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A Calmer Week of JV NFL

King Hippo

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Week 2’s slate is much less robust, plus we have the stupid international break (so no Prem morning action).  But at least Sunday will be…glorious.

Wahoowa (+3.5) at NC State (Noon, ESPN2)

Neither of these squadrons is any good, but UVA at least showed a little spunk (PHRASING) in their opener.  My Wolven Sort?  Just our typical chucklefuckery.  Two ACC teams, but this is a nonconference game, because that’s just how this Timeline rolls.

Team Cornpone (+3.5) at Cornpone State (Noon, Fox)

B1G Noon, without Michigan or THEEEEE featured?  Well, be still my beating heart.  Iowa was supposed to have its quartered backery issues fixed, and their new pussy threw for…44 yards total in their opener.  Against 1-AA competition.

BayBay (+2.5) at SMU (Noon, CW)

As weak as this slate is, how did Starwipe Network get a matchup this good?  And why cram it into the early window?

BDSM State (+28.5) at Oregon (3:30, CBS)

Even for the Discipline Daddies, this beatdown is going to hurt beyond the “Hurts So Good” phase.  Remember y’all’s safe words out there.

Johnny Reb (-8.5) at Kenfucky (3:30, ABC)

Finally, we get a matchup between conference foes that actually goddamned counts as a conference game.  Lane Kiffin’s bunch somehow managed to lose this tilt at home last season, which IIRC was the only SEC (PAAAAAWWWWWLLLLLL) tilt the Blue Moons won all season.  YIKES.

Kansas (+6.5) at Missouri (3:30, ESPN2)

Underrated game of the day, and not just because of the potential for John Brown/Bleeding Kansas jokes.  But I surely am expecting everyone to bring the heat on that front.  DO NOT DISAPPOINT TEH ELDERLY MAMMAL.

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Unsurprised

Ohio State has a player named Bo Jackson!?!? FUCK!

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WCS

Troy currently leading Dabo. Dabo! DABO!, and USF is doing to Florida what Ohio is doing to WVU right now.

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King Hippo

Now the Florida Men will REALLY React Reasonably

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King Hippo

Good Lord, will WCS ever React Reasonably when he wakes up…

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WCS

Oh, I’m quite aware.

1
Redshirt

Ohio-Ohio State is on Peacock? How dare they take the Ohio Civil War away from me?!

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scotchnaut

I got way ahead of myself. Ignore this.

Last edited 7 months ago by scotchnaut
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Redshirt

Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I said that.

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Redshirt

Okay, at 63-0, I think its time to give the Seniors and Walk-Ons some game action.

1
Redshirt

Also, Ohio State has a freshman RB named Bo Jackson, Jr. Not related to THE Bo Jackson but may the dissimilarities end there.

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Redshirt

Well, at least the Darkest Timeline does have some rays of sunshine.

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Unsurprised

So fucking stupid. Internet mob justice is for the most childish and bloodthirsty hall monitor and nerd losers in the world.

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Mr. Ayo

HGH Natalie Portman wins! All those drugs finally paid off.

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scotchnaut

I’d like to give a shout-out to Wifey. Her niece suffered the death of her mother at the age of 14 and has become an extremely difficult person to deal with. Four years on she has made her dad’s life a living hell. Wifey jumped into the breach un-asked. Things are a bit better now.

My Prediction?: Wifey is going to wear down those rough edges with unrelenting love and acceptance and the niece is going to be so confused that eventually she’ll reciprocate against her “better” judgement.

/I’ve got $25 riding on it. Apparently FanDuel will give odds on pretty much anything

10
Dunstan

Trump is planning to attend the US Open men’s final tomorrow, and the gutless, despicable USTA has asked broadcasters not to show any negative crowd reaction.

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Mr. Ayo

Always fun trying to tell your money source what to do.

1
Redshirt

The US Open is going to have more shots of downtown than YouTube did during last night in Brazil.

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Senor Weaselo

It’ll be like The Sopranos on PAX.
https://youtu.be/A8FUUzmaCxc?si=HnDewYwHWZJdGxac

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Unsurprised

Trump has made broadcasters so much money in the last decade they would have done that anyway.

1
WCS

3rd and goal from the 25? JV NFL BLITZ!

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King Hippo

Free Staters 21, Missouri Compromise 6

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King Hippo

CW apparently is doing Law & Order Toronto, so that really should set the Leafs uo nicely, eh?

Last edited 7 months ago by King Hippo
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herodotus450

“But WHO would kill someone over poor salary cap management….”

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King Hippo

Scotchy’s Dead Dad would!!

1
rockingdog

Massive protests in Washington DC today. 🇺🇸

That’s ROCKINGGGG!!!!

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scotchnaut

My Dead Dad: “Ken Dryden (who almost lost the ’72 Summit Series to the Soviets despite playing in front of 13(!) future Hall of Famers’), passed away yesterday. How does this affect the Leafs? They’ll finish third in the division.”

1
Doktor Zymm

How have I not seen this wifi name before?

1757184706966
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Redshirt

Sure, that’s the Network ID when its still young, but before you know it, its worn out and
(`)(-).

Last edited 7 months ago by Redshirt
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Say goodbye to these, Michael. Because this is the last time.”

(`)(,)

5
WCS

Iowa State victorious in ¡El Assico!, 16-13. A very ¡Assy! contest, worthy of inclusion in the pantheon.

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Redshirt

Way to represent the Big 10, Iowa.

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King Hippo

itchy win >>> rage-filled loss

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SonOfSpam

Undefeated Wolfpack are playoff-bound.

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King Hippo

Ha! Just so long as they beat Belicheat (or his failson, if he bails early as I suspect) in the finale.

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WCS

In the most Iowa drive of all-time, the Hawkeyes took over on their two, down 13-10. They proceeded on a scoring drive of 77 yards in 16 plays, while using 9:26. The score is now tied, 13-13.

¡¡El Assico! never disappoints in its disappointments!

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King Hippo

Only thing I noticed re Iowa was that it smells like manure the whole way through, El Assico is quite apt.

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yeah right

Used to live in Iowa and Illinois and the hog farms are plentiful.

You drive thru Henry County Illinois on a hot and humid day and shit howdy that smell will haunt you to your grave.

2
King Hippo

if one drives US 70 “Down East” in North Cakalaky, you get pockets of the same

1
King Hippo

“everybody but the center” false starts are THE ABSOLUTE TITS

3
BeefReeferLives

Duke just fucked up pretty bad. Had 2 players wearing #8 for a punt on a 4th & 3, so the 5 yard penalty gave Illinois the ball back. /chortles

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2Pack

I don’t know why they even allow that nonsense. Suck it up Buddy that numbers not available, pick another and get over yourself.

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blaxabbath

Jersey numbers on every team should be organized by size. Just like 5 year old soccer.

3
2Pack

I’d make it real easy. Seniors, arranged by GPA in order, pick first. Then Juniors by GPA… etc…

Last edited 7 months ago by 2Pack
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Redshirt

That’s why my skinny ass got #1. They don’t give #1 to the Right Wing Back.

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BeefReeferLives

Duke makes some good plays, then shoots themselves in the dick again…

/Sideshow Bob rake gif

1
Redshirt

There’s 100 available numbers between 0 and 99; pick an available number. If you’re number 101 and over, grab a t-shirt or sweatshirt and try again next spring.

1
WCS

The last Big 12 (16) team to play in Athens, OH was Iowa State in 2023. Ohio won in a shootout, 10-7. Terrific.

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blaxabbath

My Rainbow Warriors (Losers Investment Club: BOWS) host 0-2 Sam Houston State tonight at 9pm. I’m too far away to attend but was greeted with a sign that we are covering this week.

“GO BOWS!”
–
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1000021467
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WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Toh39G6rKEw
Been awake too long, getting weirder than usual.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VtrdqLy0nbQ
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYTW1zzDDvE
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZjkmRTSH2k
Oh, what the piss?! Duke’s Mayonnaise is now the “official (Satan’s jizz) of West Virginia Mountaineers sports.” That was uncalled for, 2025.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uR71UTz2UmM
If you’re reading between the lines, prove it by typing the number fourteen.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3I3-KTJbtY
Time to get the neighbors going. It was surreal when I got back one day and my mom had my brother’s CD of these guys playing on the stereo.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bg8vTSyHFkQ
27-10 WVU is my call.

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Horatio Cornblower

Hello, Allegheny 911? Yes, one of your operators needs a nap.

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WCS

I got this, I got this.

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Mr. Ayo

14

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yeah right

And home.

Most excellent gathering of the tribe.

NOT a most excellent ball game though.

It did give us a reason to leave early and go back to the brewery which was awesome.

10
blaxabbath

This guy and his breweries!

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SonOfSpam

Great seeing you and the other miscreants!

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yeah right

You as well. As always an excellent time was had.

2
scotchnaut

Me: “It’s College ball Saturday, I don’t have to see Jerry Jones’ stupid visage anywhere.”

Dr. Pepper Ad: “Not so fast…”

6
rockingdog

Ummmm this is fool about to declare War on Chicago? Wtf??!???

That doesn’t seem Rocking…

IMG_2922
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BeefReeferLives

“They successfully raid at dawn, with Kilgore ordering a napalm sortie on the local cadres. He and his men then proceed to mercilessly kill, shoot and blow up numerous innocent civilians, showing a complete and utter disregard for civilian and human life, and showing Kilgore as what he is, a bloodthirsty, sadistic and amoral warmonger. This arguably makes him eviler than the film’s main antagonist, Colonel Walter E. Kurtz, as he is willing to involve innocent civilians in his reign of mass murder and destruction, and shows no guilt for his deeds.”

https://villains.fandom.com/wiki/Bill_Kilgore

2
blaxabbath

Donald Trump is the biggest faggot in the world. Full stop.

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SonOfSpam

He did molest kids of both genders.

3
Unsurprised

The cattiest, bitchiest queen of all time.

0
Gatoraids

party of projection is back again with their Obama going to take tTexas in Operation Jade Helm and deployment of fema snipers

2
blaxabbath

The dude dodged Vietnam and is now portraying himself as a tough military leader.

While he fucking rapes kids.

0
Doktor Zymm

All the places he sends troops are the best places to live, it’s a great way to make a list of potential cities to move to

0
2Pack

Had to switch to the Iowa – Iowa State game, Texas game has now turned into a blow out. The spirit of Pay Pay has finally possessed Arch. Thank you AFN for 3 early game options.

2
WCS

¡El Assico!

1
King Hippo

This NC State defense, I call it new fish on maximum security, because we sure are loose at the back.

1
WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xl_mWGyEUm8

No chance in Naraka I’m going to make 14:00 kick. Was done at 06:15, and had Duke WCS’ gymnastics class at 10:00. Haven’t slept, but have had numerous cups of tea!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqm9tg0o0yQ
This is still available in 2025. I’m amazed. And it’s still hysterical.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulsNaD9uDos
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Unsurprised

I never saw that movie, but in my head that scene ends with Mark Wahlberg having his eye knocked own with a piece of word before being shot in the face.

1
2Pack

The Texas derp has abated.

2
BeefReeferLives

Lil Archie PeyPey finally throwed a good pass & is having a happy. Woo.

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Last edited 7 months ago by BeefReeferLives
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King Hippo

Gus Johnson just announced the score as “Iowa State up 3-nil.” I am now certain Gus reads DFO’s footy coverage.

3
Senor Weaselo

Plot twist: The governor is Gus Johnson’s burner account.

We just need Gus Johnson to say The King’s Afrikan Water Pistols.

1
King Hippo

oh, I am ALL ABOUT that rumoUr….

0
King Hippo

Wahoowa 5/6 on 3rd down conversions.

Their 1 miss set up 4th and 1, they ran up the gut for a 38-yard TD.

Jesus, FUCK.

1
2Pack

The Texas derp continues.

1
King Hippo

Did scotchy and Horatio (and/or Lowratio) make a #ShameBet on SillyCuse/UConn?

0
scotchnaut

Somebody (me) almost forgot they were playing. Sillycuse losing 7-0.

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Horatio Cornblower

I wouldn’t bet on UConn football for love or money.

They’re up 14-6 at the half, something I do not expect to continue.

0
WCS

¡El Assico! is ¡here!

1
King Hippo

Methodists lead the Baptists, 7-nil. After 12 seconds in Dallas.

0
WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyw4520E26Q

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2
Unsurprised

Those titties ain’t dead, though

1
King Hippo

Real Talk, y’all. That annoying, anthropmorphic buffalo with wings/weird face shape gal Buffalo Wild Wings ad…creeps me the FUCK OUT

1
BeefReeferLives

Disturbing and annoying at the same time.

1
yeah right

Week 3 international break? The fuck, Prem?

0
2Pack

Series A too. World Cup qualifying games going on all weekend.

But let’s muddle through with some of this, shall we?

FB_IMG_1757171501826
2
ballsofsteelandfury

Fly girls indeed!!

1
Horatio Cornblower

Look, Yeah Right, how else are we supposed to see Portugal beat Armenia 5-0?

1
King Hippo

Hippo be all liek

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDZV8TdnCoo

1
WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZ_i3Ar8yZ4

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1
Senor Weaselo

“Neither of these squadrons is any good, but UVA at least showed a little spunk (PHRASING) in their opener. My Wolven Sort? Just our typical chucklefuckery. Two ACC teams, but this is a nonconference game, because that’s just how this Timeline rolls.”

It’s “outside the scheduling rotation.”

This is one of the stupidest things I have ever heard.

3
ballsofsteelandfury

I’ve got their scheduling rotation hanging

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