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EFL Just Not Prem Opening Weekend

King Hippo

/

, ,

For those of y’all as starved for sportsball as Hippo?  Find CBSSN on your cable box and maybe even dust off Paramount+ on your tablet, because the divisions below the Premiership (as is also the case in many/most other European nations).  Enjoy the pageantry of the day, even if its not top-level footy.

Still streets ahead of MLS, though.  Unless MAYBE you drop all the way down to a League Two fixture.

Everton also play Roma in their first “open door” friendly at the new stadium (9:50, ESPN+), and then NFL Pre-Season marathon(ish) on NFLN.

Enjoy the latter while you can, before ESPN ruins it (as early as possibly the 2026 season).

Nobody cares enough to read an actual preview, nor do I care enough to write any such content.  FOOKIN SUE ME.

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scotchnaut

I’m not saying that high volume Youtubers are getting increasingly desperate for clicks but…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIb39ouzbvw

Last edited 8 months ago by scotchnaut
0
Gatoraids

fewer and fewer of them, one in our neighborhood wasnt even stocking snowcones anymore

0
Horatio Cornblower

Me: (back from gym, eating a chicken-bacon-ranch wrap) (at 4:15 pm) “What time and where did you want to go out to dinner tonight?

Mrs. Horatio: “But you’re eating now.”

Me: “Have we even met?”

5
ArmedandHammered

My favorite Yankee, Devin Williams.

0
Horatio Cornblower

He really is remarkable, although I kind of doubt we mean ‘remarkable’ in the same way.

1
scotchnaut

My celebration of the novel At Swim-Two-Birds? A backstroke of exactly 45 meters out from the shoreline and a breaststroke back to shore as hard as I can. Also, I’ll be destroying James Joyce’s literary reputation in my mind.*

*except for his short story The Dead, that one hit so hard

2
WCS

Lara Loomer is banging Trump.

JD Vance is using all his vacation days to stay as far as away from the White House for as long as possible. He’s Cruzing, essentially.

ICE raided two Mexican restaurants up near princess’s way yesterday (local).

Border Patrol and ICE agents are wearing literal masks and jackboots.

Ukraine’s about to lose 20% of it’s territory, while Israel’s about to gain 20% while committing genocide while literally laughing about it.
https://www.youtube.com/@JTVGlobalJewishChannel

Ghizale’s going to be set free.

So much winning. Just so much winning.
comment image

But, hey, football is back!

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I prefer not to think about the sex lives of those disgusting freaks but in all honesty I don’t think Trump has had a boner since Jeffrey Epstein got put out of business.

3
scotchnaut

Mike White is a QB that is trying to be Josh Allen’s backup. MIC WHITE is a Beastie Boys cover band that has a sick remix of Southern Man.

5
Redshirt

But have they been seen together?

1
BeefReeferLives

at 12:19 right before the snap the announcer is talking about him & how he has worked with this group of receivers in camp: “so we’ll expect him to be to be at least a little functional”

Yeah, don’t set the bar too high, there…

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Mike White is also a showrunner who assembled (I’m not going to say “wrote” because I don’t know how much was improvised) this delightful scene.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKfDTyE0zTA

2
Gatoraids

was originally written for Woody Harrelson to do but he had a last minute cancellation so Rockwell did it cuz his wife was on set

0
ArmedandHammered

So my wife was going to go out and hang with friends, I have now been told I am grilling supper and will be hosting, so time to start cleaning. FML.

2
Redshirt

That’s nice of you to voluntold to do that.

5
BeefReeferLives

Whelp, I guess you have no choice…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3n6dQsAMNk

4
King Hippo

Put an inflatable Kraft atop that Dreamboat statue, so it looks as if Brady is fisting him.

4
2Pack

Truth Biscuit with the bomb.

0
King Hippo

Still a little Verdad left in that Bollo!

2
Redshirt

Coach Daboll: “Jaxon isn’t doing that bad.”
Russell Wilson: “Yeah, but too bad this is my team.”
Daboll: “…”
Wilson: “…”
Daboll: “…”
Wilson: “…”
Daboll: “…right.”
Wilson: “Giant Country, lets fee-fie-foe-fum!” (walks off)
Daboll: (to himself): “Why does he always end every conversation like that?!”

6
WCS

Thing is, I’m sure this conversation has already happened like three times this week.

3
yeah right

We’re off on a very out of character excursion today. Think it’ll be a lot of fun and the weather is flawless.

We may document this one.

And we don’t have very far to travel.

2
Doktor Zymm

You’re going to listen to bad music while eating nasty food?

1
yeah right

Yes, basically correct.

0
Redshirt

Counterpoint, I’m staring at some weeds next to my fence in thre backyard, but I’ve convinced myself its too far away to deal with them.

4
ArmedandHammered

I can’t move as my ass is plugging the hole in Reality that formed in my bean bag chair on the porch, so, although it appears I am lazy, I am saving civiliz…. why would I want to save this timeline? It does hold all my stuff….

2
Gumbygirl

Catalina?

1
LemonJello

Is it Wine Mixer season already?

3
scotchnaut

“Which light white mixes best with temporary grievances?”

-An Ozempic of Karens

0
yeah right

In the ballpark.

Lovely fucking day.

1
King Hippo

I will send Fredbird your regards, good sir!

1
2Pack

…

FB_IMG_1754675447622
5
ArmedandHammered

Glad 3 Musketeers did not come like that.

0
Doktor Zymm

It would have to be 3 pieces right?

2
ArmedandHammered

That sounds delicious and diabeetus forming.

0
WCS

comment image

2
Redshirt

Kit Kat has four, for those binge eaters.

4
King Hippo

They make a “4 pack” Twix which ah just noe for no reason

0
Gumbygirl

I have a vague memory of one of those- 3 Musketeers, Milky Way, maybe Snickers? came in two pieces. Long ago and far away.

0
ArmedandHammered

Mounds and Almond Joys are what you are thinking of, all so delicious.

0
Gumbygirl

No, I know they come in two pieces. This is one of the others, from waaay back , like early to mid- 60’s.

0
scotchnaut

The Bills broadcast has not shown a replay of the Giants TD. Fuck Western New York!

3
scotchnaut

And that includes you, North Tonawanda! I’ll never pay the entrance fee to your Herschell Carrousel Factory Museum, even though my Tourette’s loves going “Wheeeee!” thrice daily!

museum
1
BeefReeferLives

Wouldn’t Tourette’s be more like “Cocksuckercuntmotherfucker!!!” thrice daily?

1
scotchnaut

“Fuckyou!” I mean, yes.

1
scotchnaut

X marks the spot!*

*Dart threw a dart

0
Doktor Zymm

$42 with fees, section 441, row 18

3
Gumbygirl

Is it stinking hot? That would be a huge factor in my decision.

0
Doktor Zymm

Hot, but shady side, should be ok

1
2Pack

Enjoy

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I caused the extinction of three species when I asked AI to generate this image for me during the tail end of Request Line yesterday, so I’m reposting it with a reminder that the AFC North is the sexpestiest division in all of the NFL.

comment image

1
Doktor Zymm

Now, now

a2nakt
10
King Hippo

it’s important to set goals for menfolk ,, ppl forget that!!

1
scotchnaut

“There’s more to come” is an absolutely true, gross and predictive statement-all at the same time.

4
Redshirt

That’s right. There’s no stripes in that picture. The Bengals are saving themselves for the Grand Finale

1
scotchnaut

Anyone remember when Laviska Shenault was going to be the next Percy Harvin?

/look at me, I’m Dennis Miller!

2
Redshirt

“I haven’t seen anyone this prouder since Bill Conqueror took out King Harry at Hastings, chachi.”

3
scotchnaut

That’s so on point. What’s the opposite of goosebumps?

0
Doktor Zymm

So should I go to the Bears game tomorrow, and if I do should I buy the $30 shitty seats, or spring for the $80 really good seats?

1
King Hippo

Boots. On. The. Ground!

/also buy $30 tix, move to the $80 at HT and decide if it feels $50 better

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Cheap seats. Good seats are only worth it if you care about the outcome.

0
scotchnaut

Which one has the discount mimosas?

1
Doktor Zymm

That would be no seats and staying home
*sips grapefruit mimosa*

5
Redshirt

MST3K – Favorite Moments – Mitchell – YouTube

Trubisky is still in the league?!

3
WCS

Mitchell: Even his name sounds like a beer.

2
Redshirt

Huh, that’s where Russell Wilson ended up. Poor, poor Giants.

0
King Hippo

The best part of scotchy’s insanity query is how most of the neutral Clubhouse is also watching.

I mean, guys? #MeToo

1
LemonJello

Don’t worry, Jameis Winston will take him under his wing.

1
scotchnaut

I’m stupid giddy about seeing the Giants play. Is this a low-key cry for help?

Last edited 8 months ago by scotchnaut
4
Doktor Zymm

Sounds like a nice, gentle, slide into the happy kind of insanity to me

4
scotchnaut

“And then he caught it on his helmet and everyone was happy.”

-Me, rocking back and forth at Sunny Side Retirement Home, three years hence

8
LemonJello

Low key?

**looks around clubhouse**

(Condescendingly) “Absolutely.”

2
King Hippo

OH YES. Just don’t sign up for Rapey Jameis’ Bible study group. That would be weird.

3
Mr. Ayo

Sounds DangeRuss

3
scotchnaut

Logistics Problem:

Youngest skull fracture Boy (YSFB) enjoyed the long weekend last week, camping and boating with his gf and buddies. He went back there again but the axle on his boat trailer is busted beyond repair. He did purchase another trailer online that we’ll have to deliver to him so he can pull his boat out of the water. In summation, he has to haul back his camper, his boat and his wrecked trailer (we’ll also need to bring his snowmobile trailer* up to transport the broken trailer back) home.

*that is in storage in our old warehouse

Degree of Difficulty:

Everything is sitting at a lake that is a two hour drive away up a dirt road that splits off to an old, unmaintained logging road.

5
Don T

“Dearest [nickname]:

“The measure of a man is how many times he gets up, not how many times he falls down.

“When are you coming over to pick up your stuff, boy?

“Best,

“-Daddy”

Take out the “s snd text. Leave the spaces, for tone

4
2Pack

This sounds like the conditions statement for a complicated situational training exercise. I have some experience here (no he doesn’t) so I recommend that you “simply” hook the good boat trailer with boat aboard to the camper, then hook the snowmobile trailer to the boat trailer and finally mount the wrecked trailer on the snowmobile trailer. You now have what we in the bidnezz call… A train. Go slow on those dirt roads and make really wide turns. Good luck, I trained in Poland you know, so I look forward to your remarks upon closure back home all safe and sound.

9
scotchnaut

I’m almost certain that the camper (it’s an ancient thing from the 80’s that has a built-in cassette player!) doesn’t have a rear trailer hitch which complicates things a bit. Also, “I trained in Poland” sounds ominous as hell.

4
Doktor Zymm

Why does he need to bring back the broken trailer?

1
scotchnaut

For the same reason that most people don’t litter.

5
Doktor Zymm

I would have thought there would be someone there willing to haul it away in exchange for getting to keep it for salvage

or at least a nearby disposal place it could be dropped off instead of hauling for 2 hours

Last edited 8 months ago by Doktor Zymm
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scotchnaut

There’s no ‘salvage’ to be done. And that fella (out of the good of his heart) would have to carry some sort of trailer two hours up the road just to bring it back to a landfill?

no
2
Doktor Zymm

Ah, so it’s not repairable nor has value in the metal. Gotcha

0
King Hippo

I figured it could at least be burned FOAR WARMTH, being Canadia and all

1
ArmedandHammered

Disassemble it and see if any parts can be used to improve the camping area.

0
ArmedandHammered

Make a lean to shelter or something, you know, a hobo trap.

4
Horatio Cornblower

Mrs. Horatio recently spent a fair amount of time putting together a trip for myself, my daughter, daughter’s boyfriend, and my mother (!) to go an see my son up in Vermont. Mrs. Horatio was going to stay home, so that she could take care of the pets, and also not spend a weekend with my mother. Fair play to her.

Today, my mother, in the most passive-aggressive way imaginable, called up and canceled because “you should really go up as a family and surely Horatio would want to spend the four hours in a car with his wife and not his mother” and holy shit woman, get off the cross, I need that wood for the fire.

Also, she’s in no way spending a weekend alone at our house feeding the pets, because she’s recently taken to falling and doing things like dropping bricks on her head because she tried to do something about bees the day before the bee-guy was coming to her house to do it professionally, (and also when my daughter was literally right there in her house), and I don’t need two dead pets and possibly a dead mother when I get back from a weekend in Vermont, and then all those busybodies from Blax’s neighborhood coming over and asking why I don’t know where my mother parked her car.

9
2Pack

Life is really complicated sometimes.

4
Horatio Cornblower

Especially when it really doesn’t need to be.

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Dead mothers need the most attention.” – Norman Bates

8
King Hippo

It boggles the mind how fucking good Jordan Pickford is, and how fucked Everton would be without him.

Maybe also a bit concerning that a 25m signing (from Chelski’s bomb squad) was instantly our best attacking player.

0
litre_cola

Ye get the Everton game? I’m here watching Brugge on Brugge violence.

0
King Hippo

was on ESPN+

0
Don T

comment image

8
Brick Meathook

More “Things in Pennsylvania”

https://ibb.co/CSSpkkb

7
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

In keeping with my ability to prevent things from happening by predicting them, I am predicting that this storm develops into a Cat 5 hurricane and makes a direct hit on King Hippo’s house.

https://imgur.com/Qc1NCyx

2
Don T

/checks Caribbean trajectory
//updates Enemies list

9
King Hippo

It is too close to footy season for Hippo to even imagine losing power. That said, I am across the street from Town Hall (and all our local government offices), so I have mad priority for repair work,

6
Horatio Cornblower

God, I don’t ask for much, but a direct hit on Mar-A-Lago and I’ll enter the seminary.

6
Doktor Zymm

Let’s hedge our bets, which god should I promise something to?

1
Horatio Cornblower

I hear a lot of good things about Cthulu.

4
BeefReeferLives

I hear The Flying Spaghetti Monster is a pretty cool deity. & if you become an adherent you can have a fun DL picture!

comment image

https://www.azcentral.com/story/news/local/chandler/2017/06/01/arizona-man-wears-colander-drivers-license-photo-name-religious-freedom/362732001/

3
Gumbygirl

Ra-men! All hail his noodly appendages! Gumby’s bootcamp dogtags have “Morrisonism” as his religious affiliation.

6
Gumbygirl

.

1000007368
1
scotchnaut

“That, or something having to do with semen-I’m not fussy.”

-Horatio, upon further reflection

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Why, so your taxpayer dollars can be spent rebuilding it out of solid gold?

0
Jimbo

My brother is talking to a civil rights lawyer about his detention, turns out they did not read him his Miranda rights. 
But it’s their word against his and my mom. I don’t think this is going anywhere.

Last edited 8 months ago by Jimbo
7
Doktor Zymm

Hard to believe there aren’t recordings, but I’m sure the lawyer would know. Good luck, I hope your family is able to make something happen in the right direction

3
Don T

The attorney will know what’s best. Good luck to your brother. And it’s either due process mother fuckers, or affirming everyday “This divtatorship is peachy”.

6
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“This might be the most hospital ball any hospital ball has ever hospitaled.”

https://www.reddit.com/r/nfl/comments/1mlao4z/highlight_demarcco_hellams_draws_a_flag_for_a_big/

1
Horatio Cornblower

That looks like shoulder to upper chest. Should have flagged the QB.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Perfect hit

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Forget it, Balls. It’s Mahomesville.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

For breakfast I am enjoying passion fruit from my very own vine.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCMy6kq5ZA0

3
Don T

Morning. So far this AM, I fought an invoicing platform and the platform won.
For now.
This small batch, artisanal, doing absolutely EVERYTHING personally for my business is getting testy. Saving grace, the full labor force is highly motivated to build the nest egg for Stroke #1 😜
/artist rendition of post-Kubiak face

9
Jimbo

Called my mom yesterday she has Covid again from the cruise.
I guess another reason to never go on a cruise. 

8
Doktor Zymm

Her mistake was breathing near other people

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

People tend not to breathe (or do anything else) around you if you refuse to wear pants, just sayin…

4
Doktor Zymm

One of these things is not like the others, one of these things is nawt the same

IMG_20250809_092208_229
3
Gatoraids

there’s a reason its unopened, should poor a little out to trick people better

1
Doktor Zymm

This is for litre, he finished one and wants another!

5
litre_cola

Hell yeah I do. I like it as I also like Skyline chili.

There will be Cheezies for all in LA in a few weeks! (Am legit bringing 8 bags)

5
Doktor Zymm

I bet those kill the Malort aftertaste

5
litre_cola

Survived night 1 with BC Dick. It’s a marathon not a sprint. I do not want to go to the basement pub and see the carnage.

9
BC Dick

Not a bad night. Forgot about finishing the Malort but we’ll just have to mix some tequila and rye together to make up for it.
Goes great with the skyline, I bet.

2
King Hippo

Crawling up the walls waiting for the Roma/Everton feed to start. Come on Everton, these are shite!!

5
Brick Meathook

Potomac River, Mather Gorge

https://ibb.co/dwRD9YR7

4
blaxabbath

My neighbor died last week. He was a single dude like 49 or 50. Nice guy. Story is, he’s hanging out with the neighbors at night. Goes home — drives to a girl’s place he hooks up with. They’re laying there all late, she looks over, he’s dead. She gets him cpr and medics get him but he dies at hospital.

The guy’s like uncle from MN is out here handling the estate, I guess. Dude had no next of kin. Apparently there’s an executor to the will somewhere but no will. Single guy estate planning, I guess. And, really, it don’t matter. There’s no surviving spouse to support. It’s just life. I’m interested in how his property goes to market (or not).

The women on my street are nuts. They think it’s like their place to do something. They want to know why the girl didn’t know where his car was, for example. And where is his wallet/credit cards. I’m like, none of it matters. If the cops want to investigate (they dont) then they can do the work. But you drunk women just ‘feeling like I should do something’ is only going to create problems.

Thays all. Thanks.

15
Jimbo

It’s all the murder shows they watch. Wife really enjoys them for some reason.

8
BeefReeferLives

I feel sorry for the girl he was with. First, she has to deal with her lover dying next to her and all of the weirdness that entailed. & now she has to deal with a bunch of busybody bitches getting all up in her shit. Ugh.

11
ArmedandHammered

Feeling like I should do something is middle aged white women saying let me confuse and fuck things up. Plus this is how you get anti-vaxxers and being overly sensitive.

8
Doktor Zymm

Why would she know where he parked??

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Because it’s a stupid gotcha question that gets the “what else is she hiding?” wheels turning in their Chardonnay-addled brains.

3
Horatio Cornblower

She should say “I don’t know where he parked: I was fucking him, not his car.”

3
LemonJello

In a driveway somewhere, Dave feels a stirring in his drivetrain.

2
blaxabbath

Right? This mindset of both, “we’re shocked and still processing,” and “my keen observation skills are saying something isn’t right so I’d better operate as Private I now” leaves no space for, “others are confused too.”

And they will just fuck it up.

1
Don T

What a needless tragedy. Because estate planning is a cinch!
If you know the right attorney, of course. Huh. I’m still sleepy. Let me stretch—Aaaaaa
[hands business card with outstretched hand]

6
Horatio Cornblower

A friend of Mrs. Horatio’s died without an estate a few years ago. I called a friend of mine who is a probate judge who said “don’t worry, there are always cousins” and by god within 2-3 weeks cousins were crawling out of the woodwork.

I don’t think this woman had talked to any of them in decades, let alone years. They got everything.

So if you don’t want a bunch of cousins you have no relationship with to inherit a huge windfall, get a will. Because otherwise it’s gonna be ants at a picnic.

2
Doktor Zymm

I’ll be dead, I won’t care

2
Horatio Cornblower

Well then don’t blame me when your volcano-lair goes to that weird cousin thrice-removed with the unfortunate political views.

3
Doktor Zymm

I have 1 first cousin, he’s a stoner dating a nurse, then at least 2 second cousins that I know of that I like, so between them and my parents and aunt there are at at least six people who would have to die before we get to the cousins I don’t know but who live in Florida so are probably suspect. But also, will be dead, won’t care, sucks for the rest of y’all pulse-havers!

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

All we can really ask for as a legacy is for people to say that it sucks that we died.

1
Doktor Zymm

And they’ll be more likely to say that if it’s a pain in the ass to deal with your estate!

0
Jimbo

Sounds like you’re ready for some football.
https://youtu.be/xvNzhKTXweQ?feature=shared

5
Gatoraids

wooooo gooo football

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iqLhdInGrk

7
WCS

I spent a day catching up on sleep. Turns out, that stuff is good for you, AND it makes you feel better, too. Who knew?

7
BeefReeferLives

It’s good for you and makes you feel good?

Well then, I just might have to try some of that “sleep” stuff out sometime…

7
WCS

4.5/5, would recommend!

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Now I know why I had such a hard time sleeping last night, you sleep thief! GIVE IT BACK!

4
Doktor Zymm

I could have slept in as late as I wanted tonight for the first time in months, instead I inexplicably woke up an hour before I have to for work after staying up late playing Skyrim. I don’t feel tired, but I suspect I will nap later and it will be glorious

2
Horatio Cornblower

I got up at 11:24 am today.

I also went to bed at 2:30-3:00 because poker, like being a bat, is a nocturnal activity.

0
Brick Meathook

https://ibb.co/Z1dPzmGd

5
ballsofsteelandfury

Rug munching at its finest!

Last edited 8 months ago by ballsofsteelandfury
3
litre_cola

I am a huge fan of that act.

3
Horatio Cornblower

I thought that was a picture of Jim irsay’s wake.

1
2Pack

Ciao Hippo. Nuthin but friendlies on over here too. Marika is still at the beach. 2 weeks from now her and the boys are back at work.

FB_IMG_1754228266182
4
litre_cola

We gots Belgian futbol on the teeeveeee

2
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