Monday Morning Mock Draft: White People In Puerto Rico!

Guten Tag, drones.

Before we get to the topic at had I just want to say that I am sitting in rainy and oddly chilly Connecticut, having just spent a week in Old San Juan, Puerto Rico, (as opposed to what?  Old San Juan, Illinois?), something I don’t recommend unless you like a lot of sun, a lot of beer, a smidge of rum, a lot of history, (that’s El Morro in the featured image, one of two forts you can tour in San Juan for a total of $10; I very much recommend doing both, while carrying a lot of water and sun screen), very friendly people, outstanding roast pork, a surprising selection of paper towels, and weed stores every two blocks.

Seriously, it’s almost like San Juan’s zoning regulations demand said stores be spaced no more than that apart, lest someone so inclined not ever be as high as they might desire.

Also, try to time your visit to make sure that Don T. is in town, because he will drop everything to chauffeur you around, will introduce you to family members, will take you to all the best places for various things, and who most importantly speaks Spanish and will facilitate pretty much everything.

Don clearly takes great pride in Puerto Rico, (maybe not the power company but we never lost power even once during our visit there, so I’m not sure what the issue is; worked great for us), and it shows in his willingness to drop everything (except lunch with his madre, which makes sense because he is not suicidal), and deal with two idiots lost in a foreign land, (Puerto Rico is part of the US, albeit it a territory, something our politicians could be a little better at remembering), with very little of the language other than saying “uno mas cerveza, por favor.”  Mrs. Horatio and I could not be more grateful for all of Don’s many courtesies during our visit, and it would not have been one-half as much fun as it was without him.

Go to Puerto Rico and have fun.  Do not, however, slide down two waterfall flumes in the rainforest at 55+ and think you’re going to walk away without some back pain, because that is not going to happen.

But there was no way I wasn’t going after the 20-something girl who professed to be afraid of everything did.

Anyway, this week we draft acronyms.  Webster’s defines an acronym as “an identifier formed from some of the letters (often the initials) of a phrase and used as an abbreviation.”  So that’s the guidance you get for this draft.  If it fits that definition, you can draft it.

With the first pick I will take perhaps the greatest acronym of them all, ‘EBUG’ which of course stands for ’emergency back-up goalie.’

The EBUG comes in, during the regular season, if a team’s two goalies are not able to play.  Each home team is required to have one available at every home game, but they can’t be a paid team employee because they have to be available to either team should the need arise.  They seemingly have to have some prior experience as a goaltender, but apparently high school play qualifies.  Other fun facts, (all from the link starting this paragraph), they get paid an hourly rate for sitting in the stands, $500 if they have to play, (would I take $500 to have Alex Ovechkin fire a piece of vulcanized rubber at my head?  No.  No I would not), and they get to keep their game jersey as well, which is pretty cool.

But not as cool as ‘EBUG.’

The rest of you are on the clock.