A day filled with many games, a few of which were eveb mildly compelling!  Let’s dive in.

Der Fuhrerbunker Klassiker came at us bright and early, with Penix and Dimebag treating us to sub-cromulent slop.  Even with Extra Time, Penix completed a grand total of 12 forward passes.  Yet he was in position to win most of the morning.  But three long kick returns kept the Humps hanging around, and on their ET drive they remembered they have MVP frontrunner Jonathan Taylor.  He crashed into the end zone for a 31-25 final, eschewing the walkoff placement kick.  How the fuck are Indy 8-2?  I dunno, but they are indeed.

Oh my, you have to feel for the Vertically Enhanced Persons, at least a little.  They were solidly better than (and ahead of) the home side, on a snow-flurried Soldier Field.  But Jaxson Dart left with a head owie (after multiple “oof” hits, like he takes every week) and the defense fell slam apart.  Caleb rushed in the winning score for a 24-20 final.  Chi**** is 6-3, a mark even less sensible than Indy’s.  But they continue to put at least theoretical pressure on DET and GB.

Unlike Minnesota, who are ded and buried.  Balmer continued its 3-game streak (now 4-5) with a comprehensive 27-19 win in the Bird Murder Dome.  Yeah, the margin was only 8, and McCarthy had the ball late.  But he was just a turd out there, and couldn’t even get into Hail Mary range.  Like Penix earlier, his completion percentage came in under 50%.  Not.  Sustainable.

Bills/LOLfins was the laugher everyone expected, just with laugher/laughee mixed up.  Miami NEVAR trailed, and kept a clean sheet until Q4.  30-13, and that final score doesn’t even really do it justice.  If you played against 8-chan (raises hand), you lost (hand stays up).

Buffalo is only 6-3 and a game-and-a-half out of first place, with the P*ts going on the road and taking care of bidness (28-23 over Team MRSA).  It wasn’t even a massive game by The Drake, either – they just swamped the Bucs on both lines of scrimmage.  New England is now the best team in the AFC, and I am just as uncomfortable with that as you.  Maybe MOAR.

God bless #ThePauls.  No matter how derpy your team is, they aren’t…THAT.  The home Jest ran not one, but TWO kicks back for scores.  In the first fucking QUARTER.  Strawberry Fields went 6 of 11 for 54 yards passing, and he won comfortably (27-20 final was a bit deceptively close, even though it was tied at 17 at HT and after Q3).  I can’t adequately describe how or why, it just was.  Aaron Glenn gets his first home win in Joisey, and all is well in the green half of the fetid swamp..

Holy shit, Black Panthers.  On a heater, 5-4, at home to the roadkill Saints.  And you just roll over and let them tickle your bellies.  Shough gets his first NFL win, 17-7 with Charlotte not really ever seriously looking like scoring any further.  This one is almost as shocking as LOLfins/Bills – and Miami at least had home field.

But the Match of the Day was in Houston, as the 500s came back from 17-nil and 29-10 (the latter in Q4) – blitzing the poor Jaguras with 26 straight points.  They took a 30-29 lead on a 3rd and goal mad Davis Mills 10-yard scramble, and punctuated it with a sack/fumble (or pickerception, he caught it on the fly anyway) fat man tuddy on the game’s final play.  That’s one menacing 500’s DL, that kept Cam Little out of range on that last gasping.  I dunno if losing a 3-score Q4 lead will make DUUUUUUVVVVVAAAAAAALLLLLL spiral – but I repeat, it was to DAVIS MILLS so how could it not??

That’s your early window.  You get only a lightning round of the terrible late window, because the games were awful and I fell asleep.

Seattle led the visiting Qards 38-7 at the half, and that’s not a typo.  Nor is it the first time they’ve beaten a visitor like that in 2025.  Maybe they are better than I give them credit for?  Touch of Downs only threw 12 passes, out of mercy.  Acres of garbage time whittled the final margin to 44-22, which is numerically pleasing.

Disgusting The Gospel According to Fatthew did his usual, 4 tuddies to 4 different dudes, outdueling The Bay Area Legend of White Mac (similarly excellent stat line, but this game was NEVAR close), 42-26.  Yes, McCaffrey is washed, even though he gets all the checkdown slop fantasy points.  Santa Clara falls to 6-4, and there seems like room to fall further.  It’s a 2-horse race out West between the SeaTruthers and RRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMM IT!

Detroit got revenge on the Commies for their playoff scalping (no ofence), though that hardly makes things even.  Hippo fell asleep specifically when DET made it 20-3.  I didn’t even notice them randomly going for two after that score (successfully), but that set up them winning by the same score as the ‘Truthers.  Explain THAT one, illuminati!!!11111

Ain’t no Vietcong ever call Hippo nmake 2025 Q-aron happen, so yes, I will conscientiously object to SNF.  If God strikes me dead for my anarchism, so be it.  I can and I will hold this grudge.  TIGHTLY.