Well they won their obligatory game for Nick Mangold (RIP). So with that and the anonymity of not 0-17 locked up, the 1-7 Jets went ahead and traded good parts of the defense away! Sauce Garden, Quinnen Williams, thank you for your service, and enjoy being on teams that aren’t going to be total dogshit. Breece Hall, you’re a running back, so nobody wanted you, not even to give up a 3rd. Sorry bro, you’re here forever/until the inevitable non-ceremonial tossing aside of the running back. Garrett Wilson, you’re actually valuable. And still hurt. Picks? Yeah, they got ’em. 2 1sts from the Clots for Sauce, a ’26 2nd and ’27 1st from the N-GCP for Quinnen, and players such as… noted bonehead Adonai Mitchell?
Fuck it, we Roundball Rock. Full speed a-fucking-head. Maybe they’ll suck enough to not have to trade picks for a QB this year, or next if they’re so inclined. Who will inevitably suck on account of being the quarterback for the Jets, who of course are cursed until Namath’s soul is claimed by Satan. Which will be never, because Satan likes the prolonged torment.
Anyhoo, what’s on tonight?
OH BABY, IT’S WEDNESDAY NIGHT MAC-TION!
Me remembering Ali Farokhmanesh… wait, that’s Northern Iowa… fuck it, close enough vs. Holy Toledo (Northern Illinois vs. Toledo, 7:00, ESPN2)
Ice-Capades… on Ice!
St. Louis Blues vs. Ovie’s Red Army (STL vs. WSH, 7:30, TNT)
Let Breen Bang
“Like Kevin Garnett, anything is possible!” vs. PLAY MR. CARDAMOM, THAT’S MY MUH’FUCKIN MAYOR! (MIN vs. NYK, 7:30, ESPN)
Wemby and Pals vs. Bronny and Pals, YES I SAID IT (SAS vs. LAL, 10:00, ESPN)
As for everyone who’s talked to me over things the last week, I know my cards’ll have to be on the table soon and I know my terms. For the rest of you, you may know, depending on how the story goes.
So… Snuggie + Dok Zymm-approved robe = coma suit
Wow, that was amazing. Didn’t sweat/freeze, deep dreams, woke up without knee pain (!!)… 5/5 would recommend
Sup
Pus
Gross
Though I guess an occupational hazard for you?
all sorts of stuff
Ups
Not in Louisville
https://thespun.com/nfl/joe-burrow-trade-speculation-emerges-after-tuesdays-moves/
If this is the final chapter of this year, Paycor Stadium will burn to the ground.
If Burrow goes to the Steelers, Redshirt will burn everything to the ground.
I would unleash an ungodly amount of vengeance upon the Universe. No being of either reality or mythology would stop me. Blood will rain down from the Heavens as the river flow with the tears of my victims. Nothing short of God Himself would take me down but even He would leave the fight with a bloody nose or a black eye.
Or I’d become a Buffalo Bills fan. I don’t know. Depends on how I’m feeling on that day.
Burrow seems like a reasonably intelligent dude, I assume he would retire rather than play for the Jets
This will obviously be proven wrong, but I really believe NOT EVEN THE BENGALS ARE THAT STUPID.
If they are, perhaps Burrow would like to RAMMMMMMIT.
…but I really believe NOT EVEN THE BENGALS ARE THAT STUPID.
Never…ever…underestimate the Bengals’ stupidity.
As someone who wears a backpack a lot I can definitively state that it is NAWT difficult to be aware of where the backpack is (hint: directly behind you!) and move around in such a way that the backpack does nawt slam into things like the heads of people sitting in aisle seats on an airplane. It’s actually dead easy, so I can only assume that all these people who can’t manage it are terminally braindead and probably shouldn’t be allowed out in public
I got really irritated when someone was in our seats on the way back from South Korea. It’s not like the rows were ambiguously numbered, the way they sometimes are. It’s a ten hour flight, get it right!
Also, the woman sitting next to us in the window seat had zero flight etiquette. She seemed like a nice enough person but would do inexplicable shit like lunging towards the aisle so suddenly I though she was having some kind of emergency so I strained my groin pulling my legs out of her way. Turns out she wasn’t even headed to the bathroom, she just wanted to stretch her legs.
Also, she just told the stewardess to give her the same exact meals as me. It was rather unsettling.
That’s why I only go to Asia in Business or First.
Not coincidentally, I have never been to Asia.
https://tenor.com/en-CA/view/randy-bump-trailer-park-boys-gut-bus-gif-8992172
Fuck off, internet. It’s enough with the goddamn cookie questions and bullshit ads and pleas for signing up for every damn thing in the universe just fucking work god damn it!
Looks like a very niche adult film.
Who isn’t turned on by a cheeseburger locker?
It’s official. I do not have a stick up my ass. I am just a dick.
Mazeltov!
Do you get a certificate you can frame?
A certificate, yes. But it doesn’t come with a frame, and most recipients don’t bother taking it out of the original packaging.
Depending how things go, I suggest an impromptu group therapy session with Senor in his neck of the woods.
Was his
cognitive dementiaIQ test score that bad?I need to get out that way to visit some time soon
I’m bored and have free time right now, so lmk
Ovu was lucky to get to 900. Celebitch will never.
RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!
Holy crap. Let’s pretend that never happened.
Also let’s send the National Guard into San Jose ASAP.
This poor gate agent. First some dumbass left her ipad on the plane and couldn’t remember her seat number correctly and now some dude is yelling about “you give me access to the club lounge!”
And the GA is so nice and was making jokes about tequila shots earlier
Gate Agents should be issued and trained on tactical use of a cattle prod, encouraged to use it and get bonuses when they do.
This would be great entertainment. Fully endorsed.
Hell is other people. The next level of hell is airplane travel.
Oh shit, I just saw Couchfucker referred to as Vladimir Futon.
Adding it to the lexicon.
Dammit, that’s good.
How’d we not think of this?! We literally spend every offseason Monday morning thinking of stuff like this!
I daresay we did but it got lost in the heady days when the meme was bright and new
That’s an old one; came out about two seconds after the couchfucking story came out.
Well, I guess I don’t travel in the rarefied Applebees circles that some here do.
Still funny.
Get MRI
Driving home huge headache develops
Walk into house, wife is yelling at the dog, dumb beast got a roasted chicken out of the refrigerator and ate it.
(middle son had opened the refrigerator to get beer, and left it open. he is brain damaged.)
Dog is hiding in crate.
Wife and I grab her, and fill a turkey baster with milk and hydrogen peroxide to induce vomiting.
My headache triples.
Sit outside with dog, wait for her to vomit. Fifteen minutes later half digested chicken erupts from her like Old Faithful.
“Go outside and pick up the vomit, because the first time she ate it and there were bones in it.”
Brain is running out of my ears due to headache.
Wish I was back in the MRI machine.
We had a dumbass lab years ago who helped himself to an entire turkey carcass that was on the counter. Bones and all. Big idiot was fine. Happy, even.
Is there such a thing as a non-dumbass lab? I’ve never seen one.
Our lab is like the hot girl everybody wants, yes she’s pretty but man is she dumb.
This dog also ate an entire pan of pork ribs a few years ago.
Your dog is Andy Reid?
Sounds like you need a PET scan
So droll
My dog doesn’t think your dog sounds dumb at all. She’s actually wondering if there’s a seminar she can sign up for or something.
You should’ve turned the half-digested vomit chicken into stew and fed it to you brain damaged middle child as punishment for drinking your beer.
Disguisting, yet fair
Leave it to the Bengals fan to be this twisted.
Damn, that’s an excellent idea. I might feed it to him with a shovel. Idiot.
My vet told my a story after the second surgery our former lab had to have to get a sock removed from her digestive system, the first such incident having almost killed her: the vet had a lab of his own. Once he saw her eat one of his socks and did the Fozz thing, inducing vomiting. She threw up the sock. The vet patted her head and turned to grab some paper towels to clean up.
At which point the lab ate the sock from out of the vomit.
I completely believe that story. My first Lab swallowed a rock and it cost $300 to have it taken out. He kept the rock in a bottle on his desk.
Just like Samuel Pepys and his bladder stone!
I am theoretically boarding a flight in 39 minutes, however the plane isn’t supposed to arrive for another 42 minutes. I suspect I don’t need to be rushing to the gate after I finish my drink
Plus, it may be one of the 10% of all flights that the gubmint is cutting soon. Have another drink!
That starts on Friday. SIL and I are flying home… on Friday!
Flight cancel twins!
That doesn’t happen until Friday, the day I’m flying back lol
Just heard on the radio that the FAA is cutting flights by 10% on Friday.
That’s a good sign.
I’ll just go Blair Witch myself.
#MACSHUN tonight
No surprises this year.
There’s something very “monkey’s paw curls” to all of this…
That would also explain why Joe Flacco went from Browns Reject to HOF Codifying yet still losing because his defense has as much self-control and discipline as a teenager sitting on a leather casting couch in a pornographic video.
Or teenage JD Vance sitting on any sort of couch in any situation
Teenage?
“Slow down and tell me more about this leather couch. In. Great. Detail.”
-JD Vance, unzipping his pants
Good luck with stuff and things, however it goes at least it’s going 🤞
I realized this morning that the players traded to the Clots have to play their first game with a new team in Germany. They might not even practice with the team on this continent before playing, and they certainly didn’t realize a couple days ago that they had an international trip coming up. Hope their passports are in order!