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Your Sunday Evening Denouement

scotchnaut

/

, ,

Didn’t think I’d be busting out that word, huh? Bet you’re thinking I didn’t spell it correctly the first three times either, right? You’d be on the nose there.

To The Game!

Falcons/Vikings:

-I don’t know exactly what “rushing success rate” entails but Atlanta was 2nd in the league last year at 47.5% behind Bijan’s work but last week they were 2nd-worst at 28.6%.

-Given the state of Minny’s interior defense (mostly injuries) they are susceptible to a running attack at the moment.

-McCarthy’s play last week seemed like typical behavior in that he struggled with speed/processing for quite a while but then showed a few of the skills that made him a first round pick in 2024. He’ll be a bit of a mixed bag through the season.

-Did you want clarity with respect to the Aaron Jones/Jordan Mason backfield situation/split? No. Not yours. Turns out they alternated pretty much every series. Mason is the more explosive of the two and if that manifests itself in big plays he’ll pull ahead.

Have at it.

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Beerguyrob

When I wrote the Falcons preview, I would have bet you thousands of pennies that the Vikings would have curb stomped the Falcons tonight.

3
Redshirt

Touchdown? What in the hell is a touchdown?!

5
Sharkbait

Arthur Blank on the field with Atlanta up big. Come on vikings. Do the thing…

2
Redshirt

This game would’ve cost me One Thousand, Three Hundred Ninety-Nine Dollars and Fifty-One Cents.

6
Horatio Cornblower

Arthur Blank looks terrible.

0
Gatoraids

status last 82 years give or take

1
fleshwound_NPG

LOL VIKES

0
BeefReeferLives

“-Given the state of Minny’s interior defense (mostly injuries) they are susceptible to a running attack at the moment.”

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Last edited 7 months ago by BeefReeferLives
2
Redshirt

(commercial playing during the Super Bowl, but no on the same channel as the Super Bowl)

Lawyer sitting on a desk: “Did you watch the Sunday Night Football game on September 14, 2025, between the Atlanta Falcons and the Minnesota Vikings? If so, you may be entitled to financial compensation.”

6
Gatoraids

all the field goals giving me restless leg syndrome

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS GUY GATORAIDS I CALL HIM NOT CHARLIE KIRK…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljIQo1OHkTI

3
fleshwound_NPG

if it werent for the bears fuckin the dog in the 4th quarter last week the vikes would be hitting the panic button right now

0
Unsurprised

What’s “dog” a nickname for?

0
herodotus450

THREE of the field goals in this game have been from a distance of 33 yards, and as we all know a field goal is worth THREE points, and when you add up the jersey numbers of the two kickers and the Atlanta holder you get 135 which divided by 3 is 45 which divided by 3 is 15 which divided by 5 is THREE and if you add up all of those 3’s you get 9 plus the number of presidents born in either Minnesota or Georgia or Texas and divide by THREE you get… four. Oh, thought I was really on to something there but i guess it’s nothing.

4
Redshirt

Still more interesting than this game.

1
Don T

Exactly what this game needs: more toothpick

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I thought the Land Baron was retired.

0
Gatoraids

–Razor Ramon

3
BeefReeferLives

comment image

7
Gatoraids

Drake London and his .8 pts this game so far

1
Gatoraids

CALL THIS GAME EPSTEIN ISLAND BECAUSE A YOUNGHOE GOING TO BE SCARED FOR LIFE BY IT

10
Horatio Cornblower

Watched the Yankees come up short (no offense, Lo’) against the Red Sox, then finished the A section of the Times.

Turned to the game at the beginning of the 4th quarter to find that I’ve missed…well, basically nothing.

Is it Thursday already?

3
Sharkbait

This game is ass.

5
LemonJello

Bah gawd, that’s…that’s BallsofSteelandFury’s music! He’s here! He’s in the building tonight!!!

7
fleshwound_NPG

“this meeting could’ve been an email.”

“this game could’ve been a thursday night matchup.”

7
Horatio Cornblower

Great minds type the same thing one minute apart, and so on and so forth.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

120 Minutes Project Playlist Update: THIS ONE GOES OUT TO YOU, CHARLIE! IT’S ALMOST LIKE YOU WERE TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL OR SOMETHING!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNZpkimAZSI

1
Horatio Cornblower

She was great with The Replacements

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UdqWQQhQexw

3
fleshwound_NPG

i never want to hear “the nfc north is a great division” ever again

it never was. it never will.

THE BEARS HAD THE BEST RECORD IN THE DIVISION IN JANUARY GAMES LAST YEAR. THEY MISSED THE PLAYOFFS.

2
Redshirt

…and JJ McCarthy is getting his foot taped up. Between Josh Allen breaking his nose, Justin Field’s concussion and Joe Burrow’s turf toe, this has been a rough day in the office for QBs.

0
Unsurprised

Did the Cleveland Browns take over the league on Saturday or something?

0
WCS

Devine Deablo is a kick ass name. Pity he’s a Chokie.

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3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He was a Raider for a while.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Nick Frost?

1
WCS

Simon Pegg

2
WCS

Of course he was. He’ll finish career on the Eagles or Kansas City, too.

0
WCS

O HAI BLEERGH

0
litre_cola

Shanklor was tired from his morning shift

1
litre_cola

We sure this isn’t a Thursday night game?

5
litre_cola

Flat earth

0
litre_cola

Birds aren’t real.

1
litre_cola

Moon landing was fake.

0
WCS

Donald Trump is a pederast.

Oh, wait, that one’s accurate.

5
Redshirt

DNC Leadership is fearful of change because it could result in them losing influence and control of the party.

Aw, dammit. That’s also true!

3
litre_cola

Less orange in person. Just as unhinged

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, not at all.

1
Don T

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8
Wakezilla

Question for you fitness gurus. I’ve lost 10 lbs over the past two weeks. To keep up the momentum, I’ve been hitting the gym regularly, eating clean with a calorie deficit, and avoiding cheat meals or grazing.

But when I weighed myself today, I was up 2.5 lbs. I’m so pissed off.

Same scale, same routine. Any idea what could be going on? I’m honestly dumbfounded.

3
Gatoraids

exposure to Miami dolphins “football”?

3
Wakezilla

You know, you could be right. Watching the Miami Dolphins’ interpretation of football, and Manchester United’s attempt of playing lesser footy in one day will raise the blood pressure

0
WCS

Water weight, muscle mass, broken scale…

3
WCS

comment image

5
Redshirt

Water weight was the 10 pounds, but you are gaining weight with muscle (muscle weighs more than fat). If you need to lose fat, incorporate walking/jogging into your weekly schedule. If you do not need to lose fat, continue to hit the gym and eventually the fat will melt away and the muscles will remain.

3
Doktor Zymm

Water

4
blaxabbath

Natural variance.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Muscle weighs more than fat, so as you gain muscle you will gain weight as well.

It’s more about body-fat percentage and BMI and all that stuff I don’t understand but it boils down to as long as your pants are looser in the waist, (on those rare occasions you have to wear pants, of course), you’re on the right track.

1
Wakezilla

So, has Burrow considered toe amputation? Also, ‘turf toe’ is such a minimizing name for how much it actually hurts

4
Unsurprised

The Ol’ Ronnie Lott

0
herodotus450

Betting it all on Atlanta, because Parker Romo Can’t Lose!
/this joke is only for the people who missed it when I made the same joke yesterday

2
Gatoraids

unless its December

1
WCS

https://youtube.com/watch?v=wsIW_CqXYCQ&si=fvxsjCiwkFIzpBTs

STILLERS GAHN TA THE TOILET BOWL

Hi, everyone. How are things? Here to pester yinz till dawn again.

2
Downfield Matriculator

This game has more kicks than Route 66

/ducks rotten fruit

2
herodotus450

Minnesota Kicker Will Reichard apparently says “Engage” to the holder whenever he’s ready for the snap.

3
Gatoraids

this is more interesting than the game so far, and I have a ff game this week with my brother and have deciding Drake London vs Jones and Jefferson riding on it

monoii
0
Brick Meathook

So I went to the taco cart across from the Vons. I tested out my Spanish and tried to order one pastor taco and one chorizo taco, but, according to bystanders, instead I inadvertently said “which one of you two homos wants to blow me first?” They never said a thing, and gave me a pastor and a chorizo taco. WEIRD.

https://ibb.co/FqKHQsRV
https://ibb.co/HTycbgcQ

5
blaxabbath

Got enough sauce on there?

0
Doktor Zymm

Wow, I watched a lot of sister boniface yesterday

0
Brick Meathook

A lot of you asked, so this is to confirm I’m at Pick-Up Spot #2.

https://ibb.co/NnFJ1dKt

2
Doktor Zymm

How many NFL players do you think get their toenails painted? I’m sure plenty of them get pedicures, so why not get some team colors on there?

0
Redshirt

How do you say a primetime game is boring without saying it?

2
Doktor Zymm

It’s nawt even the best for field goals today!

0
Gatoraids

even europe is asleep and they like field goals

0
Gatoraids

game so boring we haven’t mentioned desires of Collinsworth going on a campus debate tour

2
Redshirt

We broke Burrow again.

IMG_1914
1
LemonJello

Rex Ryan would like to get a copy of those foot photos.

3
Gatoraids

fuck me Bengaaaaaaaaals, you are wiiiiild

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6fSzX5aS5I

1
Gatoraids

Crack ex Dolphins back specialists on their way

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XBWU_COD2w

3
Doktor Zymm

Punch Out!
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4
Gatoraids

penix seeking pitts who can blame him

0
LemonJello

See what happens when Penix tries to force it in a tight space?

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“It’s too bad there’s absolutely nothing that exists which could ease its passage.” – Ben Shapiro

4
Doktor Zymm

I think it’s time to move from hammock chair to full hammock, with all the potential napping that may apply

4
Redshirt

Where can you find a hammock?

0
Doktor Zymm

comment image

3
The Maestro

I would try the Hammock District, personally.

6
Doktor Zymm

Gotten at least 2 texts that are pro-Kirk. Resisting the urge to tell them to fuck off and blocking/reporting without a read instead

2
Redshirt

Hey, if we didn’t have Browning, Cousins would be landing at CVG faster than you can say… oh, sorry, wrong Kirk. As you were.

2
Doktor Zymm

Penix asking for it?

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID

3
Jimbo

Wow Robinson almost got away, not the first time that’s been said this week.

5
The Maestro

Lady Maestro is too tired and pregnant to cook and has also been grazing all day long so she isn’t hungry. I’ve been boozing all day so not really in the mood to cook for myself. Chef Boyardee with a side of cheese curds and croutons is an acceptable Sunday dinner for one, yes?

4
Doktor Zymm

Three items? SURE MR FANCY PANTS

4
scotchnaut

Twice a year I mix tomato soup and Boyardee ravioli together because I want to re-visit my 10 year-old self alone in the house at 4pm on a random weekday.

3
Redshirt

I withdrew $1,000 to help pay down my car loan, but I kept the $400 to play with house money as a sacrifice to GAMBLOR for his blessings.

5
scotchnaut

I think we can all agree that picking the Cowboys in Survivor was a genius move on my part even though the heart palpitations required a visit to my local astrologist.*

*luckily, my moon was in the 7th house

7
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I didn’t get to use this earlier because I was out of the house but if NFL teams are going to shoehorn in this “moment of silence” bullshit then I can shoehorn things in too.

–

THIS GUY ANDY REID LEMME TELL YOU WHEN HE SITS DOWN AND STARTS EATING I CALL HIM TURNING POINT USA FOUNDER CHARLIE KIRK BECAUSE IT’S LIKE HE’S GOT A HOLE IN HIS NECK. 

6
Doktor Zymm

Strong peppermints make me sneeze a LOT. Gotta make sure to bring some Altoids to any game I go to just in case I need to disrupt a moment of silence w/o getting doxxed

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You could always self-whoopee…

comment image

0
Doktor Zymm

I like Dan Campbell because he says ‘um’ nearly as much as I do when speaking!

0
Doktor Zymm

Oh dear, I forgot next week is Dallas @ Bears. Figure shit out Caleb!

0
fleshwound_NPG

DangeRuss put 400+ yards on the cowpersons

44-41 written all over it

2
Doktor Zymm

Take the over, check

0
fleshwound_NPG

unless chicago has a dumb weather event, which is always above 0% happening

0
Doktor Zymm

From now to Halloween is the best weather in Chicago, but watch there be hail or some shit

0
Redshirt

If it can be half as batshit crazy as this afternoon’s game…

0
fleshwound_NPG

amazing comeback against the giants today. now go 1-16, fucking assholes

1
Unsurprised

Kaep didn’t own the team. This is America. Money rules and everything else is bullshit.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Charlie Kirk gave his life so that people like the guy who shot him could bear arms.

4
Horatio Cornblower

Look, if you didn’t think Dallas was going to make a big deal about a well known public figure getting shot to death, resulting in all sorts of crazy conspiracy theories that will never die out no matter what, I’m not sure what to tell you.

6
Unsurprised

Fuck Dallas. Fuck Texas. Fuck Jerry Jones, AT&T, Goodell, the NFL, and everyone else associated with this cancer of an organization.

2
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