Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
We serial killers are your sons, we are your husbands, we are everywhere. And there will be more of your children dead tomorrow [in bed.]
Ted Bundy

Yikes, not sure where to go with this one. I guess, just get your kids vaccinated. And teach them some basic hygiene, that will help too..

I’m off this week, with today being Canada day and all.  Happy Canada day to those that celebrate. So kinda mailing it in this week.  Which is way more than my usual mailing it in.
Got some stuffs to do around the house and hanging out with the wife and maybe a nap or 3.  Going to see a movie has also been suggested, so anyone see anything good lately?

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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Where’s a koopa shell when I need one?

Redshirt

Seriously. It’s 75º here! That’s above room temperature.

Mr. Ayo

82º. At 11:03 PM. The day is less than an hour left and we’re still in the 80s!

Redshirt

To be fair, a lot of Ohio is still in the ’80s.
SonOfSpam

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So hawt over here that Marika is daring the spaghetti straps to keep things in place.

2Pack


I think those are heavier-duty fettuccini straps.
Brick Meathook

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I would love a dancing sandwich.

I want to take a moment to thank “GTD” for all of his hard work doing these weekly features. This guy reads every single word written every week. I know think about that, every word written. Jesus I can’t even read my silly drivel. Not only a great guy but a voracious reader of the absurd. thank you sir, your hard work is noticed.

Now time for the silly question of the day. How many do you have?

I have 13 but two are cover ups. I have 6 on one arm and 5 on the other. Now your turn, how many tattoos do you have?
DJ TAJ

None. I won’t get any after my great-grandfather died* at Dachau.


*fell out of a guard tower
SonOfSpam

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Life east of the Mississippi (artist’s conception)
WCS

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Last funny:

NYC 💪

rockingdog

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Yesterday I messaged my friend, Orthodox Jew, to make sure his family was okay in Israel.

Today I asked the owner of the my local gas station if his family was safe in Iran.

Religion can go piss up a rope.

So can the rest of the world.
jjfozz

Kinda messed up that they named their kid “Orthodox Jew” though
Doktor Zymm

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“I don’t understand why the house is hot.”

Mrs. Fozz made this observation three times in 15 minutes.

I couldn’t take it.

“Because it’s been HOT AS FUCK for three days. Heat fucking RISES. I thought you knew that but that fucking lunatic high school you attended, where the nuns were more interested in the goddamn bible versus science, didn’t fill you in! And you know what? We could have an HVAC unit that cools an Amazon warehouse and the goddamn house would still be hotter than the inside of a camel’s asshole because IT’S BEEN HOT AS FUCK! NOW FOR FUCKS SAKE, GO AWAY.”

I didn’t really say that. I said, “Why don’t you sit down and I’ll make us mojitos.”

I didn’t really say that cause mojitos are for fancy lads. Instead I punched myself in the balls, chugged a cold Miller Lite and started looking for heroin.
jjfozz

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Found a funny:

OMG! TOO CUTE??? ❤️ Scientists taught rats to drive tiny cars and found that even when they didn’t give them treats, they would still intentionally get into car crashes for the purpose of sexual gratification

rockingdog

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Andrew Cuomo Subpoenas Gynecological Records Of Women Who Didn’t Vote For Himtheonion.com/andrew-…

— The Onion (@theonion.com) 2025-06-25T15:10:00.000Z

Horatio Cornblower

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Horatio, you should be proud. I have on a Whalers Tshirt. The only mark is the logo in the corner. Sharkbait 2.0 saw it and excitedly pointed at it and went “Whale! Whale shirt”
Sharkbait

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Boy I hate it when what is supposed to be a simple brainless titty flick in this time slot, turns into some French black and white thing where they colorize the lemons.
2Pack

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I went to my first Cubs game this past weekend. They lost, but the game was still fun. One guy in our group suggested we go to the White Sox game the next day. We politely declined. That dumpster fire wasnt worth the $17 tickets.
Sharkbait

“They lost, but the game was still fun.”


The quintessential Cubs/Wrigley experience.

BeefReeferLives

Now that you mention it, I’m not sure I’ve ever been to a game where they won. Maybe once?

Doktor Zymm

“I don’t remember them ever winning a game I attended, either. Of course, I don’t remember them losing one. It’s a little fuzzy.” — Harry Carey
Dunstan

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The NFL sent me a credit card offer today. I guess they thought they weren’t ripping me off enough with just NFL+
Doktor Zymm

They will come for your kidneys next.
litre_cola

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/went out for a second swim today because temperatures

I was way out there when a pontoon boat with two dads with a kid trawled very slowly by, between myself and the shore

One Dad: “Everything good?”

Me: “Everything’s good.”

Kid: (about 8 years old, I’m guessing) “Aren’t you afraid of the snapping turtles?”

Me: “Not really.”

Kid: “We just caught one 10 minutes ago.”

Me: “Well, I guess I’m afraid now.”

Also Me: [waits for laughter]*

*nobody laughed-they were genuinely concerned for me and playing it cool, I think
[gales of giggles would have been the proper punchline to this exchange but that ain’t what happened]

scotchnaut

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Calgary so good they’re picked to win this week while on a bye.
Horatio Cornblower

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On a jet plane heading to 3 hours ago, well arriving one hour after we left. Sounds like the weather in SD is a hell of a lot better than 85-90% humidity and 99 F like it was in Raleigh. Carne Asada tacos, I am coming. Any great taco places near the Hyatt Grand?
ArmedandHammered

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I’m in a plane on my way to Italy so I can take a shit on Jeff Bezos’ wedding cake. I’ll send pictures.
jjfozz

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New York is having a great fucking week!

Yankee Fans welcome Ted Cruz to New York. Proud of my homies!

— Matt Milunic (@deadmet.bsky.social) 2025-06-26T12:47:02.954Z

SonOfSpam

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Related

2Pack

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Just got back from the Clutch concert with my daughter. I enjoyed it, although it wouldn’t have been the setlist I would have picked. They only have about a hundred albums to choose from, though, and looking at previous setlists they can play any song off of any of them.

Had a great time. Some experiences:

-My geezer ass was pretty much in the middle of the bell curve for that audience, age-wise.
-Without a doubt, that was the homeliest concert audience I’ve ever seen. I mean, I’m no model, but… There was a guy in front of us, shaved bald with no teeth, that had what I thought was an orca tattooed on his head. It turned out that it was a tattoo of that moth on Silence of the Lambs. He had a Clutch logo tattooed on his back, which we got to see since he took his shirt off.
-When the revolution happens we need to put Stubhub executives up against the wall. I bought General Admission tickets, then my wife talked me into upgrading to reserved seats (GA is stand on the floor unless you can get into one of the bleachers). Come 5:00, when the tickets were supposed to be available, and they say, “We don’t have the tickets we sold you. We’ll refund your money or give you GA tickets and a partial refund for the difference.” WTF? This isn’t rocket surgery, you either have a ticket or you don’t.
-After the concert we were waiting for the missus to pick us up, and some old drunk guy starts hitting on my daughter right in front of me. I was getting ready to tell this motherfucker that he needs to go elsewhere, but I think he picked up on the vibe and wandered off.
BugEyedBoo

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Brick Meathook

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I wonder which amusingly named town the Ass family lives in?

Doktor Zymm

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I’ve made it

Mr. Ayo

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I mentioned that Wifey has joined a network of folks that try to get abused dogs from one place to another place that is not a farm upstate.

-this dog Bear is the sweetest thing ever.

-he was designated as a “Breeder” and he was no longer able to inseminate females so the owners decided to put him down.

-someone in Winnipeg said that they would take him in.

-somehow a network of good people have coordinated to bring Bear from somewhere in eastern Ontario to Winnipeg.

-that’s a 22 hour drive at the very minimum

-some people that want to put down dogs that have made them six figures (in puppies) are pieces of shit. Other people that contribute to finding a home for these old dogs are Gold.
scotchnaut

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Classy

Gumbygirl

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Dude next to me at the gym this morning had a big vikings tattoo on his shoulder. I thought, there’s better ways to ruin your body.

Then you showed us that cup-o’-phó crap.
blaxabbath

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“Hogs are raised in group housing”

(Group housing = Hogs are allowed to move around and interact socially)
Brick Meathook

WCS

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(watches the end of the rebroadcast of the 2021-22 AFC Championship game)
TV: “…and Cincinnati is heading to the Super Bowl!”
Me: “A perfect ending to a great season.”

(goes to then next scheduled rebroadcast)
TV: “Welcome to Super Bowl LVI with the Los Angeles-”
(Turns TV off)
Me: “A perfect ending.”
Redshirt

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Typical of the US for this to come down to a shootout.
Jimbo

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More proof that the US is lousy at defending their borders.
scotchnaut

“What if we tried murdering more pets?” – Kristi Noem

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

found this during my earlier gnome search.

Jimbo

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Exactly what I was going for.

Mr. Ayo

The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald – YouTube 

Redshirt

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

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