Wasn’t a great slate in JV ball, but The Shield made up for it, with a heavy hitting Sunday.

OK, didn’t start out aces, as the exactly-matched mediocre 3-7 Commies and 3-7 LOLfins squared off in the Bernebau (Madrid).  They matched each other pretty much tit for tat, including late 4th and goal failures inside the 3.  Extra Time at 13-all, and the key difference happened immediately.  Mariota finally made one of his characteristic oopsie-doodles, throwing a bad pickerception to set up the winning placement (16-13, Fins).  That should end Washington’s last-gasp playoff hopes (and maybe Jayden Daniels’ season, assuming the new front office has any sense).

Early window was sneaky good, outside of Cincinnati’s Seppuku in Yinzburgh (Q-aron died, but the PIT defense scored more points than all of Cincy, 34-12 fin).

One of the human brain’s core functions is trying to make logical sense of things, find explanations.  The 2025 Black Panthers be all liek Challenge ACCEPTED!  A week after tripping all over their dicks in a home loss to the Saints, Wee Bryce shook off an ankle injury (re-tweaked when he tripped over his OL on a late, failed 4th-and-a-foot) and threw for damned near 500 yards.  They needed every last bit (including a really nice 2-point pass atthe end) to get into OT, where Captain Dingleberry turtled up for a three and out (Penix also died, just didn’t resurrect like his counterpart) enabling Charlotte to ride one big Tremble catch and run to the winning chip shot.  30-27, and the schizo-Panthers are wthin a half-game in the NFC South.  Also, McMillan (monster day) finds it Offensive when you call him Tet.  Some peoples are just no goddamned fun.

Chi**** almost sharted away a game it dominated in Minnesota, just like in Week One.  McCarthy didn’t even have a particularly good Q4, but the Vikes still scored 2 tuddies to grab a 17-16 lead.  But a super great kickoff return set them up where they only needed a few yards for FG range.  I question the strategery in settling for a long FG (after missing a 45-yarder earlier in the quarter) but Santos made it for the 19-17 walkoff win.  Big picture, McCarthy continues to throw to Addison to much, and destroy Justin Jefferson’s fantasy value.

DonT’s Tits even perked up for us, leading 6-nil early, then finishing off a really nice TD drive late to even us up at 13.  Alas, the 500s somehow managed to gimp into FG range and win it, 16-13.  Sorry, a few scenes went missing for me here.  My brain might be declaring war on Hippo.

Rapey Jameis managed to keep his worst impulses in check, until the very end (as bad a pickerception you’ll ever see, 3rd and goal under 1:00).  Jordan Love got his shit somewhat together late, having found Christian Watson for the winning octopus for a 27-20 win in Jersey.  The Kafkaesque VEP were still spunky, still just not quite good enough to get over the hump.  Same as it ever was.  It goes without saying, but the Packers REALLY needed this one.  They live to fight another week.

The MRSA Men traveled to WNY, for a wacky back-and-forth adventure (per Hanson, there were an amazing NINE lead changes in the game).  It was Old Skool Brokeback QB, with Allen making brain dead plays (like Q1 pickerception where he shot-putted to nobody at his own goalline) followed by Early Festivus Feats of Strength (3 TDs passing, 3 TDs rushing).  It was madness, along with Sean Tucker’s three scores on Hippo’s bench.  SIGH.  Tampa should still win the NFC South, though some of the shine is wearing off Mayfield.  44-32, Bills pull away very late.

Justin Herbert and Lesser Harbs have been doing it with mirrors, behind a third string, tissue paper OL.  That luck finally ran out down Duval way, with Herbert getting hurt right before HT and Trey Lance absorbing the remainder of a 35-6 beating.  Where did this Jaguras defense come from, and will they play this way into January?

FITBAW continued apace, with an ideal 4 fixtures in the late window, including monster matchups in the AFC and NFC Wests.  Followed by a SNF worth staying awake for (at least on paper)!

What a bonkers piece of performance art, even by Qards standards.  They set a franchise record for penalties, before Q4 even started.  And in the last derpy drippings of garbage time, Jacoby Brissett set an NFL record for completions in a single game (47).  That cut the final margin to 41-22.  Purdy Mouth started for the Tomsulas, and I don’t think he died, even for a little bit.  And there was much Santa Clara rejoicing.

Remember when Touch of Downs saw ghosts?  They’re baaaaacckkkk!  A tidy 4-pack of pickerceptions, yet The Gospel According to Fatthew was so bad that Darnold had one last chance (from his own 1, inside of 2:00) to be the hero.  And somehow, someway they made it to the L.A. 43-ish, with 1 tick remaining.  But the SeaTruther placement from 61 was well wide (and maybe short). RRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! win 21-19, not super convincingly but they’ll take it.

Myles Garrett, force of nature (4 sacks, so that’s NINE in the past 2 games, IIRC).  #ThePauls’ secondary even added a first half pick-six.  Lamar! was consistently awful.  Yet, Shadeur Sanders was so very bad (after the regular bad Dillon Gabriel left with a head owie) that the Ratbirds couldn’t help but stumble to the 23-16 win.  I guess they all count the same, but YEESH.  Fun 4th and 1 gadget play (Mark Andrews ran a naked bootleg for a 36-yard TD) late was the death blow.

Ding dong, Kansas City is ded.  Denver does NOT have a functional offense.  But neither do the Chefs, and the Donks’ defensing unit is an absolute monster.  Poor Romo was so very disappoint, but Will Lutz won it with the chip shot placement at the death.  22-19, bitches!

That leaves Iggles/Fuck LioUns.  Huzzah, I caffeinated and did some billable work while watching on mute.  Swear to fuck, my brain refuses to process any tidbit of this game (3-nil Iggles halfway through Q2 as I type), so I give up recapping this’un.