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What if teh Autumn Wind Was NAWT a Pirate? Footed Ball Thread

King Hippo

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I mean, did you SEE that puppy abortion Thursday night?  Plus, Pirate Kansas is on track to go 0-fer-PAAAAWWWWLLLLLLLL (and is off this week to boot).  So no.   Maybe the autumn wind is just…a horsey fart?  We will see how the Fat Humps do tomorrow.  Test Hippo’s hypothesis (Hippothesis?).

You actually get two decent morning fixtures, huzzah!  Spurs host Men Untied (7:30, USA), with Thomas Frank being under the most nonsensical pressure I have ever seen.  But you are too good on the road, compared to a teeny-tiny sample of home performances!!!11111  I just don’t get it.

Next up, Clubhouse Derby time!  Mildly Disappointing Everton host Mighty(ish) Whitey (10:00, USA), in which there JUST MIGHT BE some #ShameBet going down.  It will be a Draw, because that’s how things be.

Arsenal away to Sunderland (12:30, NBC) is also fairly interesting, but JV NFL will win out for me.  YMMV.

Georgia (-9.5) at Mississippi State (Noon, ESPN)

Don’t laugh, I expect this to be compelling af.  Match of the Day!  Clang them Cowbells and then some.

Original Recipe Big Love (+10.5) at Guns Up!! (Noon, ABC)

Vegas keeps not believing in the Stormin’ Mormons, but they kept breaking gold plates over the critics’ heads.  I do think both these squadrons are playoff-calibre.

Indiana Fightin’ Brockys (-14.5) at Paedo State (Noon, Fox)

Raise your hand if you ever thought IU would be MOAR than 2 full tuddy favoUrites in State College.  Fucking LIAR!!

Bonfire Cult (-6.5) at Missouri (3:30, ABC)

This could be mildly treacherous for Mike Elko’s men.  But Mizzou is playing a backup/true freshman QB, and defensive minds like Elko usually have a “high floor” in such circumstances.

Oregon (-6.5) at Team Cornpone (3:30, CBS)

Fully calling the upset here – Iowa wins, and enters the playoff discussion.  Note they are the only team not to look like roadkill against the IU juggernaut.

Duke (-9.5) at Fightin’ Horatios (3:30, CBSSN)

Look, Lowratio asked very nicely, ok?  Who could say no??

War Damn Eagle (+6.5) at Vanderbilt (4:00, SECN)

Very, VERY dangerous situation for Vandy.  They absoluely need this win to stay in the playoff discussion.  But win it, and that UT finale will be all kinds of bigtime funsies.

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Mr. Ayo

Today’s results:

Original Recipe Big Love: FRAUD!
Vanderbilt: FRAUD!
BOW DOWN: PLAYOFFS!

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Mr. Ayo

Team Cornpone: Hope all those cancer kids like the Quacker mascot.
Paedo State: Good effort, but they were still caught with their pants down.
Roll Tide: Wait to see PAWWWWWWL. (They’ll be fine. No dead coach bounce for the kitties)

2
Brick Meathook

Well now!

I’m departing from Washington National Airport (DCA) and apart from having to show up 4 hours early everything has gone perfectly well.

UNTIL . . .

We taxied to the end of the runway and the pilot announced that we would be sitting there for 45 minutes due to ATC delays. He was actually pretty funny when he announced it.

Hey as long as I’ve still got powerful opiates in my kit and the free wine keeps flowing I really don’t give a shit. Of course I feally should give a shit but I don’t that’s the awesome power of narcotics coupled with alcohol. In fact all I need now are cigarettes and firearms and this flight could be rocking!

3
scotchnaut

Not gonna lie-this sounds remarkably similar to the second track on Don Adams’ fourth spoken word album.

Last edited 5 months ago by scotchnaut
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rockingdog

Watching ducks vs Iowa 🏈

Looks like lots of rain 🌧️

Hope this game is Rocking!!!!

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King Hippo

Quackers made a field goal through the slop just now. That’s at least SEMI-ROCKING, I’d say!

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King Hippo

@BastardMan – is this Gronowski schmuck from your Cow College or somewhere else in the Big Sky?

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Mr. Ayo

God no. Cow College is still applicable but he’s from South Dakota. Iowa must be a culture shock for such an uncultured moron.

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King Hippo

tOSU is so much better than everyone else, just treat ’em like a boxing champ and bye them straight into the final

0
King Hippo

“Cheerleaders in the rain” might just be my fetish. But I’d like to see MOAR Duckettes and fewer Cornpone Ladies PLZ

2
scotchnaut

“Cheerleaders in the rain, now, now, sing this corrosion to me.”

-Sisters of Mercy

4
scotchnaut

“Blame it on the cheerleaders in the rain, fallin’, fallin’”

-Milli Vanilli

2
scotchnaut

“Cheerleader in the rain, REALLY BIG UMBRELLA, fa, fa, fa, fa, fa, fa-run, run, run away. Oh ho ho, ho yeah, yeah, yeah.”

-Psycho Killer, first version

2
fleshwound_NPG

iowa currently losing but you damn well better believe ferentz is putting this in the spank bank

bafkreibmppbassgk67x6arzbk4trn4ym4zth72ledpe4vdum5iwc3wdq6y
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King Hippo

If they win this 4-2, he’ll retire to die with his priapism

2
Mr. Ayo

This seems like a fitting final score

1
fleshwound_NPG

penn state being punished eternally in excruciating ways time and time again should be proof to you that there is a god after all

or at the very least satan

2
fleshwound_NPG

satan: got bored burning and prodding joe pa, lemme have penn state as a whole

1
King Hippo

Probably don’t even get shampoo to lube up with down thar

1
scotchnaut

Or at the very least Dante

0
LemonJello

Safety Dance in Iowa!

1
King Hippo

I thought they were gonna enforce “illegal batting” and give ’em the ball on the 2-Farvenis line

1
Mr. Ayo

They should have!

0
Mr. Ayo

comment image

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Horatio Cornblower

Looks like my kitchen this morning when Lowratio got a shout out from Hippo.

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King Hippo

This trend of going waaaayyyyyy overboard on use of eye black. At what point does it really constitute blackface??

1
Redshirt

Depends on who the president is

2
King Hippo

Biblical rain in Iowa/Quackers fixture

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Mr. Ayo

Perfect weather for the Quackers to get fucked.

1
King Hippo

They sure seem determined to throw the ball. Let’s see how that works out for ’em, Cotton.

1
Mr. Ayo

Oh no. Iowa seems more determined to blow their own dicks off.

1
King Hippo

Punter needs to better understand DA ROOLZ, but got away with it

1
yeah right

Back to your cell PSU.

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King Hippo

You’ll not see a better catch than that. INSANE

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Mr. Ayo

I can’t believe Gus survived that call.

2
yeah right

He didn’t.

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Redshirt

I picked the wrong day to go for a drive and listen to the games on the radio.

1
yeah right

Hell of a fucking catch.

2
BeefReeferLives

Pedo State fans be all like:

comment image

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Redshirt

This is the second worst thing that Penn State has ever done!

3
Redshirt

Indiana finally remembered they’re Indiana.

1
Mr. Ayo

Those child molesters left too much time.

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Redshirt

It’s hard to stop when the other person disassociates.

1
yeah right

Oh shit.

1
Mr. Ayo

What a fucking catch. Damn.

1
yeah right

Gorgeous.

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King Hippo

2nd half at Stadium of Light was as good as the footy gets

2
yeah right

That really was top fucking notch.

2
yeah right

Equalizer!

1
Mr. Ayo

They’re having quite the season.

1
yeah right

Amazing. Wouldn’t have seen that with Sunderland just coming back up.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That Trossard ball had so must velocity on it I’m surprised it didn’t go back in time somehow.

0
Brick Meathook

Todays installment of Brick: The Story of Brick

I’m flying back to L.A. today. In a display of genius planning, I had to return my rental car at noon and then wait for my flight which boards at 4:42PM. At least I can sit in the Delta Club at National Airport (locals always call it National; only tourists call it Reagan) and get free booze. Chardonnay and Oxycodone pair wonderfully.

Here’s a photo that’s as American as a napalm strike:

IMG_0220
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Brick Meathook

Artsy-Fartsy:

IMG_0224
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Unsurprised

Maybe another army helicopter will fly into that one. THAT would be truly American.

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Doktor Zymm

Tourists and people under 30

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LemonJello

That rhythmic slapping sound you hear coming from Happy Valley? That’s the Hoosiers spanking Paedo St’s ass.

0
WCS

To keep it going, because why not, the Ice Stillers just tied up with Jersey, 1-1. That part doesn’t interest most of yinz. What’s more noteworthy: Michelle Craccoli, A LADY, is doing the color commentary for the radio broadcast.

SEXIST YINZERS REACT REASONABLY?

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Did someone say puppy abortion?!

–Mike V., parts unknown

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WCS

WVU somehow takes the ball back after the kickoff with all of 45 seconds left in the half to get into field goal range. Mountaineers tack on three, making the halftime score, 19-9.

Cousinfuckers also get the ball to start the second half. What does COACH PRIME have to say to his wards at the intermission?
“It’s all execution and their fault, cuz COACH PRIME doesn’t know HOW to lose, baby! It’s all ’em that just suck ass, not me, COACH PRIME!”

1
WCS

HAIL SHANK’LOR!

COACH PRIME biffs the PAT. 16-9 WVU

Last edited 5 months ago by WCS
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rockingdog

Found a funny:

The hole in a guitar is traditionally used to store soft cheeses and dried meats which are fed to the drummer when he does a good job

6
WCS

As the bass player, we’re happy to have the sawdust that collects in the corners and along the baseboards.

1
Brick Meathook

Did you hear about the guitar player who locked his keys in his car?

The drummer was trapped inside for two hours.

4
BrettFavresColonoscopy

How do you know when there’s a drummer at your door?

He knows how to knock but no idea when to come in.

4
WCS

COACH PRIME has been in three different commercials for two entirely different products airing during a game featuring the team he’s ostensibly the head coach of. His team is trailing 16-3 in a game that could/should be 24-0 right now.

3
rockingdog

Arsenal are loosing….⚽️
Apparently theyre good at Set Pieces?!??

Gonna watch and see if theyre actually Rocking!!!

2
yeah right

Sunderland can’t even clear the fucking zone.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

As opposed to blax, who has proven unable to clear the fucking ‘zona.

1
Mr. Ayo

The water pistols have sprung a leak!

1
WCS

WVU has four sacks. 7:35 left in the first half.

0
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

This feels like the old football video game where punt block on every defensive play resulted in a sack or loss of yards

1
scotchnaut

There’s a surgery for that.

1
WCS

2nd and 31 for COACH PRIME? JV NFL BLITZ!

2
WCS

3rd and 40?! (!!) for COACH PRIME?! JV NFL BLITZ!!!

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King Hippo

Tis all coming up WCS today! You should go for #RoyalSex at HT!

0
WCS

That’s tomorrow.

2
King Hippo

SMRT to book in advance

0
King Hippo

ScrambleDOWN, Fightin’ Brockys!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qy3d_olxUw

1
WCS

We’ve got safety dance in Morganhole.

2-0 WVU over COACH PRIME

comment image

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WCS

9-0 after WVU scores a touchdown.

0
Senor Weaselo

Where’d you get this B-roll of the Cornblower household?

3
Redshirt

Ohio State kicks off at 1:00? I’d make a MAC joke but I’d hate to piss off Purdue.

0
King Hippo

Cancer Boy is ded, nothing to fear now

0
litre_cola

This is a horrible watch.

0
King Hippo

Yeah, the first half was sommet of a mirage.

0
scotchnaut

-inventor of the Swatch, March 1st, 1983

6
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS GUY IVAN LENDL’S MOUTH I CALL IT THE UNDERSIDE OF A MIDDLE SCHOOL HOMEROOM DESK BECAUSE IT CONSISTS OF ALMOST NOTHING OTHER THAN GUM.

comment image

2
Redshirt

(covers Casio calculator watch)

4
Doktor Zymm

I wonder what enshittification was like back during the industrial revolution? I bet Muzak was invented to advertise to train passengers or something.

My new phone is mostly great, but it’s a later version of android than my old one so I keep finding little turd changes Google has made. The split notifications/quick settings pane is the worst, but yesterday I discovered they took away the ability to select and delete mutiple calls from thephone history so I’m stuck either deleting dozens of spam calls (sorry Spam!) one at a time, or losing my entire history of real calls. So dumb.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It was probably the kind of thing where a 14 hour shift became a 14.5 hour shift (did they have decimals back then? 14 hours plus 30 pennyfarthings or whatever) and then 15, etc.

0
Doktor Zymm

Doesn’t enshittification just refer to the products? The labor conditions were always awful, hence the invention of unions. Although the two could certainly be linked, like if they didn’t bother to throw away the material that was all bloodstained from workers falling in the looms but instead called it a limited edition color and charged more

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, I was just being silly. Does enshittification refer to physical products too? If so it was probably something like gradually replacing the meat in sausage with sawdust and glycerine as described in The Jungle.

3
Unsurprised

It became harder to get alcohol after prohibition because the same demand that got it repealed wanted regulation so that when you bought a bottle of booze it was booze and not industrial blind-you-instantly alcohol and people didn’t want it to be so easy that you were more likely to be poisoned.

Then again, Bernays had just written Propaganda. A few more years and people would have been clamoring for the blindness alcohol.

Last edited 5 months ago by Unsurprised
0
Unsurprised

Enshittification back then was that child workers became economically necessary.

As for Musak: https://overcast.fm/+ABHOZ4wRZqM

0
Fronkenshteen

Freddie Potts: good at footy

0
Fronkenshteen

Freddie Potts: bad at hammy

1
litre_cola

Mood. Sour.

1
King Hippo

I’m still feeling “stoppage time equalizer” here.

1
litre_cola

That goal was coming

0
King Hippo

Such a Gueye goal!!!

0
King Hippo

WHam! (UK) back level

1
King Hippo

goddamnit Lesser BLEERGH

0
Mr. Ayo

Ball don’t lie!

2
Fronkenshteen

Best headline EVER. Wonderful to watch the Hammers at home in a must win 6-pointer getting run all over the pitch by Burnley. Fun fact: Zian Flemming, Burnley’s new striker came from Millwall, our most hated rival. Fun fact #2: West ham are helpless as kittens on defensive corners. Fun fact #3: odds on ZF to score – +330, to score first – +700.

3
Fronkenshteen

Shit. Wish I’d got that up 2 minutes sooner. Sorry.

0
Horatio Cornblower

All I’m saying is that I don’t want to live in a world where kicking Jack Grealish is a penalty.

4
Fronkenshteen

Laughed out loud like a real asshole at this one. Like a Teamster or some fucking thing. Right from the gut. Thanks.

2
litre_cola

We are getting dominated.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Lowratio is positively giddy about his mention.

Also fuck Duke, even though they’re likely to win by 2+ TDs.

5
ballsofsteelandfury

Wait, shame bet ?

Which strip clubs are involved?

2
King Hippo

It would almost have to be OnlyFans at this point. Post-pandemic me wonders how ANYONE ever set foot in a strip club.

Speaking of, my eye doctor is a smokeshow (divorced single mom) and I want to ask tWBS’ ghost whether it’s creepy to make a sad, fumbling attempt at hitting on her.

8
Horatio Cornblower

tWBS’s ghost, hitting on a Sambo’s waitress with debatable tattoos: “No man, it’s totally cool”

8
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Just tell her a story about how your late friend always used to flirt with every woman he met, from retail clerk to doctor, and that you wondered if you could pull that off. Her reaction will tell you if you have a shot or need to laugh it off playfully.

2
litre_cola

Well I owe him some fine beef jerky from Longview, Alberta from the Donks beating the Iggles. He many years ago sent me some hog jerky that I want again. This he will get 2 big bags when the Toffees win.

3
King Hippo

Nailed on this will be a Draw, mind.

1
Horatio Cornblower

In the event of a draw you get a Big Turk

3
litre_cola

I will say when Spam rolled into the brewery in LA he inhaled one. I also believe youngest Right had one too.

4
Horatio Cornblower

Spam roots for the Angels; his taste is at best debatable.

5
scotchnaut

TIL that after Stanford University changed their name from “Indians” to the color of their uniforms, “Cardinal” a new name was still up for debate in the mid 70’s. In 1975 the cheeky student body voted to change the name of the team to “Robber Barons”, an obvious reference to the school’s founder Leland Stanford but administration put the kibosh on that.

5
WCS

comment image

And that led to this bad acid trip.

1
King Hippo

They should have went opposite day and been teh Stanford Bloody Scalps imogodbless

0
Doktor Zymm

It’s a shame as it would have been relevant still today what with all the ‘entrepreneurship’ coming out of that place

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