Be thee warned in advance, I started a round of prednizone Sunday morning, so I am grumpy as fuck. Also…gesticulates at Wolven Sort. This will be less than half-arsed.
We mandatorily got up and watched a shitshow from Ireland, Yinzburgh beating SKOL 24-21 (score deceptively close thanks to ample garbage time production).
Seven in the early window, and many of these were also not-really-inspiring. Philly away to MRSA Men looked good on paper, but it seemed well in hand despite a mammoth, 65-yard FG to end the half (24-6 to the Iggles). But these squadrons are both TOTES Drama Queens, and long TD strikes to Egbuka and Irving cut this thing down to a 1-score margin, for most/perhaps all of Q4. But Philly juuuuuusssssttttt held in time on two late drives, ending the score on an intentional safety at 31-25. Baker showed his full arsenal (good and bad), but his magick finally ran out.
Jaxson Dart…winner?? Strange but true, in a game otherwise mostly notable for deaths (Malik Nabers, Clips’ other OT). The 2nd death would prove decisive, as Herbert the Duck was quacking for his life all day long. They didn’t get the ball to Omarion Hampton (who had a TD, but STILL – twelve carries? 17 total touches?) nearly enough, and it bit ’em. Vertically Enhanced Persons hold on for the Very Pyrrhic 21-18 home win.
Those of us who have (or have had) outdoor cats know the “playing with their food” routine, when the little predator gets bored mid-kill. That was Buffalo, pretty much all day. They were knotted at 7 after the first Saints drive, and looked to be down 22-21 before VAR came to their rescue (rightly). The post-VAR placement made it 21-19 instead, Brokeback settled everyone down and drove for the kill shot TD. Bills Mafia added a late FG of their own for the final margin,.31-19. Hey, you fuck up and only win by 12, might be a pretty good team/season.
Detroit was the other mainstream (and Hippo’s) Survivor pool pick, and they started much like the Bills – but thankfully righted the ship a bit quicker. After digging a nil-7 hole, they used all 3 phases (but offense the least) to close on a 34-3 run to put #ThePauls firmly back in their place. Welcome back to first place, Fuck LioUns (pending SNF).
Sherman’s Ashes were absolute dogshit last week, somehow losing by 30 to the Panthers. Back home in front of a sparse, listless crowd…the offense was firing on all cylinders again. London, Pitts, BOTH tailbacks found the endzone in a comfortable-if-not-dominant 34-27 win over the Commies. We are all week to week, especially at the NFL level. Still no real idea who Washington is this season.
Speaking of those Black Panthers, would they build on last week’s momentum? Yeah, that’ll be a NO. Early TD lead, but missed the extra point. But the P*ts took the lead for good with a punt reurn tuddy, followed by 5 other, mostly effortless TD drives. Red Rocket garbage time made it 42-13, New England runaway and hide winners.
Despite coming into the fixture 0-3, the 500s kept a clean sheet and beat DonT’s sorry-just-no-excude-they’s-FLAT Tits, 26-nil. Woody Marks, welcome to fantasy relevance. Tennessee is 0-4, and God help DonT if he really has to listen to Beth Mowins and the even worse Ross Tucker most weeks. YEESH.
Four in the latesies, with Romo and Nantz ball-gargling 1-2 Balmer away to the 1-2 Chefs. I paid almost no attention to this, even early. It’s mandatory WATCH, not mandatory GOODLY ATTENTION PAID. I started Tyquan Thornton, so that jinxing is on me. Cooper Rush entered for Lamar! at 13-30, and YIKES no MOAR needs saying. Ended 37-20.
Santa Clara still strikes me as barely cromulent, but they come into this week at 3-0, and you’d think hosting the Jaguras would be easy-peasy. But that’s why they play the games, innit? Duuuuuvvvvaaaalllll even got a 4th down stop, up 26-14 in Q4. Toonces the Driving Cat (the Cat who could back up George Kittle) scored to close the margin to 5, before JAX missed a midrance FG to give Purdy Mouth a clear shot at the comeback. How about a 4th turnover to break the Tomsulas’ back? Don’t mind if they do! Jaguras prevail, 26-21.
Chi**** had maybe 60% of the Vegas crowd. Jeebus, you can’t say they don’t outkick their coverage, in the amount of loyalty/support they get. Team is ass, though. Know who else is ass? Geno Smith. But Ashton Jeanty finally had his long-awaited breakout game, scoring thrice. But a late drive put the Bearistocrats! up 25-24 (missed the two), and Geno took the reins with 1:27 to play and this line – 11 for 18, 98 yards, THREE pickerceptions. And that was almost the line of the WINNING quartered back (after a few easy check downs, following an excellent kickoff return) – except Chi**** blocked a 54-yard FG attempt. Everyone in the NFC North is at least .500 again.
The game I really was interested in? RRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! hosting the Fat Humps. Two teams looking to muscle their way into the “legitimate, semi-scary playoff team” echelon. You may have had a bad day at the office before, but I bet you ain’t NEVAR had Adonai Mitchell’s day. Q3, he DSJ-drops the ball fucking around before the goal line (at 10-13 down, negating a long TD reception). Q4, he gets called for an unecessary downfield holding BLEERGH, negating a long TD run (at 20-20, around the 2-minute mark). Indy would punt, and then lose 27-20 on a Fatty to Tutu Atwell bomb a few seconds later. Guess who is getting cut in the morning?
You want to talk about “only here so I don’t get fined?” Having to watch Packers/Non-Gendered Cowpersons on SNF. It’s mandatory WATCH, not mandatory LISTEN TO FUCKING COLLINSWORTH. I even had the unpleasant sensation of strongly pulling for Green Bay to win (or AT LEAST Most Gloriously DRAW). It’s like reading Bill Kristol every weekday morning, and agreeing with him. Which NEVAR stops feeling odd, lemme tell ya. Anyway, between Romeo Doubs killing my soul with TD catches inside the fucking 2, the ‘Persons at least managed a 2-point blocked XP return. That was fun! But nowhere near enough, until the Packers got super lazy, then even stupider than lazy. Fuck, I don’t want to write any further. Will watch 2H from upstairs in bed, as God intended.
Mercifully, Monday Night will NOT be mandatory. Staggered doubleheader of Fish/Jest and Bungles/Donks. Wow, Shield. Just WOW.
Next thread is up.
Pregame!
lmk if see any Chubb and/or Charmslinger shirts!
Not so far, although bartender has a Manning
Heading to a brewery near the stadium that’s supposed to have an amazing horchata beer. Then 5 minute walk to watch whatever bengals/broncos ends up being!
There are 3 groups outside the hotel in broncos jerseys looking for their uber
Unsurprisingly, I was nawt the only person to have this idea. This place is hopping! Decent Bengals representation, maybe like 5% of jerseys
Judging by the reaction of Ravens fans I was worried they’d burn the city down, then I realized you wouldn’t really notice the difference.
I don’t watch much college but this guy seems too old to run for anything.
https://thehill.com/homenews/campaign/5527257-finebaum-potential-senate-candidate/amp/
I’m listening to 911 calls for a case I’m working on and the caller starts out with “I didn’t witness this but I just saw a sliver car hit another car in the back and then leave”
Ma’am, that’s literally what witnessing something means, and on the theory that WCS puts up with crap like this 40+ hours a week I am UPSing a crate of Dr. Pepper to Allegheny 911 right now. Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeesus Christ.
“Not a witness, just a guy who saw things”
“Not a criminal, just a guy who steals stuff”
“Not a cop, just a C- student in high school”
A few years ago, we had some junkies living in our neighborhood. One day they were walking down the street, holding a television they stole from their father.
My wife reported it and gave her name. So she got called to court.
I remember my father in law shaking his head and saying, “You called the cops? You gave them your name? I thought i raised you better.”
I thought the Maryland state motto was STOP SNITCHIN’!
I think the advertising campaign failed to reach her. i was so pissed at her.
..
I wouldn’t eat a fish caught in Ohio, but I also don’t consider them friends.
Food FOAR thought (and The JVL welcomes cutting and pasting to share the Good Word beyond the paywall):
We Are in the Worst-Case Scenario
The November 2024 version of you would be shocked at what the September 2025 version accepts as reality.
Jonathan V. Last
Sep 29, 2025
∙ Paid
(Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images)
1. Plans
After Trump’s re-election I did my best to imagine how things might go better than we feared.
Then I laid out my worst-case scenario. You can revisit it here, if you like to wallow. I’ll give you the short version:
We are only nine months in and these mile markers are all far in the rearview mirror. I want to talk about this today for a few reasons:
This will not be a fun exercise. We should do it anyway.
2. JVL Is Sometimes Wrong
Let’s start with my failures of imagination. In trying to forecast the worst-case scenario I did not foresee that Trump would:
I’m sure you can think of other things that have happened since January 20 that weren’t on my radar last November, even when I was in four-alarm-fire mode.
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The most alarming developments have been the crossing of what I viewed as worst-case red lines: the politicization of the law and the military.
It started with the blanket pardon of January 6th convicts. Then there was the Justice Department firing a parade of attorneys until they found someone willing to dismiss the government’s case against Eric Adams. Then the FBI raid on John Bolton’s house. Then the firing of federal attorneys until Trump found someone who would indict James Comey.
And obviously: the government’s total indifference to any legally questionable conduct from Trump allies.
As for the military, Trump has made it clear that his secretary of defense’s remit is making the officer class more pliant. Hegseth has removed high-ranking officers and purged the JAG corps. The illegal strikes on civilian boats off the coast of Venezuela seem designed to test the limits of order-following: When asked to cite which legal authority sanctioned the attacks, no individual within the administration has been able to provide one. Trump is already using the military in open defiance of the law because he understands that once you get one soldier to break the law for you, the next soldier will be easier to convince.
Finally, there’s tomorrow’s meeting at Quantico.
Remember when Trump threw a military parade to celebrate his birthday? Now he’s convening an in-person meeting of every senior military officer in which he plans to address them. Maybe it’ll all be very innocent and proper.
But I would not bet on it.
So that’s how far we’ve traveled in nine months.
It is useful to imagine what your reaction would have been, on November 5, 2024, if I described our current reality to you. Would you have thought that this was about what you expected? Or would you have thought that we had already shot past your worst-case scenario? I’d like you to pause for a moment and think about that. Then discuss it in the comments.
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The second thing I’d like you to discuss is this: Understanding the curve we’re on now, where do you see us in thirteen months?
In the next year we will start to get a sense of whether or not Trump is willing to part with power. If the midterm elections proceed in a regular and orderly way, and Democrats retake one or both houses of Congress, and the new Congress is seated properly, then I will feel more confident about liberalism’s resilience.
My worst-case scenario for this period is that Trump attempts to tamper with the elections in some way. He has already done this by pushing Texas and Missouri to redistrict ahead of schedule. Perhaps he will interfere in other “legal” but irregular ways. Perhaps he will interfere in extralegal ways.
And perhaps he will use the power of the state against elections in the way he has used the power of the law against justice.
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3. Smooth Criminals
On the Secret pod Sarah and I talked about a bunch of stuff, but what got people animated was my contention that Henry Kissinger probably isn’t a war criminal. There was a good conversation about this view in the pod comments. I want to make two clarifications that I think will add some value.
First, some people took my defense of Kissinger as “not a war criminal” to be an endorsement of the man and all his works. That is absolutely not what I intended. Classifying someone as “not a war criminal” is the most limited line-drawing imaginable and is a million miles away from approval.
Analogy: If I said that Elon Musk was not a serial killer, this would not be an endorsement or a way of excusing, say, his part in the destruction of USAID and the resultant death and misery caused by that act. It’s just me observing that whatever else Musk may be, he is not a person who engages in a string of ritualized murders.
Kissinger: not a war criminal ≠ Kissinger: great statesman.
Second, I think the disconnect here is related to the term “war criminal” itself and whether we believe there are a great many war criminals in the world or we reserve the term for a relatively small number of exceptionally bad actors.
I understand people who want to use the term expansively. Their argument is that anyone who takes or authorizes actions that violate the codified laws of war is a war criminal.
This definition makes some sense, but is too expansive to be of much use. Can you list the American presidents who would not be war criminals under such a broad categorization? And not just American leaders: Just about every leader of a country that engaged in modern warfare would be considered a war criminal. Is Harry Truman a war criminal? Winston Churchill? And not just the leaders, but their ministers of defense and flag officers and on and on.
Like I said: If you want to draw the line in that way, I get it. I just don’t think it’s a useful way to describe reality. To my mind, “war criminal” should be reserved for extraordinary situations. When we refer to someone as a war criminal, it should be closer to what we mean when we talk about crimes against humanity.
The reason we should have a more restrictive standard is because if everyone is considered to be a “war criminal,” then the term loses its deterrence value.
If everyone’s a war criminal, then no one is.
One last thing: A number of people suggested that I consult Christopher Hitchens’s book on Kissinger. I’ve added it to my reading list. But I would say—with respect—that Hitch was an entertaining writer and a gifted polemicist. Many people I am close to were friends with him and attest to his good nature.
But . . . his judgment was not always top-notch? Early in life he was a Trotskyite; later he was two-fists in on the wisdom of the Iraq war.1 He thought Mother Teresa was, if not a literal war criminal, then something close to it.
None of this invalidates his arguments on Kissinger. I mention it only by way of illustrating that Hitch was not an infallible guide.
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1
It was—is—possible to make a case for the war in Iraq. And I’ve argued many times that Iraqis are better off today than they would have been with Saddam’s regime left in place. But it was a close call; a judgment call. And reasonable people can disagree.
What was remarkable about Hitchens’ support for the war was how unreserved and militant it was. He did not seem capable of recognizing potential tail risks. That sort of thinking always made me nervous.
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Of course he won’t, what do you think 1/6 was about?
Well, I called my mom and asked her if she took Tylenol when she was pregnant with me.
She said only when she had a hangover.
Made you the man you are today!
lol yeah. Trump’s a real Cincinnatus alright.
I ain’t reading all that.
Did Everton lose again?
The general public will take notice when media decides they have enough and starts doing a drumbeat on whatever they think will be effective. I know I sound like I’m wearing a tinfoil hat, but I watch this shit (NBC News) when I wander past my M-I-L, and a lot of this is reported, but not repeated. “Today, ICE detained 200 South Koreans for a week in cages, some of which were here in the US legally. Next up, a three-legged dog named Tripod!”
The majority of Americans aren’t going to care in any meaningful way until the economy (or at least the perception of the economy) goes sour.
‘perception’ being the key word.
Exactly. Biden’s economy was chugging along quite nicely, but based on how people reacted to the inevitable inflation that COVID stimulus money printing caused (and that the Fed managed pretty deftly) you’d have thought we were Weimar Germany.
This 1000%. Until it hits Americans in the wallet nothing matters.
We’re a very stupid and greedy people.
Do you understand that a large plurality of Americans across the political spectrum have a reasonable distrust of establishment media for, at the least, the last 25 years of warmongering, fear mongering, propagandizing, flip flopping, and outright fucking fraud perpetrated by every major media organ? The Washington Post’s motto isn’t a warning; it’s a promise. Reading the New York Times has to be done like Soviets had to read Pravda. The Guardian was completely co-opted by the British security services back in 2013 because the crown can do whatever it wants to its media, and does. Murdoch turned the Wall Street Journal into a great paper with an insane Op-Ed page to an insane Op-Ed delivery mechanism. Even the no-bullshit Financial Times, a paper that has no reason to lie because every industry in the world relies on being brutally honest, has become a joke whenever certain subjects come up. And, well, the actions of the most prestigious journalism school on the planet speak for themselves.
/Dismissive wanking gesture
Morning Football Shows (Photorealistic Interpretation)
Lol
God, please let that be true.
One way to check …
I don’t care if it isn’t, it’s hilarious!
I’ll still be skipping the Halftime Show to keep the streak going but I approve of the choice.
Just finished my annual security training, it’s actually one of the better ones I’ve seen so the only bit I’ll make fun of is the line “you’ve probably heard about AI”
“I have indeed!”
I’ve got the Golf Channel on while they conduct on autopsy on the Ryder Cup and it is hilarious.
Hey, wanna see Eddie Vedder tell a story about how important music is, then jam to Zeppelin for a minute, then do Rearview Mirror? From Friday night at Dana Point? Sure you do, and you deserve it!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOu9QDLYdc0&list=RDNOu9QDLYdc0&start_radio=1
Da bears…. did a good?
Imma need some moments on this
It’s more that da bears did a not quite as bad as the raiders
Yeah, it was really some finger painting with shite out there.
Speaking of that word, for the first time today I saw someone refer to our Presidency as the “Shite House” and I’m 100% on board.
https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/malik-nabers-injury-update-giants-star-wr-suffered-torn-acl-against-chargers-per-report/
In retrospect, after three games of Wilson, there was just too much rust on the chain.
There goes my best WR! But Dak, bless him, despite his derpy Dakitude, got Big Points for me.
Dak’s a great FF option, because FF doesn’t;t take place in the post-season.
Dak’s ham head brought home the bacon!
Welp, if the Packers couldn’t lose, at least they only tied.
I’m pretty sure they can only beat good teams, which is excellent news for the Bears!
Washington doesn’t have much of a personality right now because they are banged up as all hell. Every position group on offense has at least 1 person out, with something stupid like 3 receivers down. A bit better on defense in that it’s mostly (but nawt entirely) just the secondary with buttloads of injuries. Good news is injuries are mostly not season ending. An earlier bye would be nice, but some dudes should be back before then, and almost everyone back after, so if they can drag along at .500 until then it should be some good football after and healthy just in time for a wildcard run (although probably still too early to add more than a game to the post-Snyder count)
Collinsworth kept me from watching the game last night, jeebus fuck is he horrible.
He sounded extra horrible last night, I didn’t think he could get worse, but he surprised me. .
really didnt miss an opportunity to gargle Jerry Jones even more than normal. Jac must be angling for next Head Coach of the cowboys
Bengals and Math Monday Morning Joke:
“On a scale of 1-10, how confident are you going into tonight’s game?”
“A scale of 1-10? -10.”
Wanted to add that Europe retained the Ryder Cup (“won” it, technically since they finished with 15 points). Presidential propagandist Bryson DeChambreau delivered a draw when his team needed a win and finished the event with a record of 1-3-1.
Same as the Cowboys after next week!
Personally I’m hoping for 1-2-2.
Back from vacation. If there’s a way to gently glide back into work after a week+ off, I haven’t found it.
We stayed at a Quality Inn in Bluefield WV. I’m mentioning this because it was the most disgusting hotel room that I’ve ever been in. We were too beat to say fuck it and find another room, because Bluefield isn’t exactly a bustling metropolis. Hotel needs to be burned down, and another built in its place. So gross. I picked it, and I apologized to the missus for the entire next day. I think I’ll go apologize to her some more.
Beach was nice and quiet. Went to Ocracoke, was touristy.
WV tourism photo. We did a little blue highways side trip on US 60/US 19 from Charleston to Beckley. When I grew up we made that trip a few times, before the New River Gorge bridge was built. Passed through Randy Moss’ hometown of Rand WV. This is the Hawk’s Nest State Park scenic overlook. Saw it as a kid, lo those many years ago. Got there at the magic hour totally by accident.
It’s fun to mock the people West Virginia, but the landscape sure does provide some pretty pictures.
I do miss the hills. Then I pass a sign that says, “Charlie Kirk, Patriot,” and I think there’s NFW I’m moving back.
Dumb joke: guy goes to heaven and is getting the tour. Here’s your harp, there’s God’s house, etc. Guy sees a bunch of angels behind a barbed wire fence. “What’s with those angels behind the fence?” “They’re from West Virginia, and they keep leaving and going back home.”
I also have some pics from the Blue Ridge Parkway, just 25 miles or so from the north end of it. They’re definitely giving WV a run for its money, scenery-wise. That might be my next vacation, because the missus said, “Maybe next vacation we should do something that isn’t the beach.” We took a road to get off of the parkway back to civilization, and it was the twistiest road I’ve ever been on. And remember, I grew up in WV, where it’s all twisty roads. About five miles of asskisser hairpin turns on a road that’s about a lane-and-a-half wide.
Can confirm the area of western VA/NC is also gorgeous, and around Asheville at least it’s hippies rather than MAGATs
(throwing used, biodegradable toilet paper in recycling bin)
“Charlie Kirk, American Toilet”
That’s exactly how I feel about Western Pennsyltucky. Beautiful in every way except for the people.
Traded two first round picks and our #1 receiver for a QB that will most likely be replaced in a weak QB class while we watch former QBs thrive. Spent the past two years drafting a replacement for the receiver we traded, one of whom makes me laugh when he talks but sad when he plays. We can’t keep a head coach and our owner’s won-loss record is comparable to the NY Jets
But it beats being a Cowboys fan, of which I’m going on 11 years (and counting) clean
I need you to be more specific here.
Most glorious Scorigami draw too!
I fell asleep early Q4. I wrote the “(or Most Glorious DRAW)” line before half time.
OF COURSE I am deeply ashamed. The Shield will no doubt issue punishment tonite.
That snf was like a Gillette NFL razor: close, but not quite.
Furthermore, 😁 🇵🇷✊🏼
It’s now been three Sundays in a row watching TEN without having any alcohol. Yep, this wellness hack is s keeper
Next week is like a get-right game for two bad teams who will not, in fact, get right.
But Mike Bidwll likes his odds of Grindr-matching the local TPUSA scene!