Time to put a bow around this thingamabob. Let’s dive right in.
Niiiiiiiiiiiicccccce Beaver (+13.5) at Washington State (6:30, CW)
Don’t laugh, this in-season re-match is for the 2-PAC Title! Somehow, Wazzu even makes a bowl if they win. Hoping for fun weather, at least.
Castrated Turkeys (+8.5) at Wahoowa (7:00, ESPN)
Surely, UVA can’t blow their ACC title game berth at home to these sad sacks? But in the ACC, any dumb thing can and usually does dumb happen.
Roll Damn Tide (-5.5) at War Damn Eagle (7:30, ABC)
This line is way closer than I expected, with the Tide needing the win to playoff. But the Iron Bowl is almost always wirth one’s time. I can’t recall this game ever NOT being played in the 3:30 window. Can you?
Westwood Klavern (+21.5) at Troi Boiz (7:30, NBC)
Come on, live a little. Put 5 dimes on THIS freaking moneyline, and give yourself a rooting interest. Neither squadron is playing for anything, which often serves up rivalry chaos.
Death By SMU-SMU (-12.5) at Golden Shower Bears (8:00, ESPN)
Mad RESPEK to GM Riverboat Ron, giving Wilcox the sack after getting smoked by HODOR!’s Tree. Even though they had already clinched a bowl! This is to tie up the other half of the ACC title game, with the Ponies controlling their own destiny in what should be easy pickings.
Liverpool is real bad this term.
What is the single most advertised Christmas deals item? I think air fryer. Every single ad has air fryer, headphones, blender, sweatshirt, tennis shoes, and something with light and/or skincare.
But I don’t watch much TV and, what I see there, Christmas is all about business productivity using Amazon Web Services.
Air fryers suck. Just get a toaster over with a convection feature.
They have been pushing air fryers for ten years. The K-Drama we’re watching has a product placement for one and it’s from 2014.
To that end they seem to be rebranding the holiday itself as a party day with friends rather than a religious holiday with family. I think it’s because shopping for friends is easier and more fun to think about than shopping for your creepy old family, AGAIN. It’s sure as shit easier for brain-dead Madison Ave. to advertise to: {mindless hip hop beat} “…wit all the drummers drummin’…wit all the tunes bumpin’…wit all the keeds playin’…” or the Old Navy-style super campy ad blitz to round out the consumption umbrella. But yeah, I’m no practicing christian and it’s still really strange to see how consumerism has completely choked off the second most sacred holiday in all of western christendom besides Easter Sunday. Horrifying and fascinating – American!
Just got “volunteered” for another double, so I’ll be here all night and morning again.
There’s overtime in them thar hills!
I used to loathe overtime in old jorbs, this isn’t so bad. The paycheck is going to be almost enough to cover 25% of Christmas 😉
Three kids and princess to shop for adds up faster than I’d like to admit.
What’s the Xmas plan for those all this year?
.
“Ya see, dis heer ‘purple DRANK’ the kiddos call it…makes the women awfully sleepy! It goes down smooth, like a Jello Puddin’ Pop!”
I feel like a solid Cosby impression should have easily gotten you laid anytime. It’s like Kobe — why you gotta rape for it? Enough chicks will just give it to you, Mr Celebrity.
Complain about this editing, honky.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EhBIRHfHxJQ
Auburn might be the dumbest team I’ve ever seen.
Have you met SMU?
Two-handed choke job. It’s fine, everyone will love the Virginia-Duke ACC final.
Tuberville U? Why, I never.
Evidently, he wants to be governor, and I wholly support that. Whatever gets you far away from having a say in any national issues, bud.
That state deserves to have him in charge
I can’t believe they found someone worse than Governor Meemaw who isn’t Roy Moore.
You lived there. I figured you couldn’t be surprised by the Yellowhammers any longer.
I’m not surprised, just sad for my friends in Birmingham. Contrary to popular belief, they don’t love the guvnor.
Tommy Tuberville’s career philosophy is being in key spots to be a champion at horrendous bureaucracies.
I mean, men like Tuberville are why we needed to let NIL/Portals kill everything. Dude leaves nothing of promise behind — though I could be wrong as I’m no SEC guy, PAWWWLLLLL.
I didn’t know Plaid Derp was a level, but here we are.
Welp, that’s one dead War Eagle.
Fatal Auburn…
I forgot how much I enjoy the taste of Michigan Schadenfreude.
Congrats to Hippo and Seamus on the fuckening up of Belichick tonite.
(shrug) Bruins covered, won $20 from my mom.
/BigBill6SBsUNC has entered the chat
Doesn’t really have the punch it used to given his current girlfriend
At first I thought that was a bullshit PI call, but having seen the replay I have to concur that you should not grab the receiver’s head with both hands as he goes into his break.
WAR DAMN EAGLE!!!
I absolutely need a “Where Are They Now” on the girl second from right.
You do not want to know what happens in Pullman after graduation
“Where Are They Now” may be about most of her teeth
12.5% delicious ABVs in every sip.
Which, along with the fact that this is far from an easy-drinkin’ beer, (oh yeah, and the doughnuts), means this one takes us to bed time.
Beer looks very good; the Lowratio sex toy on the wall, less so.
“Hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil” is Lowratio’s mandatory ethos.
They taught him that at the Guild.
“Hey dumdum, you give Lowratio gum gum?”
Stock photo, not my sex toy.
Well, at least you have a gift idea.
One thing I learned on Thursday is that there are Beavers alumni who want Ed Orgeron.
Makes sense to me. He won the national championship at LSU. Not sure why he’s not employed right now….
Wasn’t he banging a co-ed?
Yes.
It wouldn’t be an issue if there weren’t photos.
I’m not sure why it’s an issue even without the photos.
It’s not a good look for the head of the football program to be banging students.
What about sticking your fingers in their ass?
– U. Meyer
What about plowing the mother and aunts of players?
— also Urban M., parts unknown
Seriously? That sounds like a porn movie plot. Banging for playing time.
Apparently, he was forcing all his players to convert to Christianity or something very Dabo, Dabo!, DABO!-ish.
Wait, so was he banging a coed into Christianity?
“Jesus Christ! Get off me, you fat fuck”
*sniff* memories of my wedding night
God bless you both for that
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTrBGTXnM/
That’s their own fault for not putting it back in its cage.
I have partaken of the maple bacon doughnut and I have tasted God.
Catholics “taste” God every Sunday.
That’s what we’re told!
*ahem*
I miss good heavyweight boxing. Or at least I miss Americans caring about it so I could see it on TV. I Guess they don’t like gigantic Europeans winning the belts.
Though you’d think the current group would. If they’d speak Merican, that is.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hWu8rSdfLDk
Whoever edited that video needs to be tried in The Hague.
Shit. There was a good one and a bad one.
Cooper had no chance thanks to Dr. Lyle Evans
His apparently not knowing that the uppercut is a legal punch didn’t help any.
Taking a dozen Holyfield uppercuts clean to the jaw and staying on two feet is an accomplishment on its own.
HALFTIME UPDATE: Bruins 10, Troi Boiz 7. No idea how. (USC has had a FG blocked and missed another easy one)
Went to the Treehouse brewery with Mrs. Horatio so I could blow the Applebee’s budget on good beer.
While there we ran into a woman we think was neurodivergent who was helping sell doughnuts roughly the size of frisbees and she was very nice and it would have goddamn rude of me not to buy four.
Anyway, who wants a doughnut?
Please fax me a doughnut. You can fax collect if it helps.
/10 minutes later, covered with printer ink, pastry, and chocolate sprinkles, a fax machine smoking and sparking behind me:
“It did not, in fact, help.”
The most delicious printer ink ever.
ROLL DAMN TIDE!!!!!
Ty Simpson, playing his way onto teh J-E-S-T
Best of Brown Friday deals from Dave Barry’s Holiday gift guide… the Toilet Mirror
Ok, after one quarter, USC up 7-0 BUT the Bruins blocked a FG attempt and are currently driving. NOT TOTALLY DEAD YET.
Thom Brennaman Makes Questionable Comment During College Football Game – The Spun
Stop me if you’ve heard this one…
That’s not that bad. I mean, he didn’t call her a cunt, did he?
He was asking if Michael Hunt was available. He’s one of production crew.
I suspect his co-announcer thought that’s where it was going, which is why he tried to change the topic.
But as it stands this is a big nothing burger.
“And here’s a long drive by Castellanos, which is odd because it’s not baseball season”
I miss Harry Caray.
So do Chicago-area Anheuser-Busch distributors.
We are so lucky that we were able to watch him call Cubs games on WGN all the way out here in LA.
I have never laughed so hard while watching a baseball game. He was a legend.
Oh for sure, and we also got Braves’ games, so we could see how unentertaining other broadcasters were.
I met the man twice. He was old as fuck and still pretty damn funny.
That is AWESOME!!
/pedant signal lights up in the air
WELL AKSHUALLY Old Style was his beer of choice and that’s owned by Pabst, not AB Inbev
I just remember “I’m a Cubs fan and a Bud man” but then my brain cells are mostly hops and barley these days.
To be fair
https://youtu.be/jv7jcciKB_s?si=ATZcTIOffHQF-J2Z
He would drink literally any alcohol you put in front of him.
To be fair!
That’s what made him a legend.
God help him if he tried to say Castellanos backwards…
good chance will be Saint Harry Caray by end of this papacy
Even if it means Leo has to crack a few heads to make it happen.
Fantastic pic, very useful in memes or what have you.
USC is running to the Bruins on this opening drive like Taco Bell through a vegan.
TOPICAL! (Iron Bowl only)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YrVEgP0LkDA
I regret not seeing them when they were in town.
Snow game in Champaign on Fox.
Would rather see a fox game in snow on champagne.
SWEET, is legit snow, too. Like the Gophers fixture earlier.
Big 10 weather. Just like in LA.
“Seen it”
-Jim Irsay
JV Cincy is not completing the Ohio Trifecta. The Horned Frogs are turning them into glue.
Oh good, the USC band is playing Fight On. That won’t ever get old.
Florida knocking Florida State out of bowl contention is pretty funny.
Rutgers ALMOST did the same to Paedo State.
OLD MAN YELLS AT EMPTY SPACE MOMENT
Why is it I’ve got no less than four separate games on, and ALL are on commercial.
Like when I run a quick errand to the grocery store, and all my radio presets are on commercial. LIFE IS NOT FAIR.
What would it take for Nice Beavers and Wazzu to play each other in a bowl game, too?
Just because.
It would take 4 extra Niiiiiiiccccccce Beaver wins (not including tonight)
It’s not like the CherryTart WeedEaterdotcom EV1dotnet Arizona Bowl Presented by DraftKings can’t make room.
Thanks for joining us (the few Westwood fans in attendance) as we prepare for ritual humiliation.
Am I trying for a reverse jinx? MAYBE.
I’ll give you TEN AMERICAN DOLLARS to take your shirt off, get on teevee and yell:
WE WILL PROTECT THIS KLAVERN!!!
I will drive to the Coliseum, purchase a ticket, and strip nude and run to midfield and shit on the Troy logo.
Get my 10 bucks ready. Totally worth it.
Plus, you’ll NEVAR have to buy another beer in Germany again!
(books ticket to Munich for Oktoberfest ’26)
(it’s a one-way ticket)
So happy for Vandy. I’ve got no ties to them, but I’m very happy for their season
even kept their coach!
Jennifer Garner irks Hippo. Jennifer Garner has ALWAYS irked Hippo. And I’ve no idea why…
I dug her look in Alias
jawline invoking fears of the Nutcracker?