Guten Tag, drones.
Although probably not this morning, at least here in what used to be the Democratic Republic of America, or maybe it was the United States? I forget; for some reason I stopped following the news back in November.
Anyhoo, this glorious Labor Day, (brought to you by Socialism!), is also the very last Monday Morning Mock Draft…
…of this off-season. We’ll be back next February when…
ahem…this iteration of the NFL concludes with a bacchanalian orgy of excess and advertising revenue known as Superb Owl LX(!), probably with a team most of us hate winning.
So this week we say farewell to the 2025 Mock Draft season, but before I’d do I’d be remiss if I didn’t thank frequent contributors Rikki-Tikki-Deadly and Scotchnaut for supplying me with many a topic for weeks that I was running late or just didn’t think of a good one. And I’d like to thank infrequent contributors Litre Cola and Señor Weaselo, each of whom I believe had one topic this offseason.
The rest of you can go to hell, except for Gumbygirl, because she’s my favorite. Don’t tell anyone else.
This week, in a sort of odd synchronicity
(more of an Outlandos d’Amour guy myself)
we take a topic from Scotchy, but it ties in with the increasingly ominous Senior Prom of RTD’s belovedly nerdy Hunter Renfrow! Did I plan it this way? MAYBE!
(I did not; I just realized the connection about 5 minutes ago)
This week we draft Best Senior Year Ever.
That’s all I wrote down. I assume Scotchy meant athletics, but if you wanna brag about nailing Angie Martinez underneath the bleachers well, that’s up to you, Angie, and apparently Richie Incognito, so good luck with that.
Since it’s our last mock draft of the off-season I’ll dispense with any sort of rules, not that any of you follow them anyway. If it’s a senior year, and it was good, go ahead and draft it. It can be high school or college, athletics or academics. It can be personal if you had a particularly accomplished senior year.
Scotchy either didn’t give me his pick, or more likely I didn’t write it down, so I’ll take the first pick.
I have no love for Chestnut Hill College. while it’s very hard to get in, it’s also almost impossible to fail out of, (Bill Romanowski graduated with honors!), and the alumni I’ve met seem to think that they’re a) very smart, b) went to an Ivy League school, and c) went to college in Boston, none of which is true. That said, in his senior year there, back when he did not suffer the curse of Low-T, Doug Flutie won the Heisman Trophy, should have led his team to the #1 ranking, (BYU my ass), and also did this.
Of course, all that resulted in a humdrum NFL career (but a kick-ass CFL career), but as senior years go, that’s pretty damn good.
The rest of you are on the clock!
and pick up after yourselves, would ya? Hippo Thoughts moves in here next Monday.
I’m gonna take Joey Gallo’s senior year of HS, where he threw a no-hitter and that night went to his senior prom.
His date was Greg Maddux’s daughter.
I went to college with Greg Maddux’s niece. Apparently she got offered a pretty big modeling contract, which surprised me because I’d have put a much higher price on at least five other women in my class alone.
I can double up on Senior years with Lew Alcindor
-in high school he won his third consecutive Catholic High School Championship while averaging 30 points and 20 rebounds.
in college he won his third consecutive national championship, his third Most Outstanding Player award and he got a bunch of chicks, according to his autobio.
MATH HARD! League is a $150 entry fee but you do get your money’s worth. It started at 1PM EST and is just winding down now.
I’m impressed how I managed to auction-acquire such a shitty team in a 10-team league.
3. Jadeveon Clowney. Imaging being a fifteen year-old sophomore and being told you are going to have to block THIS GUY.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTkmiBdoBDc
I will go with 1996 and senior year for one Kobe Bryant where he:
*career points as a Pennsylvania high school basketball player, not that other thing
Never got around to that pilot’s license.
kobe got canceled for being a helicopter parent ppl forget that
This is a horrible joke. Well done.
those old dead baby jokes, I wonder if you replace dead baby with Kobe if they all still work. status: Luckenbach thus the weird inquiry
Katie Ledecky graduated high school in 2015.
Also in 2015 she won 5 gold medals, setting three world records, in the swimming world championships in romantic, (I assume), Kazan, Russia. She won individual events in the 200, 400, 800, and 1500m distances.
No word on whether she went to her prom, and if so if anyone was murdered there.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLV4f0TlkFg
HAPPY LAYBAH DAY
2020 for Carl Commencement take on Senior Year
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LaQlPb9hqqM
for my own
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3S_2axWPmV8
I was going to take Eric Dickerson and Craig James as a combination, but then I thought of all those dead hookers and got sad.
2. Ryan Fitzpatrick. It might sound silly, but he led Harvard to a 10-0 record, overcoming the famous “We Suck” prank to obliterate “Blackout” Brett Kavanaugh’s Yale by a score of 35-3, and showed enough promise to get himself drafted by the Rams and parlayed that into an $82M career in the NFL. Not to mention that he picked up an Ivy League degree along the way (probably could have even gotten tenure if he’d gone to Brown).
What’s the color of horseshit? Brown, Brown, Brown!!
-a cheer I may have engaged in during several UConn-Brown soccer games.
I once hecked the Caltech goalie so hard their coach started chewing me out. I think I yelled something like “hey Keep, where’s that 1500 SAT now?” when we scored our sixth goal or thereabouts.
Pitt tried to have security remove my brother and I because we got on one of their players so bad he was shit-talking us instead of paying attention to the game.
The fans around us backed us up that we weren’t cursing at the player, so security just shrugged and wandered off.
Today would be Gumby’s 65th birthday. Since we shared a senior year in hIgh school, let us return to the 1977-78 school year. We had been friends since we met at the pool five years previously, but never dated. Until November. The seniors the year before caused so much drunken mayhem in Washington ( Losers! Lightweights!) that OUR annual senior trip to DC was cancelled, and the powers that be decided instead that for funzies the seniors in our class would get the privilege of hosting the seniors from a town in Indiana of the same name as ours, when they were returning from their senior trip to DC. You have never seen a bigger collection of rubes and hayseeds in your life. We dumped them off at a dance at the school , and a bunch of us went to a kegger where we got high and made vicious fun of them. We went back to the school as the dance was ending to take them home, and the slutty girl who was assigned to me was no where to be found. Reader, I lost my inbred exchange student! I was afraid to go home without her, so Gumby and I drove around looking for her. Romance blossoms in the damdest ways. When I got home, she was there, she had taken off with a guy from my class, the cheap ho. I hope he gave her herpes. But anyway, I got the love of my life out of it. Today is hard. He should be here. I miss him.
Senior year and a very blustery day it was. When I saw my very favorite Kelly (man I hope she is reading this) Lewis walking to class in front of me wearing a very short skirt. God smiled and said TAJ I’m going to change your life forever. At that moment her skirt blew up and I beheld her white undies! Beautiful brown skin and that white bikini covering her perfect behind?
Still see that image as I am falling asleep some nights and hope it is my last image as I float into hell.
Quick aside. The readers have spoken and I will post the severed baby drawing tomorrow at high (well 10 Pacific) noon during “Game Time’s” weekly (is that cool GTD?) update column.
Whoohoo!!
For the drawing, although the panties do deserve a separate Whoohoo!
Go for it. Comments post is scheduled for 0700 DFO time tomorrow /Tuesday
I was just gonna ax Taj if he had any pics… Thanks.
Other than the one that is burned into his retinas?
1. Marcus Allen, 1981. As a senior at USC, Allen rushed for 2,342 yards and gained a total of 2,683 offensive yards, led the nation in scoring, and won the Heisman Trophy, the Maxwell Award, and Walter Camp Award. He was also the Pac-10 Player of the Year.
At what point did he fuck OJ’s wife?
Presumably before OJ killed her.
His younger brother Damon also had a kick-ass CFL quarterbacking career. Retired as the leading passer and third in rushing. Class act.
I’m drafting 1977 my senior year. Less than two weeks after barely graduating high school I joined the big Green Machine embarking on 49 years (looking at you June 2026) of fun, travel and adventure.
I’m sure Arch is looking forward to his senior year too.
Side note : I will get credit for 50 years of service because I’m returning over a years worth of sick time. That’s bonus retirement loafing folks.
Gotta love service credit for illness not taken! Great job!
I’ve just been incredibly lucky. Too many brothers are all busted up. Strong bones and a good immune system I guess. Just. Really. Lucky.
I really want that exchange to be real. If Arch takes after his Uncle Eli, that would be the greatest thing ever!