lifetime prescription.

1
Doktor Zymm

That sounds like that stuff they sell for cosmetic purposes because of the lash growth. Exact same side effects

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, but longer lashes!

3
yeah right

That’s exactly right. One of the reviewers said he gets compliments on his lashes.

3
scotchnaut

“Switzerland is blowing out the Danish team that upset the Canadians in the quarters. Therefore, Canada should be in the Gold Medal Game!*”

*this has been brought to you by Leafs Fans Logic

3
scotchnaut

Schiesse! The Swiss have had 19(!) different players score a goal in this tourney.

2
scotchnaut

Oh my-the Leafs don’t have a 1st round pick for the next three years. They mortgaged their future FOR NOTHING! HAHAHAHAHA!

Last edited 10 months ago by scotchnaut
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blaxabbath

“Three years? Sissies.”

– Phoenix Suns who do not have control over any of their own draft picks for the next seven years.

4
scotchnaut

Why the fuckballs would you trade away a 1st rounder seven years down the road? And who would take it?

1
blaxabbath

I didn’t do it! I wanted to run the team out of town in 2018 when the city gave them their latest major handout legislation.

4
Jimbo

Seattle could use an NBA team.

2
Mr. Ayo

Double, no wait, Triple, no wait, Quadruple fuck David Stern, Howard Schultz, Clay Bennett. May they all run full speed into a bridge abutment like Aubrey McClendon in hell.

3
Jimbo

Srsly, the Sonics were good at one time, Payton, Kemp, and the German dude.

5
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

There’s even a song about it!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUtrudXP7WE

1
Jimbo

That’s awesome. I like this Ice Cube clip.
https://youtu.be/vGTiNTf5GpM?feature=shared

1
Gumbygirl

Detlef Schrempf

1
King Hippo

BOLD Fitbaw Prediciones!

1) The Aaron Glenn J-E-T-S make the playoffs, perhaps even win the division.
2) Yiners get Captain Dingleberry? Win the AFC North. Q-aron? Lose 10+ games, Tomlin fired. Neither? 9-8, just like the Gyosy Woman prophecied.

GIMME Y’all’s

Last edited 10 months ago by King Hippo
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ballsofsteelandfury

Hippo gonna lose a lot of money

2
King Hippo

One gots to be BOLD! here, ninja!!!!

1
Mr. Ayo

The #FHF is back!

Jets under, Stillers under parlay is locked and loaded.

1
King Hippo

tuff butt FARE

1
ballsofsteelandfury

If you were going truly Anti-Hippo, it would be Jets under and Steelers over.

0
Mr. Ayo

Sure, but I’m a good gambler.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Prediction parlay:

Eagles, Chiefs, Bills, and Ravens to win their divisions

0
scotchnaut

The NFC East hasn’t had a back-to-back division winner in 21 years. Though Philly will likely break that streak.

2
Gumbygirl

I dunno, Hurts gets Hurtsed and they are totally screwed. I think the Commies could slide in ahead of them.

0
blaxabbath

Some QB gonna get hurt.

I’m banking LAMAR. At a charity event on a Tuesday evening. For the reopening of an inner city school library turned active shooter situation in late 2024.

0
litre_cola

Commies, Pack, Bucs, Rams.
Bills, Bengals, Chefs, 500s.

Rammit v Bills SBOwl

Last edited 10 months ago by litre_cola
2
King Hippo

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAWM IT!!! in the Owl qualifies as BOLD

1
Jimbo

In this scenario, do the Bills win?

1
ballsofsteelandfury

They’re on Hard Knocks. No way they win it. No one that has ever been on Hard Knocks has won in the same season they were on the show

1
litre_cola

I am trying to talk Zymm into a Rammit future this year.

0
SonOfSpam

I hate this, but the Niners have a bounce back season.

The Bears are surprisingly cromulent.

#ThePauls get the 2026 first pick.

2
Doktor Zymm

Niners schedule is super easy and it’s almost impossible for stuff to go as wrong as it did last year. Bounce back season seems like kind of a no brainer. And if the Bears aren’t decent this year then they never will be

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Ron Howard voice: They never will be

4
Jimbo

NFC predictions:
Cowgirls, Osos, Panteras Negras , and Seebirds win their divisions.

2
yeah right

Not a single SKOL mention?

Have you seen the beast that they’ve built around the rookie?

Detroit may have seen their window slammed shut hard.

Commies take the East.

1
King Hippo

OL is why I likes the Glenn Jets. Problem is that SKOL was too good last season to qualify for BOLDness.

1
yeah right

Fair point well taken.

0
Jimbo

JJ is going to need some seasoning maybe the following year.

1
blaxabbath

JJ is a bust.

0
Gumbygirl

Your number two ( hehe) is just as sensible as me always betting on the gray horse in the Kentucky Derby. Don’t waste yer money on the Steelers, there is no earthly way of knowing just exactly where they’re going!

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I might go wild and have a second cup of tea today. Not too wild, of course – a nice simple Queen Anne’s Blend is probably my upper limit.

1
yeah right

I’mma bout to go wild with some early chronic.

1
2Pack

A dude on house arrest in Napoli got nabbed by the cops out celebrating.

Derp.

4
scotchnaut

I’ll be trying this later today because 1.) I saw it at the LCBO and laughed, and 2.) I’m only human. (at an industry get-together an executive said during a speech, “This year’s flavor is pickle-you’re going to see it everywhere”.)

lit
2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Which one is that, the fourth seal?

comment image

0
ballsofsteelandfury

They’re not wrong…

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m currently eating a breakfast sandwich I call the “Mike Brown Special”. It consists of scrambled eggs, bacon (bought on sale), and avocado (poached from a neighborhood tree) on top of a jalapeno cheese bun (bought on discount using one of my grocery app rewards). Who knew that frugality could taste so heavenly?

Last edited 10 months ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
1
scotchnaut

THAT’S GOOD CHEAPNESS! /slaps RTD’s butt hard

2
King Hippo

We could use a Boots on teh GROUND series on your neighboUrhood produce rummaging adventures.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We’ve encountered renters who live on the avocado tree property twice and they were totally cool with us grabbing what we can reach from the sidewalk; I’m hoping we run into someone again so we can offer to bring our long pole down and harvest the ones inside the yard. There’s easily thirty more really good ones up there and if they don’t get picked soon they’ll just end up being eaten by squirrels.

3
scotchnaut

Hey, tree rats gotta eat too.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah but they don’t even really eat them; they just gnaw on the outside a little bit before the avocados are even ripe.

1
blaxabbath

LA: Wastes tons of food

Also LA: Fuck off wild animals! I want to eat the avocados for me instead because you don’t eat them no good!

2
blaxabbath

“That money is yours to put in your pocket.”

-Mike Brown, Offering The Greatest Reward He Will Pay For — Words.

1
King Hippo

all this needs is Herm Edwards yelling You PLAY to win the GAME

0
litre_cola

Holleeee shit Sunderland.

1
yeah right

[Oooooooooooohhhhhh@

Sunderland!

0
Mr. Ayo

The Fade Hippo Fund just profited off a live bet! Never thought I’d see the day.

2
King Hippo

I can’t imagine the odds you got. 10 to 1?

1
King Hippo

SECOND half-chance ALSO GOES IN

0
Mr. Ayo

Suck it 51st state!

comment image

0
blaxabbath

Hawaii volunteers to trade our* statehood for standing as an anonymous nation.

*white, male, landowners of course

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hey man, shaking off the yoke of an overseas monarchy worked pretty well the first time…

1
Mr. Ayo

Worst. Trade. Value. Ever.

0
blaxabbath

The democrats will give me so much money through aid programs that have been discovered by The Spy Kids that I’ll never be for want.

The Republicans — they will just give me capital wealth for fucking things all up.

2
litre_cola

The Team Knifey sponsor is a Japanese Crypto company. I am sure it is all above board like the shady Asian betting houses that no one has heard of.

3
King Hippo

I keep thinking the logo is a cartoon rabbit doing the “Black Power” fist. Japanese makes sense.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Their marketing department (artist’s conception):

comment image

1
King Hippo

I had to replace both my Keurig and my electric toothbrush this week. Thanks FOAR your attention to This Week In White Guy Problems.

1
litre_cola

Had to replace main TV last week. The only thing inflation has not hit in Canada is Weed, and TV’s.

2
King Hippo

Thankfully, those are the only true essentials.

2
blaxabbath

Does temu got that stuff?

I just ordered some adjustable dumbbells from there as a trial for maybe a summer necessity when away from the Casa.

0
King Hippo

Being the shitheel that I am, not boycotting Amazon (not like I could disappoint THE SHIELD by dropping Prime anyway). So…dunno, Amazon is really the only similar account that I have. It’s easy, and I am lazy.

2
Gumbygirl

I haven’t bought anything on Amazon in yonks, but I keep it for the football. I need a new vacuum- my Dyson is a dinosaur model, weighs a ton, and the apartment I’m going to only has hard floors. I’ve been looking at those combo wet/ dry vacuums on Amazon, and they are verra excite, they keep sending me ads for various models. Little do they know that I’m just using them for the reviews, I’ll do the actual buying from Costco. Suck it, Bezos!

1
scotchnaut

Here’s how ABC is selling the UFL’s Arlington/Memphis tilt-

The Showboats (2-6) and the Renegades (3-5) continue to play out the string with this Week 9 clash.

5
King Hippo

#TruthInHonesty

2
blaxabbath

They tell viewers exactly what they think of them.

And people still worship The Producers.

2
Senor Weaselo

Hey, Prisoners of Love was a hit that proved that Springtime for Hitler was no fluke!

1
King Hippo

They could play another hour or two, Sunderland’s nil wouldn’t budge.

0
King Hippo

aaaaaand their first half-chance goes in. HIPPO DUMMY

1
Mr. Ayo

Say what, Hippo?

comment image

0
King Hippo

It;s almost LIEK u shld bet instantly against anything ah says…

1
Mr. Ayo

Oh right, I forgot all about the Fade Hippo Fund.

Need to start reinvesting in that venture.

3
King Hippo

You need to afford all that freezer vodka after all. Don’t want to have to start slumming it with beet vodka and such.

2
litre_cola

Essscusse me Sir Hippo?

1
King Hippo

u NOE how ah BE

Last edited 10 months ago by King Hippo
1
Doktor Zymm

I have horseback as normal this morning, and then this afternoon I have a new hammock stand to try out! It should be big enough for my double hammock and I also bought hammock specific cup holders to try. Excite!

5
2Pack

Hammock cup holders are next level decadent.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hooray, no more having to kick the dog out; there’s room enough to share!

comment image

1
Gumbygirl

I live vicariously through your hammock adventures!

0
scotchnaut

Canada didn’t make the semi-finals of the World Hockey Championships.

embarrassing
5
scotchnaut

Someone pointed out that the Giants have this year’s hardest schedule the hardest schedule any team has played in the last 5 years.* It was nice to know you, Daboll.

*by winning percentage

2
Doktor Zymm

Is that because the NFC East plays the NFC North and AFC West this year? So that’s 10 playoff teams in 12 games already without taking their last place schedule into account. And at least all the other NFC East teams get to play the Giants twice

0
scotchnaut

And a bonus game vs the AFC North as well!

2
blaxabbath

AnYtHiNg CaN hApPeN*!!

*including that undersized kid from ASU maybe dying on the field!

1
scotchnaut

Sk8erBoi!

2
litre_cola

Suck on that VAR team Knifey. No one wants to see you back up, we want some Newcastle derby!

2
King Hippo

Sundy needs a real fluke to get one in the onion bag, though. Toothless.

0
blaxabbath

My neighbor sold me his Tito’s-Edition Traeger grill. It’s the smallest version. We did some drumsticks the other night and I thought they tasted like Renaissance Faire turkey legs (I assume all RenFaires serve the same refreshments). With it being, “These people have got to be rolling over in their graves asking what the fuck they gave their lives for” Weekend and no one else here, I thought I’d Traeger. But I so rarely cook the last couple years that I’ve lost much kitchen efficiency. However, we know our one dog is going to be put down in the next month (probably couple weeks) and he’s gonna need his last meal stuff to shine. So altogether, I’m thinking of doing something on the robotgrill this afternoon.

Then, I figure, kill two birds with one weekend bbq stone.

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m sorry about the dog, man. Dogs should be immortal.

2
blaxabbath

This one is weird because he isn’t dying of one thing. He’s got bad joints. Kinda ran the course on available med options for all things. Sleeps about all day. Doesn’t really like getting up much. Accidents in house. Dementia signs. Gone deaf. Losing weight. Bad teeth. But then for like an hour twice a day he is…not too bad. Comes out front and walks around in the grass for 15 mins. Still likes to be pet.

But he’s also always been just a very distant dude. So it’s like I got a goth elderly care subject that I’m like, “I’m gonna try not to make you stay too long — but it will be a delicate thing” and Harvey is like, “I never Asked you to adopt Me anyways and all life is suffering.”

6
Doktor Zymm

I didn’t realize the dead former dictator of Yugoslavia had his own grill! Or is it Tito Jackson’s?

0
Doktor Zymm

Also, it’s possible Ren Faires in other countries are different, but I can confirm that the food is identical at the 3 (MD, VA, CA) I’ve been to in the US

2
King Hippo

Now, the Black Cats captain (O’Nein, the lad we know from Netflix) popped his shoulder in the 2nd minute. Might end up a walkover, this.

0
blaxabbath

It’s bullshit these leagues, especially the NFL, has not approved more accessories to allow injured players to stay on the field. With longer seasons and ‘First Team Reps’ as valuable as ever, it’s imperative that we get every snap we can before letting a player go to IR.

It’s 2025. No reason a guy who has been out for more than two series can’t have a league-approved/partnered brace supplier who just shores up around whatever is broken (ankle, knee, elbow, whatever) and let that experienced guy get back on the field and lead his team to a comeback, instead of a lost season.

2
King Hippo

George Carlin had the same idea.

0
Doktor Zymm

Power suits!

1
King Hippo

Yikes, Knifey almost sliced this’un open in the first goshdarned minute

0
King Hippo

Guh, C-ship final is streaming-only. FFS. All those responsible for this grievoUs error have been sacked.

1
Mr. Ayo

FFS, I woke up early thinking today was the EPL final day!

And now the only important game isn’t on for another hour? To the freezer vodka!

1
King Hippo

I thought Bastard Man just wanted to watch the rednecks drive in a circle? Or is that next weekend.

0
Mr. Ayo

That’s tomorrow too dammit! #TwoScreensOneLoser

Last edited 10 months ago by Mr. Ayo
0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I liked Morrissey so, so much more when I thought his nativist stuff was satire.

2
King Hippo

#MeToo

0
litre_cola

Jonny Marr was The Smiths and I will die on this hill

2
yeah right

I saw Johnny Marr and James on the same bill last year.

He was dynamite.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

MORRISSEY: [singing] Tomorrow…will it really come? And if it does come…will I still be human?

MORRISSEY: [under his breath] As opposed to whatever species those filthy Bengalis in their ridiculous platform shoes happen to be…

0
2Pack

Celebration time…
C’mon!!!
/ it’s a celebration…

5583435013_959a16c21e
3
scotchnaut

God love her, she never gets tired of showing off her chest.

2
King Hippo

Even if she was Mormon-shy, how the heck could you hide cannons….of that calibre?

2
litre_cola

A woman that works for me was at the game in Naples yesterday. She said it was absolutely insane uand the street party was unhinged.

4
2Pack

The town knows how to party.

2
Senor Weaselo

Singing O sole mio into the wee hours!

0
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