Let’s go. Where?
To The Games!
Pack/Browns:
Cleveland isn’t much to look at on O but the rush D is a beast-only allowing 92 yards on the ground so far. Look for rook rb Judkins to get a full work load this week in the hopes of keeping the team out of 3rd and long situations which has been a problem so far.
Colts/Titans:
Ward has been sacked 11 times already and even though Indy doesn’t have that much of a pass rush they are getting back a starting DT. No team has gone three straight games without punting since 1940. You knew I was going to point it out-projection-wise, QB Jones is ranked as #8. What a world.
Bengals/Vikes:
My backup qb is better than yours. As far as experience goes the winner is Carson Wence, the first at his position to start for six different teams in six years. He faces a Cincy D that has been on the field more than only three other teams and is surrendering 3rd down conversions at a non-healthy 51% rate.
Steelers/Pats:
Pitt is not playing their game-their rush game is only averaging 3 per attempt (maybe it wasn’t Najee’s fault?) and the D is giving up 30+ points per tilt on average. Some reporters have heard cries of, “Get me three gallons of chicken blood, Stat!” in the halls of Steelers headquarters.
Rams/Eagles:
Hurts doesn’t have a throwing TD yet but McVay has likened him to Magneto in that, “he can beat you with his mind”, at least that’s how I interpret it. The Rams D has a -11% pass expectation rate, which means they’re playing right into Hurts and Saquon’s strengths.
Jets/Bucs:
It’s early but NY is leaning on Garrett Wilson to an extent that his 37% target rate has only been exceeded twice over the course of a season. Someone else, Bueller?, needs to step up. Funny how a ‘shitty attitude’ suddenly morphs into a ‘confident swagger’ when you’re in the right situation and have been allowed for your talent to flourish, right Baker? Browns beat reporters that carried water for the team, I see you.
Raiders/Commies:
Washington let tight end Kraft go for 124 last week and now Bowers comes to town. One surprise from this Carroll-led team is that Geno has tossed a long ball (over 30 air yards) at the second-highest rate. With Daniels having a wonky knee (I’ve heard this before…) the O may lean on the rook rb a bit more.
Falcons/Panthers:
Bryce Young’s growth continues to be stunted and things may not get much better against an Atlanta team that registered 6 sacks last week. Bijan should have another good day-Carolina allows 2.5 to opposing ball carriers after contact, 3rd-most in the league.
Texans/Jags:
It’s the battle of the disappointing fantasy wr’s-Collins. Thomas Jr. Who ya got? Houston has a chance to fall to 0-3 for the first time since 2020 but should take care of business here. Their pass rush is something but their run game stop percentage rate is a lowly 27.5 so start Etienne without any qualms. Travis Hunter hasn’t passed Dyami Brown in the wr pecking order yet-that has to change soon.
Have at it.
All the strip clubs in Tampa are swapping their mourning pasties for creamsicle pasties
Breaking: Local Weasel Calls Inevitable Ending
We’ll always have the Jets.
(look out, Bearistocrats! These guys clearly want their comedy crown back)
Oh hey, Yahoo actually fixed the thing where a player who was out still was projected to score more points
Eggie got his feet down.
The No Fun League disagrees.
I thought he got them down as well.
We are goin’ past bananacakes and straight to plaid in Tampa.
This is literally me right now.
https://youtu.be/9E2T0te8ROk?feature=shared&t=79
“The surprising return of Jim Brown” is so great.
First Browns, now Jets?? Well I guess we have no choice but to groove to it
“Oh, don’t worry about us.” – the New York Jets
Two blocked kicks for touchdowns in five minutes
Sudden… CHANGE?
/Gonna get back into FG range for a 29-27 final, I already know
“Chicken Blood Seeps Into Jets Locker Room!”
Okay Machines, at least make the Matrix seem plausible!
JETS AND BROWNS DID A GOOD AT THE SAME TIME
THE END ACTUALLY IS NIGH
Oh my god Tampa Bay?!
A block-six to allow the Jets to take the lead? That’s very 70s Tampa so the jersey choice was ideal.
Bananacakes in Tampa Bay!!!
Just… how?!
DDDDUUUUUUUVVVVAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bahahahahahahaha