If you like MOXIE! you have the Giants, if watching two up and coming teams is your thing we’ve got that as well. Is hate-watching your bag? Well Jerry’s Boys are on. Also, the Packers and Cards are playing.
To The Games!
Giants/Broncos:
Dart and Skatebo’s recent success has papered over the same old issues-a poor secondary and an offensive line that is tragically vulnerable to any sort of pressure. GOOD THING DENVER DOESN’T HAVE A GOOD PASS RUSH! God damn it! Though there is some consolation in that New York with their Edges and Sexy Dexy can also bring it. You’d think that Nix would play better at home but he’s got as many picks(3) as TD’s there. I’d lean towards the under of 40.5 but there’s always the possibility of the Giants getting blowed the fuck out.
Colts/Chargers:
This to me has great Game O’ The Week Potential. Two risers are looking to test their mettle, yet it isn’t a ‘must win’ for either of them. Vidal did well with Hampton on the sideline so it looks like the o-line is in good shape. Beware that Colts O though-they’re blowing out lesser teams like the Fins (33-8), the Titans (41-20), and the Raiders (40-6) and winning squeakers vs good ones like the Broncos (29-28). Their pick of a tight end at 14 seemed bold but my, how it’s paid off. The fact that he’s burst out of the gate and is being used properly speaks well of the coaching. (apology to Kyle Pitts implied)
Commies/Boys:
Let’s give a shoutout to Google’s search thingy that averred that Dallas’ home record in their last eighteen home games was 17-1. “Nope” I said to myself and looked it up myself. (the things I do to create content!) Turns out they’re 11-7-1 over that span-that seems much righter. Daniels has almost nobody to throw to with McLaurin and Deebo shelved as well as Ertz being questionable, so yours truly is streaming the one and only Luke McCafferty. If he delivers me a win over Spam I’ll be stifling giggles the rest of the evening.
Pack/Cards:
Josh Jacobs is said to be “a true game-time decision” and Murray is to be ruled out according to sources. There goes the game’s star power, such that it is. Just watch Bam Knight vulture all the TD’s in this one.
As you were.
Okay, I got my Dart TD to make up for my losses today.
Back to Team WOO!
Plaid bananacakes in Denver!
packers 4-1-1 yet can almost lose to a arizona and outright lose to the browns
YOU’RE KILLING ME GIANTS, YOU’RE KILLING ME!
This game is drunk.
TOO MUCH TIME WOO!!!!!!!!!!!
/Hippo can has rationalization
LIONEL HUTZ, KICKER ftw!!!!
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my that was incompetent.
Who is teaching DBs?! TURN YOUR HEAD!!!
Daboll is SO STUPID
Dart and the Bronco who broke up that INT are tied for a close second.
His in-game decisions are stupid beyond belief.
Our secondary would like to hold thine beer
lmao
Greetings from South Korea, where I am sore and cranky from having slept on the floor for three nights running (we are staying in “traditional” housing). I just saw the news regarding Doug Martin – it’s a shame that his life was cut short, and…[is assaulted by the ghost of Doug Martin]
the giants historically have two speeds, sometimes mid-game:
-deep playoff run
-five win team
This is all Russell Wilson’s fault. No, I will not explain further.
DONKS WOO!!!
WWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Remember to breath, Hippo.
Aw crap-the Broncos are going to win this
Me: “Hey Googly Ai-the Giants road record over the last 21 games-what is it?
Google AI: “What do you want it to be?”
Me: “Uh, 20-1?”
Google AI: “The Giants road record over the last 21 games is 20-1″
Me: “You dumb piece of shit.”
This would be a hell of a time to find out you have an experimental AI that can change history.
Entertaining myself during the Redskins game:
https://ibb.co/4ZZ9qKkm
Um, Dart? You play for the Giants, not the Broncos. Remember?
I guess its 1991 again, because the Commies are being overrun by America’s Team.
and a nuclear power is crumbling from within
My fantasy team is finally having a good week and I’m going to lose to Maestro because of the stupid Donks deciding that having a defense is for silly geese
That’s right. Also Daniels might be dead?
Retired Football Player Update:
/Doug Martin is still dead
I’m feeling the crunkle coming on!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOdo7dhvSwg&list=RDTOdo7dhvSwg&start_radio=1
I woke up from a nap to find Mariota playing? How long was I out? Is Trump still President or has the dolphins finally risen up?
The only thing that sucks more than the Redskins is my fantasy team.
I blame society.
I am nawt in peak drinking shape. I’ve only tried 20/70 champagnes and I am feeling pretty done. Nawt shitfaced, but that’s more than enough carbonated drink
good job.
good effort!
uh oh, Daniels with a leg owie.
DONKS LOL
tuff butt FARE
BASTARD MAN
This looks promising.
Go to Bar Marsella in Barca. Absinthe bar, very old school.
You talked me into it.
Bar Marsella (Carrer de Sant Pau 65) is one of Barcelona’s oldest and most famous absinthe bars. It opened it’s doors in 1820 and boasts having served the city’s most famous names (inc. Dalí, Hemmingway and Picasso). The bar was even chosen for a scene in Woody Allen‘s Vicky Christina Barcelona. The history of Bar Marsella can still be felt within its walls – with dusty shelves, grimy mirrors and cobwebs growing on the chandeliers. The bar is very popular for tourists and locals alike, creating an visual ambience that time forgot.
It’s a 6 minute walk from my rental.
Sold!
The air quality is “reasonably good”, lol. That’s better than “sucks donkey dicks” or “put on your gas mask if you want to live.”
Not every town can be San Bernardino.
Giants pitching a shutout is the real bananacakes
should note that the last time the nfc east had like 4-ish decent teams at once
a nuclear power disappeared from the map (circa 1991)
Just had the full Laurent-Perrier lineup
pinkies OUT for us, eh?
Saquon Barkley plays at home against the Giants next week and I have to bench him. And he’s completely healthy.

He may have tweaked his ankle late
He seems to be dinged up. Best to rest him and get him healthy for the Postseason run.
The guy is almost always injured, safe to say.
Jumpin’ Jeebus on a pogo stick, are the Humps…GOOD?
.
THIS GIANTS QB I CALL HIM MICHAEL JAXSON DART ‘CAUSE HE’S MOONWALKING ALL OVER THESE BRONCOS RIGHT NOW
Apparently Muscle Hamster Doug Martin just passed away. 36. What a bummer, man.
Holy shit.
Important matters first.
Fully checked in for tomorrow with boarding pass in hand.
Yeah, here we go!
I’m good with it but that last Giant TD was all kinds of lucky/weird.
Orphan Black is looking like a better option here. Helena would be an awesome companion to Parsons
SIGH. Some days, the Donks just come out and look like they ain’t never played FITBAW before.
Oldest HippoSpawn and BF watched the first 4 hours of RedZone with me, and was quite fun. They even got some fantasy good jorbs out of the window! Nice day. Poor lad is sooooooooo allergic to all my cats, though.
Post afternoon visit to a brewery, i walk into a restaurant with my brother in law, not to lose ground we do a shot and a beer, followed by a vodka tonic, then more beer. I’m 56 years old and still making excellent life choices.
Keep punching
I got here 20 minutes early and the line is already super long, this sure is a popular champagne tent!
Fucking Washington can’t do anything right
DC or Redacteds?
Yes
Evergreen*
*Barbie Streisand
The Chargers uniforms should be Neon Yellow. This half-assing just makes it look like moving blobs of baby vomit.
Herbert’s uniform should have added the S to make the indignity complete.
Their tweet makes it seem like they should be brighter. Maybe it’s the TV or the shade or something. Maybe I’m colorblind. It should still be more ostentatious. Blinding, even.
At least they aren’t playing the Commies in their Temu Steelers kit, that would be double eye bleach
I forgot about that already. That would be awful but hilarious.
More of a dehydrated piss color.
Wretched.
Another Chargers Offensive Lineman haz dieded
I’ve been getting some uber drivers listening to interesting stuff recently, this one had a diet visualization thing playing but switched to a radio station so I’ll never learn how sliding into the future, thinner you is supposed to work
It involves meth.
wtf are the la chargers wearing
Tweety Bird alternate kit!
Seems way too early in the battle to go Super Saiyan.
I believe the color is “Radioactive Urine”
I fully expect the Cards curse to continue this week, no matter which Packers team shows
https://bsky.app/profile/theonion.com/post/3m3l3p3k4ub2d